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  • hello and welcome to ways to change the world.

  • I'm Krishnan, Guru Murthy, and this is the podcast in which we talked to extraordinary people about the big ideas in their lives and the events that have helped shape them.

  • On my guest this week is a pop star TV presenter, um, a former child star, Frankie Bridge.

  • And she's here because she's just published.

  • This is called Open while asking for help can save your life.

  • And it's It's a really brilliant on surprising book because it's very, very open and straightforward about your own experience with mental health, from childhood, right through to break down on afterwards.

  • Thank you very much for coming in to do this for having me.

  • I mean, why have you done the book first fall?

  • I think because one of the biggest things with depression and anxiety is it could make you feel really alone.

  • And you feel like all of these feelings and thoughts that you're having no one else has ever had the same on Dhe.

  • This is my way of kind of putting it out there for anyone that needs it about to be like, No, I feel the same you know, on your own.

  • And this probably more people than you think it is Very, very accessible.

  • I mean, I read it kind of thinking.

  • Well, you have you written this for teenagers?

  • Well, young people, but actually is, like, sort of went further, like this is good for anyone.

  • Yeah, at first.

  • Actually, I originally wanted it to be for younger people because I feel like had I have known Maura about depression anxiety when I was younger, maybe I wouldn't have ended up having a mental breakdown.

  • But then, as time went on, I feel like it is just a general thing.

  • You know, adults and young people suffer from Andi.

  • I would have had to have left parts out about pregnancy or whatever that we're all part of my journey.

  • So it just kind of made sense to it's for anyone, really?

  • On how big a decision is, It's just lay it all out.

  • I mean, you know, you take, you've been in reality TV programmes about you know, s club in the Saturday and your life.

  • But actually talking about this stuff is different.

  • Yeah, you know what?

  • I went into it really naively.

  • I knew it was a big deal.

  • I've been asked to write books before and stuff, and I've never really wanted to, you know, But this one.

  • First of all, I didn't want to use a ghost writer because it's something really personal on.

  • I've never written a book before, so I went into that blindly thinking that would be easy because, you know, I loved writing stories when I was a teenager, totally not the same.

  • And also, I find my mental health really easy to talk about.

  • And it doesn't affect me mentally.

  • Actually, writing it down did I think it was a mixture of reliving those things, learning new things because I went through my doctor's notes with my therapist and psychiatrist on also, just the pressure of, you know, producing something that I told editors and the public that I was gonna produce and it having to be decent.

  • I've been aware actually, before talking to people on the podcast about mental health, often with books.

  • But asking people those questions about this stuff is in itself.

  • It can be quite difficult.

  • So you mean you're on your So you're on a public city tour at the moment for you and that makes you re address and rethink and relive quite a lot of the difficult things that it does here.

  • And I think it also makes people feel comfortable to come and speak to me about their issues, which is lovely, and it's kind of the whole point of the book, but it also it makes me happy that people feel that they hadn't talked to May.

  • But it also makes me sad that so many people are suffering and so many people don't really know where to go, how to deal with it.

  • Now we're recording this in January in February.

  • Hopefully, when this is released, we'll be doing this sports relief challenge.

  • Money that's being raised by that challenges is largely going to mental health projects.

  • Is that what you're doing?

  • Yeah, definitely.

  • When they asked May I had actually just got back from tracking the Himalayas.

  • Well, and it was like a day after I got back, I think I was in bed of my manager, rang me and said, Well, we've got this thing and I just laughed.

  • I was you serious?

  • Just kind of hima liars.

  • I'm actually I the good thing about thes challenges there so far out of my comfort zone that they take all of my anxiety boxes on.

  • I love proving my anxiety wrong, and every time I do that, it gives me confidence to do that again.

  • I am.

  • So there's that received for myself and also yet 100% its offer to raise awareness for mental health.

  • And how could I say no access?

  • Well, I won't about because I mean what One of the reasons I said yes to it is because, you know, we have a lot of conversations about mental health of the moment and lots of people doing interviews like you are about their own lives.

  • And politicians say yes, you know, we must treat mental health just the way we do physical health.

  • But I still feel there's a massive gap on that.

  • A lot of it is talk.

  • Yeah, um, that the reality hasn't really caught up it, hasn't it'll?

  • No.

  • I'm, um, an ambassador for mind.

  • And actually, at their last mind awards, the big thing that everyone was talking about was Okay.

  • We've got everyone to their stage where people are feeling like they can talk about it.

  • Stigmas starting to go a bit.

  • People are now asking for help, but the help isn't there.

  • So now there's that next hurdle that we need to get over.

  • And I do.

  • I think we will.

  • I hope we will.

  • But I don't know how that's gonna be achieved.

  • Well, let's talk about your experience.

  • I mean, in the book, you talk about your worries.

  • Have you always had worries far?

  • Yeah.

  • I always say I came out the womb anxious.

  • Just people.

  • Where I've been doing a lot of interviews about the book.

  • They're like, Well, they must have bean something that happened in your life that started this and they're honest tables in I had a happy childhood.

  • My parents were around and I just was It just is May I feel like it's my personality.

  • I over think everything.

  • And I just managed to find the bad in any situation.

  • And I've just always been that way.

  • But you weren't depressed as a young child.

  • Nice to work.

  • You're anxious.

  • Yeah.

  • Yeah, I was just anxious.

  • You know which book a holiday.

  • And I'd be worrying about that flight for the year leading up to that holiday.

  • Or I think a lot of it came from also worrying about everyone else around.

  • May a mom, Dad, my sister Happy.

  • Is everyone healthy?

  • And yeah, when I look at it now, I feel a bit sad for the fact that I was so young and I thought so deeply about everything.

  • But it just was Who I waas What?

  • Why does somebody who is outwardly so confidence on concern and down some before and could do from a very young age?

  • Yeah.

  • How could that be compatible with also having these crippling worries?

  • I have no idea.

  • I asked myself this all the time.

  • Sometimes I think maybe it's partly to do with being on stage and being out the kind of b of a version of yourself you know, pretending to kind of be confident.

  • Um And then also, I think a lot of it comes with that that praise and need to be liked almost, you know, and there's nothing.

  • There's no bigger way to get that in the standing on a stage and people clapping and cheering.

  • I think that's not why I got into it.

  • So I was so young.

  • I don't think I thought about it that much, but I just enjoyed it, and then I've just kind of fell into it from they're on because I do think a lot of people in our industry or quiet like that.

  • Normally they're quite shy when you meet them outside of a work situation.

  • And, you know, I don't know.

  • You were very young when you started doing professional.

  • 12.

  • Yeah.

  • How did that happen?

  • I'm well, I used to go to just a local dance school.

  • And then there's the teacher there, pulled my parents in one day and said, We think you should send her to a stage school.

  • And so my parents, they were a bit shocked, asked me if I would like to go and I was up.

  • Yeah, okay.

  • But obviously was expensive, and they were concerned that I'd go with and no enjoy it.

  • So I joined a local stage goal and then the Pam was So when you go to secondary school, you can audition for Sylvie, Young Italia Conti or ever.

  • But then this open audition for esque of Junior's came about on Cbbc on DDE just the night before.

  • I was like Should we go for it.

  • Andi did, and then I got in.

  • So there wasn't that much thought that went into it, You know I wasn't.

  • Yeah, I wasn't like when I was younger.

  • It was Oh, you're either gonna be a musical theater or like a cheese string advert.

  • There was no like, though one became pop stars.

  • You know, there was no pop idol or anything s club juniors Waas sort of.

  • Ah, sort of.

  • Ah, brand spinoff s club seven.

  • Yeah, with well, did it have Ah, reality TV series around it from the beginning?

  • Or was that something that Yes, so they followed us from the beginning.

  • So from the auditions, see, babies followed us fru of that stage and then continued to do so throughout the first couple of years of our career.

  • Don't actually know how long they did it for you.

  • Pressured in existence was that for a 12 year old it it wasn't because there was no social media on where we were so young people weren't allowed to write about us.

  • There was no daily mouth.

  • Things were uploaded instantly, so I just had no idea I was just in this bubble of not going to school in love in my life, like we were tooted.

  • But, you know, I was just doing what I loved.

  • And, um, Simon fellow was very strict on who was around us.

  • We never chopped or changed like our team.

  • So I felt really secure and safe.

  • And I said, When you're that young, you just that I had no idea how successful we were until afterwards, and I think that's quite nice, because s club juniors became s Club H.

  • Yeah, Um, and so you're performing all the time?

  • Yeah.

  • Have stadiums and arenas.

  • Yeah, we did arena tours.

  • That was that.

  • One of the first things we did.

  • So what I mean is, you know, do you think the pressure of all of that had anything to do with your mental health?

  • Now, which is which?

  • Mm.

  • I don't know.

  • Who knows?

  • I think because I was already that way inclined, I think either way, whatever career I ended up in or whatever relationship I ended up in, maybe I would have ended up having a breakdown or developing depression further down the line, just for different reasons.

  • But I do think obviously being in the public eye being written about spoken about people's opinions being thrown at you all the time.

  • It obviously if you're a person that already over, thinks what people think of you, it's gonna make that worse.

  • But that was something that came later on.

  • Yeah, Escape Junior is definitely not.

  • So at what point did you start seeing psychologists and doctors and thinking about medication?

  • It wasn't until I was in the Saturdays.

  • Quite early on I How old were you when you joined the Saturdays?

  • Think I was 17?

  • I get re.

  • I'm so rubbish with timelines.

  • I think it's about 17 or 18 because we were together for about a year before anyone even knew about us.

  • Um ah, nde We wish we were really exhausted after doing.

  • You know, you do well that the clubs and the Younis and whatever, and it was quite a big shot cause in s club juniors, you're only allowed to work five days a week, certain amount of hours a day.

  • You're only allowed to be on camera for a certain amount of hours, and you have chaperones that stay on top of all of that and obviously being a child.

  • I couldn't wait to grow up.

  • And I hated having a chaperone there and then in the Saturday So I was like, Give me a chef around.

  • You know, I want to be on 20 workers sent about a times and, um yes.

  • So that was a big shock, I think.

  • Going from that change over on dhe, I went to the doctor's just in canals, exhausted, and he suggested I go and see a therapist.

  • I just thought, What is he talking about?

  • For me, a therapist was for, like, crazy people when I wasn't crazy, and I wasn't I was fine.

  • But then I think for about a year after that I started noticing that I was able to function at work.

  • But the minute I got home, I was just a crying mess because with the Saturdays also came out of hood, I'm being ableto live hard party hard.

  • Yeah, relationships, all of that.

  • Yeah, and I think that was a big part of it is Well, you know, you're working really hard.

  • You are going out after work and staying up late.

  • You're trying to navigate relationships in the public high as a teenager take their heart anyway.

  • And then with everyone talking about you at the same time.

  • See, it was a weird part of life, but it took me a long time to realize what was going on with me mentally.

  • What point you start to realize for you need more help.

  • I think, Um, me and my boyfriend at the time just kind of realized that I was just actually coming home and was unable.

  • Thio have conversation.

  • I wasn't hungry.

  • I didn't want to eat.

  • I just wanted to get in bed and cry myself to sleep.

  • After a while.

  • We were like, That's not normal, obviously.

  • Um, but you just put it down.

  • You just make excuses for it.

  • So a lot.

  • I mean, when you say Christ, obviously it would that happen from time to time.

  • I know, Like, three months?

  • Yeah, pretty much nightly.

  • Every night.

  • Yeah.

  • And by day, and being interviews and doing photo shoots and, yeah, smiling way and then crying at night.

  • Yeah.

  • It's weird how good you are at hiding it.

  • I'm I suppose it's a bit like people with addictions.

  • They're just so good at hiding it.

  • So then when I first went to the doctor's.

  • It was kind of a relief, but it took me a long time to find my groove like I didn't really like my therapist at first.

  • I refused medication at first because I didn't think I needed it, because again that to me would seem a failure at that time.

  • So it took me a long time to accept it.

  • Well, you're right about that.

  • I mean, what?

  • Why would going on medication be a failure?

  • Because I think a lot of people have a lot of opinions on antidepressants on Dhe.

  • I think it's changed a little bit now, but not massively.

  • And that's why I'm so open about the fact that I have and still do take medication.

  • I'm not saying everyone needs to take here, and it works for everyone.

  • It doesn't.

  • But if you need it, you shouldn't feel ashamed about it.

  • And people have this notion that you can't be on it forever, and my doctors just always been that way.

  • You wouldn't expect someone that's diabetic or an asthmatic to come off of their medications, so why you any different?

  • And I didn't have an answer for that.

  • So So how did you get over that feeling?

  • I am too.

  • Then decide to give it a try because the therapy just wasn't working.

  • I think I've done it for quite a few months, and I didn't feel any better.

  • If anything, I was probably getting worse, and I just still I just didn't want to feel like that anymore.

  • I wanted to go out to enjoy what I was doing.

  • And do you think the therapy was the wrong therapy or either Wrong therapists?

  • I think it.

  • I think the therapy helped office.

  • See, I had to get stuff off my chest, but yeah, it wasn't the right.

  • They're oppressed.

  • I then moved to a different therapists.

  • And that's the one that's in my book.

  • Andi, I think people just assume you goto one and there the right one.

  • And it's not the case because you mean you also mentioned, you know, feeling like sort of the cliche of the the young star can't handle.

  • Yeah, yeah, I hated that because I just embarrassing.

  • I just felt like people were just gonna be I'm going.

  • There's another one.

  • You know, poor little rich girl or whatever.

  • Um, there wasn't any way.

  • But I just felt like I was walking into giving people an excuse toe put me down and judge, May I suppose.

  • Did you did you feel that way about yourself?

  • Yeah.

  • Was that week.

  • Yes.

  • Well, I was just disappointed in myself because I had what I'd always wanted.

  • You know, I loved singing, and I love to dance.

  • I loved performing.

  • I loved my job.

  • So you having really Well, I mean, you're getting top 10 hits.

  • Yeah, albums.

  • And this was my second round of it as well.

  • I was like, Who gets that opportunity to do it twice and don't get me wrong.

  • I worked hard, but I was very lucky on I knew that.

  • So, you know, a lot of with depression.

  • Anxiety is that feeling of guilt over so many things.

  • And I felt on dhe still do sometimes so much guilt about the fact that I was doing what so many people would love to do and what I had always wanted to do.

  • But I was still fundamentally unhappy.

  • I mean, that that's often the way that wasn't it.

  • I mean, you know, you see so many people who are successful, attractive, whatever it might be, you know, and you say But you got so many reasons to feel amazing.

  • Yeah.

  • So at what point were you able to sort of say, it's o It's okay for me to feel like that?

  • It wasn't until after I'd been into a hospital, to be honest.

  • So it took me having a Filan mental breakdown being hospitalized for a month and then probably still not until a good few years after that, because I wasn't fixed the minute I came out, I'm And it's only really now I think that I'm getting older and, um, you know, a lot more years down the line from that stage of my life that I can say, Well, it's an illness, you know, It is what it is.

  • And I've still managed all these amazing things whilst going through that and a lot of the time with, um, anxiety and depression, you feel that you're weak, but on good days like today, I can say, actually must be pretty blooming strong because I managed to forge to put careers, have a husband and two kids whilst going through all of that.

  • I mean, you say it took a break.

  • Now you had your breakdown.

  • What was the breakdown?

  • What is a breakdown?

  • I don't know what it is for other people, but I think it's normally when you you physically, immensely can't cope with life anymore with day to day life.

  • And I got to the point where I just couldn't let the cry and started again all the time.

  • And I just I just was so lost.

  • I didn't know who I waas What what I wanted, Really?

  • I couldn't make any decisions.

  • I just couldn't cope.

  • Really.

  • And it was getting to the point where at work, I was almost having to switch on Frankie from the Saturdays to become this person that people were were expecting.

  • And then I'd like switch off once I got home.

  • And I don't know how I managed to keep it up at work.

  • It's weird, but so was there a point at which you couldn't switch it on anymore?

  • Yeah, I'm We had it was still managing to work, but at home, Wayne and that my husband and I would have liked this row because I was crying onto got to a point.

  • Then I was saying things that I don't wanna be here anymore.

  • Everything would be better for everyone if I just died.

  • And, you know, which is pretty scary for someone to hear on.

  • He called my GP.

  • She came over the next day, and it was just before I was supposed to be going away to record a music video for two days and she rang my psychiatrist and he was actually used to go into hospital on Dhe.

  • I was ready by that point because I was just so tired.

  • It's so tiring, trying to pretend to be pretty much pretending to be someone else 24 7 or about, however long does that work for every day and then getting home and just collapsing and just just feeling like you don't want to go on anymore.

  • And it felt nice to take that pressure off of myself and let someone else kind of take responsibility for may.

  • Scary, but also a relief.

  • So you shot a music video?

  • Yes, something decided that you're going to go into hospital.

  • Yeah, so we decided I was going to go in and we rang my manager because there's never a good time in pop group scheduled to take time out, you know, just doesn't exist.

  • There's a lot of other people.

  • Yeah, you know, it's not like I'm a solo artist.

  • See, that I'm letting down for other people.

  • And we'd booked this video to record away in ice.

  • And yeah, so for me to pull out of that one, it would throw off the whole single plan to would probably lose those money or whatever.

  • So we agreed I would go and do that as my last job and then fly back and I'd go into hospital.

  • But the girls didn't know at that point, and it was only my manager that new and adjust.

  • I felt slightly better because I knew that I was gonna come back and go into hospital.

  • But it was it felt excruciating to have to go and to do that last final thing.

  • Luckily for me, it was like quite a sad and moody video was fine, but yeah, no one else would have known.

  • So, what do you think when you watch that video?

  • I just think it's really sad, You know, I I look to may I see I feel like I just kind of looked dead behind the eyes, probably to anyone else.

  • They probably wouldn't know any different.

  • But yeah, it was a really weird time.

  • It's like you're just running on autopilot.

  • I'm doing what everyone's telling me to do.

  • I can still do a music video, but looks like a body.

  • Basically, I mean, one of the really great things about this, because it's just written very simply, and it tells you exactly what happened and what you what you talk about.

  • Going into hospital is just being doped up, which is what they do when you go into hospital, give you loads of drugs, which is great.

  • But what's the point of that?

  • Why are they doing that?

  • I think, um, my psychiatrist is away said to me He can't deal with my depression or anxiety until I'm until he sorts out my tiredness because when you're tired, you know we can't sort anything out.

  • So for me, until that point, I hadn't been sleeping at all, Really.

  • It took me so long to fall asleep because my mind was always racing, and then once I was asleep, I wouldn't stay asleep for very long, so I think a lot of that was sleeping tablets to get me toe sleep on.

  • Dhe, calm down.

  • And also, they're trying to figure out what antidepressants and anti anxiety medication works for you.

  • And I suppose you come in at such a low point that they have to start everything at such a high dose and then sort it all out.

  • Are you okay with how you felt?

  • I mean, it really reminded me of a friend of mine who went into hospital and under similar circumstances, and I went to visit her.

  • And if you talk about friends saying they'd come to visit your family, you're not really remembering now.

  • God knows whether she remembers me.

  • But I remember her being totally sort of doped up on DDE.

  • But finding it very difficult because she didn't you couldn't get in touch with herself.

  • She didn't feel herself.

  • I don't I don't think I don't remember feeling like that.

  • Um, I think all I felt I was just relief on exhaustion.

  • I just was willing to have myself over on whatever they decided.

  • I was half Peter.

  • It's a guy with ice, okay?

  • And so why did hospital achieve what's seeing doctors and psychotherapists outside hospital achieve.

  • I think he gave me that time because had I know I've gone in, I would have still been working.

  • Ah, maybe slightly less.

  • But I would still have to have managed to live in the outside world, which was something that I wasn't able to cope with any more.

  • And I think the nice thing about being in the hospital was that I was surrounded by people in the same situation as May.

  • So there was no judgment or pretence there anymore.

  • It was.

  • We're all here.

  • We're all insane.

  • Boat.

  • Some people worse, the May, which is quite a nice relief for May.

  • And you could talk about medication openly and there was no secret in that.

  • And, yeah, you weren't able to stay in hospital for as long as the doctors for you?

  • No, because of work.

  • Yes, because we had a tour booked.

  • I was desperate to do it.

  • That's like my favorite part of being in a band is which sold on arena tour people had paid to come and see us on.

  • I love perform in and also insurance wise, we would have been covered.

  • I have not done it.

  • Um, but for me, that wasn't really the reason.

  • And I Well, I wasn't forced to it, And I think, if anything, the doctors probably didn't really want me to.

  • But again, I think it would have made me feel worse had I know I've done it because I would have been missing out on it.

  • And B, I would have felt like I'd let so many people down.

  • So is away a toss up of one you were gonna go for?

  • Really?

  • I love their.

  • Have you Have you been in control of your career?

  • Do you think we'll have you just kind of done whatever came along.

  • I am now have definitely not been in control.

  • And I think that's where a lot of Theis you comes from, which I only realized as I was writing the book.

  • Um, because, you know, in escape, Jr is in a lovely way.

  • I had no control over my life's were very well looked after and in the same same in the Saturdays.

  • It wasn't, you know that people weren't nice, but you were told when you're being picked up, what you're doing that day when you can have breakfast lunch and dinner.

  • You know, you just asked to go to the toilet because you might miss something.

  • We're not like there's no rule like you have to ask me.

  • Oh, so if I was coming on here, or so you what state?

  • Someone always it all right if I go to the loo, you know, But that's the same in anyone's life.

  • But all day, every day, or when you're going to get some time off for you, Miss most people's weddings, christenings, parties, whatever on creatively, I mean, presumably, pretty controlled as well.

  • Yeah.

  • You know, we really singles that.

  • I loved some of them and didn't love others.

  • And that's quite hard.

  • Having to sit on a morning TV show and say by our single, It's great.

  • And you don't really like that one.

  • So it really was a job.

  • It was a job.

  • Yeah, but one that I loved as well.

  • Like I make it so any but I did love it.

  • Um, and I weirdly I miss it now.

  • I mean, I was gonna ask you I mean, for somebody who wanted to sort of performance, sing and dance and be on stage.

  • It's taken you a long time in your career to do it by yourself.

  • Yeah.

  • What was that?

  • Well, the Saturdays kind of.

  • I kind of fell into that, though, because I'd spoken to.

  • So it's the same record label that did escape juniors, and I'd kind of gone away.

  • It was, you know, kind of leaving, leading a normal life.

  • I could worked in a bar, worked in a shop for a while.

  • For me, that was a bit of a novelty, I suppose.

  • And then all my friends started going to uni, and I was like, What am I gonna go?

  • Um, so I rang.

  • The label was I think I want to get back into music.

  • And I was away and I got a phone call.

  • We're putting together a band.

  • Would you come in and meet us sauce up?

  • Okay, so I went and met them.

  • Andi didn't particularly want to be in another band, but there was nothing else going on.

  • So I was that okay?

  • And I came out of that meeting and said to my friends, and I think I'm in a girl band.

  • They're like What do you mean?

  • You think so?

  • I don't really know just saying, like, May, um, so, yeah.

  • I mean, as I say, I fell into it.

  • Obviously, I still I had to do the work.

  • I mean, you must have been aware of it.

  • I mean, people are very scornful about manufactured band.

  • Yeah, it'll that.

  • How did you feel about that?

  • I don't really care.

  • To be honest, I feel like people so judgy about something so silly because, yeah, we were manufactured in, in a sense, but it didn't make her music any less good.

  • If you like the song or wherever.

  • And we were still the ones that made that band.

  • Um, it was our chemistry together, and we had to sell that band.

  • I suppose so.

  • I get it.

  • We didn't write the music, but it was still good music or people still bought it.

  • And we were never claimed to be anything.

  • But is there any, is there is there sort of less national?

  • This integrity and a band like that in a group like that?

  • Done, You know, rock'n'roll band the star Gary for 10 years and then gets discovered somewhere.

  • There's less integrity, but that's other people's opinion off it.

  • I suppose that's just the way the world works.

  • And that's fair enough, like we didn't write the music or whatever, But for me, there was no less passion.

  • You still want it to succeed.

  • You still wanted to do well.

  • I suppose if you stand in there and singing a song about an ex or whatever that you still think you felt really passionately about the lyrics and stuff.

  • Yeah, that would be more passionate, I guess.

  • But I never felt I never had anyone to write songs.

  • So don't rebuild it May.

  • What would you recommend is a zoo career, you know?

  • Would you say to friends whose kids ah, thinking about their futures?

  • Yeah, it's great.

  • I didn't have a good year Or would you say, Don't you have a normal childhood?

  • I'm always so split because obviously I've got two kids and people always say to me, What would you say if they said they wanted to do the same thing and I don't know because my parents were in that or could position when I got into a scrap junior's.

  • Obviously it was down to them whether I did it or not, and they basically had to hand me over to Simon Fuller and trust them to look after May, and that was a big thing for them because they had to hand over the child at the age of 12.

  • Take them out of school of normality on Dhe Bay.

  • If they didn't let May would die, then resent them for the rest of my life.

  • And I think I would be in exactly the same sister of my kids.

  • I would never push them into it, that's for sure, because my parents never pushed me into that industry.

  • Atal, Um, I would like them to have an interest in it.

  • Um, but I wouldn't necessarily go out of my way to encourage them to do it.

  • Just because it's it's just hard when you must have seen a lot of pushy parents.

  • Yeah, I'm married to a footballer as well.

  • So, like he's been around that, like, we see a lot of it at school around sport and stuff like that, and his parents won't push your toe either.

  • So it's not now DNA to be like that and have my parents being Maybe I wouldn't have really wanted to do it.

  • I don't know.

  • See how I like to think I would never be like that with the boys.

  • If they desperately wanted to do it, I would obviously help them, but that you have to be strong enough to be out to take the not backs.

  • And it is harder.

  • Now you have to kind of go as a whole package back when I was younger, That kind of take you on and figure out what you're gonna do and give you music and suffer that.

  • Now you have to basically do all the work for the record label.

  • And then they just put you out there.

  • I think the other thing you say in the book is that you?

  • Very young, really?

  • We're very clear that you wanted to get married and be a young bump.

  • Yeah.

  • What?

  • I mean, why is that given you were having such an extraordinary life.

  • I think I'm Or is it because of that?

  • What you want?

  • Yeah, I think it was.

  • I think there was a part of May that I've always wanted to be a young mom because one of my best friends, his mom was really young when she had them, and We used to spend a lot of time around their hands and their relationship, and our relationship with her was just great and parents more fun.

  • I she just seemed more on our level, and I and I was I all I really wanted that was like a young, you know, take on it like I would really like Thio completely forgetting all the heart stuff that she'd done for that.

  • Um, so I've had that in my head anyway.

  • And then I think I always had this thing of I want to be successful, but I don't want to get to a time in my life where I would possibly I mean, I'm not, but possibly really rich and sitting in this big house, but lonely on guy never wanted that.

  • Not that I would have rushed if I you know, I hadn't met someone, but I I was aware that yeah, I wanted to be a young and all my family knew it as well.

  • You know, I've got an older sister.

  • I've got family friends that are all older than me that I grew up with that we're really close to.

  • And they're only there, like in their mid thirties now, and they're only just starting to have kids and get married.

  • I mean, you really bucked the trend.

  • I know.

  • Yeah, on there were like, but we know you would be young.

  • We knew you'd be first aunt had any of my mates from skull.

  • So I've still got all my friends from school of said when they were 24.

  • I'm having a baby.

  • I would have been like, what you see in because it was me if I was just so okay.

  • Especially being in a band just like it's the last thing you expect.

  • Really?

  • Yeah, but I think as as the Saturdays we were also aware that it's gonna end one day and also for all of us.

  • Luckily, as a five family came first on dhe, none of us really we wouldn't have stopped each other from doing that.

  • Because more important and you can carry on.

  • And how important is work to you now?

  • Because you say you couldn't imagine what your role is?

  • Yeah.

  • House work.

  • Yeah, I am.

  • I'm definitely someone that needs to work on.

  • And I don't know whether that comes from having done it from such a young age or just That's just how I am.

  • I cut.

  • Both My parents have always worked, and I don't really know much different.

  • Andi.

  • Now I am in a position where I can do things like write a book, a raise, awareness for things, and that is nice as well.

  • Tell me about the charities that you've back because you're you're involved with mind.

  • Yeah, but also with Marie Curie.

  • Yeah.

  • Mary Carey just came about because the Saturdays weird.

  • Done quite a lot with them.

  • Um, and then they came to me with this campaign was super drug.

  • And for me, it seemed like a great campaign because I wasn't having to ask people to buy.

  • Things will give.

  • We'll pay for things that they didn't need.

  • You know, you're going to drug, you buy items, toothpaste and whatever and there things you'd already by.

  • And you're doing a good thing in mind purely because of your inexperience s.

  • So I I am joinder of mind.

  • Like years ago when it was still really small is pretty much me and Stephen Fry.

  • I think Kenan and even the mind awards was in this tiny theater and No one really came to it wherever and now that's grown every year.

  • And even that in itself just proves how far mental health has come.

  • So you stay.

  • Are you still?

  • I mean I mean, people don't just get over these things.

  • Do they know some people do?

  • Some people can be cured almost.

  • I think if it's circumstantial depression or anxiety, you can.

  • Sometimes it doesn't come back.

  • I mean, it's more likely it will.

  • But the May now mine's chemical imbalance.

  • It'll always be there, and I have untreatable depression.

  • And so so what's that?

  • It's where m resist treatment resistant depression.

  • So when I try new medications there work for a while and then it's not my body kind of get used to it.

  • It stops working to have to up it.

  • And then I end up on a dosage of what you were to put a man on or whatever, and then we have to mix other ones together, and then that will happen again with the next medication.

  • It's so it just I don't know why it does that, um, but it does.

  • It's pretty frustrating.

  • So does that mean you?

  • Could you do keep trying a new medication.

  • Yeah, Yeah.

  • When you say it's untreatable Wound now, untraceable sounds a bit hopeless.

  • I know what they call it.

  • You know, it's no, it's So what did I just say?

  • It was treatment resistant.

  • Treatment resistant.

  • Which means something.

  • Um, yes, I'm on a medication now that it's worked for me for quite a few years has the least amount of side effects.

  • But I still have my days, like a few weeks ago had today.

  • We're just couldn't get out of bed that day on DDE.

  • Still with life or whatever, but and it is frustrating.

  • I do get frustrated now.

  • And I have had times where I've got frustrated with Mike, my psychiatrist in the book.

  • Um, because I remember thinking, Oh, so no one, like I always kind of say on my level of happiness is here Normal People's is here.

  • If it was in, like, the same situation and I said, Oh, well, that that's how it always is there, Mike, right?

  • Like cause I have depression.

  • That what that's how it always being is, I don't know.

  • No, no.

  • Most people they can when they get the right medication and treatment.

  • They can match that.

  • But unfortunately, not for you on that really shocked me and others bit pissed off to build an SOS.

  • Bit annoyed because I was out.

  • I kind of do everything I'm told to do.

  • And I'm still in this situation.

  • I'm But now I'm kind of like, Well, nine times out of 10 I'm fine and I have given to the feelings more so from having a bad day.

  • I let myself have a bad day, and then I find I get out of it quicker and move on quicker.

  • But is there a Is there a different way of thinking about your depression or anxiety that you have now, having spent time on this in hospital in a little rest fit that enables you to cope better, you know, is that Is there a simple tip?

  • I wish there waas.

  • I'm not really.

  • I think the main things that I say to people is the obvious ones of talk to someone, Whether it's just one person, it doesn't have to pay a professional, even if you have a friend that's aware of how you feel.

  • Um, and I find that now if I'm feeling rubbish.

  • If unless if I don't tell my husband, I'll text one of my mates and it just makes you feel better.

  • And also to lean into the feeling sometimes because the more you push them down and the more you trying to ignore them, they just manifest and get worse and worse and worse and worse until you can't cope anymore.

  • And what would you advise your younger self?

  • Your 12 year old self?

  • Now two things that say Speak to someone on DDE.

  • I tell myself that things do get better because I have, I don't know, because I didn't understand it when I was 12.

  • So it's hot.

  • But you're also astonishingly open in the book about how you feel about your kids.

  • Andi having depression Ondas A wife.

  • Um, what can you say about that?

  • You talk about your guilty?

  • Yeah, well, as I said is a massive part of Theo Nous and, um, I know.

  • So I think just the way the I am anyway.

  • And I do feel guilty because they're people that I love more than anything on Dhe.

  • All I want is for them to have the happiest life possible on DDE.

  • I don't feel like I can always provide exactly what I want to I am, and that makes me feel guilty because I don't want my kids to ever look back.

  • And an question.

  • My love for them on the same for Wayne because he has toe, Really, he gets the worst of it because he's my husband, you know, like your partner always seems to get the worst parts of you on.

  • He has to for our whole relationship, battle with not taking it personally or having to deal with my down days and things like that.

  • And you know, we all know people around you and the way people are does affect you and your mood.

  • And sometimes I think, Oh, it could have been with someone that was not.

  • But you also find a way to tell yourself that feeling guilty is also wrong.

  • Yeah, I can't do that more now.

  • You know, like it's so weird.

  • The brain is just insane because I feel all those things and all that guilt.

  • But I also have that side of my brain that knows that that's not really true, and it just depends which one wins on what day?

  • So what?

  • I'm feeling, really?

  • And you just kind of got to accept that sort of struggle to some degree.

  • Yeah.

  • Sometimes one side will win, and sometimes, yeah, and I think that is a lot off.

  • It is acceptance.

  • And I just had no, just that acceptance of, like, you know, I'm no not looking as looking at it as something that needs to be fixed.

  • More like I just something to be managed on.

  • That's why I kind of do on a daily basis is manage it rather than thinking, right needs to go away and then you feel rubbish because it doesn't.

  • I mean, that's a very male response to these sorts.

  • Things isn't.

  • Men usually kind of want to fix it.

  • Yeah, on Wayne's very good at not doing that, you know, he just will give me a hard goal.

  • Like the day that I spent in bed.

  • I was able to do that because he took the kids out to the park and then took them for lunch wherever and then took them in the garden when they got home.

  • And they were happy as Larry.

  • They didn't care where I was you know they were having a great time.

  • And then that meant that I had the time that I needed thio kind of while I wear my sadness for a few hours and then by, like, five o'clock I was up downstairs, joining in with the boys outside and still didn't feel 100%.

  • But he gives me that opportunity to be ableto get through that without being like right.

  • Come on, let's do this.

  • No, you're fine.

  • Just get up.

  • Like he did text me and say, Maybe you should go out for a walk slash run.

  • But that's no hymn being pushy or whatever.

  • And Ianto said, Yeah, I'll try and he takes a bit later.

  • Did you manage it now and it was not okay.

  • We'll be home soon.

  • You know, it's not.

  • Why didn't you do that?

  • That will make you feel better.

  • You know, you also.

  • I mean, you also swim in those murky waters of social media that are terrible care for mental health.

  • You are regarded as an influence.

  • You know, you've got a 1,000,000 followers or more on Instagram and Twitter and all of these things I mean, is that just the necessities that is that part of the job and who you are Or is that something you actually enjoy?

  • It took me a long time to accept Instagram.

  • I was already on Twitter on Instagram for me at the beginning was just an annoyance because I was at war.

  • I already give a lot off myself over in interviews and work whatever and on Twitter time.

  • And I was I was just another thing that I've gotta think about Onda At the time I was like, Selfies are so self indulgent aside, older.

  • I look good today, so I'm gonna post this picture and I just couldn't get my head around that at the time.

  • And then, you know, life happens.

  • It became a more normal thing.

  • I became self employed and it became very apparent that a lot of jobs were based on at the time.

  • How many followers you had.

  • What kind of stuff you put happened all that jazz.

  • And so I had toe get onboard.

  • I didn't really have a choice, and I fall in and out of love with it, you know, like I do is kind of part of the reason why the book came around because I chose to be a bit more open and honest about how I was feeling sometimes and the response I got made up of.

  • People feel better.

  • But it was so made me feel better, eh?

  • So that side of it is nice and obviously I can earn money out of it, and that's great.

  • But then there are Sometimes I feel like a bit of hypocrite because I want people to feel good about their cells.

  • And then I'm hosting stuff about having a great day or whatever.

  • But I've kind of talked myself that, you know, if that girl that I'm following that looks amazing in that bikini or wherever.

  • How she makes me feel about myself is more about me than her.

  • And I think a lot of people need to kind of learned that somewhere down the line is that just because someone else having a great day and they're posting it, that's not a direct stabat.

  • You'd sail, you're worthless and you're having a rubbish day and look how great my life is.

  • Why can't you say she's having a great day?

  • She's having a great day.

  • But my thing is, if you.

  • We have to have light and shade.

  • And that's what I try.

  • Toe portray on mine.

  • Try a delicate.

  • It's a delicate relationship.

  • Yeah, and I'm so pleased I didn't have that in escape juniors.

  • And I didn't have it in the beginning of Saturday's I didn't have a school.

  • That That's nice.

  • Um, well, I mean that I think you know, people who read that book.

  • You're gonna I find it very helpful whether they are suffers themselves or no, somebody who's going through a tough time.

  • Everybody who comes on here gets to sort of change the world away.

  • They would like to.

  • Yeah.

  • How would you change the world?

  • Oh, I told you I was gonna think about what you take away, you know, Would you just take it away as a problem?

  • I'm obviously I would love to.

  • That would be one thing that I would love to change.

  • But then I'm one of those people, like, Well, if I'm going to take that way, then I would have to take away all illness.

  • You know, you can't have one and one take one to know all of the others.

  • Um, so obviously I would love.

  • That is a hard one for people to understand, So I would.

  • Okay, I'll take that away. 00:46:16.790 -->

hello and welcome to ways to change the world.

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A2 初級

弗蘭基-布里奇從崩潰到突破 (Frankie Bridge: From breakdowns to breakthroughs)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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