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  • Particpant 1: You were so cold to my friends and so incredibly rude.

  • P2: I do have value, dammit. P3: I need to forgive so then that I'm not

  • bitter towards the next guy that comes around.

  • Julian: Forgiveness, what does that even mean?

  • Does it mean admitting you're wrong? Is it a sign of weakness? If you're asking for something

  • do you lose the upper hand. How many times have you decided not to forgive someone. Maybe

  • they didn't deserve it. What's the point, why even bother, right? Hey, it's fine, it's

  • none of my business, we don't have to get into them. Let's get selfish for a minute.

  • What's in it for you? What would you say if I told you that psychologists have found a

  • substantial correlation between reduced stress, better heart health, lower anxiety, lower

  • pain perception, and most importantly, higher overall happiness all attributed to your ability

  • to be a forgiving person. Well today we thought we would dive in check it out for ourselves.

  • As usual we brought in a selection of subjects, gave them all a test that gave us a fairly

  • good idea of their level of happiness. And as usual they had no idea what we were doing.

  • We started by asking them to close their eyes and picture somebody that they were currently

  • holding a grudge against or had some sort of unresolved conflict with.

  • P1: Okay. Julian: You got that person in mind?

  • P1: Mhm. P3: Mhm.

  • P2: Mhm. Julian: Then we asked them to write out who

  • this person was, what the event was that caused this tension between them, how they felt about

  • it, and most importantly we asked them to in their own words and in their own way, try

  • and forgive that person. You had a bit to say didn't you.

  • P4: A bit. Yeah. P5: Well, it's my sister.

  • P3: We dated. P4: It's kind of been in my head a lot so

  • getting it down on paper kind of gave me an image of what I felt pretty much.

  • P2: Well this particular person was my stage partner in a magic act that me and this person

  • did together. Julian: Go on!

  • P5: And we never got to hang out as often as I wished.

  • Julian: Since you already have it written out do you think you would be willing to share

  • it with us? P4: Yeah sure!

  • P1: Yeah, it was a colleague at work. Julian: There's one more bit to this, would

  • you be willing to do it into a mirror? P2: A mirror?

  • Julian: Yes! P1: Sure.

  • I feel like we are work colleagues and we should have a more of a common respect for

  • each other. P2: So, we started trying to develop a different

  • show together and as that started happening everything started breaking down and we would

  • just get into worse and worse fights. P4: This person was a girlfriend I had a while

  • back. Things escalated quick with us and we enjoyed each others company but what I found

  • out about her I couldn't bring myself to forgive. P1: I would love to be valued at work. Appreciation,

  • just a small at the end of the day thank you. You did a good job.

  • P3: This is a case of just knowing someone for a very long time and being just the one

  • person that he always went to when things would go wrong.

  • P4: I found out that most of the stories she told me about her life were all lies.

  • P2: He just decided to up and essentially leave for four months and completely ruin

  • any chances I had of starting another act. P4: I'm not sure if she was just trying to

  • seem like an interesting person or just wanted some attention, but she already had mine.

  • P1: I've tried to forgive you, I've tried to forgive you many times for acting this

  • way and it seems like when I do, I open myself up to getting the door slammed in my face again.

  • P2: I am valid as a performer, I do have ideas

  • and I can create things and I have created things.

  • P1: In order for me to completely forgive you I feel like I need to feel the respect

  • that you give to everybody else on me as well. I don't feel that.

  • P5: However, not that I am out in Los Angeles, thousands of miles away from home, I'm afraid

  • I'll never have as great of a chance to help you through life struggles.

  • P3: You never know who to trust but you can't, I can't put everything on him. But you know

  • when it did end, I was a little relieved because I didn't do it on my own for this whole seven

  • years. P2: We were doing this act for four years

  • and I got really like. Even you know like you can logically understand that you do have

  • value in the world if you want that from one particular person it's just going to take

  • a little while to let go of everything. P1: And I know sometimes that I am a difficult

  • person. P3: Sometimes we want to change people.

  • P1: I feel like we would be better if we could forgive each other and just kind of start

  • anew, people make mistakes. P5: I want you to know I do care about you

  • and I'm always thinking about you. If there's ever anything that you need from me, I'll

  • be there for you. P1: If you could just treat me just like you

  • do your best friend at work, I think we would be completely cool!

  • P2: I've had to keep a lot of stuff in but it feels good!

  • P4: Having a grudge is not fun and it's sometimes, forgiveness just comes from within.

  • Learn to forgive and learn to move on. Julian: Well, the results are in and we found

  • in our subjects an average increase in happiness of 8% but the highest increase was 28%. Now

  • what does this mean about forgiveness. Most people think forgiveness is something that

  • takes two people, a forgiver and a forgivee. But what we found today is reaping the benefits

  • of forgiveness doesn't require anyone except you. Now it doesn't mean you have to reconcile

  • with them or even say a word to them because forgiveness doesn't mean excusing or forgetting

  • what happened. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself to lower your psychological

  • distress by getting rid of those negative emotions. So, is there anybody from your past

  • you're holding a grudge against? I've shown you the door, now it's up to you to walk through

  • it. I'm Julian, and this has been The Science of Happiness.

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Particpant 1: You were so cold to my friends and so incredibly rude.

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幸福的科學--寬恕與忘記 (The Science of Happiness - Forgive and Forget)

  • 401 26
    阿多賓 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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