如何縮小工作中的性別差距｜約翰-格雷(John Gray) (How to Bridge the Gender Gap at Work

字幕列表影片播放

confidences.
Look, what I can do and trust is I have support to do what I can do.
And what we want is both.
And when women don't feel trust that they have the support they need, then their stress levels go up when men don't have confidence that they can do what's required to produce the result they need and they get the message is that you're doing that.
They lose confidence.
Their stress goes up.
Everybody, this is Jason Campbell, and welcome to this session of your mind Valley membership for this episode I bring to you someone was actually quite familiar.
He's been part of consciousness engineer in the past, and he talked about about relationships in love.
But for this time as part of our impact category, we're gonna be talking about men and women in the workplace, and this man needs no introduction.
And if you're not aware of him, he has written over 20 books has been featured on countless channels, including Oprah, Dr Oz and countless other media outlets in the U.
S.
Mars and Venus in the workplace has been read by millions, and he is one of the leading experts.
When it comes to relationships, psychology between men, women and how we function in the world today, specifically in the workplace, we're going to be challenging some of the rules.
And the models of reality that you're gonna learn are gonna shift the way that you think how we interact together in the workplace.
I'm very excited to bring Dr John Grey for this episode of mine Valley membership.
John.
Welcome to the show.
So most people actually know you for your best selling book.
Men Are From Mars.
Women are from Venus, which talk about the interactions of men and women in a romantic environment.
But you've also extensively spoke about how we interact in the workplace.
Absolutely.
It's very important.
The same principles that men and women are different apply in the workplace.
But they do apply differently.
They're two different worlds.
There's our personal life.
And then there's our work life, and we can't expect them.
They all have the same rules.
But what is universal is it whether you're a home and a romantic relationship, parental with your Children, men and women, boys and girls.
Their difference.
They're different emotional needs, and we cope with stress differently.
in the workplace, you have differences between men and women.
Now the old fashioned thinking is that men could do the job better.
That's not relevant today anymore.
We know that women can do the job you want to say equal, if not better than men.
It's certain jobs when we're going to be better at certain jobs.
Men are gonna be better at.
But a woman can learn to do anything a man can do to a great extent.
And a man can learn to do anything a woman can do to a great extent.
So the question of our women competent to be in the workplace is out of date.
Now they proven themselves.
But there's still the challenges of good communication, cooperation and having the insight and understanding many women's different emotional needs.
As a leader in the workplace, I have way better skills to create a team.
People that are cooperating, collaborating, feeling, valued, feeling respective, getting honored because I take into consideration their different needs to cope with stress, to feel good about themselves and to get the support that will allow them to have a better personal life, as well as to be more effective in the workplace, and you mentioned a lot about how we have to do a bit of differences in treating them, because I know there's a rule that many people believe that we should just treat everybody equally men and women in the workplace.
Would you agree with that?
Well, from one perspective, we should treat everybody equally with respect.
But everybody's different, and everybody has different talents and skills.
You know, suddenly we've got jobs to do, and now everybody can take turns doing those jobs.
No, something we're gonna be better at some jobs, other people to be better.
Other jobs.
That's very obvious.
So when it comes to men and women, that's not the defiant deciding factor.
But when it comes to how to interact with a woman so that she feels valued and appreciated and honored and respected, there's extra insights that can provide that support, whether it be a co worker, your boss, your employees, a customer, someone your marketing to you're always dealing with people's ability to feel good.
We want people to steal good and motivated as supposed to feel bad to try to motivate them.
I think our new paradigm is how to help people feel good and be motivated, and that takes into consideration what are their needs.
And we understand from my books the differences between men and women.
You realize that certain things are more important than men to cope with stress.
Certain things are more important to women to cope with stress.
And when you know that you create an environment which is able to counter act the high stress of our modern life today by being able to go to a workplace where you feel emotionally supported, where you go to your when you're in a store and you're buying a product, how are you treated there?
Does that that determines why you go back to that store.
People don't realize that people don't always say I don't like the way you're treating May they just don't come back to your stores.
So you talk about stress, and it sounds like meet like men women.
We deal with stress very differently.
I'd like to be able to focus.
Let's start with women.
Howard.
Is it the distinctive way that women deal with stress that we should be very much aware in the workplace?
Well, this is where it comes down to.
Why men and women are different cause from a level of consciousness.
Really, we all have masculine feminine qualities to simplify.
We could see a mask.
Inequality is, uh, confidence and a feminine qualities.
Trust now to the UN, discerning mine, confidence and trust sort of feel the same, actually, very, very different confidences.
Look what I can do and trust is I have support to do what I can do, and what we want is both.
And when women don't feel trust that they have the support they need, then their stress levels go up.
When men don't have confidence that they can do what's required to produce the result they need and they get the message is that you're doing that.
They lose confidence, their stress goes up.
So just looking at those of many other parameters, we could look out.
But the bottom line is masculine qualities that men aren't grounded in their masculine qualities.
Then their stress will go up.
If women are not being supported to be grounded and their feminine qualities, their stress will go up.
So let's say a woman is very confident a job, but she doesn't trust anybody to help her.
She'll get the job done, but she's not going to sleep that night.
She's gonna be worrying and she's gonna be stressing out and that's good.
Eventually interfere with her performance.
Okay, she'll burn out.
And women are burning out today a lot in the workplace.
And so what would you say is some of the biggest errors that both men and women would be doing when let's interacting with with women in the workplace?
And, you know, it's a stressful situation.
They're not offering that trust.
Is there a common mistake that we often do that actually doesn't help the situation?
Oh, there's so many.
Has a big long list.
Were two books on this stuff.
Okay, so they it's it's there's an old paradigm.
But the old paradigm worked for men in the workplace, and there's a lot of thought today, which is, uh, you know, the workplace is against women.
Workplace was against the people.
That is for the people that used to be in the workplace, all the rules of the workplace, a really designed to support masculine qualities.
And it's also to support the best environment for men because women weren't in it.
So it sze all the rules.
So the speaker, there to support men and women don't feel supported quite often because these rules are not there to support her.
And but it's not personal.
It's not like somebody said, Let's create a bunch of rules that won't support women.
It's just like the men were doing that, whether when we're pregnant and so forth and staying in the home.
They weren't doing the work for money thing.
They were working for love.
And so it's a difference.
It's a whole two different planets here, so it's not like it's against women, but it doesn't have a consciousness of women need, and that's what we need to bring it to work place for men.
Ah, greater awareness of what women required to have a more positive experience and for women to understand what men why men don't provide that for them because they're oblivious.
They don't.
You know, you could easily take it personally when you're feeling ignored by someone.
But if you understand men, you realize that well, what men do when they're focused on the problem is they tend to forget everything else, including you and when women have a problem, what they do is they tend to expand and be more inclusive of others.
And so if we understand these air sort of natural tendencies when they show up, they don't always show up.
But when they show up, you don't think it's so personally.
For example, one of the ways that women will feel good and stimulate, and this is actually very biological.
It's not just psychological, it is psychological.
It is conditioning.
It is nurturing.
That makes us this way.
So this big.
But it's also nature.
This it's both because there is his biological reality, which is very different for men and women.
Certain interactions raise the stress hormones and women that might relax the hormones for men.
A simple example of that is when I drive fast, I relax, my wife gets stressed.
How simple is that?
Risk and danger actually stimulate testosterone, testosterone, lower stress and men helps men thio effectively cope with stress until they lose confidence, then risk in danger without confidence.
His testosterone turns the estrogen, and it's stress goes up now for women.
Risk and danger basically will stimulate testosterone in her.
But what testosterone does for women is it lowers their estrogen, and estrogen is the hormone that women need for well being.
So you see how these women today actually taking estrogen or taking drugs because the anti depressants and anxiety pills and sleeping pills and everything cause their hormones are out of balance.
Often they have now they're not taking hormones as opposed to learning how to make those hormones.
The workplace can be a setting.
It supports women and producing Maur, estrogen and other female hormones progesterone, oxytocin and for men.
It's a place which is really designed to promote testosterone and what as we look into the masculine feminine qualities, then we can start creating an environment which is more habitable and supportive for women in the workplace without having to sort of kick all the men out, which in some environments get rid of the guys that just have women and they kind of have their way of doing things or the guys have their way of doing things.
The workplace will always flourish when you get an integration of masculine feminine, because that is it Sze True, it's true that all of us have a male and female side And when those two sides come forth and harmony, then we're in flow.
And then we're in a creative state than our hearts are open and our minds air clear.
We can achieve our goals.
We don't have the stress that impedes success.
And that's the whole thing is keep the stress levels down, keep our hearts open, keep our minds open, and then we're working together to produce the desired result.
As soon as our hearts close, we're not doing that well.
You're going through so much content in one sentence and one snap.
I love it.
And this to me, it's like it's music to my ears because, you know, I'm fairly new within the workplace.
And what I found fascinating is thinking about how it's this whole industrial form or industrialized format of working and women joining the workforce.
It's actual, quite recent in the history of humanity that this has happened.
That's just it.
Just to make that point again, it's so so significant.
Never, ever and 1000 million.
Dionne's men and women did not work side by side.
They had their separate roles and the roles that women had traditionally actually our behaviors that stimulate estrogen safety oxytocin, socializing.
Working for love stimulates progesterone, estrogen, oxytocin.
These air the hormones they have to be in balance with with their testosterone to keep their stress low.
But a man, This is biological truth.
A man requires 2010 that 30 to 40 times more testosterone, depending on the man and order to keep his stress levels down.
A woman requires 10 to 20 times more estrogen than then in order to keep her stress down.
So the bottom line if we want a lower stress for women and men in the workplace, we wanna have new skills that have never, ever been even thought of, weren't necessary.
And that's where their knew something would figure this out before.
But they didn't need it because women were over here doing this thing, which was jobs that had to do with nurturing, loving, cooperation, collaboration, sensitivity, interdependence and mothering.
All that was feeding, you know, all that stuff is all estrogen producing, and so women had a greater sense of well being.
Then women today we see today high levels of stress and women.
It is even proven we do test to test the hormones.
Women are way more stress than ever before.
And the irony is, the more educated a woman is, the more financially successful woman is no more stress.
She is now.
That's not every woman.
Okay, there's gonna be women.
Go.
I'm happy.
Okay, So Okay, so go ahead.
Be defensive.
I get angry with thin.
You what?
You're not happy.
So but the But this is just a reality.
Is it that the progress we've made is fantastic?
Equality is the basis of evolution.
I'm in this higher level that we've gotten too.
But with every new change, we have to work out what works and what doesn't work.
And so we haven't worked out how to keep the stress levels down.
And so what we see is is the amount of burnout, amount of dissatisfaction allowed in and of the amount of inefficiency on the problems and at home, Because when this workplace is so stressful, you bring that home.
And if you don't have personal relationship skills, all my many other books that provides the foundation tiu come to the workplace without stress because there's certain stresses in the workplace that you go to your personal life toe, let them go to forget them.
So you come back rejuvenated.
I love framing this into a mall of reality, which is actually to say that we need to acknowledge that we are in extremely transitionary times.
Yes, yes, yes.
Crisis and danger is incivility, friction, the evolution.
Everything's happening right now, which actually ties into my next question really well.
Which is one of the problems that we see.
And I like to possibly frame it as a brutal, maybe as a challenge to the current reality.
But, you know, we've heard the phrase the glass ceiling, and you look at the way the upper echelon of been organization you will see there's a predominance of male.
And so I'd be wondering to know, Is this something that way we can be actively challenging?
Are there certain ways that we could look at that scenario to encourage women to actually have more positions of power with an organization?
Well, you said a really good thing there to encourage women at places of power.
Actually, in America there's way more middle management is women than men.
And then you get the very top level, which are called workaholics and, you know, talk about glass ceiling.
It's to me.
It's kind of silly because there's a glass ceiling that keeps you out and me out.
And 99.9% of all men are also kept out of the glass ceiling.
So it's not just 100% of women.
99.9% of men are also not getting through the glass ceiling.
There's a very small club up.
There s So let's just put that in perspective because without that perspective, it's kind of like men are against women and there's no men are not against men.
Women men go to war to save the lives of women you know, were these great guys And there's a few guys that are willing to give up a personal life in order to achieve workaholic status to be beyond the glass ceiling.
OK, so this is this small elite crew who work all the time, who have very patient wives, who they probably have no sex anymore.
But they have a family and they love each other and so forth.
But that's the price you pay.
And in my studies of this and we did interviews with 200,000 men and women and one of my books work with me.
And that's what my co authored Barbara Anise.
And in that way quote many, many studies.
And we did our own study and so forth and some of the results of that or you talk to women.
I've talked to so many women who are very successful and say, Do you want to be the top level?
You know?
Do you feel kept out?
And there's so many women says Why would I wanna work 100 hours a week?
There's a certain thing that happens with women.
It's very common is gonna be exceptions to This exception is, everything is.
Everything is on a bell curve.
We're talking about the major part.
You talk to a woman and she's making, and you don't have to be beyond the glass ceiling to be making 101 $150,000.
Okay, so that's still a minute management, Good job.
Whatever.
When women get to that place, their security and their survival is taking care of, then suddenly, women have a new a new priority.
Other than becoming more money, their priority is more time, more love, more quality of a personal life.
Women have that wisdom.
Some men have it.
I have it for sure.
But many men, the ones that get to the top, are missing the wisdom that life is not just about making money.
Life is also that being of service.
Life is about love, like it's about fun.
Life is about being with your Children, you know, and that takes time.
So you just have to do the math.
If you're doing 100 hours of work every day, and that's what's expected.
You know what?
You're in a law firm and you want to be a partner.
You gotta put in 100 hours a week.
I mean, it's given up your life and see women have a greater wisdom to not do that.
And there's some practicalities to go with that.
You know, in my work a za man and my wife and our little Children, there's something about the way men and women relate, which is if my wife tells me what happened with the Children today because she tells me I feel like I was there because men sort of enter into women, basically.
So if she's talking about, I feel like I'm part of it.
But if she's at work and I'm at home saying, you know, it's so sweet you know?
She took her first steps today.
She really feels like she missed out.
Not that I wouldn't feel like I missed out on certain things.
You know, somebody else talk, my child, how to ride a bicycle.
I want to be the one to teach him to ride the bicycles, but But there's clearly, you know, kind of a standard thing of the kids call and the wife talks and the husband go.
She says it all.
Why should he get on the phone and do it all over again?
So you gonna hand the phone to the wife, and certainly men are becoming more connected as nurturers, which is a beautiful, beautiful thing, but certainly saying it's easier on most men to be away from your Children without with with your wife being there with your Children, because then you feel you're there and turn that around and I'm talking right from clinical experience here.
This is just She's at work and he's at home and she misses those kids, and she starts to resent that.
She's not able to be with those kids.
It's a much different different situation because those kids came out of her big difference.
So I would like to frame that as, Ah Mull rally here saying that you know, the glass ceiling is actually not just pushing women away from these top positions.
It's actually you have to realize that people that are in this position when you mentioned that the first thing I thought about was actually an article written by an ex wife of even musk and said what it was like to be with a man that constantly is focused on pushing humanity towards an interplanetary species and the men has no life.
He works and all the time and so something to realizes it's not a it's not.
A movement of men against women is just a choice in a previous position.
In a typical trajectory for men who are very, I guess testosterone focused are okay with making that life choice when it's not necessarily the most wise at all times.
Yeah, and you know, you hear this thing about men, particularly those men, and as they get older and they're on their deathbed, they have a lot of regret and ironically, is because it's their older.
It's a natural thing for men's estrogen to increase as we get older, and that's called wisdom.
Wisdom comes from estrogen, okay, and and so we softened as we get older.
The problem for men again is they stop working since we're talking about men and women in the workplace, then should never stop working.
Work is work for money is the major testosterone producer in our world today, you know, which is a challenge for me.
I don't need to work for money.
So then you really have to be clear that you're working too.
Help the world.
Okay, But I still work for money too, you know, I don't need it.
There's something in our society you get paid.
It means you did a really good job.
And that's just our conditioning out there.
And so I like to get paid and feels good to get paid.
And if I stop working and just gonna go play golf, this is the The insurance companies will tell you that you've got three years to live.
That's on average.
There's gonna be exceptions and then have to work.
You have to do.
You have to get up when you don't feel like it and do something you have to sacrifice.
You have to put your will over the pleasure he pleasures your female side will to do.
To serve to solve is your masculine side.
And if the pleasure side gets more than the will side, you become weak.
You become grumpy.
Old men see the grumpy old man who are dying because they stopped working.
So this is like, really important men have.
They have to work, and they need to receive recognition and appreciation for what they do.
The key to it is the love appreciation.
And if I do a job and somebody says, Great job, thank you so much, you made a difference in my life.
That's what keeps me young.
That's what keeps me healthy.
That's what keeps me motivated.
It's feeling appreciated in value for what you do now for woman's male side.
She needs to be appreciated in value for what she does, however she's that's where male side, her female side needs to feel that she's included, that she's heard that she's appreciated, that she's seen that she's a part of the team.
And even when I say the word appreciated, really, she needs to feel respected.
That's the most important thing for women is respect.
You know what will happen for women.
And this is part of one of my books in the workplace.
Is women often complain?
One of the top complaints women have is I don't feel appreciated.
And so then I analyze that, and I helped him understand.
Actually, what your complaint is is you don't feel included.
If you were included, you would feel appreciated.
But the problem is you're not feeling included because you say to a man I don't feel like you appreciate me.
He goes, You don't know what you're talking about.
I mean, women are amazing.
I have all these women working for me.
I appreciate them totally.
And if they say I don't feel appreciated, I go, What are you talking about?
And this was actually my first revelation when it came to understanding differences between men and women started in the workplace.
So goes back.
Or 35 years ago when my assistant Helen, who ran my business, I was a counselor and seminar teacher.
She put on the dense she got the hotel's, she got the clients.
She got paged.
But my bank account, she handled everything, paid all my bills.
So who wouldn't appreciate that?
It was a no drama relationship.
She just got it done and she was always happy.
And it looks like there's nothing better.
I thought I was in heaven with this lady, and so she worked for me about six years at that point.
And then she said, You know, I wantto It's time for me to leave.
I'm quitting I said Why?
And she said, I don't feel appreciated And I thought to myself what I said to her, Why don't you feel appreciated?
Help me understand that Better magic phrase for every man to know in the workplace and at home.
Any time a woman talks, we want to create more estrogen for her, one helped lower stress.
Don't speak right away.
Instead, say, Help me understand that better it clear about every place she's coming from and didn't then say Tell me more, Let him know they're welcome to express themselves.
They're part of the team anywhere.
So I didn't know all that then.
I just knew that I appreciated her I paid her very well.
She just got a raise a few months before I said you didn't get paid enough.
She's no, I get played plenty.
You're very generous and I said, Well, why don't you feel appreciated?
And she says, You don't know what I do And I thought, That's why I appreciate you so much.
I don't have to know what you do.
You just get it all done.
So then I said to her say, Well, don't don't quit, Give me two weeks because I heard what she said she does.
She said, I don't know what she did So I started finding out what she did, and I took 5 to 10 minutes every day when I would come in.
Just check in with her.
We had check in.
What's going on?
What are you doing today?
And what do your reactions to this in the secret to?
It is, you know, she's so I still have to call that hotel.
They're not getting back to me.
They changed things and I said, It must be so frustrating.
Put a little little validation into it, you know?
And then the next day, say what did you talk to the hotel that they get through?
Let her complain a little bit.
Let her express herself a little bit.
Let her talk about her victories a little bit.
Let her say, Oh, I stayed up all last night trying to finish that thing.
I couldn't get the unlike I just edible in that night.
Just acknowledge what she did and what she goes through.
Kind of like for men.
It's That's not important for us.
It's kind of like Look what I did.
Appreciate what I did.
And, you know, I'm not gonna say, Oh, this was so hard for me and I did this.
It's like we're gonna get no piece of cake.
I pedalled it, You know, I'm the man I can get it done.
But for her, for woman, she wants to be acknowledged.
That's her male side for the outcome, but she wants the journey to be understood and and and she wants you to be included in that process.
Now some.
There's always gonna be exceptions on this bell curve.
There's some women who just are like a guy, you know, Just leave me alone.
Let me do my job and whatever And unfortunately, though, they're gonna be more stressed that they're too far on the male side.
They're making testosterone so that I don't know that they need to make estrogen on the other side.
It's kind like you don't know you like something until you experience it.
There's so much today that women don't know that what would make them feel good until they've actually experienced it.
And the same thing for men.
You know, the thing that builds testosterone and then is when somebody says Good job Wow, you really made a difference in my life.
Oh, you're here.
And then what?
The guy was all You don't need to say anything, you know, they just don't know.
No big deal, no big deal.
Well, men do that because it's again as human beings when we have a really important need and it doesn't get fulfilled.
It's too painful to continue feeling that.
So we go into denials and then go into denial.
I don't need the appreciation.
You don't the same way I do it myself.
We need applause, OK, And women need applause.
Do but Maur, what women need is to know what they do to have empathy for what they do to see what they do to offer support for what they dio to be involved.
And this goes in so many different layers.
If if I've got it, I'm selling a stereo to a woman in a and it's in a stereo shop.
You know, she's buying a sound system.
What a guy will tend to do.
Let's say you're a guy.
You come to me.
I know you need testosterone.
So I'm gonna go.
Okay.
You know, what is it that you're interested in buying?
You know, you might say something that well, I know the very best one.
You know, I've been doing this 25 years.
I've sold more sterile than anybody in history.
I've done this, and this is like your moderate price.
But this is you're, like, the best best one I know this will work.
What I'm gonna demonstrate to another man is background, competence, confidence.
I have the answer and a guy with an echo.
Good.
I don't have to worry about it, you know, we're always gonna go with Hey, he's an expert.
I'll let him do it.
There's there's you.
You boost yourself up with great confidence and a man goes okay, you know he knows what he's doing then.
Then we'll pick this thing out and I'll get credit for.
That's what men want.
They want credit.
And when we know we're not experts, it's something.
Then then we'll go ask for help.
They'll find an expert, and they take credit because I found the expert.
Okay, so basically, you always you know, you know a bank as marketing themselves.
You know, we've got this much money.
We do this, we do this.
Men are most impressed by that.
Women impress a bit, but what women are really looking for.
And we saw this whole revolution when men are from Mars came out.
The banks came to me for consulting remarketing.
How do we market to women?
Because women are big audience.
Well, whether she's buying a stereo or going to a bank or going to consult him for something, you market yourself differently by understanding her primary emotional needs, which are to feel that you care.
You have empathy, you understand?
And you respect.
Okay.
So, you know, even right now I'm leaving my bank cause I'm treated like a number.
I've got all these personal bankers wanting toe work with me and so forth.
Take me out the lunch, you know, get to know me.
Whatever.
Why should I be treated like a number?
You know, I'm one of their best customers at my bank.
I'm leaving him.
That's my female son.
Hey, guys, we got a boat.
And then when it comes to making big decisions in the workplace, whether it could be fear of loss, then a man is going more to his estrogen side.
Then you need to use some of the skills you would use with a woman, which is show more interest.
More understanding, asked more questions.
But in other settings, if you ask a lot of questions to a man, the man's kind of like you should know that already.
You know, just give me answers.
They want answers, solutions.
Where's women?
They don't want your answers and solutions right away.
They want you to understand what they're going through, what their needs are.
And then if you do understand that still doesn't work, they need to tell you.
And once they've said it and they see your response to it, which is gonna be a sense of empathy and calm and focused on her.
Then she feels the understanding.
Then her estrogen comes up, then she can trust you.
So everything in the business world everything is confidence and trust.
You need to have confidence, demonstrate confidence.
And that particularly impresses them, which is I can do this.
And what was most impressed women is certainly some confidence is good, but more important is that you're trustworthy.
And so there's all kinds of ways to do that.
I want you just you know, if a man asked me questions, I got answers, answers, answers.
If a woman asked me questions anywhere I have any doubt, I will purposely say, I don't know.
I'm gonna find out They love it when a man says I don't know because they they know men think that they know everything and they know men don't.
So is showing a little vulnerability.
Okay, so I don't know and think about the plight of men never being able to admit that.
I don't know, imagine I'm the surgeon and I've got a team of nurses helping me and and I kind of say to my nurse, uh, G, I don't really know what to do here, would you?
What do you think?
He can't even ask for help.
There we go.
You know, you don't know what to do, like in this situation.
So there's no discussion.
There's no learning.
There's no process because there's this whole thing for men.
You have to know what particularly when women around.
If you don't know, you should know a lot.
Okay, But you don't have to know it all.
And she did not know.
It all shows humility, which creates inclusiveness.
So you say I'll get back to you on that will be a good time.
I could call you probably next Wednesday, around two o'clock on Tuesday and she might say, Oh, yes or no Set up a time.
Then you make that time exactly.
Because deep inside of every woman, there's always this question.
Why doesn't he call back on the woman that will go and she'll be testing you?
You say you're gonna call it a certain time.
It's gonna be a little test is gonna be a Let's see if he remembers.
Let's see if he remembers No, all exactly at the time.
I call it the time.
Just keep your word about little things when you keep your word about little things women go.
If he keeps his word about little things, you know, really keep his word about the big stuff.
Men will think he's probably busy with something.
He'll call me later because it's a little thing to call exactly at the right time.
Not a big deal.
And that's again one of the big differences between men and women.
It's the little things that make the difference, particularly for women, the big things that make the difference for men.
Okay, well, I'm gonna make you all this money.
Why should I even talk to you or treat you like a human being?
I'm the big shot here.
You know, I I lost a $3 million in a deal one time investing in the company that later became a company like Google's.
And no, the early investors and I brought in Ah, investment manager.
For a company go public.
You have to have somebody who's actually done it before gone public.
Great reputation.
He's gonna be a CEO so invested in this company knowing that they all wanted my friend who was a CEO, I just sold a company for 300 million.
So I'm like, This is all great.
Good thing I mean, invested at all.
But I wasn't there when the woman who developed this software from U.
C.
L.
A.
She was there with their border directors of men trying to convince her that this CEO could be could be the CEO of the company.
So she would say, We're not like any other company.
He says, Doesn't matter.
We'll get it done.
We'll get it done.
And she's, you know, you don't understand.
He says, No, no, doesn't matter.
We can do this.
I've done this before.
Three months.
We'll sell this place.
$300 million were on the Roaches and it doesn't work that easy.
This is a complicated thing.
You don't understand what we have to do.
He didn't listen to her.
He was just showboating.
He was just like I can handle it.
I'll do better in a believe me, we can do this.
Look, what I've done before totally turned her off and the company went down.
It didn't sell.
She tried to do it herself and nobody would invest in the company.
It was just that it was simply he didn't take the time to listen to her because he was bragging about himself and all the other guys were salivating.
He can do it was just gonna done did.
And she just like a bunch of men around.
They're not.
They don't hear me, they don't understand me.
It's a It's a priority for women.
They need to feel equals in the situation.
And they have a set of instinctive rules that women have had for thousands of years, which is sharing.
So let's take another practical example.
Let's say I'm the boss and I have women working for me.
So Halina works for me now.
So Halina comes in the office and she says, Olders, there's, Ah, this traffic jam and the parking lot all the time because some of somebody's doing this and this and we need to open this up.
We have to do, you know, whatever the problem is, our so and so she's talking and talking, and I'll just I'll just call so and so and tell him that the park there cause she's talking a lot about the problem.
I can get the problem in a second and give a solution.
So if I do that as a boss, she'll walk Or she says, Yeah, good idea.
She's already thought of that.
She's not stupid, but what women would do before they give the solution is they want to talk about the problem, and then they want to create a space for you to talk about the problem.
As you see it, we're gonna cooperate here together.
I wouldn't presume this the woman thing.
I wouldn't presume to have all the answers together.
We come up with a better answer, but certainly have already thought of that when you just offered Hey butt.
So he jumps in with his solution again and again right away.
Rather than hearing her talk a little bit and then talking about Yeah, I relate to that.
I can see that you're right about that.
And then, instead of being the boss and giving the solution, you say, and what do you think we ought to do about that?
Give her the glory?
Give her the chance to express what she's already thought but didn't say because she's following Mnuchin lot of the evolution female etiquette, which is I wouldn't presume to just come in and say Do this, Okay, We're gonna share in this.
You shall share the problem, expecting me to sort of go along with it.
Then together we come up with a better solution.
Then she could have come up on her own or she'll say hers.
So men, if you just could just give the space whenever there's a problem, asked the woman, What do you think we should do?
And if she wants to talk more about how hard it is or whatever, I ask if you help me understand that better and validate that from other point of view and then say, What do you think we should do?
And then you say What?
Well, I think we ought to do this, you know, as if you're the boss.
You have the final line of command, so to speak.
But you've included her in that process, and that's what's gonna make them work.
Place a better place for women, and it's gonna make it a better place.
Brooke starving problems because you're looking at both the female male perspective being in my business where I'm marketing the women mainly.
Actually, I have half men, right, but read my books, but I market women of your best marketers.
One piece of study that we did not do that we found, which is amazing is that a woman's in a board meeting or in a business meeting, or she's working for a company and she doesn't feel appreciated and remember when she doesn't feel appreciated.
Actually, what's happening is she doesn't feel seeing her respected, understood and care for her.
But she's not feeling appreciated, and she feels excluded.
They don't hear what I have to say.
They don't value of my points of view are whatever it is.
So she'll leave that meeting or she'll leave that time where she was dissatisfied, not feeling appreciated.
And she'll tell to 30 32 people a woman who comes to your company's This satisfied?
We'll go out and tell 32 people is what they found.
If she's satisfied with her cos she likes your company, she's a raving fan of your company.
She'll tell 32 people unsolicited.
They are the marketers.
They're basic marketers and a man.
If he's dissatisfied on Lee, tell three people and only fast to see if it doesn't support testosterone to Gogi, you know they treat me bad like, Well, you're probably a loser, you know?
Then what a brag.
Bragging and look what I did.
Look what I did not like.
Look what I didn't do.
They don't even ask me questions in the meetings.
He's going to female side, and that's weak for men.
So they're not gonna naturally go there, whereas women will say, Oh, you know, then the street is they don't ignore me.
They do this and another, you know, like, I was once at the counter United Airlines.
And I was really upset that they didn't tell me that this this plane with the instruments, it was a thing.
They had the repair and they kept us.
They're saying they're gonna be able to fix it until all the other planes had gone and then they told us is going tomorrow.
So everybody was so upset.
And I remember this woman at the counter basically going this company is awful.
I cannot believe they do that.
It's terrible that they do that, you know, I've seen him do this, and she just she would, in total empathy.
But that's not what I needed to hear what I needed to hear is yes.
This is really inconvenient.
You and we're gonna make it up to you.
We're gonna go to our website.
You put it in, put the flight number and you get a reward for this and terribly sorry about this and you feel empathy.
But you don't going to conclude a collusion that this is a terrible company.
It's like we're working on this.
We want to make this a better service for you.
So there's there's times and places to express empathy.
And Time's knot is all about understanding what human beings needed a particular time in a particular place represent the company in a positive way.
But that the bottom line is, if women are not happy, they market.
You're a lousy company.
If women are happy, they market your app become.
You're great company.
They're amazing.
And they have all the money today.
Uh, they're the ones that we need to make sure that the workplace becomes a better and better place for them.
And not that it's a bad place for men.
The idea is both people getting what they need in the workplace.
And when one of our studies we saw we asked the women, This is a big study.
We asked the women, Do you feel appreciated by men?
And over 60% of the women said no And ask the men, Do you appreciate the women you work with?
And 95% said totally.
And so the appreciation is there.
But it's not communicated in a language where women can feel that appreciation because, as I mentioned, women will not feel appreciated unless they feel included, unless they feel heard, unless they feel that their voice has been heard.
So it's a matter of just being more inclusive.
Now let's and this really inclusive guy.
Okay, I'm this great boss.
Everybody loves May and so forth.
But if I don't know this, I'm in a business meeting.
There's three guys and there's three women.
One woman's a bit more.
I call it, um, actually, my daughter Lauren and her courses teaches it Venus and blue versus Venus and pink.
Is that where you are on the bell curve?
How much masculine feminine qualities you're expressing?
Venus and Blue is gonna be a bit more servants.
Speak up whenever she has something to say.
Venus in pink, which is a lot of women.
They're kind of gonna wait for you to ask them.
Men don't realize that, because imagine, we're at this meeting of all men and every every guy's like in there like we're like playing basketball, grabbing the ball, trying to get credit.
I got this idea.
What?
That's a good idea, but we got to do this.
The man with throw the ball back and forth like that and and so on.
I'm leading This whole thing is my team of guys, and I noticed this one guy's not talking at all.
We'll call him Bill.
Nobody's going to say, Hey, Bill, you haven't said anything.
What do you think is that one Barris Bill?
Because we all know that it Bill has something smart to say.
He'll say it.
That's how men are so out of kindness and compassion.
We don't point out Bill, you're not saying anything.
What do you think?
That's right.
Exactly, exactly.
So now let me put some women in the group, okay?
Now we got a bunch of guys.
We're all talking Venus in blue.
She's in there, but we got a Venus and Pink over here.
She's not saying anything.
She's listening, listening, listening, and we just And so I'm not gonna want to put her on the spot and say, Well, Venus and Pink, you haven't said anything.
What do you think?
I don't want to embarrass her, but actually, she's waiting for you to notice.
She's obviously not saying anything, and she's communicating to you. 00:41:59.720 -->

如何縮小工作中的性別差距｜約翰-格雷(John Gray) (How to Bridge the Gender Gap at Work | John Gray)