Today I wanted to sit here and turn on the camera and talk to you guys about some really serious subjects, some issues that I have been dealing with for a long time and just have a one on one with you guys.

This video is something that I feel like I owe to my entire audience.

Through the last 10 years, I have lived my life on social media, which is really crazy to think about.

It's been a really long journey from being a little musician on a little website to my career now, and as I sit here, I realized that I have a bigger platform sometimes.

Then I realized myself and there are millions of people out there that watch me that know about my life that followed my story, and I feel like it's time that I get out a little bit more of my story.

And this video is mainly about something that is a really fucked up subject that I've had to dealt with for a long time, and it concerns old videos that were filmed at me 12 years ago.

Now I want to go on the record and say that.

I know there's a lot of people out there that love and support me.

There are millions of you that watch my videos that are out there and that support me.

But there's also other people out there that do not like me.

And that's okay if you do not like what I'm about.

If you hate me, if you despise me, if you're not into what I'm about, you do not need to watch this.

But I would really appreciate if you could listen to my story and what I have to say with an open mind.

And I think from human being to human being fuck YouTube.

Fuck all the bullshit.

Fuck the makeup, Everything that we are so consumed with past all the fun tutorials past, everything I want to speak to you as a human being that breathes on this Earth with you.

And lately, not lately.

For the last few years, as I have joined the YouTube community, I have been, uh, definitely subjected to a lot of drama.

And I get it.

You know, I am a hot topic.

I have always been out spoken.

I am.

You know, someone that looks different, and I realized that with all of that is going to come the negative.

Obviously the positive is so unreal.

But the negative can be very, very dark and ugly.

And every time that I get into an online and, you know, conflict or confrontation or some crazy feud, whether it's with my ex best friend or a celebrity or other YouTubers, a lot of stuff from my past constantly gets dragged up.

It's been happening for years in these videos.

I say some really disgusting, vile, nasty and embarrassing things.

And you know what's fucked up?

The past can never be erased.

It is always going to be there, and my past has been recorded.

It's been video.

It has been exploited all over the Internet, and I'm sitting here and those videos were 12 years ago and and I look at them and I see them resurface and it just makes me sick to my stomach because I don't know who that person waas.

I know who I am today.

I know exactly the person I am today, but I do not know who that person waas the person that said those horrible, vile things.

That person was depressed.

That person was just angry at the world.

That person felt like they were not accepted.

That person was seeking attention.

I was someone that loved to seek attention when I was younger, I loved the shock value.

I loved fighting anger with anger and I didn't know any better.

And does that make it okay?

Absolutely not.

I want to look everyone in the eyes and let you know that everything that you have seen is so just wrong.

It's upsetting.

It's nasty.

It really makes me sick to my stomach toe wash those old videos because what I was saying is not what I represent.

I think that racism is a very serious subject, especially in today's world.

I'm embarrassed as a person because that is not what I've ever stood for.

I am all about self expression, self worth, self love, and I think it's awful that you guys have to see me and that light because I don't ever want that to take with a message that I have always been about.

So I want to sit here and I have talked about this before on my space back in the day, I have addresses on Snapchat.

I have talked about this on Twitter in the past, but that is not good enough because for everyone out there that supports me that believes in me, I owe you the truth.

And I owe you an apology.

I am so sorry for my words.

I am so sorry for everything that I've said in my past.

I can never turn back time and take those moments away.

They happened.

I have owned up with them and I have lived with it for a long time.

And every time that they get re dragged up, it just makes me just sad because I don't know who that person waas.

I think it's really important to share that growing up.

I have always been a guy in makeup.

I started wearing makeup in 10th grade and the world was not how it is today.

10 years ago, there were no guys to make up on YouTube.

There was no men in makeup parading the streets.

There was no people like me, and I was very alone and I was also fearless.

I did not care that the world was not accepting me.

I knew that I loved makeup.

I know why I was attracted to makeup.

I come from a family of chaos, alcoholism and abuse.

And when I discovered makeup, that was my happy place.

I got to go and go playing makeup for hours and escape the horrible reality that was my life and my shitty fucking parents and my crazy upbringing.

And, you know, 10 years ago when I left the house, I wish it was like today.

I think that people don't realize how it really Waas and I would leave the house and people would spit on me.

They would scream faggot at me.

They would scream, freak, and they would degrade me every single day And what I do I fought back with rage and looking back, I am 31 years old now and looking back at that person who had just graduated high school, who had turned 18 turned 19 and then was just out into the world, I was emotionally abused.

Every time that I left the house, people did not accept me.

I would be walking down the street.

People would scream shit out their car every single day.

I felt like a piece of shit.

So What did I do?

I fought back with anger.

I fought back with rage and it's wrong.

I want to set an example for the youth and the future in front of me.

And I want to go on record and let you know that that is not okay.

Just because someone insults you, It is not okay to fight back with sometimes bucks.

How we handle things were human beings.

And I think that at the end of the date, people forget past the money, the cars, the clothes.

I am just one tiny little person on this earth trying to make a better life for me and my family.

And I am nowhere near perfect.

I am literally the furthest thing from perfect.

I make mistakes every day, but I have learned from them and the intent behind my words back then.

It was not about race.

Racism does not live inside of me.

I don't even know what the fuck like I don't know how that exists into people.

I said really horrible, vicious things back to people toe hurt them, tow, harm them to shock them, and to let them know that you're gonna call me something.

I'm gonna cut you back so hard and make you feel like a piece of shit because you made me feel low and that is not okay.

It is not okay to fight words with words like that.

And I have been subject to a lot of stuff recently.

The last two years has been so difficult.

It's also been such a blessing.

I have never had this much success in my career and all of you out there that have supported me like I will never be able to thank you enough for the gift you have given me.

But I also think that it's really important to share things and let you know that I'm not perfect.

I'm wrong all the time, you know?

And even recently when people were saying some fucked up shit to me or tryingto get a reaction, I do give in.

I am weak.

I am weak.

I'm selfish.

I have anger problems.

Sometimes I lash out when people lash out at me.

Still to this day, when someone wants to try me or start something, I'm the 1st 1 that's like What bitch?

You want to try me?

Let's go.

I've called people stupid.

I've called people rats.

I've called people annoying.

I've called people every name in the book when they attack me back because it's hard not to react sometimes.

And I think that people forget, you know, maybe once in a while the average person will hear an insult.

But when you were online, the bullying and the extreme hate that can come your way, it is really hard to deal with.

It is hard to log on, and every day there are people saying you're great And then there's people telling you you're in AIDS infested fag and you look like a fucking horse and you should kill yourself.

Those are things that I have to read every day and mentally process them as OK.

This is how someone feels about me.

Great.

Can I, you know loosely every night worrying about it.

No, I can't.

But I need to be learn to just process it and get out my anger some other way and not even respond to people.

And let's go back to 12 years ago because so many people I have heard rumors or they've seen a clip and they don't see the full spectrum.

And I am so sorry that any of you ever had to see me like that.

It makes me want to just I don't know.

It makes me wanna erase myself.

Sometimes I look at that and I'm just like, I can't believe I used to be that miserable and that unhappy.

So I wantto let you guys know that I am so sorry for ever saying those things that does not represent anything.

How I feel that is not who I am.

And I apologize deep down to the core of my fucking being and that person does not exist anymore.

I'm all about trying to bring awareness to self expression and love, and I want all of you guys to learn from my mistakes.

If you take one thing away from his video, please do not make the same mistakes that I did.

And I also want to say that I know that there are millions of people out there.

There are people watching this right now that are judged by what they believe in by who they are, by how they look by the color of their skin.

And I am just one in a 1,000,000 that has to deal with these type of prejudices every single day.

So I don't want you to see an old video of me and be like, Wow, Jeffrey says this.

But he's really about this and it's It's embarrassing because I don't want to tarnish what I stand for right now.

And we have come a long way with human rights we have in the last 10 years.

You guys, it is crazy how life used to be and how it is now.

But there are still so much.

There's just so much growth toe happen.

This world is still so dark and miserable and there are so many crazy things happening that I don't know if everyone fully realizes what it is to be different.

Life is too short.

You guys, I cannot spend every day thinking about my past.

I have moved forward.

I know what I stand for now and I want to be a better person.

I want to be a better person from the person that was last week.

I want to learn and grow and I think that is what's most important for all of us.

I don't want to deal with anger.

and rage and drama anymore.

I just feel like it's just so unhealthy and eats away at you and whether it's a little online feud with the makeup brand or it's with an ex friend or it's with this.

I'm just tired of feeding into it.

And I am a victim of that.

You guys I know perpetuated stuff.

I have fueled fires and it's just wrong and I don't want to continue that behavior.

I should be setting an example.

And I have been completely doing the opposite over the last few years, and all of this is just I think it's come to a point where this video is necessary.

Not just about me, but but I want everyone to learn from me and my wrongs when you're being attacked or someone is pulling, you are hurting you.

It's okay to defend yourself.

It's okay to respond, but be careful of how you respond, because how I handled things was not okay and you never know how it is going to affect another person.

And I know so many of you deal with the shit on the daily basis.

But remember what you say to the next stranger could affect them in ways that you do not know.

You just got to stay strong and realized that hurting someone else back is never gonna satisfy you.

I had an empty avoid all through my early twenties.

I didn't know who I was.

I was always angry.

I never you know, I never felt really accepted.

And I I was always alone.

And if you have those feelings that's okay, you will overcome them.

But it's going to take time, and it's going to take a lot of self analyzation, and you have to want to change and you have to want to grow.

I know what I need to work on and fighting with people online and all this bullshit is so unhealthy, and it's something that I'm going to completely stop.

You know, I get people that try to get a reaction from me all the time, whether they make a video about me, whether they talk about my relationship, whether they degraded, how I look, Um, it's hard to process sometimes and like, deal with, you know, and I'm not gonna fit into any more.