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Hey everyone, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create
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a business and life you love, and this is Q&A Tuesday where we A some Qs. It’s a good
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time, you should listen in. Check this out. Today’s question comes from Victoria and
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she writes,
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“Hi Marie. I look forward to your show like a kid does Christmas morning. I absolutely
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love your blog and everything you stand for. Thank you for all you do.” Thank you for
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tuning in. “I’m writing you in desperate need of help. My question is: how do you know
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when it’s time to break up with a lifelong friend?” First you’ve gotta get hair out
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of your face.
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“I’m in my 30s and I have a close girlfriend I’ve known since age 5, but this relationship
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does nothing but drain me. I’m certainly not perfect and we both had our ups and downs,
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but it seems like she only calls me to provide therapy for the negative situations she causes
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due to her impulsive nature.”
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“I’m always sad to see her in distress, but it’s so frustrating to give her my time
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and the advice she asks for only to see her turn around and go right back to her old ways.
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I’ve spoken to her about my feelings, but she responds with self defense and denial.
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Someone I trust advised me to change the subject or just cut the cord completely. What do you
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think?”
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This is such a juicy question, Victoria, and the reason I wanted to answer it is because
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so many people struggle with this. As the late Jim Rohn said, “We are the average
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of the five people we spend the most time with.” And here’s the thing, life is short
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and you get to choose, consciously choose, those 5 people, especially when it comes to
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your friends.
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I am very conscious of the people I spend time with and I have really strong, energetic
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boundaries. In fact, negative people don’t even show up in my life because they can sense
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I’ve got a positive force field around me and they know they’re not gonna last very
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long.
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Now, to be clear, we all need to vent sometimes and my friends and I certainly do that, but
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we don’t hang out there. And here’s the other thing, people that are addicted to drama
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and negativity and complaining find being around a highly positive person, like myself
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who is always seeing the bright side of things, to be highly annoying.
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So by consciously not spending time with negative people, you’re doing everybody a favor.
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And, remember this, you can’t change anyone into a more positive person. As my friend
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Kris Carr says, and, yes, it’s a tweetable:
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“The only time you can change someone is when they’re in diapers.”
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Now, when it comes to your friend, here’s a script you can use:
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“Look, I love you dearly and I want the best for you, but I have to be honest, hearing
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you complain non-stop is draining, it’s frustrating, and it makes me not want to spend
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time together. I think you should hire a therapist to work through these issues because this
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negative pattern has been happening for years. I’m tired of seeing you in pain and I’m
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tired of hearing myself give you the same advice over and over. We’ve known each other
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since we were five, but if this is all this relationship is gonna be, let’s bless each
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other and go our separate ways.”
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Here’s the bottom line, Victoria. Allowing your friend to continue complaining to you
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is actually a negative pattern of your own and you need to take responsibility for changing
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it.
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You are in charge of the people you allow in your life and the energy those people bring.
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So that was my A to your Q, Victoria. Thank you so much for asking it and do let us know
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how it goes.
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Now, I would love to hear from you. Have you ever had to break up with a friend? What did
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you do? How did it go? I want to hear your story. As always, the best stuff happens after
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the episode over at MarieForleo.com, so go there now and leave a comment.
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Did you dig this video? If so, if so I want you to subscribe and, of course, share it
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with your friends. And if you want even more great resources to create a business and life
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that you love, plus some personal insights from me that I only talk about in email, get
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your butt over to MarieForleo.com and sign up for email updates.
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Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special
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gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and I’ll see you next time
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on MarieTV.
