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  • As a famous person you sorta [sort of] read about yourself, gossip and Twitter and everything.

    身為知名人物,你會讀到跟你有關的事情,從娛樂新聞、推特等等的地方。

  • And one thing kept cropping up, even when I was preparing for this tour, they were saying, "Oh, he's out of touch. He's so famous. He's rich. He's mega-rich."

    有件事一直被提起,甚至我在籌備這場巡迴時,他們都一直說:「噢,他沒跟上時代。他太有名、太有錢。他超級有錢。」

  • I am.

    我的確很有錢。

  • I could have this place burned down for a laugh.

    我可以把這地方燒了,只為了逗你們笑。

  • No, but they say things like, "Oh, he's an observational comedian. How can he say things that relate to ordinary scum?"

    他們會說:「噢,他是觀察型的喜劇演員。他該怎麼跟低等的平凡人產生連結?」

  • And I say, "Don't call 'em scum, alright?"

    我會說:「不要叫他們低等的平凡人啦!」

  • But even the papers, they try and get around to it.

    就連一般報紙,都會試圖談這件事情。

  • I do interviews and they always wanna say, "Oh, do you always fly first class?"

    我在被訪談時,他們都會問:「所以你每次都搭頭等艙嗎?」

  • I go, "No, often private."

    我會說:「沒有欸,通常都搭私人飛機。」

  • The number of times I've answered this question, they say, "Do you know how much a pint of milk is?"

    我這樣回答好幾次後,他們會問:「那你知道一品脫的牛奶多少錢嗎?」

  • It's meant to make you look out of touch and I don't know, but that's irrelevant.

    他們就想讓你看起來什麼都不懂,但我沒差。

  • Next time a journalist asks me that, I'm gonna say, "I don't know, mate, but here's a grand. Run and get me one, will ya?"

    下次有記者問我這個,我會回答:「朋友,我還真不知道,不過這裡有一千元,去幫我跑腿買回來好嗎?」

  • "Is that enough?"

    「這樣夠嗎?」

  • Another question that I always get, particularly with the posh papers, the Sundays, they're doing a profile piece, and they're still trying to alienate you and make you look different and they always say things like, "No, you don't have children."

    我很常被問到另一個問題,特別是在做人物專訪的上流報紙 the Sundays,他們想讓你看起來怪異、突出,他們會說:「你沒有小孩欸!」

  • I say, "No."

    我會說:「我沒有。」

  • They say, "Why don't you have children?"

    他們又會問:「為什麼你不生小孩?」

  • Which is a really odd question to ask someone, "Why don't you have children," as opposed to asking people, "Why do you have children?"

    這其實是很怪的問題「為什麼你不生小孩」,為何不問「你為什麼要生小孩」?

  • Let's ask the fat lady in the leggings why she's had eight.

    我們來問問穿緊身褲的胖女士,她為何生了八個小孩。

  • Shall we?

    來問問吧?

  • Oh, nine.

    噢,其實有九個。

  • That one just fell out.

    剛剛又掉出一個了。

  • That one didn't even touch the sides or disturb her cigarette.

    那個甚至沒擦到腿,也沒妨礙產婦抽菸。

  • "Go and claim for that."

    「去養這個孩子吧!」

  • People say, "Oh, it's selfish to not have children."

    人們會說:「沒生小孩很自私。」

  • How can it be selfish to not bring a life into the world that doesn't exist on any level?

    不把一個「沒有存在於任何層面的東西」帶到世上,到底哪裡自私了?

  • It's not like there's a long cabinet full of potential ghost fetuses going, "We wanna be born."

    又不是說有個長長的櫃子,裡面有寶寶的鬼魂一直說:「我們想要出生。」

  • But I've thought about it and there's three reasons I don't have children.

    但我有想到三個理由,三個我不想有小孩的原因。

  • Three main reasons I don't have children.

    三個最主要的因素。

  • I'll share them with you, three reasons.

    我會把這三個原因跟你們說。

  • One, there's millions.

    第一個,已經有一堆小孩了。

  • The world's overpopulated.

    世界人口過量。

  • No one's sitting around going, "Oh, Rick's not having kids, we're gonna run out."

    沒有人坐著發愁,想著:「啊,Rick 不生小孩,我們人口會不夠。」

  • Two, kids are scroungers, aren't they?

    第二個,小孩超會討東西,對吧?

  • From day one, it's all, "Me, me, me."

    從第一天開始就是:「我!我!關注我!」

  • Isn't it?

    沒錯吧?

  • "Feed me, clothe me, pay for my chemotherapy."

    「給我食物、給我穿衣服,幫我付化療費。」

  • "Not my problem, son. Luck of the draw, boy, luck of the draw."

    「哎,孩子,這不是我的問題。這都是命運啊,聽天由命吧!」

  • It costs the average household in the west 200,000 USD to bring up a child and you don't see that back.

    在美國西部,養一個孩子平均花費兩百萬元,而你看不到回報。

  • They don't wanna pay you back.

    他們才不想回報你。

  • They're not grateful.

    他們才不感激。

  • They don't go, "Thanks for having me," everyday.

    他們不會每天說:「謝謝你們有了我。」

  • They're going, "I didn't wanna be born."

    他們會說:「我又不想出生!」

  • Even if they get a top job, which they won't, you'll never see that money back.

    雖然不可能,但就算他們有很好的工作,你付出的錢也回不來了。

  • They'll just put you in a home and my kid, he'd born into ridiculous wealth, wouldn't he? So...

    他們只會把你放進養老院。而我的小孩,他會享受超富有的生活,對吧?

  • He'd be a little cunt.

    他會是個小混蛋。

  • A little Hampstead cunt, running around with all the other fucking little Hampstead cunts, being all Hampstead and cunty.

    一個漢普斯特德 (英國地名) 小混蛋,跟其他的漢普斯特德小混蛋混在一起,全部都上流又王八。

  • "I'm a little Hampstead cunt."

    「我是漢普斯特德小混蛋。」

  • "Yes, I know."

    「嗯,我知道。」

  • "These are my little cunty friends."

    「這些是我的小混蛋朋友。」

  • "Yeah, I know, it's obvious."

    「我知道。很明顯。」

  • "I can tell from your little fucking cunty hats that you're little Hampstead cunts, you little posh Hampstead cunts."

    「我可以從你那頂混蛋帽子,知道你是漢普斯特德小混蛋。」

  • And on the one hand, he'd know he was a little fucking Hampstead cunt.

    就另一方面而言,他也會知道他是漢普斯特德小混蛋。

  • "I'm a little Hampstead cunt."

    「我是漢普斯特德小混蛋。」

  • Yes, we know, everyone knows.

    我知道,大家都知道好嗎?

  • We know that, right?

    我們真的都知道,好嗎?

  • On the other hand, he'd know that he could never live up to being as brilliant as his dad, right?

    再換個方面來說,他自知他永遠都無法像他老爸一樣傑出,對吧?

  • I'd say, "You know, I worked from nothing and I gave it to you and you're just a little useless Hampstead cunt."

    我會告訴他:「你知道嗎?我白手起家,把我的所有都給了你,而你只是個沒用的漢普斯特德小混蛋。」

  • That would probably prey on his little mind a bit, wouldn't it?

    這念頭會在他的小腦袋裡盤旋,對吧?

  • 11, 12, he'd be a naughty boy, run with the wrong crowd, try and get out from under my shadow, right?

    十一、十二歲的時候,他會變得調皮、跟錯朋友,試圖逃離我的陰影,對吧?

  • Then he'd turn to drugs and at about 30, he'd come home and he'd overdose on my Afghan rug.

    三十歲的時候,他開始吸毒,他回到家就在我的阿富汗地毯上吸毒過量。

  • Twenty grand, that was.

    那條地毯要兩萬塊。

  • And as he was there, convulsing and throwing up his fucking lungs, and with his little posh high-pitched fucking death rattle, his little fucking dying words, he'd go, "Do you love me now, Daddy?"

    他就躺在那裡,抽搐、彷彿要把肺臟都吐出來,然後用他該死的死亡顫抖聲音說著遺言:「爸爸,你現在愛我了嗎?」

  • "No!"

    「不愛!」

  • I never did, and that's why you're never going to be born, you useless fucking junkie Hampstead cunt."

    我從來沒愛過你,這就是為什麼你永遠不會出生,你這個沒用的漢普斯特德小混蛋。

As a famous person you sorta [sort of] read about yourself, gossip and Twitter and everything.

身為知名人物,你會讀到跟你有關的事情,從娛樂新聞、推特等等的地方。

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A2 初級 中文 英國腔 小孩 混蛋 有錢 過量 沒用 自私

超爆笑!犀利金球獎主持人 Ricky Gervais:「我就不想生小孩!」 (The Reason Ricky Gervais Won't Have Kids | Ricky Gervais: Humanity)

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    lauren.huang 發佈於 2020 年 04 月 22 日
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