how have I gone without ever reviewing a Wipeout game? I review all the bad games. How have

I escaped these ones? I don't know, I don't ask. Or I didn't ask. But then I ended up

with two Wipeout games in the same week. And not only two Wipeout games...

The same Wipeout game, on two different platforms.

I guess the universe has a way of, just...evening things out.

By the way, uh...f*ck you, universe.

If you caught our review of Wipeout: Create and Crash for the Xbox 360, you'll know that I reviewed

that game. And you'll also know that...I was kind of a mess, in that review. Listen, I

give every game a fair shake, but...that game just sucks. It's actually incredible, how

much it sucks. Like, on its own. That's before you add Kinect to the equation. You can imagine

how that affects the sum.

Or you can consult my review and watch me have a mental breakdown.

There's some math, for you. Serenity plus now.

Anyway, here I am with the Wii U version. And surprisingly, there's some good news.

Uh, this one doesn't have you jumping around like an over-caffeinated wallaby, so there's

that. You just play it with the GamePad, so ten points. That gets the score up to, what?

Negative 30? Also, there's a decent multiplayer mode exclusive to the Wii U.

Don't me wrong, it's still a lousy game, but...it's less lousy, I guess?

I don't know, this is what happens you play too much Wipeout.

So if you have no idea what's going on here, uh...Wipeout is a TV show, where people run

through an obstacle course, and hurt themselves. This is a game where you run through an obstacle

course, and hurt your brain. I mean, people must buy these—there's a new one released

every year. But for the life of me, I have no idea why.

I guess, multiplayer? Like, watching your friends fail? But that's fun in the same way

doing anything with your friends is fun. Doesn't mean the game's any good. And it's...really

not.

Since it's the same core game as the 360 version, all the same criticisms apply. A physics system

from hell, clunky gameplay, bad production, repetitive everything. Also, John Henson.

You can actually feel your brain being drained when you play Wipeout games, and that's the

case with this one, too. The only difference is...now, you can design your own courses.

And on the Wii U, there's a GamePad multiplayer mode. You can tap the screen to throw balls

at your friends while they're running the courses with a Wii Remote. And to be fair,

that's pretty cool. That's the most fun you'll ever have with a Wipeout game.

In fact, that mode is so cool relative to the rest of the game...I'm gonna go ahead

and say the Wii U version is the way to go. Partly because Kinect sucks, partly because

the Wii version is a low-res mess...partly because I'm grasping at straws here. Otherwise,

though...same terrible Wipeout game. With the same terrible audio.

I don't even have anything to say about that.

Anyway, to the game's credit...the level editor is nice and simple, and the ability to share

your creations is a nice touch. On the other hand, then you have to actually play them.

No thanks, on that one. The GamePad Trap Attack mode is alright, but only in comparison to

the rest of the game, which isn't. I don't know.

Watch my 360 review, to see the effect this game actually has on people.

I can tell you this, it's certainly not pretty.

It's Wipeout: Crash and Create for the Wii U.