Name: 又跟另一半吵架了嗎？教你如何一句話秒和好！ (3 Magic Words To Fix a Fight)
Uploaded: 2019-10-06T21:01:30.000Z
Duration: 4 min 29 s

to 不定詞

Hey, this is Mat Boggs, and today I'm going to share with you three magic words that can help you fix any fight.

嗨！我是 Mat Boggs，今天我想和你們分享一句可以終止爭吵的話。

This question was actually submitted from a woman named Maribel.

這個問題是由 Maribel 女士所提出。

委婉語氣表達希望、渴望

She emailed in, and Maribel writes this: I'd love to know how to communicate better with men when I feel defensive.

她寫了一封電子郵件給我，信中寫道：「我想要知道，當我的防禦心被激起的時候，我該如何好好地跟他人溝通？」

"I want to turn our misfortunes into opportunities to build a greater bond with him."

「我想要把危機化為轉機，藉此機會和他建立更穩固的關係。」

"I'm not trying to be the image of perfect, but rather a real human being with vulnerabilities."

「我並不是想要成為一位完美無缺的人，我只是想當一個帶有脆弱性的正常人。」

Maribel, that is a great question, and one that every single one of us should be asking.

Maribel 問了一個很好的問題，這也是個人人都會碰到的難題。

Because defensiveness is like a cancer that can get into our communication and actually kill the relationship.

防禦心就像是癌症，它會蔓延至你與他人的溝通中，進而破壞你們的感情。

And it's important to know that that feeling of defensiveness that we all get, actually comes from this desire to be valued, and to not lose the relationship in the first place.

你我都有的防禦心其實來自於「渴望被重視」和「害怕失去這段感情」。

For example, if your partner is complaining, saying you haven't spent any time with them this week, and you can think of two times this week that you've hung out.

舉例來說，當你的另一伴正抱怨說：「你這禮拜都沒有花時間陪我」，但你明明記得這禮拜你們約會了兩次。

That defensiveness comes from this fear of not being seen as enough or not contributing enough and the possibility of losing this relationship.

防禦心往往源自於被他人認為為這份感情的付出和貢獻不足。

The irony of this is that the defensiveness is actually the thing that pushes them away more.

諷刺的是，防禦心正是破壞你們感情的元兇。

It's the thing that drives a wedge between you and your partner.

Because when you try to prove why they're wrong and why you're right, it actually shuts the other person down.

因為當你試著要證明對方錯了，自己才是對的時候，你已經深深地傷害到她或他了。

They don't feel heard, they don't feel cared about, and there's no connection going on in that moment.

他們會覺得不被聆聽，沒有受到關心，而此時此刻，你們之間不再產生任何感情的連結。

So here are three words that you can say when your man is upset, that can help transform your disagreements.

現在我想跟你分享一句話，是當你的另一伴不開心的時候，可以間接表達你的不滿。

When he is upset and he is complaining or blaming you for something that didn't go right...

當你的另一伴正在抱怨你的所作所為的時候...

Instead of getting defensive, instead of arguing your side, say these three words:  "Tell me more."

與其急著為自己辯護而保有防禦心，不如說：「跟我說更多你的想法。」

Those three magic words have the power to transform that moment.

這句話就像魔法一樣，它可以改變這一觸即發的場面。

Most people get defensive, they argue their side, but when you say, "Tell me more".

在防禦心的驅使下，很多人都會急著為自己辯護，不過其實你只要說一句：「跟我說更多你的想法」

And, caveat here, you have to say it from a sincere, authentic place of curiosity.

對了，前提是你必須表現得非常真誠，而且是發自內心地詢問。

You cannot say it from this cynical place of sarcasm like,  "Well, tell me more, Mr. Perfect.”

你千萬不能用那種欠揍的諷刺口吻說：「你還有什麼想說的呢，完美先生？」

要有誠意地說：「請告訴我更多。」

That gives him an opportunity to fully express his point of view, to fully express how he feels and what he wants out of this particular scenario.

如此一來，對方便有機會能夠傾訴他所有的感受及想法，以及他希望目前局面如何發展。

The next step is after he shares that, repeat it back to him,  "So what I hear you saying is this" , and acknowledge how he feels.

當對方分享完他的想法後，重複一次他說的話：「所以你的意思是...」，並且表示你了解他的感受。

This will be magic in the relationship because when someone feels heard and someone feels acknowledged, then, and only then, are they truly open to hearing your point of view.

這就像感情中的魔法，因為一旦當對方覺得被聆聽、被了解之後，他才會願意打開心胸聆聽你的想法。

Now, be aware, if what he's saying after you've asked him, "Tell me more," is skewed or incorrect, because chances are it will be.

注意，在你說：「告訴我更多」之後，有很大的機率你會覺得對方說的是錯的。

Because it's his perspective, and it's different than yours.

因為那是他的想法，勢必會和你有所不同。

Instead of looking for all the reasons he's wrong, seek out the threads of truth in what he's saying and acknowledge those.

但是，不要專注在那些你認為是錯誤的地方，而是要專注在事實的部分。

我來告訴你為什麼這方法是有效的。

People will open up and are much more willing to hear your side when they first feel heard and understood.

當人們感受到被聆聽、被了解之後，他們會更願意敞開心胸聆聽你的想法。

So the next time you're in an argument with your partner, instead of getting defensive and showing them why they're wrong,

下次，當你和另一伴發生爭吵時，記得不要急著指出對方的缺點，進行自我辯護。

Show them love and compassion by using these three magic words, "Tell me more."

而是應該要透過一句：「跟我說更多你的想法」，來展現出愛與包容。

我非常想要知道你們的任何想法與意見。

What strategies really work for you when you're in an argument with your partner, or someone significant in your life?

當你和另一伴或是重要的人發生爭執的時候，你都是採取什麼方式解決的呢？

What strategy really works for you in defusing that argument and coming back to a place of connection?

你是用什麼方法來調解紛爭，並讓彼此產生更緊密的連結？

Go ahead and post your comments, your thoughts below in the comments section.

歡迎在底下留言，告訴我你們的想法。

If there's someone that you want better connection with in your life, share this video with them.

如果你希望和某個人建立更良好的關係，你可以將這部影片分享給他或她。

So you can both know these three magic words of "Tell me more."

這樣一來，你們兩個就會知道，當爭吵即將發生的時候該說什麼話了。

And, as always, I posted a link to a great resource in this video and also in the description that will help you understand the hearts and minds of men.

我把一些關於「如何讀懂男人心」的資訊連結放在這部影片中和底下的資訊欄。

Help you expand your heart to love even further.

希望可以幫助你更懂得如何去愛一個人。

So go ahead, take a moment, click that link, get that resource.

花點時間，點擊底下連結，獲得相關資訊。

And if you're not subscribed to this channel, take a moment, click the Subscribe button.

如果你還沒訂閱此頻道，趕快按下訂閱按鈕。

Because that way, you will be the first one alerted each and every week when these videos come out, and you can be the first ones to watch them.

你將在每週新影片發佈的時候獲得最新通知，你就可以成為第一位觀看者。

Thanks so much for watching this video and I will see you soon.

感謝你的收看，我們下次再見。