As you know we have all prospective employees take a lie detector test prior to joining our firm.

如你所知，我們會在候選的新員工加入前為他們測謊

So if you don’t mind we're going to begin with a couple of control questions.

那，如果你不介意的話，我們先來幾個測試性問題

Should I be hooked up to something?

我是不是該被連接上什麼東西呢?

With the old system, yes.

如果是用舊系統的話，那麼是的

But with the new Lie Detector 3000, it's programmed to go off when it hears you tell a lie.

但要是用的是新型的測謊機3000，這台機器則是被設定成聽到謊言時就會響起

For example, go ahead and tell an obvious lie.

例如，你講個絕對的謊言看看

Grass is blue.

草是藍色的

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

I am a tall, black man.

我是個高大的黑人

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

I’ve never seen Jersey Shore.

我沒看過玩咖日記(MTV實境秀)

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

I love it. I’ve never missed one.

我超愛那一齣的，從沒錯過任何一集

I’ve heard good things.

我聽夠了

Now go ahead and say something that is true so we can properly calibrate the machine.

現在說一些絕對的實話，這樣我們才能把機器校準好

I have a twelve-inch penis.

我的弟弟有十二英吋長(一英吋等於2.54 公分)

That’s kind of weird, it should have gone off.

有點不對勁，他應該要響的阿

Why?

為什麼?

Because there's no way you…

因為你的弟弟不可能真的有...

I have a twelve-inch penis.

我的弟弟真的有十二英吋

Actually, it might be thirteen.

其實，我覺得可能有十三英寸

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

No?

不對嗎?

I guess it’s twelve.

這樣的話我想就是十二英吋

Wait, seriously?

什麼，真的?

Hey Mike, did you get a chance to email me those mission statements?

嘿，Mike，你有空把那些專案文件寄給我嗎?

Uh yeah! I did it last night.

嗯 對了!我昨晚寄了

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

I did it this morning.

今天早上寄了

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

All right! I haven't even started yet.

好啦!我根本還沒開始做

Wow Mike, you're the best!

哇，Mike，你最好了

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

You suck. I’ll be back at my desk working.

你爛死了，我會在我的位子上辦公

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

I’ll be playing Angry Birds on my phone.

我要用我的手機玩憤怒鳥

Please state your full name?

請說出全名?

Dane Christopher Hanson.

Dane Christopher Hanson

Is it true you that reside at 1444 North Sierra Bonita Avenue?

你是真的住在北敘利亞伯尼塔大道1444號嗎?

Yes. Apartment 3.

對，三號房

How do you do it, man?

你怎麼做到的啊?老兄

Oh, when I moved here I went on Westside Rentals.

喔，我剛搬到那邊時，我去找了西域不動產

No…

不

It’s like 80 dollars.

花了大概80美金

No, how do you live with a twelve-inch penis. I mean, how is that even possible?

不，你有條12英寸的弟弟是要怎麼生活，我是說，這怎麼可能?

Okay, I’m getting a little uncomfortable with this line of questioning.

嗯，我開始對這種詢問用語感到有點不舒服了

I'm sorry, I’m sorry. You’re right.

我很抱歉，很抱歉，你說得對

I mean it’s just that twelve-inches, that is like a freaking beef bus! You know what I’m sayin’?

我是說十二英吋耶，那真是一條嚇人的大傢伙!你懂我意思吧?

Why are you- why are you so concerned about my penis anyhow? I mean, are you gay or something?

你為什麼-幹嘛那麼關心我的弟弟啊?你是同性戀還是怎樣?

What? No!

什麼?怎麼可能!

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

Hey! Nobody loves pussy more than I do!

嘿!沒有人比我更愛女人了!

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

All right. I'm a flaming homosexual. But do me a favor?

好啦，我承認我是GAY中之GAY，不過幫我個忙好嗎?

Don't tell anybody because nobody knows.

不要跟別人說，因為他們都不知道

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

Everybody knows.

大家都知道了

So wait, tell people?

那，我要跟別人說嗎?

No!

不行!

Have you ever been fired from a job before?

你曾經被炒過魷魚嗎?

No.

沒

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

3 times.

被炒過三次

Have you ever stolen from an employer before?

那你從雇主那裏偷過東西嗎?

No.

沒

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

All right! Dammit!

好啦!可惡!

How much would you say you've stolen before?

你偷過多少錢?

Hundred dollars.

一百美金

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

500 dollars.

五百美金

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

So much I’ve lost count.

太多了我數不清

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

44,793 dollars.

四萬四千七百九十三塊美金

That’s a lot of money, Dane.

那可是筆很大的數目耶，Dane.

Well-

這個嘛-

I had Cancer.

我得了癌症

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

I bought a boat.

我買了一艘船

And named it Cancer.

然後把船取名為癌症

I'm going to be honest, Dane. This interview is going really well.

我老實說吧， Dane，這次面試非常順利

Yeah?

是嗎?

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

No. This is the worst interview I’ve ever been a part of.

不，這是我參與過最糟糕的面試了

Normally, you’d be gone.

如果是一般情況下，你早就該走人了

However, company policy dictates I ask you one final question.

但是，由於公司政策規定，我必須再問你最後一個問題

Okay.

好吧

Would you ever have sex with a man in order to get a job?

你會為了工作跟一個男人上床嗎?

No.

不會

[BEEP]

[逼聲]

Welcome to the firm.

歡迎加入本公司