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  • So Mr. Hanson.

    那麼, Hanson先生

  • As you know we have all prospective employees take a lie detector test prior to joining our firm.

    如你所知,我們會在候選的新員工加入前為他們測謊

  • So if you don’t mind we're going to begin with a couple of control questions.

    那,如果你不介意的話,我們先來幾個測試性問題

  • Should I be hooked up to something?

    我是不是該被連接上什麼東西呢?

  • With the old system, yes.

    如果是用舊系統的話,那麼是的

  • But with the new Lie Detector 3000, it's programmed to go off when it hears you tell a lie.

    但要是用的是新型的測謊機3000,這台機器則是被設定成聽到謊言時就會響起

  • For example, go ahead and tell an obvious lie.

    例如,你講個絕對的謊言看看

  • Grass is blue.

    草是藍色的

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • I am a tall, black man.

    我是個高大的黑人

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • I’ve never seen Jersey Shore.

    我沒看過玩咖日記(MTV實境秀)

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • I love it. I’ve never missed one.

    我超愛那一齣的,從沒錯過任何一集

  • I’ve heard good things.

    我聽夠了

  • Now go ahead and say something that is true so we can properly calibrate the machine.

    現在說一些絕對的實話,這樣我們才能把機器校準好

  • I have a twelve-inch penis.

    我的弟弟有十二英吋長(一英吋等於2.54 公分)

  • That’s kind of weird, it should have gone off.

    有點不對勁,他應該要響的阿

  • Why?

    為什麼?

  • Because there's no way you

    因為你的弟弟不可能真的有...

  • I have a twelve-inch penis.

    我的弟弟真的有十二英吋

  • Actually, it might be thirteen.

    其實,我覺得可能有十三英寸

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • No?

    不對嗎?

  • I guess it’s twelve.

    這樣的話我想就是十二英吋

  • Wait, seriously?

    什麼,真的?

  • Hey Mike, did you get a chance to email me those mission statements?

    嘿,Mike,你有空把那些專案文件寄給我嗎?

  • Uh yeah! I did it last night.

    嗯 對了!我昨晚寄了

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • I did it this morning.

    今天早上寄了

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • All right! I haven't even started yet.

    好啦!我根本還沒開始做

  • Wow Mike, you're the best!

    哇,Mike,你最好了

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • You suck. I’ll be back at my desk working.

    你爛死了,我會在我的位子上辦公

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • I’ll be playing Angry Birds on my phone.

    我要用我的手機玩憤怒鳥

  • Please state your full name?

    請說出全名?

  • Dane Christopher Hanson.

    Dane Christopher Hanson

  • Is it true you that reside at 1444 North Sierra Bonita Avenue?

    你是真的住在北敘利亞伯尼塔大道1444號嗎?

  • Yes. Apartment 3.

    對,三號房

  • How do you do it, man?

    你怎麼做到的啊?老兄

  • Oh, when I moved here I went on Westside Rentals.

    喔,我剛搬到那邊時,我去找了西域不動產

  • No

  • It’s like 80 dollars.

    花了大概80美金

  • No, how do you live with a twelve-inch penis. I mean, how is that even possible?

    不,你有條12英寸的弟弟是要怎麼生活,我是說,這怎麼可能?

  • Okay, I’m getting a little uncomfortable with this line of questioning.

    嗯,我開始對這種詢問用語感到有點不舒服了

  • I'm sorry, I’m sorry. Youre right.

    我很抱歉,很抱歉,你說得對

  • I mean it’s just that twelve-inches, that is like a freaking beef bus! You know what I’m sayin’?

    我是說十二英吋耶,那真是一條嚇人的大傢伙!你懂我意思吧?

  • Why are you- why are you so concerned about my penis anyhow? I mean, are you gay or something?

    你為什麼-幹嘛那麼關心我的弟弟啊?你是同性戀還是怎樣?

  • What? No!

    什麼?怎麼可能!

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • Hey! Nobody loves pussy more than I do!

    嘿!沒有人比我更愛女人了!

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • All right. I'm a flaming homosexual. But do me a favor?

    好啦,我承認我是GAY中之GAY,不過幫我個忙好嗎?

  • Don't tell anybody because nobody knows.

    不要跟別人說,因為他們都不知道

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • Everybody knows.

    大家都知道了

  • So wait, tell people?

    那,我要跟別人說嗎?

  • No!

    不行!

  • Have you ever been fired from a job before?

    你曾經被炒過魷魚嗎?

  • No.

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • 3 times.

    被炒過三次

  • Have you ever stolen from an employer before?

    那你從雇主那裏偷過東西嗎?

  • No.

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • All right! Dammit!

    好啦!可惡!

  • How much would you say you've stolen before?

    你偷過多少錢?

  • Hundred dollars.

    一百美金

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • 500 dollars.

    五百美金

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • So much I’ve lost count.

    太多了我數不清

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • 44,793 dollars.

    四萬四千七百九十三塊美金

  • That’s a lot of money, Dane.

    那可是筆很大的數目耶,Dane.

  • Well-

    這個嘛-

  • I had Cancer.

    我得了癌症

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • I bought a boat.

    我買了一艘船

  • And named it Cancer.

    然後把船取名為癌症

  • I'm going to be honest, Dane. This interview is going really well.

    我老實說吧, Dane,這次面試非常順利

  • Yeah?

    是嗎?

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • No. This is the worst interview I’ve ever been a part of.

    不,這是我參與過最糟糕的面試了

  • Normally, you’d be gone.

    如果是一般情況下,你早就該走人了

  • However, company policy dictates I ask you one final question.

    但是,由於公司政策規定,我必須再問你最後一個問題

  • Okay.

    好吧

  • Would you ever have sex with a man in order to get a job?

    你會為了工作跟一個男人上床嗎?

  • No.

    不會

  • [BEEP]

    [逼聲]

  • Welcome to the firm.

    歡迎加入本公司

So Mr. Hanson.

那麼, Hanson先生

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【喜劇】 測謊機 (Lie Detector)

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    Coke James Z 發佈於 2014 年 03 月 24 日
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