A lot of people have been talking about new diets to try.

很多人都在討論可以嘗試的新節食方法。

Everybody starts dieting when it gets close to summer.

一接近夏天大家就開始節食。

Like panicking.

整個很緊張。

Like we don't think about all winter long.

我們整個冬天都不會去想。

It's OK that we just put fat on to hibernate, somehow.

好像可以直接囤積脂肪冬眠。

And then summertime comes and we're like, we've gotta lose weight all of a sudden.

然後夏天來了，我們就突然覺得要減肥。

Who here has been on... tried a diet recently?

有誰最近嘗試過節食？

OK.

好。

Who started one this morning and gave up just a little while ago?

有誰今天早上開始然後就在剛才已經放棄了？

I went to the doctor to get a sonogram.

我去找醫生照超音波。

I'm not pregnant, I just like to take a look once in a while to see what's going on in there.

我沒有懷孕，我只是偶爾想看看裡面發生了哪些事。

And while I was waiting in the room, I saw a copy of a Vogue from 1977.

當我在候診室等待時，我看到了一本 1977 年的 Vogue 雜誌。

They really don't change magazines that often.

他們真的不常換雜誌。

And it had a diet in there.

然後裡面有一個節食方法。

This is from 1977.

這是 1977 年的事。

"How to Lose Five Pounds in Three Days"

「如何在 3 天內減掉 5 磅（2.27 公斤） 」

Here it is.

在這裡。

It's called the Wine and Eggs Diet.

它叫做「酒和蛋節食法」。

Also known as the Real Housewives' shopping list.

又稱為比佛利嬌妻的購物清單。

So, for breakfast it's... you have one hard boiled egg, one glass of white wine, preferably Chablis, and black coffee.

早餐你要吃一顆水煮蛋、喝一杯白酒，最好是夏布利酒，還有一杯黑咖啡。

Obviously you want to drink Chablis for breakfast.

早餐當然要喝夏布利酒。

If you drink Cabernet, it means you got a problem.

如果你喝卡本內紅酒，代表你有問題。

Only white wine in the morning.

早上只能喝白酒。

For lunch, you have two eggs, two glasses of white wine, and black coffee.

午餐你要吃兩個蛋、喝兩杯白酒，還有黑咖啡。

So then you'll be wide awake to get fired for being drunk at the office.

這樣你就可以清醒著經歷因為在辦公室喝醉而被炒魷魚的事。

And if you're still standing by dinner, you have steak, the remainder of the wine, and more black coffee.

如果你晚上還站得穩的話，就要吃牛排、喝剩下的白酒還有更多黑咖啡。

The reason you lose so much weight so fast is that you have to get rid of your liver.

你會在這麼短的時間內瘦這麼多，是因為你得除掉你的肝。

You have to...

你必須...

That was 1977.

這是 1977 年的事。

Obviously things have changed.

當然時代改變了。

We do not have crazy diets like that anymore.

我們沒有像那樣瘋狂的節食方法了。

Oh, what's that?

噢？你說什麼？

We do.

我們有的。

I found a couple of other diets in Cosmo magazine.

我在 Cosmo 雜誌上找到了其他的節食方法。

These are real bad.

這些很糟糕。

Here's one it's called Clip-Your-Nose-While-You-Eat Diet.

有一個叫做「吃飯時夾住鼻子節食法」。

Apparently, if you plug your nose while you eat, you'll get full faster.

據說，如果你夾住鼻子吃飯，你會飽得比較快。

If you clip your mouth, it works even better actually.

如果你夾住嘴巴，其實會更有效果。

If that's not your style, there's the Vision Diet.

如果這不是你的風格，還有「視覺節食法」。

So, you eat everything while wearing blue tinted glasses.

吃東西的時候，都要戴著藍色玻璃眼鏡。

Cause they say it makes the food look less appealing.

因為他們說這樣食物看起來會比較不好吃。

Guess what?

你猜怎樣？

It's still appealing to me.

我還是覺得看起來很好吃。

Blue French fries.

藍色薯條。

I don't mind.

我不介意。

I'll eat blue cheese pizza.

我也會吃藍色的起司披薩。

I'll eat anything, if I want it.

只要我想吃，我什麼都吃。

But the truth is, we come in all shapes and sizes.

但事實上是，我們每個人都有不一樣的身材。

And the most important thing is for us... just be kind to yourself, and be kind to others, and drive a nice car.

最重要的是，要對自己好一點、對其他人好一點，然後開部好車。