Epic Rap Battles Of History!

Winston Chrchill!

VERSUS!

Theodore Rooseveeeeeeltttt!

BEGIN!

Bully!

a challenge!

I love competition

now where would I mount

the stuffed head of a Winston?

Ha!

I'm into fitness,

diggin' ditches through an insthmus

rough ridin' down to Cuba like;

What's up, BIIITCHES!

I keep my rhymes pure

Like my food and drugs,

I'm an American stud,

and you're the British Elmer Fudd

I mean, for Christ's sake!

Look at that mug!

At least grow a spruce mustache

and cover part of it up

and let's face it,

you're not all that great,

you tossed away lives in Gallipoli

like they were scarps off your plate

your whole miserable country

is the size of one state

I could see my way through running that

without donning my pince-nez

don't go toe-to-toe with me,

you bloated drunk old man!

why don't ya do-si-do on over

to a twelve step program?

I'll bust a trust fund lush,

with my American muscels!

So walk softly over here,

and give my big stick a suckles!

Pass me a cigar

and a large glass of brandy,

I'm about to take you out prematurely

like your family.

I'm the Rhyme Minister

fresh in a hat and dinner jacket

you look like a mix of EpicLLOYD

and a Pringles™ packet!

Ha!

I was saving the planet

from an Axis of darkness,

while you were back home,

opening national parks,

yes!

you were born asthmatic

you're going to choke hard

while I wake up everyday

and chain smoke cigars.

I'll fight you on the beaches,

I'll fight you on the beats, yes

anyway you want to fight

I'll fight you and I'll beat ya see?

I might be battling you

even though I'm toasted

but, tommorow I'll be sober

and you'll still be roasted!

My parents died

when they were young

and it was morbid,

but at least, they did'nt ditch me

while they were alive

like yours did

Oh Shit!

World War too soon?

well Teddy's dropin' bombs

so you best go hide in your tube!

ohh!

you should be ashamed

of your military honor!

Everyone knows you're back at home like,

thank God for Pearl Harbor

Don't worry!

The US will give you a pass,

just change your poster to

keep calm and kiss my cousin's ass!

Steady there,

I don't think it's very fair,

for a British Bulldog,

to melee with a Teddy Bear!

Ha!

you're no man,

you're an overgrown Boy Scout!

I should stuff you in a pram

just so you can throw your toys out.

They put your fat head on a mountain,

to save face,

but if Rushmore was a band,

then you'd play bass

look at Roosevelt!

the dude's about,

to lose the bout

to Churchill!

If a bullet to the chest won't stop you,

my words will.

*gun noises*

A bullet can't stop the Bull Moose!

T.R. will give W.C. the full deuce!

Whatever shit you throw at me,

I'll just return to sender!

I'll battle to the end,

and I will never surrender!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDEEE

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!!

*outro*