Sorry I didn't post a video last week.

抱歉我上週沒有發影片。

If you follow my newly made snapchat you know that I was in Hawaii for a wedding.

如果你有追蹤我最新辦的 snapchat 就知道我上週在夏威夷參加婚禮。

And no, I'm not saying that just to plug my snapchat.

但不，我這樣說不是想要置入性行銷。

I hate it when people are constantly promoting their own.

我最討厭大家不斷宣傳他們自己的社群軟體。

Sn- sn- sn- snapchat!

sn- sn- sn- snapchat！

Snapchat.

Snapchat。

Snapchat.

Snapchat。

Follow Ryan.

追蹤 Ryan 。

The real Ryan Higa.

追蹤！ The real Ryan Higa。

Follow!

追蹤！

Follow!

追蹤！

Follow!

追蹤！

So yeah, I was in Hawaii for a wedding.

對，我上週在夏威夷參加婚禮。

Kind of why I'm so dark right now.

也正是我現在皮膚這麼黑的原因。

So I apologize for not posting.

我為沒有發影片而道歉。

And also, I'm single.

還有，我單身。

But anyway!

但總之！

Today I'm going to be talking to you guys about having to break bad news to people.

今天我要和你們分享有關必須告知他人壞消息時的情況。

It's literally one of the hardest things you have to do in life.

這完全就是生命裡最困難的課題之一。

Yet it's something that we all have to do.

但它卻是一件每個人都必須做的事。

I honestly think it's harder to deliver bad news to someone than it is to actually receive it.

我真心認為傳達壞消息比收到壞消息難得多。

And if you've been in that situation, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

你若也曾深陷這般窘境，你就知道我在說甚麼了。

Breaking bad news to people just sucks, it's one of the worst feelings ever.

向人們傳達噩耗的感覺真的超糟，完全就是最難受的感覺之一。

Which is why I came up with this video, to not just help you but myself as well.

這正是為甚麼我想到要做這部影片，不僅僅是幫助你們，也幫助我自己。

Here's some tips and techniques to make it a little easier on you guys the next time you have to break bad news to someone.

以下是一些撇步與技巧，幫助你們在下次向人傳達壞消息時，得以更輕鬆、從容。

Take a look!

請看！

First up we got probably the most common technique that people use.

首先，先介紹這個也許是最為人所用的技巧。

The good news and bad news technique.

好消息兼壞消息組合包。

If you have to deliver bad news to people.

你若必須告知壞消息。

You gotta give 'em some good news as well to cheer 'em up.

你也必須帶來一些好消息以取悅聽者。

'Cause no matter how bad the bad news is, there's always good news.

因為無論壞消息多糟，總有好消息能分享。

You just have to find it.

你只是必須找出它。

I got some good news and bad news.

我有一些好消息及壞消息。

What do you want to hear first?

你想先聽哪個。

Give me the bad news.

先給我壞消息吧！

Well, you know how I just left to go get us lattes from Starbucks.

你知道我剛離開去星巴克買我們的拿鐵。

Yes.

摁。

Well, in the parking lot, I kind of hit a kid.

然後，在聽車場我好像有點撞到一個小孩。

What? Are you serious?

什麼？ 你認真嗎？

I mean, I fled the scene, but they definitely have your license plate on file and they're probably on their way here now.

我的意思是，我很快就離開現場，但它們勢必已將你的駕照建檔，而且他們很可能正在趕來的路上了。

Are you kidding me right now?

你現在在跟我開玩笑嗎？

But there's still good news!

但還是有好消息的呦！

How could there possibly be any good news?

怎麼可能還有任何好消息？

I got the lattes!

我買到拿鐵了！

Oh. Oh yeah that's right. They spilled when I hit that kid.

喔！喔！對齁！我在撞到小孩時撒出來了。

The fake out technique.

超級無敵騙到底之術。

Now there's different levels of bad news.

壞消息也有程度上的差別。

Obviously some are worse than others.

很顯然有些壞消息就是比其他來得糟糕。

For this technique, all you have to do is give fake terrible news right before you give the actual bad news.

就這個技巧而言，你所必須做的就是在說出真正的換消息以前，先說一個更糟的。

So in comparison, the actual bad news is not that bad.

所以相較之下，真正的壞消息似乎就不那麼糟了。

Hey G!

嘿G！

They're not making a Frozen 2.

他們不拍冰雪奇緣 2了 。

Aww, well that sucks.

噢，這遭透了。

And also, I kind of ran over your dog on the way here.

而且，我好像在來這裡的路上，不小心輾過你的狗。

What?

甚麼？

But wait, before you get mad.

但等等，在你生氣之前。

They are making a Frozen 2.

他們有要拍冰雪奇緣 2 啦！

Your dog's still dead though.

但妳的狗還是掛了。

The cliché technique.

老梗之術。

One of the worst ways you can break bad news to someone is by just surprising them.

向別人傳達壞消息最糟的方法之一便是不加掩飾地告知，讓他們感到震驚。

With this technique you're going to give them a warning that bad news is coming so that they can mentally prepare for it.

有了這個方法，你就能夠警告他們噩耗的來臨，讓他們能夠在心理上有所準備。

All you have to do is start your conversation off with a very cliché line, such as.

你所必須做的即是用超級老梗的語句開啟對話。

Yeah, there's um.. there's no easy way to say this but...

我有一些事... 好像沒甚麼比較好的方法能說這件事。

Indubetabley.. Indubid- Indubidubly Indubuta? What is that word?

無... 庸... 置... 無... 那個詞是甚麼？

Indubitably.

無庸置疑。

Yeah, that.

對！就那個。

It means uhh you know, to be without a doubt or for sure.

意思是無須懷疑或非常確定的。

I know what it means but why are you trying to say it?

我知道這是甚麼意思但你為甚麼要說這個詞？

Oh because your girlfriend's cheating on you.

噢！因為你女友偷吃。

What?

甚麼？

Are you sure?

你確定？

Indubi- bubly.

無... 疑...。

Indubita-

無... 庸疑... 的。

Hey! There really is no easy way to say that word!

嘿！這個詞真的難發音。

The good news, bad news, and even worse news technique.

好消息再壞消息再超級壞消息之術。

Sometimes when you have really, really bad news.

有時你帶來的壞消息可能非常非常糟。

You don't want to overwhelm the person, so you're gonna want to break it up into pieces.

你不想讓聽者一次承受過多情緒衝擊，所以你最好慢慢的一層一層揭開事實。

With this technique, you give it to them in parts.

用了這個方法，你就能分段將訊息傳達。

So instead of giving them extremely awful news, you just give them bad news and even worse news.

所以你會帶來一些壞消息與一些更糟糕的，而非直接以極度悲慘的噩耗直接衝擊他們。

And like we mentioned earlier, it doesn't hurt to sprinkle a little good news in there.

而正如我們稍早提及，在壞消息中撒上一些糖粉的好消息永遠有利無弊。

That wasn't a sprinkle. I don't know what that was.

如果這不叫灑糖粉，我就不知道甚麼才是了。

So, I have some good news, some bad news, and some even worse news.

所以我有一些好消息，一些壞消息，還有一些更糟的消息。

What would you like first?

你最想先聽哪個？

The good news, I guess.

好消息吧，我猜。

Well, the good news is that your son is still alive.

嗯... 好消息是你兒子還活著。

Oh my god!

我的天！

Still alive? What happened?

還活著？發生甚麼事了？

Well that's the bad news. Do you want to know that now, or?

這就牽涉到壞消息了。你想現在知道嗎，還是?

I thought you wanted the good news.

我以為你想先聽好消息。

What does it matter? Tell me what happened.

有差嗎？告訴我發生甚麼事了。

Okay, well the bad news is your son has been hit by a car in a Starbucks parking lot.

好的，壞消息是你兒子在星巴克停車場被車撞了。

Why didn't you tell me that immediately?

你為什麼不立刻告訴我?

Well you asked for the good news first, not the bad news.

因為你說要先聽好消息而不是壞消息啊！

Saying he's still alive, without even knowing, isn't good news.

只聽到他還活著但不知道他發生什麼事才不叫好消息。

Well you haven't even heard the even worse news yet.

你都還沒聽到最糟的消息呢！

How could it be worse?

還能怎樣更糟？

Well the even worse news is that I lied about the good news.

最糟的消息是好消息是假的，我騙妳的。

Huh?

蛤？

He's dead.

他掛了。、

Just have pun with it.

超好玩之雙關法。

Now if you still can't figure out how to use these techniques.

若你現在仍不知道怎麼使用這些方法。

I made it even easier.

我讓他們更容易了。

I asked a bunch of you on twitter for some of the worst news that you ever had to break.

我問了在推特上的你們曾經必須傳達過最悲慘的噩耗。

And judging by those tweets, I came up with some of the most common situations that people find themselves in when they have to break bad news.

根據那些推文，我想出人們最常必須向人傳達壞消息的窘境。

Here's some pre-made examples that you guys can use when you're in that situation.

以下是一些當你們面對下列情形所能使用的例子。

Like when grandma's tests come in.

例如，奶奶的診斷報告出來了。

We got your grandmother's test results back, and well.

我們拿到你阿罵的診斷報告書了，然後...

She passed.

他過了。

So she's going to be okay?

所以她會沒事的？

No.

不。

But you just said she passed it, she got an A.

但你剛剛說他過了，她拿了 A 。

Yeah A weight.

是的，他過了，過世了。

A weight?

過了... 是...？

She passed a way.

過世了。

The worst news you could possible break at a wedding.

婚禮上最糟的消息。

And you Dana, do you take Gregory to be your husband?

而你，Dana，你願意讓 Gregory 做你的丈夫嗎？

I do.

我願意。

And by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife.

由我所被賦予的權利，我現在正式命你倆為夫妻。

You may now kiss the bride.

你現在能親吻新娘了。

Wait!

等等！

I have something to say.

我有話要說。

I have terrible news.

我有壞消息。

There's no easy way to say this, so.

好像沒有比較好的方法能說這件事，所以！

Ow!

拗！

The wife eye is down.

網路斷線了。(老婆的眼睛瞎了)

When she refuses to give Star Wars a chance.

當他拒絕給星際大戰一個機會。

What are you doing?

你在做什麼？

Well you know how I love Star Wars and I believe in the force.

你知道我超愛星際大戰而且我相信原力。

Yes?

所以？

And ever since we've been married I've been trying to get you to finally watch it.

而自從我們結婚後我就一直試圖說服你看。

I'm still not going to.

我還是沒打算要看。

Right. Which is why I believe this belongs to you.

是的，這就是為何我相信這應該屬於你。

What is that?

那啥？

What?

啥？

May divorce be with you.

我們離婚吧！(願原力與你同在)

When you get her to break the bad news for you.

套她話，讓他替你說出壞消息。

You can't just do the same move over and over!

你不能這樣一直用同一招！

I'm still winning!

我還是要贏了！

Hey! You're cheating!

欸！你這樣偷吃步！

I really am, though.

對，我是真的偷吃。

When it's the highlight of his day.

當這是他一天中的高潮。

The park is closed today.

公園今天沒開。

(sad music)

(難過的音樂)

When you're the boss.

當你是老闆的時候。

Sir, what are you doing?

先生，你在做甚麼？

I'm going to light this ring around you on fire.

我要點燃你身邊這圈汽油。

Why?

為何？

'Cause I'm fire ring you.

因為我要炒了你。

What?

蛤？

Okay obviously these are jokes.

好的，很顯然這些只是笑話。

I took it a little too far. You're not going to light someone on fire.

我開玩笑過頭了，你不會真的把別人點著。

This video actually started off kind of realistic.

這部影片一開始其實還頗實際。

And then I had too much fun with it.

然後我就有點玩得太開心。

Sorry guys.

抱歉啦。

But anyway!

但總之！

The truth is there is not easy way to break bad news to someone.

事實是，並沒有甚麼能夠輕鬆告知他人壞消息的方法。

The best way you can do it is by just getting straight to the point.

最好的方法其實就是直接了當。

Don't beat around the bush!

不要迴避問題，避重就輕。

It's like ripping off a bandaid, you just do it one time really fast and get it over with.

這就像撕繃帶，要快、狠、準，長痛不如短痛。

And you also hope that you're not hairy 'cause that hurts more.

而且你最好不要體毛太多否則會更痛。

Look, I have to get back to work in ten minutes. What is it?

聽著，我十分鐘後要回去上班，怎麼了？

It'll be quick, I promise.

我會速戰速決，我發誓。

Okay, well then what's up?

好吧，所以怎麼了？

So I have some bad news.

我有一些壞消息。

What is that?

怎麼了？

Your newspaper, it got wet outside so it's pretty bad news now.

你的報紙在外面被淋濕，所以上面的新聞應該都爛爛的了。

Oh! You scared me. For a second I thought that you really meant bad news.

噢！你嚇我一跳，我剛剛還以為你認真要說甚麼壞消息。

Well, to be honest I actually do have more bad news.

說實話我的確還有更多壞消息。

From your neighbours lawns.

這些來自你鄰居的草坪。

I don't know, do you want to give this to them or? Okay.

我不知道，你想要把這些給他們嗎，還是？好吧。

But listen, there is something I need to tell you and it's pretty upsetting.

但聽著，我真的有些壞事必須告訴你，而且真的頗糟糕。

Upsetting? What is it?

糟糕？是甚麼？

I just told you it's up sitting.

我才剛跟你講啊，就是打直你的背。

You're kind of slouching. You really should sit up 'cause your back, it's not good for your... back, you know.

你有點駝背，你真的應該要挺胸，因為，你知道，這對背不好，你知道。

Okay?

好喔？

But anyway, the real reason why I called you out here is because, well, your parents.

但總之，我把你叫到這裡的真實原因是，你爸媽。

It's not looking good.

看起來不太好。

My parents? What do you mean it's not looking good?

我爸媽？甚麼意思是看起來不太好？

Your parents, they've definitely seen better days.

你爸媽他們曾有過不錯的日子。

What happened?

怎麼了？

It's just, your parents is just a bit messy.

就只是，你爸媽，他們有點散亂。

Messy? Just tell me what happened, what is it?

散亂？直接告訴我發生甚麼事了？

Okay fine, it's your hair!

好啦，就你的頭髮啦！

My hair? What does this have to do with my parents?

我的頭髮？跟我爸媽甚麼關係？

What are you talking about? Your hair has everything to do with your appearance.

你在說啥？你的頭髮跟你的外觀息息相關啊！

I think it's your hair.

我想是你的頭髮。

It could also be your posture. You're kind of slouching again.

但也可能是你的姿勢。你又駝背了。

Want me to tell you something up sitting again, so you'll remember to.

想要我在跟你說些類似挺胸的話讓你記得不要駝背嗎？

Are you kidding me?

你在跟我開玩笑嗎？

Are you serious?

你認真嗎？

Well I mean that's... two different answers.

我想這有兩種答案。

It's no and yes 'cause no, I'm not kidding you and yes, I am serious. You are still slouching.

是跟否，我沒有在開玩笑，而對，你還是在駝背。

Is this supposed to be funny to you?

所以這對你來說很好笑？

Is this supposed to be a joke?

這是應該要是個笑話嗎？

Breaking bad news is not supposed to be funny.

說壞消息不應該是好笑的。

Well I know that. It's under drama.

我知道啊，是劇情片。

Or is it thriller.

或驚悚片。

What?

啥？

Suspense.

懸疑。

Yeah, Breaking Bad.

對，越獄風雲。

I know it's not a comedy. It's not supposed to be funny. It's like a serious show.

我知道這不是喜劇。不應該是好笑的，這是個正經的秀。

And you do know the show is over, right, so there's no new episodes so it wouldn't be under the new category.

而你也知道這個秀要結束了，沒有新的一輯要出，也不會被歸類到新的分類。

Are you done?

你說完了沒?

Wait, where are you going?

等等，你要去哪？

I'm going back to work!

我要回去上班！

I'm so over this. You made me worry for nothing, you made it seem like you were going to give me bad news and you didn't.

我受夠了。你讓我白擔心，你一副要說甚麼壞消息的樣子，其實卻沒有。

I mean, technically I did give you bad news, remember?

我的意思是，實際上我的確有跟你說壞消息啊！

Your neighbours bad news too.

還有你鄰居的壞新聞。

Goodbye.

再見。

Okay fine, G, just wait. Okay just. I really do have something important to tell you.

好啦 G ，等等，我是真的有重要的是要和妳說。

I swear to god Ryan, if this another-

Ryan 我發誓如果這又是甚麼爛梗...

No, it's not.

不，不是。

It's not, okay.

不是，好吧。

It really isn't. Look.

真的不是，聽著。

I'm sorry.

我很抱歉。

I guess I just made all these jokes because I just, I don't know how to break bad news to people.

我猜我說了這麼多爛笑話，扯東扯西只是因為我不知道如何和別人說壞消息。

I just hate seeing people get upset, especially people I actually care about.

我只是真的討厭看見別人傷心，尤其是我在乎的人。

It's part of life, Ryan. Everyone has to do it.

這是生命的課題， Ryan ，每個人都必須面對。

I know.

我知道。

I can take it, you just have to be honest with me and stop with the joking around.

我可以承受的，你只要誠實和我說，不要再開玩笑就好。

Okay, umm well...

好吧，這個嘛...

Earlier in the video, it wasn't a joke.

稍早我在影片中說的話，那不是開玩笑。

I lied.

我說謊。

Something really happened to my parents?

我爸媽真的發生甚麼事了？

Oh no, no not that.

不，不是那個。

Are you really cheating on me?

你真的偷吃？

No, of course not.

不，當然不是。

Then, what is it?

那是甚麼？

Well there's good news and bad news.

有好消息和壞消息。