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  • Life is about opportunities,

    生命即是機會,

  • creating them and embracing them, and for me,

    在於創造與擁抱機會,而對我來說

  • that was the Olympic dream.

    我的機會便是奧運夢

  • That's what defined me. That was my bliss.

    它定義了我,也是我的福份。

  • As a cross-country skier and member of the Australian ski team,

    身為一個朝冬季奧運目標前進的

  • headed towards the Winter Olympics,

    越野滑雪選手及澳洲滑雪隊成員,

  • I was on a training bike ride with my fellow teammates.

    我當時正與隊友進行自行車訓練。

  • As we made our way up towards

    我們騎向雪梨西邊

  • the spectacular Blue Mountains west of Sydney,

    景緻壯麗的藍山,

  • it was the perfect autumn day:

    那是一個絕美的秋天:

  • sunshine, the smell of eucalypt and a dream.

    陽光、桉樹的氣味、和心中懷著的夢想。

  • Life was good.

    生命無限美好。

  • We'd been on our bikes for around five and half hours

    我們已經騎了五個半小時,

  • when we got to the part of the ride that I loved,

    我們來到我喜愛的部份:

  • and that was the hills, because I loved the hills.

    爬坡,我愛爬坡。

  • And I got up off the seat of my bike, and I started

    我離開自行車座墊,雙腿使勁踩,

  • pumping my legs, and as I sucked in the cold mountain air,

    大口吸著山裡清涼的空氣,感覺它在我胸膛沸騰。

  • I could feel it burning my lungs, and I looked up

    我抬頭,

  • to see the sun shining in my face.

    看著灑在我臉上的陽光。

  • And then everything went black.

    接著,一切變得黑暗。

  • Where was I? What was happening?

    我在哪裡?發生什麼事?

  • My body was consumed by pain.

    我的身體疼痛不已。

  • I'd been hit by a speeding utility truck

    我在路程僅剩十分鐘時,

  • with only 10 minutes to go on the bike ride.

    被一台超速的貨卡車撞上。

  • I was airlifted from the scene of the accident

    救援直升機將我空運離開事故地點,

  • by a rescue helicopter to a large spinal unit in Sydney.

    送到雪梨的一個大型脊髓中心。

  • I had extensive and life-threatening injuries.

    當時我渾身是傷,生命岌岌可危。

  • I'd broken my neck and my back in six places.

    我的脖子及背部斷成六截,

  • I broke five ribs on my left side.

    左邊的肋骨斷了五根。

  • I broke my right arm. I broke my collarbone.

    我的右手臂斷了、鎖骨斷了,

  • I broke some bones in my feet.

    腳部有些骨頭也斷了。

  • My whole right side was ripped open, filled with gravel.

    我右邊身體皮開肉綻,傷口上都是碎石子。

  • My head was cut open across the front, lifted back,

    我的頭部從前面被割破,頭皮向後掀,

  • exposing the skull underneath.

    頭骨露了出來。

  • I had head injures. I had internal injuries.

    我頭部創傷,也有內傷,

  • I had massive blood loss. In fact, I lost about five liters

    還大量出血。事實上,我大約失血五公升,

  • of blood, which is all someone my size would actually hold.

    是像我這種身型的人,體內所有的血液。

  • By the time the helicopter arrived at Prince Henry Hospital

    當直升機把我送到雪梨的新南威爾斯大學附設醫院時,

  • in Sydney, my blood pressure was 40 over nothing.

    我的血壓是40/0。

  • I was having a really bad day. (Laughter)

    那天真是倒楣。(笑聲)

  • For over 10 days, I drifted between two dimensions.

    事發後那十天,我不斷在兩個向度中來回飄盪。

  • I had an awareness of being in my body, but also

    我意識到自己在身體裡,但同時

  • being out of my body, somewhere else, watching

    也意識到自己在身體外的某處,

  • from above as if it was happening to someone else.

    從高處看著,好像事情發生在別人身上一樣。

  • Why would I want to go back to a body that was so broken?

    我為什麼要回到那個支離破碎的身體裡?

  • But this voice kept calling me: "Come on, stay with me."

    但有個聲音不斷喚著我:「拜託,堅持下去。」

  • "No. It's too hard."

    「不要,這太難了。」

  • "Come on. This is our opportunity."

    「拜託,這是我們的機會。」

  • "No. That body is broken. It can no longer serve me."

    「不要,那個身體已經支離破碎,不堪使用了。」

  • "Come on. Stay with me. We can do it. We can do it together."

    「拜託,堅持下去。我們可以攜手度過難關的。」

  • I was at a crossroads.

    我在人生的交叉口。

  • I knew if I didn't return to my body, I'd have to leave this world forever.

    我知道,如果我不回到自己的身體,我將會永遠離開人世。

  • It was the fight of my life.

    那是一場生命的博鬥。

  • After 10 days, I made the decision to return to my body,

    十天之後,我決定回到自己的身體裡,

  • and the internal bleeding stopped.

    然後內出血就停止了。

  • The next concern was whether I would walk again,

    接下來的煩惱是,我能不能再走路,

  • because I was paralyzed from the waist down.

    因為我的腰部以下完全癱瘓。

  • They said to my parents, the neck break was a stable fracture,

    他們告訴我父母,我的脖子是穩定性骨折,

  • but the back was completely crushed.

    但背部完全被碾碎。

  • The vertebra at L1 was like you'd dropped a peanut,

    我的第一節腰椎,就像你把一顆花生丟在地上,

  • stepped on it, smashed it into thousands of pieces.

    踩上一腳,把它壓得粉碎。

  • They'd have to operate.

    他們必須要動手術。

  • They went in. They put me on a beanbag. They cut me,

    進了手術室。他們把我放在固定墊上。把我切開,

  • literally cut me in half, I have a scar

    真的是把我切成一半,

  • that wraps around my entire body.

    我身上有道繞了身體一圈的疤痕。

  • They picked as much broken bone as they could

    他們盡可能將卡在我脊髓裡

  • that had lodged in my spinal cord.

    的碎骨頭挑出來。

  • They took out two of my broken ribs, and they rebuilt my back,

    他們取出我兩根斷掉的肋骨,重建我的背部。

  • L1, they rebuilt it, they took out another broken rib,

    重建第一節腰椎,然後再取出另一根斷掉的肋骨,

  • they fused T12, L1 and L2 together.

    把第十二節胸椎、第一節與第二節腰椎接在一起。

  • Then they stitched me up. They took an entire hour to stitch me up.

    然後他們幫我縫合。縫合工作花了一個小時才完成。

  • I woke up in intensive care, and the doctors were really excited

    我在加護病房醒過來,

  • that the operation had been a success because at that stage

    一醫生們對於手術成功感到非常興奮,

  • I had a little bit of movement in one of my big toes,

    因為我當時有一隻腳的大拇指可以微微移動,

  • and I thought, "Great, because I'm going to the Olympics!"

    我想:「太好了,我可以去參加奧運了!」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • I had no idea. That's the sort of thing

    我當時以為,像這樣的事情

  • that happens to someone else, not me, surely.

    壓根不會發生在我身上。

  • But then the doctor came over to me, and she said,

    但醫生朝我走來,她說:

  • "Janine, the operation was a success, and we've picked

    「珍妮,手術雖然成功了,

  • as much bone out of your spinal cord as we could,

    我們盡可能將脊髓裡的骨頭取出來,

  • but the damage is permanent.

    但這是一輩子的損傷,

  • The central nervous system nerves, there is no cure.

    中樞神經系統的神經損傷,沒有任何方法可以治療。

  • You're what we call a partial paraplegic, and you'll have

    妳的情況,我們稱作部份下半身麻痺,

  • all of the injuries that go along with that.

    所有下半身麻痺患者有的損傷,妳都會有。

  • You have no feeling from the waist down, and at most,

    妳腰部以下沒有知覺,而最好的情況下,

  • you might get 10- or 20-percent return.

    妳可能可以回復百分之十到二十的知覺。

  • You'll have internal injuries for the rest of your life.

    妳終其一生都會有內傷。

  • You'll have to use a catheter for the rest of your life.

    妳一輩子都需要用導尿管。

  • And if you walk again, it will be with calipers and a walking frame."

    即使恢復行走,還是得用導尿管與助行器。」

  • And then she said, "Janine,

    接著她說:「珍妮,

  • you'll have to rethink everything you do in your life,

    妳必須重新思考人生中的每一件事,

  • because you're never going to be able to do the things you did before."

    因為妳將永遠無法做妳以前能做的事情。」

  • I tried to grasp what she was saying.

    我試著理解她所說的話。

  • I was an athlete. That's all I knew. That's all I'd done.

    我是個運動員。那是我唯一懂得的事,也是唯一做過的事。

  • If I couldn't do that, then what could I do?

    如果我不能當運動員,那我還能做什麼?

  • And the question I asked myself is, if I couldn't do that,

    我問自己一個問題:如果我不能當運動員,

  • then who was I?

    那我到底是誰?

  • They moved me from intensive care to acute spinal.

    他們將我從加護病房,轉到急性脊髓損傷病房。

  • I was lying on a thin, hard spinal bed.

    我躺在又薄又硬的脊髓病床上,

  • I had no movement in my legs. I had tight stockings on

    我的雙腳動也不動。

  • to protect from blood clots.

    我穿著避免血栓的壓力襪。

  • I had one arm in plaster, one arm tied down by drips.

    我一隻手臂裹著石膏,另一手打滿點滴,無法動彈。

  • I had a neck brace and sandbags on either side of my head

    我戴著護頸,頭兩邊擺著固定墊。

  • and I saw my world through a mirror

    頭頂掛著的一面鏡子,

  • that was suspended above my head.

    看出去,就是我的世界。

  • I shared the ward with five other people,

    我與五個人共處一間病房,

  • and the amazing thing is that because we were all lying

    令人驚訝的是,因為我們都是躺在脊髓病房裡

  • paralyzed in a spinal ward, we didn't know what each other looked like.

    癱瘓的病人,我們不知道彼此長得是什麼樣子。

  • How amazing is that? How often in life

    很令人驚訝吧?人生中有多少機會

  • do you get to make friendships, judgment-free,

    能不帶著批判的眼光,

  • purely based on spirit?

    單純只靠心領神會來與人交友?

  • And there were no superficial conversations

    病房中沒有膚淺的對話,

  • as we shared our innermost thoughts, our fears,

    因為我們彼此分享內心最深處的想法、恐懼

  • and our hopes for life after the spinal ward.

    以及離開脊髓病房後,對生命的期盼。

  • I remember one night, one of the nurses came in,

    我記得有一晚,一位叫強納生的護士走進來,

  • Jonathan, with a whole lot of plastic straws.

    手上拿著一堆塑膠吸管。

  • He put a pile on top of each of us, and he said,

    他在我們每個人身上各放一把,他說:

  • "Start threading them together."

    「開始把它們串起來。」

  • Well, there wasn't much else to do in the spinal ward, so we did.

    嗯...反正在脊髓病房沒什麼事可做,所以我們就照做了。

  • And when we'd finished, he went around silently

    當我們完成了以後,他靜靜地在病房內走動。

  • and he joined all of the straws up

    他把所有的吸管都接了起來

  • till it looped around the whole ward, and then he said,

    直到它們在病房裡接成一圈,然後他說:

  • "Okay, everybody, hold on to your straws."

    「好了,大家,握住你的吸管。」

  • And we did. And he said, "Right. Now we're all connected."

    我們照著做。然後他說:「這就對了。現在我們彼此相連了。」

  • And as we held on, and we breathed as one,

    當我們握住吸管時,我們就像個生命共同體,

  • we knew we weren't on this journey alone.

    我們知道這趟旅程中,我們並不孤單。

  • And even lying paralyzed in the spinal ward,

    即使癱躺在脊髓病房中,

  • there were moments of incredible depth and richness,

    我們也感受過令人難以置信的深度與豐富性

  • of authenticity and connection

    以及我過去從未體驗過的

  • that I had never experienced before.

    真實感與連結。

  • And each of us knew that when we left the spinal ward

    我們每個人都知道,離開脊髓病房後,

  • we would never be the same.

    我們將不同於以往。

  • After six months, it was time to go home.

    六個月之後,我準備回家了。

  • I remember Dad pushing me outside in my wheelchair,

    我記得爸爸將輪椅上的我,推到室外,

  • wrapped in a plaster body cast,

    我身體裹著石膏,

  • and feeling the sun on my face for the first time.

    重新感受陽光照在我臉上的感覺。

  • I soaked it up and I thought,

    我沉浸在陽光裡,心想:

  • how could I ever have taken this for granted?

    我怎麼可能再把它視為理所當然的事?

  • I felt so incredibly grateful for my life.

    我對生命感到無比地感恩。

  • But before I left the hospital, the head nurse

    但我離開醫院之前,護士長曾告訴我:

  • had said to me, "Janine, I want you to be ready,

    「珍妮,我要妳做好心理準備,

  • because when you get home, something's going to happen."

    因為當妳回家後,某件事情將會發生。」

  • And I said, "What?" And she said,

    我說:「什麼事?」她說:

  • "You're going to get depressed."

    「妳會感到沮喪。」

  • And I said, "Not me, not Janine the Machine,"

    我說:「我才不會,機器人珍妮才不會沮喪。」

  • which was my nickname.

    機器人珍妮是我的綽號。

  • She said, "You are, because, see, it happens to everyone.

    她說:「妳會的,因為,每個人都是這樣。

  • In the spinal ward, that's normal.

    在脊髓病房,這種事很正常。

  • You're in a wheelchair. That's normal.

    妳現在坐輪椅,很正常。

  • But you're going to get home and realize

    但妳回家後將會明白,

  • how different life is."

    生活有多麼不一樣。」

  • And I got home and something happened.

    我回到家,某件事情發生了。

  • I realized Sister Sam was right.

    我發現,莎曼珊修女說得沒錯。

  • I did get depressed.

    我真的變得沮喪。

  • I was in my wheelchair. I had no feeling from the waist down,

    我在輪椅上,腰部以下沒有感覺,

  • attached to a catheter bottle. I couldn't walk.

    掛著導尿瓶。不能走路。

  • I'd lost so much weight in the hospital

    我在醫院瘦了很多,

  • I now weighed about 80 pounds.

    我當時大概只有三十六公斤。

  • And I wanted to give up.

    我想放棄。

  • All I wanted to do was put my running shoes on and run out the door.

    我一心只想穿上跑鞋,跑出門外。

  • I wanted my old life back. I wanted my body back.

    我想要回到過去的生活,我想要我原來的身體。

  • And I can remember Mom sitting on the end of my bed,

    我記得,媽媽坐在我的床尾,說:

  • and saying, "I wonder if life will ever be good again."

    「不知道生命會不會再度變得美好。」

  • And I thought, "How could it? Because I've lost everything

    我心想:「怎麼可能?我重視的所有東西都沒了,

  • that I valued, everything that I'd worked towards.

    我所努力的一切都失去了。

  • Gone."

    消失了。」

  • And the question I asked was, "Why me? Why me?"

    我問自己:「為什麼?為什麼是我?」

  • And then I remembered my friends

    然後,我想起那些

  • that were still in the spinal ward,

    還在脊髓病房的朋友們,

  • particularly Maria.

    特別是瑪麗亞。

  • Maria was in a car accident, and she woke up

    瑪麗亞出了車禍,十六歲生日那天醒來時,

  • on her 16th birthday to the news that she was a complete quadriplegic,

    迎接她的是,四肢完全麻痺的消息,

  • had no movement from the neck down,

    頸部以下完全無法動彈,

  • had damage to her vocal chords, and she couldn't talk.

    聲帶受傷,無法說話。

  • They told me, "We're going to move you next to her

    他們告訴我:「我們要把妳移到她旁邊,

  • because we think it will be good for her."

    我們覺得,這樣對她有好處。」

  • I was worried. I didn't know how I'd react

    我當時很擔心。我不知道在她旁邊

  • to being next to her.

    我該作何反應。

  • I knew it would be challenging, but it was actually a blessing,

    我知道這很有挑戰性,但其實,那是一種恩賜,

  • because Maria always smiled.

    因為瑪麗亞總是帶著笑容。

  • She was always happy, and even when she began to talk again,

    她總是很開心,即使當她再度開口說話,

  • albeit difficult to understand, she never complained, not once.

    儘管很難懂,她也從不抱怨,一次也沒。

  • And I wondered how had she ever found that level of acceptance.

    我很納悶,她為何有那麼高的接受度。

  • And I realized that this wasn't just my life.

    然後我明白,不是只有我一人的生命如此。

  • It was life itself. I realized that this wasn't just my pain.

    而是生命本身。我明白,這不是只有我個人的痛苦。

  • It was everybody's pain. And then I knew, just like before,

    而是每個人的痛苦。然後我明白,就跟以前一樣,

  • that I had a choice. I could keep fighting this

    我是有選擇的。我可以繼續抗拒癱瘓這件事,

  • or I could let go and accept not only my body

    或是我也可以放下,不只接受我的身體,

  • but the circumstances of my life.

    也接受我人生的境遇。

  • And then I stopped asking, "Why me?"

    然後,我停止問自己:「為什麼是我?」

  • And I started to ask, "Why not me?"

    我開始問:「為什麼不能是我?」

  • And then I thought to myself, maybe being at rock bottom

    接著我心想,或許谷底

  • is actually the perfect place to start.

    是一個重新開始的好地方。

  • I had never before thought of myself as a creative person.

    過去,我從不認為自己是個有創意的人。

  • I was an athlete. My body was a machine.

    我是個運動員,我的身體是一部機器。

  • But now I was about to embark on the most creative project

    但現在,我要著手進行一件最具創意的事,

  • that any of us could ever do:

    一件任何人都能做的事:

  • that of rebuilding a life.

    重建人生。

  • And even though I had absolutely no idea

    雖然我對下一步,一點頭緒也沒有,

  • what I was going to do, in that uncertainty

    但未知中

  • came a sense of freedom.

    一服自由的感受由然生出。

  • I was no longer tied to a set path.

    我不再依循既定的道路

  • I was free to explore life's infinite possibilities.

    我可以自由地探索人生的無限可能

  • And that realization was about to change my life.

    而那個領悟將改變我的人生。

  • Sitting at home in my wheelchair and my plaster body cast,

    我在家裡,坐在輪椅上,身體裹著石膏,

  • an airplane flew overhead, and I looked up,

    一架飛機從上空飛過,我抬頭看,

  • and I thought to myself, "That's it!

    我心想:「就是這個!

  • If I can't walk, then I might as well fly."

    如果我不能走,那就用飛的。」

  • I said, "Mom, I'm going to learn how to fly."

    我說:「媽,我要學飛行。」

  • She said, "That's nice, dear." (Laughter)

    她說:「很好啊,親愛的。」(笑聲)

  • I said, "Pass me the yellow pages."

    我說:「把電話簿拿給我。」

  • She passed me the phone book, I rang up the flying school,

    她把電話簿拿給我,我打電話給飛行學校。

  • I made a booking, said I'd like to make a booking to come out for a flight.

    我訂了位,說我想要預訂飛行課程。

  • They said, "You know, when do you want to come out?"

    他們說:「妳知道妳什麼時候要來嗎?」

  • I said, "Well, I have to get a friend to drive me out

    我說:「嗯...我得找個朋友載我去。

  • because I can't drive. Sort of can't walk either.

    因為我不能開車。也不太能走路。

  • Is that a problem?"

    這樣行嗎?」

  • I made a booking, and weeks later my friend Chris

    我訂了課程,幾個星期後我的朋友克里斯

  • and my mom drove me out to the airport,

    跟我媽載我去機場,

  • all 80 pounds of me covered in a plaster body cast

    身體裹著石膏,三十六公斤的我,

  • in a baggy pair of overalls. (Laughter)

    穿著一件鬆垮的工作褲。(笑聲)

  • I can tell you, I did not look like the ideal candidate

    我可以告訴你,我看起來一點也不像

  • to get a pilot's license. (Laughter)

    可以拿到飛行員執照的料。(笑聲)

  • I'm holding on to the counter because I can't stand.

    我抓住在櫃台,因為我沒辦法站。

  • I said, "Hi, I'm here for a flying lesson."

    我說:「嗨,我來參加飛行課程。」

  • And they took one look and ran out the back to draw short straws.

    結果他們看了一眼,然後跑去抽籤,看誰倒楣。

  • "You get her.""No, no, you take her."

    「你中了!」「不要,不要,你教她。」

  • Finally this guy comes out. He goes,

    最後一個男人走出來,他說:

  • "Hi, I'm Andrew, and I'm going to take you flying."

    「嗨,我是安德魯,我帶你去飛。」

  • I go, "Great." And so they drive me down,

    我說:「太好了。」

  • they get me out on the tarmac,

    然後他們載著我到停機坪,

  • and there was this red, white and blue airplane.

    那兒停著一台紅白藍色相間的飛機。

  • It was beautiful. They lifted me into the cockpit.

    很美的飛機。他們把我抬到駕駛座艙。

  • They had to slide me up on the wing, put me in the cockpit.

    他們得把我推上機翼,然後把我放進駕駛座艙。

  • They sat me down. There are buttons and dials everywhere.

    他們讓我就座。四周都是按鈕跟刻度表。

  • I'm going, "Wow, how do you ever know what all these buttons and dials do?"

    我說:「哇,你怎麼知道這些按鈕跟刻度表作什麼用的?」

  • Andrew the instructor got in the front, started the airplane up.

    飛行教官安德魯坐到前座,啟動飛機引擎。

  • He said, "Would you like to have a go at taxiing?"

    他說:「你想試著滑行嗎?」

  • That's when you use your feet to control the rudder pedals

    滑行就是用腳控制方向舵踏板

  • to control the airplane on the ground.

    控制地面上的飛機。