creating them and embracing them, and for me,

在於創造與擁抱機會，而對我來說

that was the Olympic dream.

我的機會便是奧運夢

That's what defined me. That was my bliss.

它定義了我，也是我的福份。

As a cross-country skier and member of the Australian ski team,

身為一個朝冬季奧運目標前進的

headed towards the Winter Olympics,

越野滑雪選手及澳洲滑雪隊成員，

I was on a training bike ride with my fellow teammates.

我當時正與隊友進行自行車訓練。

As we made our way up towards

我們騎向雪梨西邊

the spectacular Blue Mountains west of Sydney,

景緻壯麗的藍山，

it was the perfect autumn day:

那是一個絕美的秋天：

sunshine, the smell of eucalypt and a dream.

陽光、桉樹的氣味、和心中懷著的夢想。

Life was good.

生命無限美好。

We'd been on our bikes for around five and half hours

我們已經騎了五個半小時，

when we got to the part of the ride that I loved,

我們來到我喜愛的部份：

and that was the hills, because I loved the hills.

爬坡，我愛爬坡。

And I got up off the seat of my bike, and I started

我離開自行車座墊，雙腿使勁踩，

pumping my legs, and as I sucked in the cold mountain air,

大口吸著山裡清涼的空氣，感覺它在我胸膛沸騰。

I could feel it burning my lungs, and I looked up

我抬頭，

to see the sun shining in my face.

看著灑在我臉上的陽光。

And then everything went black.

接著，一切變得黑暗。

Where was I? What was happening?

我在哪裡？發生什麼事？

My body was consumed by pain.

我的身體疼痛不已。

I'd been hit by a speeding utility truck

我在路程僅剩十分鐘時，

with only 10 minutes to go on the bike ride.

被一台超速的貨卡車撞上。

I was airlifted from the scene of the accident

救援直升機將我空運離開事故地點，

by a rescue helicopter to a large spinal unit in Sydney.

送到雪梨的一個大型脊髓中心。

I had extensive and life-threatening injuries.

當時我渾身是傷，生命岌岌可危。

I'd broken my neck and my back in six places.

我的脖子及背部斷成六截，

I broke five ribs on my left side.

左邊的肋骨斷了五根。

I broke my right arm. I broke my collarbone.

我的右手臂斷了、鎖骨斷了，

I broke some bones in my feet.

腳部有些骨頭也斷了。

My whole right side was ripped open, filled with gravel.

我右邊身體皮開肉綻，傷口上都是碎石子。

My head was cut open across the front, lifted back,

我的頭部從前面被割破，頭皮向後掀，

exposing the skull underneath.

頭骨露了出來。

I had head injures. I had internal injuries.

我頭部創傷，也有內傷，

I had massive blood loss. In fact, I lost about five liters

還大量出血。事實上，我大約失血五公升，

of blood, which is all someone my size would actually hold.

是像我這種身型的人，體內所有的血液。

By the time the helicopter arrived at Prince Henry Hospital

當直升機把我送到雪梨的新南威爾斯大學附設醫院時，

in Sydney, my blood pressure was 40 over nothing.

我的血壓是40/0。

I was having a really bad day. (Laughter)

那天真是倒楣。（笑聲）

For over 10 days, I drifted between two dimensions.

事發後那十天，我不斷在兩個向度中來回飄盪。

I had an awareness of being in my body, but also

我意識到自己在身體裡，但同時

being out of my body, somewhere else, watching

也意識到自己在身體外的某處，

from above as if it was happening to someone else.

從高處看著，好像事情發生在別人身上一樣。

Why would I want to go back to a body that was so broken?

我為什麼要回到那個支離破碎的身體裡？

But this voice kept calling me: "Come on, stay with me."

但有個聲音不斷喚著我：「拜託，堅持下去。」

"No. It's too hard."

「不要，這太難了。」

"Come on. This is our opportunity."

「拜託，這是我們的機會。」

"No. That body is broken. It can no longer serve me."

「不要，那個身體已經支離破碎，不堪使用了。」

"Come on. Stay with me. We can do it. We can do it together."

「拜託，堅持下去。我們可以攜手度過難關的。」

I was at a crossroads.

我在人生的交叉口。

I knew if I didn't return to my body, I'd have to leave this world forever.

我知道，如果我不回到自己的身體，我將會永遠離開人世。

It was the fight of my life.

那是一場生命的博鬥。

After 10 days, I made the decision to return to my body,

十天之後，我決定回到自己的身體裡，

and the internal bleeding stopped.

然後內出血就停止了。

The next concern was whether I would walk again,

接下來的煩惱是，我能不能再走路，

because I was paralyzed from the waist down.

因為我的腰部以下完全癱瘓。

They said to my parents, the neck break was a stable fracture,

他們告訴我父母，我的脖子是穩定性骨折，

but the back was completely crushed.

但背部完全被碾碎。

The vertebra at L1 was like you'd dropped a peanut,

我的第一節腰椎，就像你把一顆花生丟在地上，

stepped on it, smashed it into thousands of pieces.

踩上一腳，把它壓得粉碎。

They'd have to operate.

他們必須要動手術。

They went in. They put me on a beanbag. They cut me,

進了手術室。他們把我放在固定墊上。把我切開，

literally cut me in half, I have a scar

真的是把我切成一半，

that wraps around my entire body.

我身上有道繞了身體一圈的疤痕。

They picked as much broken bone as they could

他們盡可能將卡在我脊髓裡

that had lodged in my spinal cord.

的碎骨頭挑出來。

They took out two of my broken ribs, and they rebuilt my back,

他們取出我兩根斷掉的肋骨，重建我的背部。

L1, they rebuilt it, they took out another broken rib,

重建第一節腰椎，然後再取出另一根斷掉的肋骨，

they fused T12, L1 and L2 together.

把第十二節胸椎、第一節與第二節腰椎接在一起。

Then they stitched me up. They took an entire hour to stitch me up.

然後他們幫我縫合。縫合工作花了一個小時才完成。

I woke up in intensive care, and the doctors were really excited

我在加護病房醒過來，

that the operation had been a success because at that stage

一醫生們對於手術成功感到非常興奮，

I had a little bit of movement in one of my big toes,

因為我當時有一隻腳的大拇指可以微微移動，

and I thought, "Great, because I'm going to the Olympics!"

我想：「太好了，我可以去參加奧運了！」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I had no idea. That's the sort of thing

我當時以為，像這樣的事情

that happens to someone else, not me, surely.

壓根不會發生在我身上。

But then the doctor came over to me, and she said,

但醫生朝我走來，她說：

"Janine, the operation was a success, and we've picked

「珍妮，手術雖然成功了，

as much bone out of your spinal cord as we could,

我們盡可能將脊髓裡的骨頭取出來，

but the damage is permanent.

但這是一輩子的損傷，

The central nervous system nerves, there is no cure.

中樞神經系統的神經損傷，沒有任何方法可以治療。

You're what we call a partial paraplegic, and you'll have

妳的情況，我們稱作部份下半身麻痺，

all of the injuries that go along with that.

所有下半身麻痺患者有的損傷，妳都會有。

You have no feeling from the waist down, and at most,

妳腰部以下沒有知覺，而最好的情況下，

you might get 10- or 20-percent return.

妳可能可以回復百分之十到二十的知覺。

You'll have internal injuries for the rest of your life.

妳終其一生都會有內傷。

You'll have to use a catheter for the rest of your life.

妳一輩子都需要用導尿管。

And if you walk again, it will be with calipers and a walking frame."

即使恢復行走，還是得用導尿管與助行器。」

And then she said, "Janine,

接著她說：「珍妮，

you'll have to rethink everything you do in your life,

妳必須重新思考人生中的每一件事，

because you're never going to be able to do the things you did before."

因為妳將永遠無法做妳以前能做的事情。」

I tried to grasp what she was saying.

我試著理解她所說的話。

I was an athlete. That's all I knew. That's all I'd done.

我是個運動員。那是我唯一懂得的事，也是唯一做過的事。

If I couldn't do that, then what could I do?

如果我不能當運動員，那我還能做什麼？

And the question I asked myself is, if I couldn't do that,

我問自己一個問題：如果我不能當運動員，

then who was I?

那我到底是誰？

They moved me from intensive care to acute spinal.

他們將我從加護病房，轉到急性脊髓損傷病房。

I was lying on a thin, hard spinal bed.

我躺在又薄又硬的脊髓病床上，

I had no movement in my legs. I had tight stockings on

我的雙腳動也不動。

to protect from blood clots.

我穿著避免血栓的壓力襪。

I had one arm in plaster, one arm tied down by drips.

我一隻手臂裹著石膏，另一手打滿點滴，無法動彈。

I had a neck brace and sandbags on either side of my head

我戴著護頸，頭兩邊擺著固定墊。

and I saw my world through a mirror

頭頂掛著的一面鏡子，

that was suspended above my head.

看出去，就是我的世界。

I shared the ward with five other people,

我與五個人共處一間病房，

and the amazing thing is that because we were all lying

令人驚訝的是，因為我們都是躺在脊髓病房裡

paralyzed in a spinal ward, we didn't know what each other looked like.

癱瘓的病人，我們不知道彼此長得是什麼樣子。

How amazing is that? How often in life

很令人驚訝吧？人生中有多少機會

do you get to make friendships, judgment-free,

能不帶著批判的眼光，

purely based on spirit?

單純只靠心領神會來與人交友？

And there were no superficial conversations

病房中沒有膚淺的對話，

as we shared our innermost thoughts, our fears,

因為我們彼此分享內心最深處的想法、恐懼

and our hopes for life after the spinal ward.

以及離開脊髓病房後，對生命的期盼。

I remember one night, one of the nurses came in,

我記得有一晚，一位叫強納生的護士走進來，

Jonathan, with a whole lot of plastic straws.

手上拿著一堆塑膠吸管。

He put a pile on top of each of us, and he said,

他在我們每個人身上各放一把，他說：

"Start threading them together."

「開始把它們串起來。」

Well, there wasn't much else to do in the spinal ward, so we did.

嗯...反正在脊髓病房沒什麼事可做，所以我們就照做了。

And when we'd finished, he went around silently

當我們完成了以後，他靜靜地在病房內走動。

and he joined all of the straws up

他把所有的吸管都接了起來

till it looped around the whole ward, and then he said,

直到它們在病房裡接成一圈，然後他說：

"Okay, everybody, hold on to your straws."

「好了，大家，握住你的吸管。」

And we did. And he said, "Right. Now we're all connected."

我們照著做。然後他說：「這就對了。現在我們彼此相連了。」

And as we held on, and we breathed as one,

當我們握住吸管時，我們就像個生命共同體，

we knew we weren't on this journey alone.

我們知道這趟旅程中，我們並不孤單。

And even lying paralyzed in the spinal ward,

即使癱躺在脊髓病房中，

there were moments of incredible depth and richness,

我們也感受過令人難以置信的深度與豐富性

of authenticity and connection

以及我過去從未體驗過的

that I had never experienced before.

真實感與連結。

And each of us knew that when we left the spinal ward

我們每個人都知道，離開脊髓病房後，

we would never be the same.

我們將不同於以往。

After six months, it was time to go home.

六個月之後，我準備回家了。

I remember Dad pushing me outside in my wheelchair,

我記得爸爸將輪椅上的我，推到室外，

wrapped in a plaster body cast,

我身體裹著石膏，

and feeling the sun on my face for the first time.

重新感受陽光照在我臉上的感覺。

I soaked it up and I thought,

我沉浸在陽光裡，心想：

how could I ever have taken this for granted?

我怎麼可能再把它視為理所當然的事?

I felt so incredibly grateful for my life.

我對生命感到無比地感恩。

But before I left the hospital, the head nurse

但我離開醫院之前，護士長曾告訴我：

had said to me, "Janine, I want you to be ready,

「珍妮，我要妳做好心理準備，

because when you get home, something's going to happen."

因為當妳回家後，某件事情將會發生。」

And I said, "What?" And she said,

我說：「什麼事？」她說：

"You're going to get depressed."

「妳會感到沮喪。」

And I said, "Not me, not Janine the Machine,"

我說：「我才不會，機器人珍妮才不會沮喪。」

which was my nickname.

機器人珍妮是我的綽號。

She said, "You are, because, see, it happens to everyone.

她說：「妳會的，因為，每個人都是這樣。

In the spinal ward, that's normal.

在脊髓病房，這種事很正常。

You're in a wheelchair. That's normal.

妳現在坐輪椅，很正常。

But you're going to get home and realize

但妳回家後將會明白，

how different life is."

生活有多麼不一樣。」

And I got home and something happened.

我回到家，某件事情發生了。

I realized Sister Sam was right.

我發現，莎曼珊修女說得沒錯。

I did get depressed.

我真的變得沮喪。

I was in my wheelchair. I had no feeling from the waist down,

我在輪椅上，腰部以下沒有感覺，

attached to a catheter bottle. I couldn't walk.

掛著導尿瓶。不能走路。

I'd lost so much weight in the hospital

我在醫院瘦了很多，

I now weighed about 80 pounds.

我當時大概只有三十六公斤。

And I wanted to give up.

我想放棄。

All I wanted to do was put my running shoes on and run out the door.

我一心只想穿上跑鞋，跑出門外。

I wanted my old life back. I wanted my body back.

我想要回到過去的生活，我想要我原來的身體。

And I can remember Mom sitting on the end of my bed,

我記得，媽媽坐在我的床尾，說：

and saying, "I wonder if life will ever be good again."

「不知道生命會不會再度變得美好。」

And I thought, "How could it? Because I've lost everything

我心想：「怎麼可能？我重視的所有東西都沒了，

that I valued, everything that I'd worked towards.

我所努力的一切都失去了。

Gone."

消失了。」

And the question I asked was, "Why me? Why me?"

我問自己：「為什麼？為什麼是我？」

And then I remembered my friends

然後，我想起那些

that were still in the spinal ward,

還在脊髓病房的朋友們，

particularly Maria.

特別是瑪麗亞。

Maria was in a car accident, and she woke up

瑪麗亞出了車禍，十六歲生日那天醒來時，

on her 16th birthday to the news that she was a complete quadriplegic,

迎接她的是，四肢完全麻痺的消息，

had no movement from the neck down,

頸部以下完全無法動彈，

had damage to her vocal chords, and she couldn't talk.

聲帶受傷，無法說話。

They told me, "We're going to move you next to her

他們告訴我：「我們要把妳移到她旁邊，

because we think it will be good for her."

我們覺得，這樣對她有好處。」

I was worried. I didn't know how I'd react

我當時很擔心。我不知道在她旁邊

to being next to her.

我該作何反應。

I knew it would be challenging, but it was actually a blessing,

我知道這很有挑戰性，但其實，那是一種恩賜，

because Maria always smiled.

因為瑪麗亞總是帶著笑容。

She was always happy, and even when she began to talk again,

她總是很開心，即使當她再度開口說話，

albeit difficult to understand, she never complained, not once.

儘管很難懂，她也從不抱怨，一次也沒。

And I wondered how had she ever found that level of acceptance.

我很納悶，她為何有那麼高的接受度。

And I realized that this wasn't just my life.

然後我明白，不是只有我一人的生命如此。

It was life itself. I realized that this wasn't just my pain.

而是生命本身。我明白，這不是只有我個人的痛苦。

It was everybody's pain. And then I knew, just like before,

而是每個人的痛苦。然後我明白，就跟以前一樣，

that I had a choice. I could keep fighting this

我是有選擇的。我可以繼續抗拒癱瘓這件事，

or I could let go and accept not only my body

或是我也可以放下，不只接受我的身體，

but the circumstances of my life.

也接受我人生的境遇。

And then I stopped asking, "Why me?"

然後，我停止問自己：「為什麼是我？」

And I started to ask, "Why not me?"

我開始問：「為什麼不能是我？」

And then I thought to myself, maybe being at rock bottom

接著我心想，或許谷底

is actually the perfect place to start.

是一個重新開始的好地方。

I had never before thought of myself as a creative person.

過去，我從不認為自己是個有創意的人。

I was an athlete. My body was a machine.

我是個運動員，我的身體是一部機器。

But now I was about to embark on the most creative project

但現在，我要著手進行一件最具創意的事，

that any of us could ever do:

一件任何人都能做的事：

that of rebuilding a life.

重建人生。

And even though I had absolutely no idea

雖然我對下一步，一點頭緒也沒有，

what I was going to do, in that uncertainty

但未知中

came a sense of freedom.

一服自由的感受由然生出。

I was no longer tied to a set path.

我不再依循既定的道路

I was free to explore life's infinite possibilities.

我可以自由地探索人生的無限可能

And that realization was about to change my life.

而那個領悟將改變我的人生。

Sitting at home in my wheelchair and my plaster body cast,

我在家裡，坐在輪椅上，身體裹著石膏，

an airplane flew overhead, and I looked up,

一架飛機從上空飛過，我抬頭看，

and I thought to myself, "That's it!

我心想：「就是這個！

If I can't walk, then I might as well fly."

如果我不能走，那就用飛的。」

I said, "Mom, I'm going to learn how to fly."

我說：「媽，我要學飛行。」

She said, "That's nice, dear." (Laughter)

她說：「很好啊，親愛的。」（笑聲）

I said, "Pass me the yellow pages."

我說：「把電話簿拿給我。」

She passed me the phone book, I rang up the flying school,

她把電話簿拿給我，我打電話給飛行學校。

I made a booking, said I'd like to make a booking to come out for a flight.

我訂了位，說我想要預訂飛行課程。

They said, "You know, when do you want to come out?"

他們說：「妳知道妳什麼時候要來嗎？」

I said, "Well, I have to get a friend to drive me out

我說：「嗯...我得找個朋友載我去。

because I can't drive. Sort of can't walk either.

因為我不能開車。也不太能走路。

Is that a problem?"

這樣行嗎？」

I made a booking, and weeks later my friend Chris

我訂了課程，幾個星期後我的朋友克里斯

and my mom drove me out to the airport,

跟我媽載我去機場，

all 80 pounds of me covered in a plaster body cast

身體裹著石膏，三十六公斤的我，

in a baggy pair of overalls. (Laughter)

穿著一件鬆垮的工作褲。（笑聲）

I can tell you, I did not look like the ideal candidate

我可以告訴你，我看起來一點也不像

to get a pilot's license. (Laughter)

可以拿到飛行員執照的料。（笑聲）

I'm holding on to the counter because I can't stand.

我抓住在櫃台，因為我沒辦法站。

I said, "Hi, I'm here for a flying lesson."