OPPOSE DONALD TRUMP AS THE ELECTION IN THE NEXT TWO YEARS

HOW LONG ARE WE OUT, YEAR AND A HALF, TWO YEARS, SOMETHING LIKE

THAT.

WHO KNOWS, AT SOME POINT WE GET TO VOTE.

AND TODAY ANOTHER DEMOCRAT ENTERED THE 2020 PRESIDENTIAL

RACE.

I WILL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT'S DOING IT DNGY STYLE.

DONKEY STYLE.

(APPLAUSE) IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY DAY A NEW

DEMOCRAT JUMPS IN THE 2020 RACE.

HERE'S FROM "THE NEW YORK TIMES," WE DIDN'T MAKE THUP,

EVERYONE WHO "THE NEW YORK TIMES" SAYS IS RUNNING OR MIGHT

RUN T IS WAY TOO MANY TO PROCESS.

YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW HOW?

BECAUSE I PUT VOLDEMORT IN THERE AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.

RIGHT DOWN THERE.

SO OBVIOUSLY THAT IS A JOKE, VOLDEMORT IS LIBERTARIAN.

(LAUGHTER) THIS TIME FIRST JUMPING IN IS

FORMER TEXAS CONGRESSMAN-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND WHAT JOHN KERRY SEES IN THE MIRROR, BETO O'ROURKE.

BETO FORMALLY ANNOUNCED HIS CAMPAIGN TODAY WITH A VIDEO ON

TWITTER.

>> AMY AND I ARE HAPPY TO SHARE WITH YOU THAT I AM RUNNING TO

SERVE YOU AS THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

THE ONLY WAY FOR US TO LIVE UP TO THE PROMISE OF AMERICA IS TO

GIVE IT OUR ALL AND TO GIVE IT FOR ALL OF US.

WE ARE TRULY NOW MORE THAN EVER THE LAST GREAT HOPE OF EARTH.

>> Jon: THAT'S HUGE.

>> Stephen: THAT'S SOARING RHETORIC RIGHT THERE.

REMINDED ME OF THE END OF INDEPENDENCE DAY.

>> WE'RE GOING TO LIVE ON.

WE'RE GOING TO SURVIVE.

TODAY WE CELEBRATE-- .

>> >> Stephen: EVERY TIME, EVERY

TIME.

HE SEEMS LIKE A NICE GUY.

THE ANNOUNCEMENT VIDEO WAS ACCOMPANIED BY A PROFILE IN

"VANITY FAIR" WHERE HE MADE IT CLEAR HE IS JUST A HUMBLE

ORDINARY MAN PREORDAINED TO BE PRESIDENT SAYING I WANT TO BE IN

IT, MAN, I'M JUST BORN TO BE IT IN.

IT THIS IS AMERICA, SIR, NOBODY IS BORN TO BE THE PRESIDENCY,

JUST ASK GRORNLG W BUSH, JOHN QUINCY ADAMS OR TIMMY VAN BURIN.

HE GUSHED ABOUT HIS SPEECH WRITING ABILITY, I GOT IN THERE,

AND I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS SPEECH OR NOT BUT IT FELT A PAIZING

BECAUSE EVERY WORD WAS PULLED OUT OF ME LIKE SOME, SOME

GREATER FORCE, WHICH WAS JUST THE PEOPLE.

THERE EVERYTHING THAT I SAID, I WAS LIKE WATCHING MYSELF BEING

LIKE, HOW AM I SAYING THIS STUFF.

WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM.

ADDING ALSO I'VE NEVER DIETED.

I JUST DECIDE STO LOSE WEIGHT AND IT FALLS OFF, I MEAN I COULD

EAT ICE CREAM AND HAMBURGERS ALSO I PICKED UP A GUITAR AND I

COULD JUST PLAY.

RIGHT AFTER THE ANNOUNCEMENT, BETO WENT TO IOWA WHERE HE SPOKE

TO VOTERS IN A COFFEE SHOP.

>> IN TEXAS WE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH BROADBAND IN RURAL

COMMUNITIES.

PEOPLE CANNOT START BUSINESSES IN THEIR HOMETOWNS OR FINISH

THEIR EDUCATION AFTER HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE THEY CAN'T GET

ONLINE.

THEY CAN'T GO TO TINDER AND FIND A DATED TONIGHT, TO FIND THAT

SPECIAL PERSON THAT CAN MAKE THE DIFFERENCE IN THEIR LIVES.

I WANT TO MAKE SURE EVERY AMERICAN HAS THAT OPPORTUNITY.

>> Stephen: WHEN I'M IN THE WHITE HOUSE I WANT TO MAKE SURE

EVERY AMERICAN HAS THE ABILITY TO SWIPE RIGHT FOR A LATE NIGHT

HOOKUP.

SO THEY CAN SMASH WITH A STONE COLD HOTTIE.

MAYBE I WILL BE ON THERE.

WHO KNOWS.

(APPLAUSE) WE DIDN'T GET A LOT OF SPEFNGS

BUT WE GOT A SNEAK BACK AT HIS RENEWABLE ENERGY PLAN, THE WIND

GIVEN OFF BY HIS HAND GESTURE, HE HAS ACTIVE HANDS, IS HE

ALWAYS GIVING A BIG SPEECH, IT CAUGHT THE EYE OF THE PRESIDENT

WITHOUT WEIGHED IN FROM THE OVAL OFFICE.

>> HE'S GOT A LOT OF HAND MOVEMENT.

I HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MUCH HAND MOVEMENT.

IS IT CRAZY OR IS THAT JUST THE WAY HE ACTS.

SO I HAVE NEVER SEEN HAND MOVEMENT.

>> Stephen: BETO'S HAND MOVEMENTS ARE CRAZY.

WHY, WHY, WHY.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS THE PRESIDENT HAS GOTTEN UP EARLY

AND COMPLAINED ABOUT THE LATE NIGHT TALK SHOWS.

TODAY WAS NO EXCEPTION.

HE TWEETED VERY WEAK AND UNTALENTED LATE NIGHT HOSTS ARE

FIGHTING OVER TABLE SCRAPS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE GOING

TO DO IT IN 2020 WHEN IS HE NO LONGER PRESIDENT, WILL BE WACKY

IN THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE.

>> Stephen: FIRST OF ALL, SIR, THREE VERY WEAK AND UNTALENTED

WAIT NIGHT HOSTS T IS NOT JUST 11:30 ON NETWORK, JAMES CORDEN,

SETH MIERS, SAM BEE, CONAN, DEESUS, MERO, ARE JUST AS WEAK

AND UNTALENTED AS ME AND THE DEVIL JIMMY JIM.

I MEAN FOR PETE SAKE, FOR PETE'S SAKE, JOHN OLIVER IS SO WEAK HE

HAS TO WEAR A HIDDEN WAILBONE STRUT IN HIS JACKET JUST TO HOLD

UP HIS GIANT BRITISH NOGGIN.

AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WHEN ARE YOU NOT

PRESIDENT 6789 WELL, FIRST THERE'S THE PARADE.

(LAUGHTER) THEN-- THEN THERE IS THE

NATIONAL ORGY.

(LAUGHTER) AND THEN I'M THINKING MAYBE A

SANDWICH AND A NAP.

WAIT A MINUTE, WACKY IN THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE?

FIRST, THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING MY FAVORITE THREE STOOGES

SHORTS.

BUT THERE WERE LATE NIGHT SHOWS BEFORE WERE YOU PRESIDENT, THERE

WILL BE LATE NIGHT SHOWS AFTER ARE YOU GONE.

JUST WATCH AND SEE.

IF THE WARD EARN GIVES YOU TV PRIVILEGES.

WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOUR TONIGHT.