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  • When my 91-year-old mother, Elia, moved in with me,

    譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Yuchen Lu

  • I thought I was doing her a service.

    當我九十一歲的媽媽 艾莉亞搬來跟我一起住時,

  • In fact, it was the other way around.

    我認為我是在服務她。

  • You see, Mom was having issues with memory loss and accepting her age.

    事實卻正好相反。

  • She looked defeated.

    我媽媽有失憶的問題, 而且她無法接受她的年紀。

  • I tried to make her as comfortable as possible,

    她看起來很挫折。

  • but when I was at my easel, painting,

    我盡可能讓她舒服些,

  • I would peek over and see her just ... there.

    但當我在畫架前畫畫時,

  • She'd be staring at nothing in particular.

    我會偷瞄,看到她就在「那裡」。

  • I'd watch her slowly climb the stairs,

    她並沒有真的在看什麼。

  • and she wasn't the mom I grew up with.

    我會看著她慢慢地爬上樓梯,

  • I saw, instead, a frail,

    那不是我成長過程中的那個媽媽。

  • tiny, old woman.

    取而代之,我看到的是一個虛弱、

  • A few weeks went by, and I needed a break from my painting.

    瘦小的老婦人。

  • I wanted to play with the new camera I had just bought.

    幾週過去了,我作畫 也需要休息一下。

  • I was excited -- it had all sorts of dials,

    我想要玩玩我剛買的相機。

  • buttons and settings I wanted to learn,

    我很興奮——它有 各式各樣的控制器、

  • so I set up my tripod facing this large mirror,

    按鈕、設定,我想好好學一下,

  • blocking the doorway to the only bathroom in the house.

    我把我的三腳架設定好, 面向這面大鏡子,

  • (Laughter)

    擋住了整間房子中 通往浴室的唯一通道。

  • After a while, I hear,

    (笑聲)

  • (Imitating Italian accent) "I need to use the washroom."

    不久後,我聽到:

  • (Laughter)

    「我要上廁所。」 (模仿義大利口音)

  • "Five minutes, Mom. I need to do this."

    (笑聲)

  • 15 minutes later, and I hear, again,

    「五分鐘就好,媽。 我得把這弄好。」

  • "I need to use the washroom."

    十五分鐘後,我再次聽到:

  • "Five more minutes."

    「我要上廁所。」

  • Then this happened.

    「再五分鐘。」

  • (Laughter)

    接著就變成這樣。

  • (Applause)

    (笑聲)

  • And this.

    (掌聲)

  • (Laughter)

    還有這樣。

  • And then, this.

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    接著,這樣。

  • I had my "aha!" moment.

    (笑聲)

  • We connected.

    我有了「啊哈!」的一刻。

  • We had something tangible we could do together.

    我們連結了。

  • My mom was born in a small mountain village in central Italy,

    有了件很實在的事情, 是我們可以一起做的。

  • where her parents had land and sheep.

    我媽媽是在義大利中部山區的 小村落中出生的,

  • At a young age, her father died of pneumonia,

    她的父母在那裡擁有土地和羊群。

  • leaving his wife and two daughters alone with all the heavy chores.

    她很小的時候,她的爸爸 就因為肺炎過世,

  • They found that they couldn't cope.

    把他的農莊雜務留給 他的妻子和兩個女兒。

  • So a very hard decision was made.

    她們發現她們實在承受不了。

  • Mom, the oldest, at 13,

    所以做了一個很艱難的決策。

  • was married off to a complete stranger twice her age.

    我媽是長女,十三歲,

  • She went from being just a kid and was pushed into adulthood.

    出嫁給年齡是她兩倍的陌生人。

  • Mom had her first child when she was only 16.

    她本來只是個孩子, 被迫長大為成人。

  • Years later, and now living in Toronto,

    她才十六歲時就有了第一個孩子。

  • Mom got work in a clothing factory

    數年後一直到現在, 媽媽都住在多倫多,

  • and soon became manager of a very large sewing department.

    在一間衣服工廠工作,

  • And because it was full of immigrant workers,

    很快就在一個非常大的 縫紉部門當上主管。

  • Mom taught herself words from translation books.

    因為很多工人都是移民者,

  • She then practiced them in French, Greek, Spanish, Portuguese, Danish,

    媽媽透過翻譯書來自學字詞。

  • Polish, Russian, Romanian, Hungarian, all around the house.

    接著,她在家裡到處練習, 用法語、希臘語、西班牙語、

  • I was in awe of her focus and determination to succeed

    葡萄牙語、丹麥語、波蘭語、 俄語、羅馬尼亞語、匈牙利語。

  • at whatever she loved to do.

    我好敬畏她對於自己熱愛的事

  • After that bathroom "aha!" moment,

    所投入的專注和成功的決心。

  • I practiced my newfound camera skills with Mom as portrait model.

    在浴室的「啊哈!」時刻之後,

  • Through all of this, she talked, and I listened.

    我讓我媽媽當模特兒, 來練習我新發現的相機技巧。

  • She'd tell me about her early childhood and how she was feeling now.

    在這個過程中,她說,我聽。

  • We had each other's attention.

    她跟我說她孩童時期的事, 以及她現在的感受。

  • Mom was losing her short-term memory,

    我們擁有彼此的注意力。

  • but was better recalling her younger years.

    媽媽失去的是她的短期記憶,

  • I'd ask, and she would tell me stories.

    但她較會回憶起她更早些的時期。

  • I listened, and I was her audience.

    只要我問,她就會跟我說故事。

  • I got ideas.

    我會傾聽,我是她的聽眾。

  • I wrote them down, and I sketched them out.

    我有想法產生。

  • I showed her what to do by acting out the scenarios myself.

    我會把想法寫下來, 再把它們畫出來。

  • We would then stage them.

    我會親自把情境給演出來, 用這種方式告訴她該做什麼。

  • So she posed, and I learned more about photography.

    接著我們就會開始上演。

  • Mom loved the process, the acting.

    她會擺姿勢, 而我會學到更多攝影。

  • She felt worthy again, she felt wanted and needed.

    媽媽很愛這個過程,演戲的部分。

  • And she certainly wasn't camera-shy.

    她再次感到自己有價值, 有人想要她、需要她。

  • (Laughter)

    她在鏡頭前一點也不害羞。

  • (Applause)

    (笑聲)

  • Mom laughed hysterically at this one.

    (掌聲)

  • (Laughter)

    拍這張時,媽媽笑到歇斯底里。

  • The idea for this image came from an old German film I'd seen,

    (笑聲)

  • about a submarine, called "Das Boot."

    這張影像的想法來自於 我看過的一部德國老片,

  • As you can see, what I got instead looked more like "E.T."

    《從海底出擊》, 是部關於潛水艇的電影。

  • (Laughter)

    你們可以看到,我拍出的結果 更像《外星人》的 E.T.。

  • So I put this image aside, thinking it was a total failure,

    (笑聲)

  • because it didn't reach my particular vision.

    我把這張影像放到一邊去, 認為它完全是失敗之作,

  • But Mom laughed so hard,

    因為它沒有達到 我想像中的那個樣子。

  • I eventually, for fun, decided to post it online anyway.

    但我媽媽笑得好用力,

  • It got an incredible amount of attention.

    最終,為了好玩, 我還是決定把它放上網。

  • Now, with any Alzheimer's, dementia,

    它得到了非常大量的關注。

  • there's a certain amount of frustration and sadness

    不論是阿茲海默、失智症,

  • for everyone involved.

    任何相關的人都免不了

  • This is Mom's silent scream.

    會有一定的挫折感和感傷。

  • Her words to me one day were,

    這是媽媽的沉默尖叫。

  • "Why is my head so full of things to say,

    有一天,她對我說的是:

  • but before they reach my mouth, I forget what they are?"

    「為什麼我的腦中滿滿都是 我想要說的東西,

  • "Why is my head so full of things to say,

    但它們到我的嘴巴之前, 我就已經把它們都忘了?」

  • but before they reach my mouth, I forget what they are?"

    「為什麼我的腦中滿滿都是 我想要說的東西,

  • (Applause)

    但它們到我的嘴巴之前, 我就已經把它們都忘了?」

  • Now, as full-time care partner and full-time painter,

    (掌聲)

  • I had my frustrations too.

    身為全職的照護夥伴 以及全職的畫家,

  • (Laughter)

    我也會有我的挫折感。

  • But to balance off all the difficulties, we played.

    (笑聲)

  • That was Mom's happy place.

    但我們會用玩樂來平衡 所有這些難處。

  • And I needed her to be there, too.

    那是我媽媽能感到快樂的地方。

  • (Laughter)

    我也需要她在那裡。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • Now, Mom was also preoccupied with aging.

    (笑聲)

  • She would say, "How did I get so old, so fast?"

    媽媽會一直想著「變老」這件事。

  • (Audience sighs)

    她會說:「我怎麼會 這麼快就變得這麼老?」

  • "So old."

    (觀眾嘆氣)

  • "So fast."

    「這麼老。」

  • I also got Mom to model for my oil paintings.

    「這麼快。」

  • This painting is called "The Dressmaker."

    我也讓媽媽當我油畫的模特兒。

  • I remember, as a kid,

    這幅畫叫做「裁縫師」。

  • Mom sewing clothes for the whole family

    我記得,我小時候,

  • on this massive, heavy sewing machine

    媽媽會為全家人縫衣服,

  • that was bolted to the floor in the basement.

    用的是一台又大又重的縫紉機,

  • Many nights, I would go downstairs and bring my schoolwork with me.

    放在地下室,固定在地板上。

  • I would sit behind her in this overstuffed chair.

    許多晚上,我會帶著 我的學校作業下樓去。

  • The low hum of the huge motor and the repetitive stitching sounds

    我會坐在她身後一張 墊得又軟又厚的椅子上。

  • were comforting to me.

    巨大馬達的低沉嗡嗡聲, 以及不斷重覆的縫紉聲,

  • When Mom moved into my house,

    很能安撫我。

  • I saved this machine and stored it in my studio for safekeeping.

    當媽媽搬到我家來時,

  • This painting brought me back to my childhood.

    我保存了這台機器, 把它保存在我的工作室裡。

  • The interesting part

    這幅畫把我帶回了我的童年。

  • was that it was now Mom, sitting behind me,

    有趣的是,

  • watching me paint her

    現在是我媽媽坐在我身後,

  • working on that very same machine she sewed at

    看著我畫她,

  • when I sat behind her, watching her sew,

    我現在用的就是當年 她用來縫紉的機器,

  • 50 years earlier.

    只是當時是我坐在 她身後,看著她縫紉,

  • I also gave Mom a project to do, to keep her busy and thinking.

    那是五十年前。

  • I provided her with a small camera

    我也給了媽媽一個專案計畫, 讓她能有事可以忙且持續思考。

  • and asked her to take at least 10 pictures a day of anything she wanted.

    我給了她一台小型相機,

  • These are Mom's photographs.

    要她每天至少拍十張相片, 拍任何她想拍的東西。

  • She's never held a camera in her life before this.

    這些是媽媽拍的照片。

  • She was 93.

    在這之前,她從來沒有拿過相機。

  • We would sit down together and talk about our work.

    她九十三歲。

  • I would try to explain

    我們會一起坐下來, 談論我們的作品。

  • (Laughter)

    我會試著解釋

  • how and why I did them,

    (笑聲)

  • the meaning, the feeling, why they were relevant.

    我如何/為什麼做這些作品,

  • Mom, on the other hand, would just bluntly say,

    意義是什麼、感覺是什麼、 這些有什麼重要的。

  • "sì,"

    另一方面,媽媽只會很直率地說:

  • "no,"

    「是。」

  • "bella" or "bruta."

    「不。」

  • (Laughter)

    「美麗」或「畜牲」。

  • I watched her facial expressions.

    (笑聲)

  • She always had the last say, with words or without.

    我看著她的面部表情。

  • This voyage of discovery hasn't ended with Mom.

    任何事最後一定由她決定, 不論是不是用言語表達。

  • She is now in an assisted living residence,

    媽媽的這項發現之旅 並沒有到此結束。

  • a 10-minute walk away from my home.

    她現在住在一間 輔助生活的療養機構,

  • I visit her every other day.

    離我家只要走路十分鐘。

  • Her dementia had gotten to the point

    我每隔一天就去看她一次。

  • where it was unsafe for her to be in my house.

    她失智的狀況已經到了

  • It has a lot of stairs.

    住在我家對她來說 並不安全的程度。

  • She doesn't know my name anymore.

    我家有很多樓梯。

  • (Voice breaking) But you know what? That's OK.

    她也叫不出我的名字了。

  • She still recognizes my face

    (聲音中斷)但, 你知道嗎?那沒關係。

  • and always has a big smile when she sees me.

    她仍然認得我的臉孔,

  • (Applause)

    當她看到我時, 總會露出大大的微笑。

  • (Applause ends)

    (掌聲)

  • I don't take pictures of her anymore.

    (掌聲結束)

  • That wouldn't be fair or ethical on my part.

    我不再拍她的照片了。

  • And she wouldn't understand the reasons for doing them.

    我這樣做是不公平或不道德的。

  • My father,

    她不會了解做這些事的理由。

  • my brother,

    我爸爸、

  • (Voice breaking) my nephew,

    我兄弟、

  • my partner and my best friend,

    (聲音中斷)我姪子、

  • all passed away suddenly.

    我的另一半,和我最好的朋友,

  • And I didn't have the chance

    都突然間就過世了。

  • to tell them how much I appreciated and loved them.

    我沒有機會

  • With Mom, I need to be there

    告訴他們我有多感謝他們、愛他們。

  • and make it a very long goodbye.

    對我媽媽,我得要在她身邊,

  • (Applause)

    用很長的時間來說再見。

  • (Applause ends)

    (掌聲)

  • For me, it's about being present and really listening.

    (掌聲結束)

  • Dependents want to feel a part of something, anything.

    對我來說,重點是 要陪在身邊且能真正傾聽。

  • It doesn't need to be something exceptionally profound that's shared --

    受撫養的家屬會想要有 參與某件事,任何事的感覺。

  • it could be as simple as walks together.

    與他們分享的不見得要是 特別了不起的事——

  • Give them a voice

    像是一起散步這麼簡單的事也可以。

  • of interaction, participation,

    給他們發言權,

  • and a feeling of belonging.

    讓他們互動、參與,

  • Make the time meaningful.

    找到歸屬感。

  • Life, it's about wanting to live

    讓時間有意義。

  • and not waiting to die.

    人生,重點是想要活著,

  • (Applause)

    而不是等待死亡。

  • (Applause ends)

    (掌聲)

  • Can I get a wave and a smile from everyone, please?

    (掌聲結束)

  • (Laughter)

    能不能請大家對我 揮揮手,微笑一個?

  • This is for you, Mom.

    (笑聲)

  • (Camera clicks)

    這是給你的,媽媽。

  • (Applause)

    (相機快門聲)

When my 91-year-old mother, Elia, moved in with me,

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Yuchen Lu

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B1 中級 中文 美國腔 TED 媽媽 笑聲 相機 掌聲 身後

【TED】託尼-盧恰尼:母子倆的痴呆症攝影之旅(A mother and son's photographic journey through dementia | Tony Luciani)。 (【TED】Tony Luciani: A mother and son's photographic journey through dementia (A mother and son's photographic journey through dementia | Tony Luciani))

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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