[Dunkey's E3 video]: "They're definitely making steps in the right direction."

他們絕對做對了一件事

[Dunkey's E3 video]: "But this is EA, okay? They'll find some way to fuck it up."

但這可是EA，OK 他們總有些方法搞砸的

They found a way to fuck it up.

[2017年11月] 他們找到方法了

My #1 issue with this game right now is that it is completely fucking broken...

#1恐怖的延遲

...sometimes.

我第一項對這個遊戲的問題是它完全不能玩

I have gotten into so many matches now where it's just a laggy unplayable disaster.

有時候...

I mean, are you looking at this footage right now?

我已經進入過了多場完全不能正常遊玩的遊戲

This shit is unacceptable.

你看看現在這條片段,

You would figure a company like DICE that has put out

這塊狗屎完全不能被接受

how many Battlefield games at this point, would understand

你認為像DICE這樣的公司,

what kind of network you need to make a game of this scale run smoothly,

在做出那麼多片戰地風雲的遊戲後會了解

but, nope! EA probably said,

需要什麼規模的伺服器可以流暢運行如此規模的遊戲,

"Hey, come on! I already gave you $10 to make this game."

但是EA大概說了"不!"

"Now you think I'm gonna give you another quarter to pay for the servers?"

EA:嘿!我已經給了你10美元來製造這個遊戲,

"Get the fuck outta here! Also, put in these dumbass loot boxes!"

現在我還要多給你25仙?

Now usually in games like Battlefield or Call of Duty, you have a progression system,

他媽的滾出這裏!還有放下那些智障般的戰利品箱!

where you earn new guns and perks and I mean...

#2戰利品箱

Back in the day, you would usually get that stuff pretty rapidly.

現在像戰地風雲或是使命召喚般的遊戲都會有升級系統,

*"Congratulations" repeated*

你會隨著升級解鎖新的槍支和天賦

Here, they have turned unlocks way, way the fuck down in the hopes that

以往你通常可以用不錯的速度解鎖

people would just get frustrated and buy their upgrades with real money.

*恭喜xN*

The trick with these progression systems is that you want

你得到新的狗屎,每個人都愛新的狗屎

players to feel like they're unlocking cool new stuff by playing,

在這裡他們把解鎖方法變得極差,希望

but without explicitly making them better than people who are just getting into the game.

它可以惱怒玩家們,然後令他們用現金解鎖升級

Battlefront 2 is very black and white about this.

升級系統的竅門在於你想令

You either have the Star Cards that make you win

玩家感覺他們在解鎖新的酷東西,

or you have nothing and you suck dick.

但同時又不會實際令他們比新玩家強

The upgrades very literally make you better at the game.

戰場前線2就顯得非常黑白分明

Here's a card that makes your grenade better.

你不是有可以令你贏的卡片,

Here's a card that lets you be Yoda faster.

就是你一無所有

This Pay2Win system pissed people off so bad

這些升級令你在遊戲內實際變強

that EA actually retracted the ability to buy your upgrades.

這裡是一張令你的手榴彈變得更好的卡片

Temporarily.

這裡是一張令你可以更快使用尤達

So we'll see how long- OH!

這個P2W的系統令人如此生氣,

You can now purchase a loot crate

令EA要關閉遊戲的內購功能,永久地(只是暫時)

...that allows you to instantaneously win the match.

我們看看多久-噢!

00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:52,000 Thankfully, I think DICE has realized the best part of this game

你現在可以購買一個戰利品箱,

is simply destroying people as Darth Maul.

容許你立即在遊戲取勝

With the new Battle Point system, everything you do earns you points

#3戰鬥點數和英雄

towards playing as a X-Wing or a Super Battle Droid

我非常感激DICE了解到這遊戲最棒的部分

or once in a blue fucking moon, an actual cool guy.

是用達斯·魔砍殺其他人

"Boba Fett, baby! That's what I'm talking about!"

這個嶄新的點數系統下,你做每件事都會賺到點數

"Now where's somebody for me to shoot, huh? Who wants to get shot?"

令你可以開一部X翼戰機或是超級戰鬥機械人

"I can't find anybod-- No!"

或是非常罕有地,一個實際酷的角色

"NO! NO!! COME ON!!"

波巴·費特,寶貝!這才是我要的!

You still rarely get to play as the hero characters,

想被我射的人在哪?誰想被我射?

but at least they feel somewhat obtainable now.

我找不到任何-不!

It's a smart way to make players feel involved in the match as a whole,

不!不!!別這樣!!

because the best way to get these battle points is to pursue the objective,

雖然你不會經常使用到英雄角色,

you know, except when it isn't at all.

但最少他們現在感覺可以到手

Unfortunately, DICE has not realized that

總的來說只是一個令玩家更投入的方法,

players do not give a rat's fucking ass about the objectives.

因為最快得到分數的方法就是去執行目標,

Even with the incentive to pursue them,

或者你知道,完全是兩碼子事.

most people would rather just walk around and shoot people.

不幸地,DICE並沒有發覺到

There just isn't anything interesting

玩家們完全不在意目標

about going into the middle of the map,

就算有誘因去力勸他們,

holding [G], and hoping nobody shoots you.

大多數人更喜歡到處亂跑射人

"Oh, shit! I'm Lando versus Kylo Ren versus Yoda!"

跑到地圖的中央

"Now this is what I'm talking abo-"

按緊G鍵,同時希望沒有人射你

"WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE-"

根本沒有任何樂趣可言

[Soldier]: "Blasted Imperials!"

媽的!我用藍道對上凱羅·忍對上尤達!

The campaign is bad.

這才是我說的-

A wise man once said, "There are no bad controls. Just bad players."

這什麼狗東西!?這什麼-

He was later revealed to be the creator of Bubsy 3D.

#6DICE並沒有做好單人戰役

Some shooters feel great on a controller. This is not one of them.

00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,420 士兵:該死的帝國...

Aiming is too slow up-close and too imprecise when you're far away.

00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,580 戰役模式太差了

On the other hand, driving vehicles with a mouse and keyboard is a goddamn hell nightmare.

#7不良的控制

So the ideal way to play this game is

曾經有位智者說過"世上並沒有差的控制,只有差的玩家"

mouse and keyboard on the ground

之後他被發現為大笨貓3D的設計者

and then you swap to a controller for your starships.

有些射擊遊戲在用控制器遊玩時好極了,但這並不在其中

00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:51,220 Once again, these are technically a part of the game, but they don't always feel like it.

近距離的瞄準太慢,同時對於遠距離又太不精確

There are some maps where you might be able to shoot someone on the ground if you're lucky,

另一方面,用鍵盤和滑鼠來駕駛載具又是一場惡夢

but in my 12 hours of playing this game,

所以這個遊戲的理想遊玩方式為:

I have never once been killed by a pilot while I was on the ground.

在地面時使用鍵盤和滑鼠

But I- I have seen people try.

然後當飛戰機時換成控制器

Here comes a guy now-

#8載具

00:04:07,340 --> 00:04:10,420 [Darth Vader]: "You will know the power of the Dark Side..."

再提一次,它們技術上是遊戲的一部分, 但並不經常感覺上像是

[Sad Dunk]: No....

有些地圖如果你好運的話可以射中地面上的人,

I'm gonna be real with you guys. I don't really despise this game.

但在我12個小時的遊玩時間內,

I actually had fun playing it, you know, when it wasn't lagging beyond reality.

我在地面上從來未被任何一部戰機擊殺

Really, all they gotta do to fix this game is

但我-我看過有人嘗試

fix the online,

現在來了一個人-

fix the single player,

#達斯·維達的配音員

fix the loot boxes,

達斯·維達:見識黑暗面的力量!

fix the battle points and heroes,

不...

fix the objectives,

我要對你們坦白,我並真的不藐視這個遊戲

fix the controls,

我真的享受遊玩它,你知道,當它沒有延遲的時候

fix the vehicles, and then BOOM!

真的,它們要弄好這個遊戲只需要

You have a great game here.

弄好連線

Finally... *giggling*

弄好單人戰役

I get to be Darth Maul!

弄好戰利品箱

00:04:35,260 --> 00:04:36,380 Here we go, baby.

弄好戰鬥點數和英雄

*Dunkey singing* ♪ Star Wars - Duel of the Fates ♪

弄好目標

2 out of 5.

弄好控制

♪ Star Wars Kinect - I'm Han Solo ♪

弄好載具,然後轟!

[Outro] ♪ Star Wars Kinect - I'm Han Solo ♪

你就有了一個好遊戲

[Automated Voice]: "Assassin's Creed is a good franchise." [Outro] ♪ Star Wars Kinect - I'm Han Solo ♪

最後...(傻笑)

[Outro] ♪ Star Wars Kinect - I'm Han Solo ♪

我可以玩達斯·魔!