"My Drunk Story" tweets from you guys, here we go.

「酒鬼的故事」推特貼文給你們，來囉！

This first one is from @ellenmlauri. She says, "One night I got so drunk at the bar that I stole a girl's birthday crown off her head,

第一個是 @ellenmlauri 的故事，她說：「有一天我在酒吧喝超醉，我從一個女孩的頭上偷了她的生日皇冠

went to another bar, and made everyone there buy me birthday drinks."

去另一間酒吧，然後讓那裡的每個人都買生日的酒給我。」

[ Laughter ]

(笑聲)

It's my special day.

這是我特別的日子

My birthday.

我的生日

This one's from @ahskidmore. He says, "One morning my roommate found me passed out on the kitchen floor.

這是來自 @ahskidmore 的故事，他說：「有一天早上，我室友發現我倒在廚房地板上

The microwave door was open, and I was clutching three raw hot dogs in my hand."

微波爐的門是開著的，而我手裡緊緊握著三根生的熱狗。」

[ Laughter ]

(笑聲)

-You almost got there, dude. -Yeah almost, man.

-你幾乎成功了，兄弟 -就差一點

-He almost made it. -Yeah.

-他幾呼成功了 -對呀

That's the old college try.

他盡力了

[ Laughs ] This one's from @Jordan White 4. She says, "My drunk friends and I ordered an Uber once and the driver texted me,

(笑聲) 這是來自 @Jordan White 4 的故事，她說：「我和我喝醉的朋友們有一次叫了 Uber，司機傳訊息說：

'I'm here for you.' I texted back, 'OMG that's so sweet.'"

『我來載你了』我回他說：『我的天呀，你人真是太好了』」

[ Laughter ]

(笑聲)

You're my best friend.

你是我最好的朋友

I am my best friend.

我是我最好的朋友

This one's from @buntybaggins.

這是來自 @buntybaggins 的故事

Oh. [ Laughter ]

喔 (笑聲)

She says, "Once I was so drunk I thought it'd be a brilliant idea to slide across the dance floor on my knees.

她說：「我有一次很醉，我以為我有個很好的點子，就是跪著用膝蓋滑過舞池。

The floor was rubber, so I came to an immediate stop, skinned my knees, and split my dress."

那個舞池的地板是橡膠做的，所以我馬上就滑不動了，擦傷了我的膝蓋，還讓我的裙子裂開。」

There you go! [ Laughter ]

就是這樣！(笑聲)

-The trifecta. -Bunty!

-經典組合！ -Bunty!

-How embarrassing was that? -Hee-haw

-那該有多丟臉呀？ - (模仿橡膠摩擦聲)

[Grunts]

(呻吟聲)

-Wow. -Hold it, Bunty.

-哇 -等等，Bunty

This one's from @FoggyDew1310.

這個是來自 @FoggyDew1310 的故事

He says, "I once came home at 4 a.m. and showed my ID to my dad at the front door of the house

他說：「我有一次凌晨四點回家，在門口把我的身分證拿給我爸看，

thinking it was another bar."

以為那是另一家酒吧。」

[ Laughter ]

(笑聲)

[ Laughs ] He was up waiting for him.

(笑聲) 他沒有睡等他回家

He didn't even get in that.

他進不去那裡

He didn't even get into his own house.

他進不去自己家門

This one's from @maddie_shea524. She says, "This was my search history after a night at the bar."

這是來自 @maddie_shea524 的故事，她說「這是我整晚待在酒吧後的搜尋紀錄。」

It says max pizza sticks and how to undrunk yourself.

它寫說，超大的披薩條跟如何讓我自己不醉

[ Laughter ]

(笑聲)

That's fantastic.

太棒了

Pizza sticks? Never heard of that.

披薩條？從來沒聽過

This one's from @GreenApple2. He says, "My friend once let me drunkenly crash on his couch. I woke up on the floor

這是 @GreenApple2 的故事，他說：「我朋友有一次讓我醉醺醺地睡倒在他的沙發上。我在他客廳的

of his living room with his 8-year-old son lining up action figures around my body saying. 'Don't wake the giant!'"

地上醒來，發現他八歲的兒子用模型沿著我的身體圍起來，並說：『別讓巨人醒來！』」

[ Laughter ]

(笑聲)

Hey, man.

嘿，先生

This one is from, uh, @debAURAhhh. She says, "I once drunkenly turned myself in to the lost and found at a baseball game after I went

這個是 @debAURAhhh 的故事，她說：「我有一次在一場棒球賽醉醺醺地把我自己交到失物招領區，因為

to the restroom during the 7th inning stretch and couldn't remember where my seat was."

我在第七局伸展時間的時候去上廁所後，忘了我的座位在哪。」

[ Laughter ]

(笑聲)

Hi, I-I'm missing. I think I'm missing.

嗨，我、我不見了。我覺得我不見了

Uh, this one is from @thePolishista or thepolishista?

這個是來自 @thePolishista 的故事，還是唸 thepolishista？

Polishista, like maybe she's into nail polish?

Polishista，也許他很喜歡指甲油

Polishing? Like Pledge furniture polish?

拋光劑？像是 Pledge 的傢俱拋光劑？

Oh, yeah, man.

噢，對呀

Yeah thepolishista. Or Polish.

對，拋光劑。或是波蘭人

She loves Poland.

她愛波蘭

[ Light laughter ] Uh, she says, "I once got so drunk that I began crying when I realized

(輕笑聲) 她說：「我有一次喝得很醉，我開始哭，在我知道

my parakeet had to live his life without hands." [ Laughter ]

我的長尾小鸚鵡要一輩子沒有雙手過日子的時候」(笑聲)

What?! That's too much.

什麼？！這太過了

You've had too much.

你真的喝太多了

You've had too much to drink, I'm sorry.

你真的喝太多酒了，抱歉

This one's from @mc 125. She says, "My friend got so drunk one night he went to the tattoo shop

這個是來自 @mc 125 的故事。她說：「我朋友有一天晚上喝得很醉，他去了對街的刺青店

across the street and got the name 'Brad' tattooed under his arm so he'd have a Brad Pitt tattoo." [ Laughter ]

然後把 Bratt 刺在他的腋下。』 (笑聲)

And that's it. That's it.

這就是那個刺青，就是這個

♪♪♪♪

-Wow. -Brad Pitt.

-哇 -布萊德 (腋)·彼特 (下) (諧音：腋下armpit)

Got a Brad Pitt tattoo.

他刺了一個「布萊德 (腋)·彼特 (下)」的刺青

-Absolutley I think. -No.

-我覺得完全是 -不

Fantastic.

超棒的

This last one's from @boss hogg57. He says, "I went out with $20. I woke up with $250, a lighter, two phones, and the keys to someone else's car."

最後這個是 @boss hogg57 的故事，他說：「我出去帶 $20塊。我起來的時候有 $250，一個打火機，兩支手機和別人車子的鑰匙。」

[ Laughter ]

(笑聲)

That's a win right there.

那就是場勝利

And there you have it, those are tonight's show hashtags.

你都看到完啦，那些就是今夜秀的＃標籤

To check out more of our favorites go to

要看更多我們的最愛請去

tonightshow.com/hashtags.

tonightshow.com/hashtags