But for many of us, it's a great deal more plausible to pursue them with, and via, our phones.

但對於許多人來說，透過手機建立關係似乎更合理。

Phones provide exemplary compensation for the frustrations of living with actual people.

手機是和真人相處遭遇挫折時的補償方案。

Unlike them, they are always responsive to the touch.

手機與真人不同，只要觸碰它就會有反應。

And their malleability provides the perfect excuse for disengagement from the trickier aspects of true connections.

它們的順從為逃離棘手的真實世界提供了完美藉口。

When a friend or partner launches into an account of their day or an analysis of one of our alleged faults...

當朋友或伴侶開始描述他們的一天或指責我們的錯誤時......

It becomes almost irresistible not to give these phones a quick check.

我們很難抗拒想快速滑一下手機的慾望。

A friend in another country may have just had a baby.

在某個國家的朋友可能剛生了小孩。

Or someone we vaguely know might have a new opinion on a change in direction in the nation's foreign policy.

或某個點頭之交對國家外交政策改變方向有了新的看法。

Our phones promise us access to people who are so much less tricky than those in close physical proximity.

手機確保我們有機會接觸比真正在你身旁的人更容易相處的對象。

Humans we have known for years get judged against angels we have yet to spend one real-life minute with.

我們多年來熟悉的人被拿來和我們尚未在現實生活中與之共處的天使比較。

At our most vulnerable moments, technology companies promise us that they will be able to locate that lodestar of contemporary romance: "The right person".

在我們最脆弱的時刻，科技公司向我們保證他們能找到當代浪漫主義的典範：「對的人」。

The pictures they lay out before us are certainly beguiling.

他們在我們面前描繪的意象的確很迷人。

The implicit thesis is that relationships have gone wrong for us so far, not because they are inherently hard and we are properly tricky to live with, but because we haven't yet found people with whom we are sufficiently compatible.

隱含的論點是，到目前為止我們的感情受挫，不是因為感情天生就很難，也不是因為我們很難相處，而是因為我們還沒找到與自己適合的人。

There is not much room for the idea that compatibility may be an achievement of love.

沒有辦法證明適合是愛的成就。

And should not therefore, fairly, be expected to be its precondition.

因此，公平起見，不應該將其視為先決條件。

Then, to compound the situation, our phones offer to show us a fascinating range of people without any clothes on.

然後，為了使情況複雜化，我們的手機展示了各種令人眼花撩亂的人類裸體。

Porn doesn't judge and it doesn't ask for anything back.

色情片不會品頭論足，也不會要求任何回報。

Closeness to a real life partner brings with it so many complications : Unresolved resentments, a daily need to put up with a person's less reasonable sides and an imperative to face up to our own huge failings.

與現實生活中的伴侶的親密關係會帶來許多複雜的問題：未宣洩的怨恨、每天都得忍受他不合理的行為，和必須面對我們自己巨大的失敗。

But the porn site doesn't mind that you slammed the cupboard door and it has no desire to take you up on your attitude to credit card debt.

但色情網站並不介意你用力關櫃子，且不想改變你對信用卡債務的態度。

It doesn't need intimacy and it doesn't complain if you don't say much.

它不需要親密關係，如果你話不多它也不會抱怨。

Its implicit message is...

它隱含的訊息是...

We don't care about anything other than your pleasure, you can be just as you are.

我們只關心你快樂與否，其它一律不在乎，你可以輕鬆地做自己。

With bliss and at a terrible hidden cost, it removes sex entirely from the emotional landscape.

帶著幸福和可怕的隱藏成本，色情網站將性從情感世界中抽離。

Then there are all the small hearts and ticks.

然後還有那些小愛心和小勾勾。

It can feel desperately naive or narcissistic to admit it.

承認以下這一點會令人感到極度天真或自戀。

But in essence, almost all of us deeply like being "liked" – and our phones know this so well.

但從根本而言，幾乎所有人都喜歡被「喜歡」- 而我們的手機非常了解這點。

We are genuinely moved by a message letting us know that Matteo from Wisconsin or Emile from Livorno wants to be our friend.

收到來自威斯康辛州的 Matteo 或來自利沃諾的 Emile 想要加我們好友的訊息，令我們深受感動。

These little words "like" and "friend" set off such deep and tender longings in our souls.

「喜歡」和「朋友」這種字眼激發我們靈魂中深切而溫柔的渴望。

The momentary excitement they unleash reveals a secret pang of hope that our inner solitude will be pierced.

他們釋放的短暫興奮感揭露了不為人知的一陣希望，渴望我們深沉的孤獨感得以被穿透。

That our troubles and joys will be truly understood by another.

希望有人會真正瞭解我們的煩惱和喜悅。

And that all the messages we wish to send out to the world will be received and perfectly understood, at least by someone.

以及至少某些人能接受並充分理解我們想傳達給世界的訊息。

It is poignant, and, in its own quiet way, properly tragic.

這令人心酸，並以安靜的方式呈現出恰如其分的悲劇。

We should not be frightened by our loneliness or by the difficulties of real relationships.

我們不應該害怕孤獨或真實人際關係的困難面。

What we should perhaps try to avoid is the faith that our phones can offer us a genuine solution to the tensions of love.

我們應該試著不去相信手機能提供愛情難題的解決方案。

We should, when we can manage it (and often we simply wouldn't be able to)...

如果可以，我們應該（通常我們就是做不到）...

We should try to put these technological wonders to one side and try to do something properly futuristic for a while.

我們應該試著放下這些科技奇蹟，並試著做適當的未來規劃。

Attempt to love the bewilderingly complex, often maddening, and sometimes very precious, flesh and blood people presently dwelling in the vicinity.

試著去愛你身旁那些令人困惑、令人抓狂但有時又非常珍貴的有血有肉的人。

If you want to learn more about love, try our book on how to find love.

如果你想瞭解更多關於愛的知識，請參閱這本探索如何發現愛的書。

Which explains why we have the types we do and how our early experiences give us scripts on how and whom we love.

它解釋了為什麼有不同類型的人，以及我們過去的經驗對我們怎麼愛和愛誰的影響。