If you go on the Internet or anything, you ever see a meme of yourself as a Harry Potter meme, and you go like, "That's pretty funny?"

上網時你有沒有看過自己的梗圖做成哈利波特的梗圖，然後覺得「這蠻有趣的？」

I have.

有啊。

I think, like, maybe, a couple over the years.

大概幾年前看過。

But nothing that I can immediately remember.

但是我現在一個都想不起來。

- I thought you -- - I don't seek them out.

- 我覺得你 ...。- 我沒有去搜尋。

I thought it would be funny if I showed you a couple just so you could see.

我想如果給你看幾張梗圖應該會蠻有趣的。

Yeah. Please.

當然。

They're funny.

很有趣。

Yeah, I feel like I should ... I should be educated.

我覺得我應該學一下。

Yeah. Here you go, yeah.

來吧。

Tell me you like them or not.

告訴我你喜不喜歡。

This guy here is ...

這傢伙是 ...。

This is Hairy Pugger. I mean, it's ...

這是 Hairy Pugger。

We're starting off, you know, slow.

我們慢慢地開始。

I mean that's ... What's not to like?

我覺得...有什麼理由不喜歡呢？

- That's great. -That's great? It's cute.

- 很棒。 - 很可愛。

- Solid pun, cute dog, - Yeah.

- 雙關語，可愛的狗。 - 好。

It's great.

很棒。

If you're having Quidditch problems, I'll feel bad for you, son.

如果你有魁地奇的困難，我替你感到難過。

I got 99 problems, but a snitch ain't one.

我有 99 個困難但是金探子不在其中之一。

- That's a good one. -That's pretty good.

- 這個不錯。 - 這個蠻讚的那是。

That's what ...

這是 …。

You know, what's cool about that stuff is that, like, I never, as a kid, and you're just insecure at that age.

關於這件事很酷的是 … 作為一個小孩，在那個年紀就是沒安全感。

I never felt cool at any point playing that character.

從各個方面來說，我從來不覺得演出這個角色很酷。

And sort of these things go like, "No, that was -- People thought that was pretty cool.

這些之類的事就好像，大家覺得這蠻酷的。

Of course, it was cool. Absolutely. Yes.

當然很酷，這是無庸置疑的。超酷。

Very cool.

超酷。

This one is one of my favorites.

這是我最愛的其中之一。

It says, "Ron, hold on! Are those shoes on sale?"

「榮恩，等等！那些鞋子在特價嗎？」

Ron, hold up.

榮恩，等等。

That was ... That was what ...

那是 ...。

That was the actually the dialogue.

那正是實際的對話。

I, the actor, was thinking.

我心裡正想的事情。

Yeah, absolutely. Actual dialogue.

當然，實際的對話。

And this one here is...

然後這個是 ...。

"Thinking about all them school loans, wondering if your wizardry degree is gonna work out."

「思考著就學貸款，好奇你的巫師學位能不能順利解決。」

This is a deep thought.

好一個沉思！

You know what that actually is, though?

你知道事情其實是怎樣嗎？

- Is that you in deep thought? -No, that's me like --

你正在沉思嗎？ - 不是，我 ...。

That's me, like, years ago, out for lunch or something, realizing that there was a paparazzi to my right and being like, "Ugh. Like, what do I do?"

那是幾年前，我出門吃午餐時，意識到有狗仔隊就在我的右手邊時，我心想「我該怎麼辦？」

Yeah, that's my deep thinking face.

沒錯，那就是我沉思時的表情。

My last one I want to show you is actually a video.

我想要給你看的最後一項其實是一支影片。

And this was just everywhere the other day.

前幾天被瘋傳。

It's called "Hermione Dancing."

被稱作「妙麗跳舞」。

I think this was at a Comic-Con or something.

我猜應該是在動漫展的時候。

But check this out. I think this is funny.

看一下吧，我覺得很有趣。

I mean, that's...

這個 ... 我覺得這個 ...。

Not bad.

不錯。

-That is great. - That's ...

很棒啊 這 ...。

I don't ... that ...

我不 ...。

We need to remake the films as a musical.

不錯吧我們該來重拍成音樂劇了。

- We need more of that. - Yeah.

- 沒錯。

Pal, I'm excited to see you back on Broadway ...

我很興奮看到你重回百老匯。

"The Lifespan of a Fact."

「事實的壽命。」

- Yeah. - This is a brand-new play.

這是一齣全新的舞台劇。

Why don't you tell us about this?

何不介紹這齣舞台劇給各位觀眾呢？

Yeah. So, as you can see, it's myself, Bobby Cannavale, and Cherry Jones.

當然，如你所見，這是我自己、巴比卡納佛和切利瓊斯。

We play ...

我們飾演 ...。

Well, I play a fact checker that is sent to check an article written by an author, played by Bobby.

我飾演一位被發派檢查文章的審核員，那篇文章是由巴比飾演的作者所著。

And this author is not used to being held to kind of journalistic standards of integrity ... of accuracy.

然而這位作者不被新聞業標準的準確性所束縛。

So he's kind of ...

所以他某種程度上 ...。

I just go in and make his life hell for a few days.

我闖入他的生活，並且讓他的日子不好過。

And Cherry's character is our editor, who kind of has to, like, make the decision whether or not to publish the article in the end and sort of keep us from killing each other.

而切利的角色是我們的編輯，她的工作是決定最終是否會刊登這篇文章，某種程度上避免我們互相殘殺。

- But it's a comedy. - It's comedy.

但是這是一齣喜劇。 - 是喜劇。

I should say that as well.

我應該也要提到這個。

And the other thing I will say, because it will get me to see any play, is it's one act straight through.

另一件事是，因為這件事會讓我想看任何舞台劇，就是它是獨幕劇。

Oh, I love that.

我超愛。

- Yeah. - Oh, I love that.

- 沒錯。 - 我超愛。

- Yeah, no. I'm... Yeah.

對 ...。

But how are you gonna do this and still be into football?

但是你要如何演出舞台劇並且仍然對足球著迷？

'Cause Sunday is a big day for Broadway.

因為周日對百老匯而言是個大日子。

Yeah, me and Bobby have been talking about this.

我和巴比討論過此事。

'Cause he's in fantasy leagues, too.

因為他也在玩夢幻足球。

And we're just ... We got two shows on a Sunday.

而且我們在週日有兩場表演。

-Yeah. -And, you know, that's when all the games are, so it's just going to be --

- 對啊。 - 然後，你懂的。每場遊戲都是 ...。

I have two exits in the play.

在演出時有兩次退場。

Like, if you come and see the play, forget that I said this, but I'll be ...

如果你來看舞台劇，忘記我說的這些。

There's basically, like, a little cupboard that I go into at one point in the play.

那邊有一個小櫥櫃，在退場時我會進去那邊。

I have, like, five minutes in there.

我有五分鐘可以在那裡。

I will have my phone or something in there.

我的手機或是一些東西會放在那邊。

- You'll be checking scores? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

你會確認分數？- 當然。

- I'll be coming out, saying -- -You'll be in the cupboard.

- 我出來後會說 ... 。- 你會在櫥櫃裡。

You'll be like...

你會 ...。

- "Awesome! Oh, my God." - Yeah.

-「讚啦！天啊！」 - 沒錯。

It will be like, "Thank you, Jordan Howard."

像是「感謝！喬丹霍華德！」

There will be stuff like that going on.

就像這樣。

But no, it's ... Yeah, it's really ...

但是，這真的 ...。

- I won't lie ... - Do you get in the thing ...

- 我不會說謊。 - 你有沒有 ...。

Do you ever do a play and get distracted or something like that and you forget a cue or a line or...

你有沒有曾經在表演的時候分心或是之類的事情，結果錯過提示或是忘記台詞。

I'm pretty ... I'm generally ...

我相當 ... 通常 ...。

Like, the fear of screwing up keeps me concentrating.

害怕搞砸能讓我保持專注。

But I've definitely had ... There are moments ...

但是我當然 ... 有些時候 ...。

When you're in a bigger show with a bigger cast, as well, and there's, like, stuff going on on-stage, you can kind of drift off and look at the audience or see ...

當你與其他更大牌的演員一起身處更大型的表演，像是上台你會有某種程度上的睡意，然後看著觀眾 ...。

Well, 'cause you can't really see beyond the third row.

因為沒辦法看見第三排後的觀眾。

But there will occasionally be people up front that really grab your attention.

但是偶爾有前排的觀眾真的會吸引你的注意。

- Really? - Yeah.

- 真的嗎？ - 對啊。

My favorite guy was a guy ... not, obviously, on this play ... but I did "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead" last year in London.

我最喜歡的觀眾是 ... 不是在這齣舞台劇裡，是去年在倫敦演出的《君臣人子小命嗚呼》。

It's like ... It's a long play.

這是一場很長的表演。

- It's, you know, sort ... -Yeah.

- 你懂的，有點 ... 。- 是啊。

It's fun, but it's complex.

有趣但是複雜。

And this guy just, like, came into the first act, sat down.

然後這位先生，在第一幕的時候進場並坐下。

My scene partner, Josh, was doing most of the talking.

我的夥伴約書亞正在說台詞。

So I was just able to watch this guy come in, sit down with his rucksack in the front row, put it down, rummage around in it for a second, produce a foot-long wrapped in tin foil ... proceed to unwrap half of it, go to town.

所以我能夠看著這位先生進場，背著背包坐在第一排，然後將背包放下。他把東西放到一旁，找了一下，拿出一個被錫箔紙包住約一英尺長的包裝，開始打開一半的包裝 然後開始睡覺。

So, like, the first two scenes, just eating this massive thing.

在頭兩個場景只享用這個巨大的東西。

- He's eating a giant hot dog. - Eating a giant hot dog.

- 他在享用大熱狗。 - 享用大熱狗。

And then, like, as soon as he was done, put the stuff away and went to sleep... for the rest of the act.

享用完後，把東西收起來 然後去睡覺，睡了整幕。

-Totally worth the ticket price. -Yeah, but that's the thing.

- 完全值回票價。 - 但是還有一件事。

He came back for the second act and seemed to have a great time.

他在第二幕的時候醒來，好像享受完了美好的時光。

He got up and stood at the end and clapped.

他起床並在表演結束時站起來鼓掌。

Standing ovation?

起立鼓掌？

He's like, "I'm coming back. This is the best ...

他就像是「我回來了，這真是最棒的 ... 」。

-"Yeah, I got food." -"Dinner."

- 「我有食物吃」。 - 「晚餐」。

- Yeah, it was ... -Took a nap.

- 對，那一次。 - 睡個覺。

No, it was ... But that's the thing.

不，但那就是重點所在。

Normally, you can like ...

一般來說，你可能。

You can end up getting mildly irritated with guys like that in the audience.

你可能會有點被這樣的觀眾微微惹怒。

But actually, that time, we were just like ...

但事實上，那一次，我們 ...。

"You're great."

你太棒了。

I love this guy.

我喜歡這傢伙。

You don't care at all that you're at a play.

你一點也不在意你正在看表演。

No, not all.

一點也不在意。

This one, you don't have time to bring dinner and a nap.

這一次，你沒有時間買晚餐和睡覺。

Congrats on this. I will go see you in this one.

恭喜，我會去欣賞這齣舞台劇裡你的表現。

"The Lifespan of a Fact."

「事實的壽命」。

Daniel Radcliffe, everybody.

以上是丹尼爾雷德克里夫！