字幕列表 影片播放
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-Trapp, I've heard it with my own ears, OK? - No.
- Trapp,我親耳聽過好嗎! - 沒有。
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- I promise you. - Fine, look.
- 絕對有!- 好啦!
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- I'm looking it up. - OK.
- 我現在來查。 - 好!
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Can birds cough?
鳥會咳嗽嗎?
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(gasps) Oh my god!
(倒抽一口氣) 天啊!
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Your phone doesn't have a case.
你的手機沒有手機殼!
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Yeah, I know, so?
我知道啊,所以呢?
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I'm here for protective services.
我是來執行保護性服務的。
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I wanna speak to Mr. Mike Trapp about a caseless phone.
我想找 Mike Trapp 先生談談關於手機沒有手機殼的問題。
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Yeah, he's right here.
他就在這!
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Shit, when I think about what that phone must have been through!
X 的,我不敢想像那支手機到底經歷了什麼。
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Protective services?
保護性服務?
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I don't, hey, hey!
我根本沒...嘿你幹嘛?!
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It's gonna be OK.
你會沒事的!
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Hey, the way I take care of my phone is my business!
嘿!怎麼處理我的手機是我的事!
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And now it's my business because this looks like negligence to me.
而現在我管定了,因為在我看來這是 (照顧) 疏忽。
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Just another deadbeat who's too focused on his own life to protect the small fragile one in his care.
又是一個遊手好閒、只在乎自己而無法保護脆弱的小傢伙的人!
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Negligence?
疏忽?
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No, it just doesn't have a case, it's fine.
不,只是沒有手機殼而已,沒什麼大不了的。
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Got any scratches or dents you wanna show me, buddy?
孩子,你身上有任何刮痕或凹痕嗎?
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OK, can you stop harassing it?
好了,可以不要再騷擾它了嗎?
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Come on, phone, let's get out a here.
手機,我們走吧!
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I know your type!
我了解你這種人!
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You think you're gonna live forever.
就是那種覺得自己死不了。
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No.
不是這樣的!
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Cruising 90 down the highway, seatbelt off, wind in your hair, booze in your brain.
在公路上漫無目的地超速、不繫安全帶、讓風恣意吹亂頭髮、喝酒喝昏頭。
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No.
並沒有這樣!
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You wanna fuck your own life up, pal, you go right ahead!
老兄,你想毀掉你的人生,慢走不送!
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But you gotta phone now.
但你有了手機,
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You gotta think of your phone!
你要想想你的手機!
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Think of the phone!
想想你的手機!
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Don't you love it?
你不愛它嗎?
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Yes, I love my phone.
我當然愛我的手機!
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I love a lot a things about it.
它的很多點我都愛,
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I love how thin it is.
我愛它是如此的薄,
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Then make it thicker.
讓它變厚一點啊!
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I love how responsive the touchscreen is.
我愛它的觸控螢幕是如此的靈敏,
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Then cover the screen with plastic.
那就用手機殼保護好螢幕啊!
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I love how carefully it was designed.
我愛它的設計是如此精細,
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Then hide that design under a big, yellow minions case.
那就用又大又黃的小小兵手機套保護它吧!
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No.
不要!
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No!
絕對不要!
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Phones shouldn't have to live like this.
手機不該過這樣的生活。
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You don't need to listen to them yelling.
你不必聽他們大呼小叫。
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You take care of your phone the way you want,
你用你的方式照顧手機。
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and I'll take care of mine the way I want.
我用我的方式照顧。
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But you're not taking care of it.
但是你根本沒照顧它啊!
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The world is a dangerous place,
世界何其危險,
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and you need to protect this.
而你必須好好保護它!
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I am protecting--
我有在保護--
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Let me paint you a little picture.
讓我來描述一個情境:
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God, no.
拜託不要!
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You come home after a long day, you're tired.
一整天下來,你回到家已經累翻了,
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You got your phone in your hand as you walk into the house.
你拿著手機走進屋內,
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You think, "Hey, maybe I'll just toss it on the coffee table."
你會想「嘿,我就順手把手機丟在茶几上」。
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See I wouldn't do that.
聽著,我根本不會這樣做!
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Just toss it right over there.
丟在那就好。
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Whoop, right onto the table.
正好丟在桌上。
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When all of a sudden, bam!
忽然就「碰」的一聲!
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Bet ya suddenly wish you had two inches
我敢賭你會突然希望自己擁有,
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of all-American vulcanized rubber
一些如輪胎般堅固的橡膠!
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around the most valuable thing you own!
來保護你最珍貴的東西!
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No, because I wouldn't toss it
根本不會好嗎!我不會拿來丟!
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because it doesn't have a case.
因為沒有裝手機殼。
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(scoffs)
(嘲諷地一笑)
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Lemme tell you a story.
我跟你說個故事:
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God fucking damn it!
天啊,該死的!
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I know this guy, a lot like you actually.
我認識的一個人,其實跟你很像,
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- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
- 哦,是嗎? - 對。
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A lot like you.
很像你,
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He's out with his friends at a bar.
他和朋友去酒吧,
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He's got his phone, no case, just out on the table.
他帶著沒有手機殼的手機,放在桌上,
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OK, I'm going to stop you right there.
好了,故事到這裡就好。
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I would not put my phone on a table.
因為我不會把手機放在桌上!
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Well, you gotta take it out of your pocket.
可你總是要從口袋裡拿出來啊!
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Yeah, it's so bulky.
對啊,手機那麼笨重。
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It's not bulky because it doesn't have a case!
沒有手機殼的手機一點都不笨重!
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No need to be embarrassed.
別覺得不好意思。
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Yeah, we all do it.
我們都有這樣的時候。
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I don't.
我並不覺得不好意思啊!
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Look, my phone is either always in my pocket--
聽著,我的手機不是在口袋--
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Anyway, so this guy, he's having a great time--
反正這傢伙玩得很高興,
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- In a death grip in my hand-- - Boop!
- 就是我緊抓在手上,-- - 然後,
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- Just knock over that beer. - Or charging next to my bed.
- 啤酒打翻了, - 或是在床邊充電。
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- Spills all over the table! - Why would it need to be anywhere else?
- 啤酒撒了滿桌, - 為什麼一定要放在其他地方?
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Doesn't fall directly on the phone, but look at this.
是沒有直接灑在手機上,但你看,
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- Drip, drip, drip. Water damage - It's incredibly expensive.
水就這樣滴下來造成傷害! -手機這麼貴!
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Instant death!
當場死亡!
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Buddy, you gotta put on a centimeter of plastic around that phone
老兄,你用個手機殼,
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so you can toss it around with your friends.
就可以隨便把玩手機!
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You can crack walnuts with it, you can take it into the pool just like the rest of us decent folks who know how to protect something precious!
可以用它來敲碎核桃,或把它帶進水池裡,就像我們這些體面的人類一樣懂得保護貴重物品!
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Did you like the cocoa?
你喜歡喝可可嗎?
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I don't want to make my phone objectively worse
我不想讓我的手機看起來更醜。
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for just a little bit more security.
就為了增加一點安全性!
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Then I'm going to have to take it into protective custody.
那我就要讓它接受保護性監禁了。
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(groans) Fine, fine, I'll put a case on it.
(抱怨) 好啦、好啦,我會裝上手機套!
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We're gonna get you a case, OK?
要幫你穿上手機殼囉,乖!
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You're gonna be OK. (chuckles then gasps)
你會沒事的 (輕笑著,之後倒抽一口氣)。
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(phone clattering floor) - Oh.
(手機嘩啦地摔在地上) - 噢!
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[Both] That was your fault!
(同時) 這是你的錯!
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No, that was all you.
不,都是你的錯!
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- If you had a case on that,
如果你有裝上手機套,
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- it wouldn't have happened. - You dropped it!
- 悲劇就不會發生! - 明明就是你摔的!
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How is it my fault?
怎麼就我的問題了?
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Because if you had a case on it,
因為如果你有裝殼,
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it wouldn't have mattered!
事態就不會這麼嚴重了!
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- Not again! - I don't put a case on it--
- 不!怎麼又來了! - 我不裝手機殼--
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- Not again! (sobbing) - I don't drop my phone!
- 不!怎麼又發生這種事! - 是因為我不會摔到手機!
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Hi, it's Mike Trapp from CollegeHumor. Click here to subscribe. Click here for more fun things. And send help to keep me from sinking, please!
嗨!我是 CollegeHumor 的 Mike Trapp,按這裡訂閱此頻道,按這裡看更多新鮮趣事,然後拜託讓我不要再往下沉了!