It's a beautiful day in June.

這是六月美好的一天

Obviously, I don't have to tell you it's June.

顯然地，我沒必要告訴你們現在是六月

Why am I saying it's June?

為什麼我要說現在是六月？

You're like, "I know it's June, Ellen."

你們就像這樣 : 「我知道現在是六月，Ellen。」

You know, I always look good when I come out here

你們知道的，我上台的時候看起來總是還不錯，

because I know you're going to look good.

因為我知道你們也會很好

And people ask me often,

常常有人問我，

"What's the secret to looking good, Ellen?"

「讓自己看起來很不錯的秘密是什麼，Ellen？」

And they're usually on the side of me.

他們通常站在我旁邊

And I say to them, I tell them it's very simple.

然後我告訴他們，這非常簡單

"I get sleep.

「我睡眠充足

I eat healthy.

吃得健康

And 20 years ago, I made a deal with witch. "

而且 20 年前有和女巫作過交易。」

[LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHTER]

I know every year, there are new beauty trends out there.

我知道每年都會有新的美容趨勢

I thought I would show you some interesting ones that I found.

我也找到一些有趣的東西，打算給你們看

I take care of my teeth.

我很照顧我的牙齒

I think it's very important.

我認為它們非常重要

I brush my teeth several times a day.

我一天會刷牙好幾次

I floss-- very important to floss everybody-- floss.

還有剔牙-- 各位，剔牙真的非常重要 -- 剔牙

Yeah.

嗯

Flossing.

剔牙

[APPLAUSE]

[鼓掌]

Woohoo, flossing.

Woohoo，剔牙！(flossing 也有刻意引起別人注目的意思)

[APPLAUSE]

[鼓掌]

But here's the thing.

還有件事

This is a new toothpaste I found.

這是我找到的新牙膏

I would not use this.

我不會用它的

This is charcoal toothpaste.

這是木炭口味的牙膏

It's the same as regular toothpaste.

它和一般的牙膏一樣

But you put it on your toothbrush,

但你將它擠在牙刷上

and then you look like this when you're brushing your teeth.

然後刷著你的牙齒，就會變成這副模樣

It looks like you just ate a sleeve of Oreos.

看起來像剛吃完一筒 Oreos

Then after you're done, your teeth

然後你刷完牙，你的牙齒

are supposed to look much whiter.

看起來應該要更白

Well, of course, they're going to look whiter.

呃，當然，它們會變白

I mean, after that, you're like, " look at my teeth,

我是指，之後你就會像這樣 : 「看看我的牙齒，

they're white. "

它們好白。」

The next thing is something I saw on Instagram.

下一個東西是我在 Instagram 上看到的

It's for your eyebrows.

和你們的眉毛有關

Eyebrows are important.

眉毛很重要

They're like a mustache for your forehead.

它們就像額頭上的鬍子

And this is something called "fishtail eyebrows".

這就是所謂的「魚尾眉毛」

Has anyone seen that before?

有人曾經看過嗎？

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a thing.

這很重要。

Actually I think I can explain it.

事實上，我想我能解釋

You know the movie, The Shape of Water,

你們都知道 <水底情深> 這部電影，

where the lady has sex with a fish.

就是一個女人和一隻魚發生關係的那部

This is the kid.

這就是他們的小孩

This is--

這是--

Finally, there's a massage treatment that's

最後，有個按摩治療，

very popular in Indonesia.

在印尼非常流行

It's called "snake massage".

它叫「蛇式按摩」

It's not what it sounds like.

它不是聽起來的那樣

Look.

看

I'm kidding.

開玩笑的

It is.

它是

It's exactly what it sounds like.

它正是聽起來的那樣

I know it looks scary, but they don't use dangerous snakes.

我知道這看起來很恐怖，但他們不會拿有危險性的蛇

I'm kidding again.

這也是開玩笑的

They use 6-foot pythons.

他們用 6 呎長的蟒蛇。

And I don't know how someone comes up with that idea,

我不懂怎麼會有人想出這個點子，

to say let's try a snake massage or how someone chooses that.

去告訴大家「讓我們來試試這個蛇式按摩」，又有誰會選擇去嘗試

You're looking at, and you check into the hotel.

你正看著，邊登記入住飯店

" I need a massage--

「我需要按摩--

Swedish, shiatsu, hot stone, deep tissue, snake massage.

瑞典式按摩、指壓按摩、熱石療法、深層組織按摩、蛇式按摩

Yes, I'd like a 90-minute snake massage, please."

喔！請幫我來個90分鐘的蛇式按摩。」

I'm reading off of the--

我正在讀完這--

It's not written on my hand.

它沒寫在我手上

I should have held it like that.

我剛剛應該要像這樣子拿的

That's what I should have done.

應該是要這樣弄

Apparently with a snake massage, they

很明顯地，透過蛇式按摩，他們

offer a happy ending, which I think that's where you live.

提供一個快樂的結局，而我覺得那就是你住的地方

I think, that happy ending is you just live.

我覺得，那個快樂的結局就是你們還活著

They say it's very relaxing, so let's relax.

他們說那是很放鬆的，那就讓我們輕鬆一下吧

I know people are freaked out by snakes,

我知道人們都非常怕蛇，

so I'm going to warn you.

所以我要提醒你們

It's only for a few seconds, but this is

只有幾秒鐘，但這就是

the snake massage they offer.

他們提供的蛇式按摩

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[音樂聲]

How is that relaxing?

那樣的放鬆覺得如何？

And she's doing nothing.

然後她什麼都沒做

She's just standing there.

她只是站在那

She came up with it.

她過來就為了這個

She's like, "I'm tired of working so hard.

她看起來就像 : 「我厭倦了這樣努力工作。

I'm just going to dump snakes on somebody's back."

我現在只想把蛇扔在別人的背上。」