international relations and high politcs.

國際關係和高級政治。

But it really

但它真的

refers to a set of skills that matter in many areas of daily life, especially at the office

是指在日常生活的許多領域，特別是在辦公室裡，一套重要的技能。

and on the landing, outside the slammed doors of loved ones' bedrooms. Diplomacy is the

和登陸處，親人臥室的關門外。外交是

art of advancing an idea or cause without unnecessarily inflaming passions or unleashing

不激不厲

a catastrophe. It involves an understanding of the many facets of human nature that can

災難。它涉及到對人性的許多方面的理解，這些方面可以是

undermine agreement and stoke conflict, and a commitment to unpicking these with foresight

破壞協議和挑起衝突，並承諾以遠見卓識消除這些問題。

and grace. The diplomat remembers, first and foremost, that some of the vehemence with

和優雅。外交官首先要記住，有些激烈的言論

which we can insist on having our way draws energy from an overall sense of not being

我們可以堅持自己的方式，從整體的感覺中汲取能量。

respected or heard within a relationship. We will fight with particular tenacity and

在關係中受到尊重或被傾聽。我們將以特別的毅力和

apparent meanness over a so-called small point when we have a sense that the other person

以小人之心度君子之腹。

has failed to honour our wider need for appreciation and esteem. Behind our fierce way of arguing

沒有尊重我們更廣泛的欣賞和尊重的需要。在我們激烈的爭論方式的背後

may lie a frustrated plea for affection. Diplomats know the intensity with which humans crave

可能隱藏著對感情的失望請求。外交官們知道人類對感情的渴望有多強烈

respect and so though they may not always be able to agree with us, they take the trouble

是以，儘管他們不一定能同意我們的觀點，但他們會花心思

to show that they have bothered to see how things look through our eyes. They recognise

以表明他們已經費心去看我們眼中的事物是怎樣的。他們認識到

that it is almost as important to people to feel heard, as to win their case. We'll

對人們來說，感受到自己的聲音和打贏官司幾乎同樣重要。我們將

put up with a lot once someone has demonstrated that they at least know how we feel. Diplomats

一旦有人表現出至少知道我們的感受，就會忍耐很多。外交官

therefore put extraordinary effort into securing the health of the overall relationship so

是以，在確保整體關係的健康方面付出了超乎尋常的努力。

that smaller points can be conceded along the way without attracting feelings of untenable

小巫見大巫，大巫見小巫。

humiliation. They know how much beneath pitched fights over money or entitlements, schedules

羞辱。他們知道，在金錢或權利、時間表等方面的爭鬥之下，有多大的壓力。

or procedures, a demand for esteem can stir. They are careful to trade generously in emotional

或程序，對自尊心的要求會激起。他們小心翼翼地在情感上進行慷慨的交易

currency, so as not always to have to pay excessively in other, more practical denominations.

幣，以免總是要過多地支付其他更實用的面額。

Frequently, what is at stake within a negotiation with someone is a request that they change

通常情況下，在與某人的談判中，關鍵是要求他們改變。

in some way: that they learn to be more punctual, or take more trouble on a task, that they

在某種程度上：他們學會了更守時，或在一項任務上更費心，他們在某種程度上

be less defensive or more open-minded. The diplomat knows how futile it is to state these

少一點防備，多一點開放。外交官知道，說出這些話是多麼的徒勞。

wishes too directly. They know the vast difference between having a correct diagnosis of how

願望太直接。他們知道有一個正確的診斷如何的巨大差異。

someone needs to grow and a relevant way to help them do so. They know too that what holds

某個人需要成長，以及幫助他們成長的相關方式。他們也知道，是什麼讓

people back from evolution is fear – and therefore grasp that what we may most need

人們從進化論中退縮的原因是恐懼--是以，把握住我們可能最需要的東西

to offer those whom we want to acknowledge difficult things is, above anything else,

給那些我們想承認困難的人提供最重要的東西。

love and reassurance. It helps greatly to know that those recommending change are not

愛和保證。知道那些建議改變的人並不在這裡，會有很大的幫助。

speaking from a position of impregnable perfection but are themselves wrestling with comparable

嘴上說著無懈可擊，但自己卻在與之相抗衡

demons in other areas. For a diagnosis not to sound like mere criticism, it helps for

惡魔在其他領域。為了使診斷聽起來不至於像單純的責備，它有助於

it to be delivered by someone with no compunctions to owning up to their own shortcomings. There

是由一個對自己的缺點毫無顧忌的人提供的。有

can be few more successful pedagogic moves than to confess genially from the outset,

最成功的教學動作莫過於一開始就大方承認。

'And I am, of course, entirely mad as well…'' In negotiations, the diplomat is not addicted

'當然，我也完全瘋了......'。在談判中，外交官不上癮。

to indiscriminate or heroic truth telling. They appreciate the legitimate place that

不分青紅皁白或英勇地說出真相。他們讚賞的是

minor lies can occupy in the service of greater truths. They know that if certain local facts

小小的謊言可以為更大的真理服務。他們知道，如果某些地方事實

are emphasised, then the most important principles in a relationship may be forever undermined.

強調，那麼關係中最重要的原則可能會被永遠破壞。

So they will enthusiastically say that the financial report or the homemade cake were

所以他們會很熱情地說，財報或自制蛋糕都是......。

really very pleasing and will do so not to deceive but to affirm the truth of their overall

真的很討人喜歡，而且會這樣做不是為了欺騙，而是為了肯定其整體的真實性。

attachment, which might be be lost were a completely accurate account of their feelings

如果完全準確地描述他們的感情，可能會失去這種感情。

to be laid out. Diplomats know that a small lie may have to be the guardian of a big truth.

要佈置的。外交官們都知道，一個小小的謊言可能要成為大實話的守護者。

They appreciate their own resistance to the unvarnished facts – and privately hope that

他們欣賞自己對不加掩飾的事實的抵抗--私下裡希望

others may on occasion, over certain matters, also take the trouble to lie to them, and

別人有時為了某些事情，也會不厭其煩地對他們撒謊，而且。

that they will never know. Another trait of the diplomat is to be serene in the face of

他們永遠不會知道的。外交官的另一個特點是在面對以下情況時保持平靜

obviously bad behaviour: a sudden loss of temper, a wild accusation, a very mean remark.

明顯的不良行為：突然發脾氣，胡亂指責，說了一句很刻薄的話。

They don't take it personally – even when they may be the target of rage. They reach

他們不把它個人化 - 即使他們可能是憤怒的目標。他們達到

instinctively for reasonable explanations and have clearly in their minds the better

本能地尋求合理的解釋，並在腦海中明確了較好的。

moments of a currently frantic but essentially loveable person. They know themselves well

的時刻，一個目前瘋狂但本質上是可愛的人。他們很瞭解自己

enough to understand that abandonments of perspective are both hugely normal and usually

足夠理解放棄觀點是非常正常的，而且通常是

indicative of nothing much beyond exhaustion or passing despair. They do not aggravate

表示除了疲憊或短暫的絕望之外，沒有什麼其他跡象。它們不會加重

a febrile situation through self-righteousness, which is a symptom of not knowing oneself

自以為是，不自知，熱病纏身

too well – and of having a very selective memory. The person who bangs a fist on the

記憶力太好，而且有很強的選擇性。拳頭打在牆上的人，會讓人覺得很不舒服。

table or announces extravagant opinions may simply be rather worried, frightened or just

表或宣佈奢侈的意見，可能只是相當擔心，害怕或只是。

very enthusiastic: conditions that should rightly invite sympathy rather than disgust.

非常熱情：理應引起同情而不是厭惡的條件。

At the same time, the diplomat understands that there are moments to sidestep direct

同時，外交官也明白，有的時候要避開直接的

engagement. They do not try to teach a lesson whenever it might first or most apply: they

參與。他們並不試圖在可能首先或最適用的時候講授課程：他們

wait till it has the best chance of being heard. At points, they disarm difficult people

等到它有最好的機會被聽到。點，他們解除困難群眾的武裝

by reacting in unexpected ways. In the face of a tirade, instead of going on the defensive,

以出人意料的方式做出反應。面對謾罵，而不是去防備。

the diplomatic person might suggest some lunch. When a harshly unfair criticism is launched

外交人員可能會建議吃些午餐。當一個嚴厲的不公平的責備被提出時

at them, they might nod in partial agreement and declare that they've often said such

他們可能會點頭表示部分同意，並宣稱自己經常說這樣的話。

things to themselves. They give a lot of ground away and avoid getting cornered in arguments

的東西給自己。他們讓出了很多地盤，避免在爭論中被逼到牆角。

that distract from the deeper issues. They remember the presence of a better version

的，分散了對更深層次問題的關注。他們記住了一個更好的版本的存在

of what might be a somewhat unfortunate individual currently on display. The diplomat's tone

的，可能是目前展示的一個有些不幸的人。外交官的語氣

of reasonableness is built, fundamentally, on a base of deep pessimism. They know what

的合理性，從根本上說，是建立在深深的悲觀主義基礎上的。他們知道什麼是

the human animal is, they understand how many problems are going to beset even a very good

他們明白即使是一個很好的人，也會遇到很多問題

marriage, business, friendship or society. Their good humoured way of greeting problems

婚姻、事業、友誼或社會。他們以幽默的方式迎接問題的出現

is a symptom of having swallowed a healthy measure of sadness from the outset. They have

是一開始就吞下了健康的悲傷的症狀。他們有

given up on the ideal, not out of weakness but out of a mature readiness to see compromise

放棄理想，不是因為軟弱，而是因為成熟地願意看到妥協。

as a necessary requirement for getting by in a radically imperfect world. The diplomat

作為在一個根本不完美的世界中生存的必要條件。外交官

may be polite, but they are not for that matter averse to delivering bits of bad news with

他們可能會很禮貌，但他們並不是以而不願意傳遞一些壞消息。

uncommon frankness. Too often, we seek to preserve our image in the eyes of others by

不常見的坦誠。很多時候，我們為了維護自己在別人眼中的形象，往往通過

tiptoeing around the harsh decisions – and thereby make things far worse than they need

躡手躡腳地繞過苛刻的決定--從而使事情變得比它們需要的更糟糕

to be. We should say that we're leaving them, that they're fired, that their pet

要。我們應該說我們要離開他們，他們被解僱了，他們的寵物。

project isn't going ahead, but we mutter instead that we're a little preoccupied

項目沒有進行，但我們反而嘀咕說我們有點心事重重

at the moment, that we're delighted by their performance and that the project is being

目前，我們為他們的表現感到高興，項目正在進行中。

actively discussed by the senior team. We mistake leaving some room for hope with kindness.

由高層團隊積極討論。我們誤以為留點希望的空間是善意的。

But true kindness does not mean seeming kind, it means helping the people we are going to

但真正的善良並不意味著看起來很善良，而是指幫助我們要去的人。

disappoint to adjust as best they can to reality. By administering a sharp, clean blow, the

失望，以儘可能地適應現實。通過實施尖銳、乾淨的打擊。

diplomatic person kills off the torture of hope, accepting the frustration that's likely

外交人士扼殺了希望的折磨，接受了可能的挫折。

to come their way: the diplomat is kind enough to let themselves be the target of hate. The

來的方式：外交官很善良，讓自己成為仇恨的目標。該

diplomats succeed ultimately because they are a realist; they know we are inherently flawed, unreasonable,

外交官之所以成功，最終是因為他們是一個現實主義者，他們知道我們天生就有缺陷，不講道理。

anxious, comedically absurd creatures who scatter blame unfairly, misdiagnose their

憂心忡忡，喜劇性的荒唐生物，他們不公平地散播責任，誤導他們的生活。

pains and react appallingly to criticism – especially when it is accurate – and yet they are hopeful

痛苦，並對責備作出可怕的反應--特別是當責備是準確的時候--但他們卻充滿希望。

too of the possibilities of progress when our disturbances have been properly factored

也意識到當我們的干擾因素被適當地考慮到時，進步的可能性很大

in and cushioned with adequate reassurance, accurate interpretation and respect. Diplomacy

中，並以充分的保證、準確的解釋和尊重作為鋪墊。外交

seeks to teach us how many good things can still be accomplished when we make some necessary

試圖告訴我們，當我們做出一些必要的努力時，仍然可以完成許多美好的事情。

accommodations with the crooked, sometimes touching and hugely unreliable material of human nature.

用人性中歪歪扭扭、時而觸目驚心、時而又極不可靠的材料來遷就。

If you're interested in coming to San Francisco to meet us at the end of March

如果你有興趣在三月底來舊金山和我們見面。

please click on the link on your screen now to find out more. We hope to see you there.

請點擊螢幕上的鏈接，瞭解更多資訊。 我們希望在那裡見到你。