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Welcome to the story of my life.
What up everyone, it's your girl, Superwoman,
and I work very hard.
Straight up, like I make two comedy videos a week,
I daily vlog, auditions, shoots,
writing, meetings, calls, showering.
It's a lot, I'm a hustler!
What up t-shirt reference!
Now that I've got that out of the way,
Let me tell you all of my lazy habits.
Number one, cleaning make-up brushes.
Now apparently, you're supposed to do this
more than once a year.
Yeah, I don't know.
Like I'm pretty busy doing other things,
like hiding in a bush in Fortnite
and complaining about my acne.
And a good make-up brush costs like $50, like am I right.
I know all the makeup gurus are gonna be like $50?
That's a steal!
But no, for me, fifty dollars for a good make-up brush.
Fifty dollars for a brush, like is it Laurel, is it Yanny,
no, it's neither, it's a scam.
You're telling me, I'ma buy this expensive brush,
and then I have to groom and bathe said brush?
For that price, the brush should be giving me a shower,
just like yo, not only will you do my blush,
okay, you gonna do my blush, shave my legs,
and then make me a hot cup of ginger tea.
Not to mention, I don't even know how to
properly clean a make-up brush
without ruining it's bristles,
like it starts like this and I wash it and it's like
Like can't I just rub it against a tic-tac
and call it a day?
Or, do I now gotta buy a brush cleaner,
for the fifty dollar brush, it's madness I tell you!
So yeah, for sure my make-up brushes, are fugly .
Every day, hundreds of make-up brushes
are left dirty.
Sweat.
Foundation.
Blush.
Infested with germs.
Neglected.
Used.
And abused.
It's been nine months
since I've been washed.
I used to be pink!
What the f man, why do I keep breaking out?
Number two, wearing sunscreen.
You see, I have an issue here, okay,
I can't accept the fact that I spent
most of my childhood, singing a song to Mr. Sun,
Mr. Golden Sun, and now as I've grown up,
you have the audacity to say that you're gonna burn my skin?
And I need protection from you?
Nah-uh, okay, I have decided to unstan.
Because here's the thing about sunscreen, right,
it's annoying, and it's a especially annoying
if you have brown skin.
Pourquoi? (French) You ask?
Because since the beginning of time,
sunscreen has never mixed in well,
or efficiently with my brown skin.
Let's go, you're gonna miss the bus.
Yeah, one sec.
You missed the test.
One sec.
Goodnight.
One sec.
Not to mention, it's super greasy looking, and feeling.
Finally!
And whenever I do wear sunscreen, it ends up making
my brown skin look purple.
Although side note, I will say that I found a new product,
that is actually dope, and not whack.
So Olay hit me up and sent me this whip's product,
and they said it was gonna be a sunscreen
that works with my brown skin, and I was like
are you sure?
So I gave it a test drive on my recent trip to Mexico,
and I'm gonna admit, no bs, this is dope!
So in this one instance, I'm gonna stop being lazy,
and actually use this product, and wear sunscreen,
but every other example in this video, no.
Okay I'm gonna make the same mistake, and then just
deal with the consequences.
Thank you, godspeed.
Number three, updating my computer.
Here's the issue with computer updates right,
is they give me the opportunity to procrastinate on a silver platter.
How are you gonna expect me, me, to
make the right decision when you're so easily presenting me
with an option to do this task tomorrow.
Like, is this your first day on Earth?
Have you never met a human,
you're giving us way too much credit.
Because of course I don't wanna do this right now,
no one wants to do this right now,
it's annoying, you gotta click the thing,
load the thing, and the thing that does the thing,
and then you gotta restart the whole thing, no thanks,
I'm for sure gonna do this tomorrow,
when I'm a better and more patient person, get outta here
Can I borrow your laptop for a sec?
Yeah, sure.
Thanks.
Let me just minimize MSN Messenger, sorry.
And close Paint, I was working on something, cool.
Oh, you know let me just minimize Napster too,
so it doesn't slow it down.
There you go.
Why don't you just update your computer?
Oh no I am, tomorrow.
The internet isn't working.
Huh?
Oh, sorry.
Oh, he got a phone call, sorry I have to start it again.
Okay until tomorrow I'm fine
playing solitaire on Windows 95.
Honestly some of the best days are when I won solitaire,
you know what I'm talking about,
those cards with the little screen like (whirring).
You know, honestly that was lit.
Number four, washing my face.
I promise, I'm going to
wash my make-up before I sleep.
I promise, I'm gonna wash my make-up before I sleep!
I promise, I'm gonna wash make-up sleep.
I promise.
I am for sure going to wash my make-up before I sleep.
Damn it.
I just think it's unrealistic,
for the universe to think that I'm gonna go through a day,
potentially filled with nonsense and tomfoolery ,
and then come home with enough capacity
and energy to wash my face.
That's insanity!
My pores need to take several seats.
Rather, evolution just needs to smarten up
and find a way to expel my make-up from my face,
after a long day, like I just come home,
and my make-up just fireballs (whooshing)
just off my face, just and just fake-lash fireball.
Not to mention the horrible combination
of being lazy, but then also loving white linens.
What kind of sick joke is this?
Like if you ever need a stunt double,
for any of my videos, just use my pillowcase.
Ugh, the heck man, why do I keep breaking out?
Why do I keep breaking out?
Honestly it remains a mystery.
Yo shoutouts to Olay for making this video possible,
straight up, if you wanna dope sunscreen
and facial moisturizer, get this.
Cause it worked under my make-up,
didn't leave me greasy like a samosa,
and didn't turn me into Barney.
SPF 25 son!
Otherwise, make sure you subscribe,
because I make new videos every Monday and Thursday!
One love Superwoman, that is a wrap, and zoop!
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你絕對做過的懶人行徑!(Lazy Things We All Do)

15321 分類 收藏
Stephanie 發佈於 2018 年 8 月 13 日    Stephanie 翻譯    Charlotte Chou 審核

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你也是屬於下班或下課回家只想當一攤爛泥的人嗎? 那你絕對不能錯過這部影片!

1fugly 1:25
fugly 是屬於口語用法,其實是 f**king ugly 的縮寫,當形容詞來用,有「非常醜陋的;不吸引人的」之意。
Before he wore braces, his teeth were fugly.
他戴牙套之前,他的牙齒醜斃了。


2audacity 2:09
audacity 為名詞「大膽;勇氣」
He was the only who had the audacity to accept the challenge.
他是唯一一個有膽接受挑戰的人。


*同場加映:
直至今日:反霸凌詩篇 (To This Day Project - Shane Koyczan)


3dope3:10
dope 的原意是指「麻藥;毒品」,而在影片中當形容詞,在口語用法上指「超棒的」。
Hey man, you gotta check out this dope video.
嘿兄弟!你一定要看這個超棒的影片。


*同場加映:
台灣最棒的10件事情! (10 Best Things About Taiwan )


4procrastinate 3:42
procrastinate 為動詞,有「拖延;耽擱」的意思,若要說「拖延者」或是「有拖延症的人」,可以用 procrastinator。
She is behind schedule because she procrastinates.
因為她拖延的關係,所以她現在進度落後了。


*同場加映:
拖拖拉拉大怪獸退散!如何避免拖延症 (How to Stop Procrastinating)


5tomfoolery 5:52
tomfoolery 指「愚蠢的舉動;蠢事;無聊之事」,通常用在有玩鬧性質的舉動上。
Let's all stop this tomfoolery and get down to business.
我們都不要幹蠢事了,快點做正經事!


*同場加映:
廠商又寄來什麼好物了呢?讓美妝達人 Zoella 來告訴你!(New In Beauty : Blogger Mail 2 | Zoella)


雖然很忙很累,但有些事還是不得不做呀!例如,吃飯、睡覺、遛狗、洗澡、洗衣服...

文/ Hsiang Lan Lee

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  1. UrbanDictionary 俚語字典整合查詢。一般字典查詢不到你滿意的解譯,不妨使用「俚語字典」,或許會讓你有滿意的答案喔