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  • (chiming)

    (鐘聲響)

  • Hey, guys.

    嗨大家

  • Grant, here.

    我是 Grant

  • If you're single like me,

    如果你跟我一樣是單身

  • you might have tough time cooking

    你可能會煩惱煮飯

  • or grocery shopping

    或是買東西

  • without throwing away a ton of food.

    因為每次一買可能都要丟掉很多食物

  • You might also have a Peter Pan Complex

    你可能會有彼得潘症候群

  • and the feeling that no one loves you

    還有沒有人愛你的感覺

  • because deep down, you don't deserve it.

    因為打從心底,你就覺得你不值得

  • Here are five tips to help with the first thing.

    讓我跟大家分享五個面對單身的小秘訣

  • (chiming)

    (鐘聲響)

  • The first thing I recommend for single people

    我向單身的人建議的第一件事是

  • is to skip cooking all together.

    不要自己煮

  • Get take out.

    去買外賣吧!

  • It really cuts down on the sad factor

    這真的會減少一些

  • of standing over a small burner alone.

    獨自站在小火爐前的悲傷感

  • Um, Grant, I'm single

    Grant,我單身

  • but I like cooking.

    但是我在煮飯

  • You're lying to yourself.

    你就在騙你自己

  • The only people who like cooking

    那些真的喜歡煮菜的人

  • are the ones with someone to cook for.

    就是那些有對象的人

  • That ain't you, Buster,

    那不是你

  • and at this rate,

    照這樣看來

  • it might never be.

    你永遠不會是

  • (cork popping)

    (打開軟木塞聲)

  • Sometimes getting take out

    有時候去買外賣

  • just isn't practical.

    不實際

  • On those nights,

    在那些夜晚

  • I like to call in the Navy.

    我喜歡把最愛的垃圾食物軍隊叫出來

  • Captain Crunch and Captain Morgan.

    Crunch (食物品牌) 隊長以及 Morgan (酒品牌) 隊長

  • The breakfast cereal's an inexpensive source of carbs

    早餐麥片是不貴的碳水化合物來源

  • to fill your stomach but not your soul

    它可以填滿你胃而不是你的心靈

  • and alcohol will put you to sleep

    酒精會助眠

  • so you can stop feeling this way.

    所以你就可以不用一直感覺到單身的悲傷

  • Now, doctors say alcohol's a depressant

    現在,醫生說酒精是鎮靜藥

  • but those know-it-alls don't know real depression.

    但是那些會這樣說的人不知道真正的憂鬱

  • They probably all have kids and houses.

    他們可能都有孩子和房子

  • (cork popping)

    (打開軟木塞聲)

  • From time to time,

    有時

  • you gotta fire up the oven and make a lasagna,

    你需要開火做義大利麵

  • the way mom used to make.

    就像媽媽之前煮的一樣

  • It has all the carby goodness of cereal

    它有麥片裡好的碳水化合物

  • and it smells like childhood.

    聞起來又像童年

  • Remember that smell?

    你記得那個味道嗎?

  • Oh, God, you were so happy then, weren't you?

    喔天啊,你那時候很開心,不是嗎?

  • You had so much potential.

    你那時候有很多的可能性

  • You hadn't disappointed so many people,

    你還沒有讓那麼多人失望

  • most of all yourself.

    大部分的你自己

  • When you're done,

    當你吃完

  • go ahead and leave the whole pan in the sink.

    就把整個鍋子放在水槽

  • Who's gonna care?

    誰會在乎呢?

  • Please.

  • Somebody care?

    有人在乎嗎?

  • (cork popping)

    (打開軟木塞聲)

  • I date.

    我有去約會

  • I do, I date a lot.

    我真的有,我約會很多次

  • Enough anyway.

    已經夠多了

  • It doesn't work out

    但都沒有成功

  • and I tell myself

    我告訴我自己

  • it wasn't the right person but

    他不是對的人但是

  • I don't know.

    我不知道

  • Could it be

    他可能是

  • that I don't want someone who wants me

    我不想要那些想要我的人

  • because what kind of person would want me?

    因為到底哪種人會喜歡我?

  • Therapist.

    心理治療師

  • I can't afford a therapist.

    但我負擔不起心理治療師的費用

  • I have student loans.

    我還有學貸

  • That's another thing.

    那又是另一件事情

  • Why would anyone date someone

    到底為什麼會有人想跟一個

  • who's so fucking broke all the time?

    破產的人約會呢?

  • Why, would I inflict myself

    為什麼我要連累

  • on someone else?

    其他人呢?

  • Ah, yeah.

    恩對

  • Don't buy too much.

    不要買太多

  • (cork popping)

    (打開軟木塞聲)

  • (chiming)

    (鐘聲響)

  • (popping)

    (砰)

  • (popping)

    (砰)

  • (popping)

    (砰)

  • (popping)

    (砰)

  • (upbeat instrumental music)

    (愉悅的音樂)

  • Fuck.

    F*ck

  • (heartbeat)

    (心跳聲)

  • Hey, it's Grant from College Humor.

    嗨,我是 College Humor 的 Grant

  • Click here to subscribe to the channel.

    點這裡訂閱我們的頻道

  • Click here for more fun stuff.

    點這裡來看更多有趣的影片

  • Sorry, you guys.

    對不起大家

  • It feels like I'm out.

    看起來我的畫面被切掉了

  • Am I out?

    是嗎?

  • 'Cause I can like,

    因為我可以

  • I can see the top of the camera so it's-

    看到攝影機的最上面

  • Is this better?

    這樣有比較好嗎?

  • Alright, it feels worse.

    好吧,好像更糟

  • Okay, thanks for watching.

    謝謝收看

(chiming)

(鐘聲響)

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單身不是罪!一人開伙也可以 (5 Tips on Cooking for One | CH Shorts)

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    Judy Huang 發佈於 2018 年 06 月 14 日
影片單字