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  • Hello, Doha. Hello. Salaam alaikum.

    哈囉,杜哈。哈囉。Salaam alaikum!(阿拉伯問候語:平安)

  • I love coming to Doha. It's such an international place.

    我喜歡來杜哈,這是一個多麼國際化的地方。

  • This is like -- it feels like the United Nations just here.

    這就像是 — — 這裡就像聯合國。

  • You land at the airport, and you're welcomed by an Indian lady

    你抵達機場,然後一位印度女士來接送你,

  • who takes you to Al Maha Services, where you meet a Filipino lady

    她帶你到 Al Maha 服務站,在那你遇到一位菲律賓女士,

  • who hands you off to a South African lady

    她又帶你去見一位南非來的女士,

  • who then takes you to a Korean who takes you to

    然後這位女士又帶你去見一個韓國人,這人帶你

  • a Pakistani guy with the luggage

    去見一個提著行李的巴基斯坦人,

  • who takes you to the car with a Sri Lankan.

    這巴基斯坦人又帶你去找一個開著車的斯里蘭卡人,

  • You go to the hotel and you check in. There's a Lebanese.

    你去旅館報到,那裡有黎巴嫩人,

  • Yeah? And then a Swedish guy showed me my room.

    是吧?然後一個瑞典人領我到房間,

  • I said, "Where are the Qataris?" (Laughter)

    我問:「卡達人都在哪啊?」(笑聲)

  • (Applause)

    (掌聲)

  • They said, "No, no, it's too hot. They come out later. They're smart."

    他們說:「不,不,天氣太熱了,他們晚點才會出門。他們很聰明」

  • (Laughter) "They know."

    (笑聲)「他們知道。」

  • And of course it's growing so fast, sometimes there's growing pains.

    當然當一個城市發展得很快,煩惱也隨之增長。

  • You know, like sometimes you run into people that you think

    你知道,比如,有時候你遇見某些人,

  • know the city well, but they don't know it that well.

    這些人非常瞭解這個城市,但他們事實上沒那麼瞭解。

  • My Indian cab driver showed up at the W,

    我的印度計程車司機在 W 飯店

  • and I asked him to take me to the Sheraton,

    我要他帶我去喜來登,

  • and he said, "No problem, sir."

    他說:「沒問題,先生。」

  • And then we sat there for two minutes.

    然後我們在那裡坐了兩分鐘,

  • I said, "What's wrong?"He said, "One problem, sir."

    我說,「有什麼不對勁嗎?」他說:「先生,有一個問題。」

  • I said, "What?" He goes, "Where is it?"

    我說:「什麼問題?」他說:「喜來登在哪裡?」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • I go, "You're the driver, you should know."He goes, "No, I just arrived, sir."

    我說:「你是司機,你應該知道才對。」他說:「不,先生,我才剛到這裡。」

  • I go, "You just arrived at the W?""No, I just arrived in Doha, sir.

    我問:「你剛剛到達 W 飯店?」「不,先生,我才剛到杜哈,

  • I was on my way home from the airport. I got a job.

    我在從機場回家的路上找到了工作,

  • I'm working already."

    就馬上開始上班了。」

  • He goes, "Sir, why don't you drive?"

    他說:「先生,你為什麼不開車?」

  • I go, "I don't know where we're going."

    我說:「我不知道我們要去哪裡?」

  • "Neither do I. It will be an adventure, sir."

    「我也不知道。先生,這將是一段冒險。」

  • It is an adventure. The Middle East has been an adventure the past couple years.

    這是一段冒險,過去幾年來,中東地區一直都是一段冒險行程。

  • The Middle East is going crazy with the Arab Spring

    中東正為阿拉伯之春狂熱著,

  • and revolution and all this. Are there any Lebanese here tonight?

    為革命以及所有這一切狂熱著。今晚在這兒有黎巴嫩人嗎?

  • Any Lebanese by applause? (Applause) Lebanese.

    黎巴嫩人請鼓掌(掌聲)黎巴嫩人。

  • Yeah. The Middle East is going crazy.

    是啊,中東正狂熱著。

  • You know the Middle East is going crazy

    你們知道,正當中東正狂熱著的時候,

  • when Lebanon is the most peaceful place in the region.

    黎巴嫩卻是這區域最和平的地方。

  • (Laughter) (Applause)

    (笑聲)(掌聲)

  • Who would have thought? Oh my gosh.

    誰會想到啊?哦天啊。

  • No. There's serious issues in the region.

    不,在這區域有嚴重的問題。

  • Some people don't want to talk about them. I'm here to talk about them tonight.

    有些人不想談論這些;今晚在這兒,我就要談一談。

  • Ladies and gentlemen of the Middle East,

    各位中東的先生女士們,

  • here's a serious issue. When we see each other,

    這區域有個嚴重的問題:當我們看到彼此時,

  • when we say hello, how many kisses are we going to do?

    當我們說你好,我們要親幾次吻?

  • Every country is different and it's confusing, okay?

    每個國家都不同,這很令人困惑,好嗎?

  • In Lebanon, they do three. In Egypt, they do two.

    在黎巴嫩,他們親三次,在埃及,他們親兩次,

  • I was in Lebanon, I got used to three.

    我在黎巴嫩時已經習慣了親三次。

  • I went to Egypt. I went to say hello to this one Egyptian guy,

    我跑去埃及,我對一個埃及人說哈囉,

  • I went, one, two. I went for three. He wasn't into it.

    我親了,一次,兩次,當我準備親第三次時,他受夠了。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • I told him, I said, "No, no, no, I was just in Lebanon."

    我告訴他,我說:「不,不,不,我剛才在黎巴嫩。」

  • He goes, "I don't care where you were. You just stay where you are, please. Just stay where you are."

    他說:「我管你剛才在哪,你就待在你原來的地方吧,待那就好。」

  • I went to Saudi Arabia. In Saudi Arabia, they go one, two,

    我跑去沙烏地阿拉伯。在沙烏地阿拉伯,他們親一次, 兩次,

  • and then they stay on the same side -- three, four, five, six,

    然後他們留在同一側——3、4、5、6、

  • seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18.

    7、8、9、 10、 11、 12、 13、 14、 15、 16、 17、 18。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • Next time you see a Saudi, look closely. They're just a little bit tilted.

    下次你們見到沙烏地阿拉伯人,你們仔細觀察,他們姿勢有點傾斜。

  • "Abdul, are you okay?""Yeah, I was saying hello for half an hour.

    「阿卜杜勒,你還好吧?」「還可以,我說哈囉說了半小時。」

  • I'm going to be all right."

    「我會沒事的。」

  • Qataris, you guys do the nose to nose.

    卡達人,你們這些傢伙鼻子碰鼻子。

  • Why is that? Are you too tired to go all the way around?

    這是為什麼?你們太累了,不能這麼繞一便親吻嗎?

  • "Habibi, it's so hot. Just come here for a second. Say hello.

    「Habibi(阿拉伯語:朋友)好熱,我剛到這裡,說你好。

  • Hello, Habibi. Just don't move. Just stay there please.

    你好,Habibi。別動,請留在那裡,

  • I need to rest."

    我需要休息。」

  • Every countryIranians, sometimes we do two, sometimes we do three.

    每個國家 — — 伊朗人,有時我們親兩次,有時我們親三次,

  • A friend of mine explained to me, before the '79 revolution,

    我的一個朋友向我解釋,在 1979 年革命以前是兩次;

  • it was two. After the revolution, three.

    革命後,是三次。

  • So with Iranians, you can tell whose side the person is on

    所以和伊朗人在一起時,你可以根據他們親吻你的數次

  • based on the number of kisses they give you.

    來辨別他們支持的陣營。

  • Yeah, if you go one, two, three -- "I can't believe you support this regime

    是啊,如果你親一次、兩次、 三次 — —「噢我真敢不相信你支持這個政權

  • with your three kisses."

    你親三次。」

  • But no, guys, really, it is exciting to be here,

    但是,不,各位,真的,來到這裡真的很令人興奮,

  • and like I said, you guys are doing a lot culturally,

    就像我說過的,你們在文化上做了很多事,

  • you know, and it's amazing, and it helps change the image

    你知道,這很棒的,它有助於

  • of the Middle East in the West. Like a lot of Americans

    改變中東地區在西方的形象,比如,很多美國人

  • don't know a lot about us, about the Middle East.

    不瞭解我們,也不瞭解中東地區,

  • I'm Iranian and American. I'm there. I know, I've traveled here.

    我是伊朗人也是美國人,我在那裡。我知道,我到這兒旅行過。

  • There's so much, we laugh, right?

    很多人不理解,我們也會笑,是吧?

  • People don't know we laugh. When I did the Axis of Evil comedy tour,

    他們不知道我們會笑。當我巡迴表演「邪惡軸心」喜劇的時候,

  • it came out on Comedy Central, I went online

    它上了<喜劇中心>節目後,我上網

  • to see what people were saying about it. I ended up on a conservative website.

    看看人們怎麼評價它,最後我來到一個保守的網站,

  • One guy wrote another guy. He said, "I never knew these people laughed."

    一個傢伙留言另一個傢伙,他說:「我從來不知道這些人會笑。」

  • Think about it. You never see us laughing in American film or television, right?

    想想看,你永遠不會看到我們在美國電視或電影裡頭笑,對吧?

  • Maybe like an evil -- like, "Wuhahaha, wuhahaha. (Laughter)

    如果有的話就像魔鬼......像這樣:「唔吼哈哈, 唔吼哈哈。」(笑聲)

  • I will kill you in the name of Allah, wuhahahahaha."

    我會以阿拉的名殺了你,「唔吼哈哈哈哈哈。」

  • But never like, "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."

    但從來沒有像這樣:「哈 哈 哈 哈 哈 哈 哈 哈 哈。」

  • We like to laugh. We like to celebrate life.

    我們喜歡笑,我們喜歡慶祝生命。

  • And I wish more Americans would travel here. I always encourage my friends:

    我希望更多美國人會來這裡旅行,我總是鼓勵我的朋友們:

  • Travel, see the Middle East, there's so much to see, so many good people.

    去旅行,去看看中東,那裡有許多東西可看,許多很棒的人。

  • And it's vice versa, and it helps stop problems

    反之亦然,它有助於消除

  • of misunderstanding and stereotypes from happening.

    由誤解和成見所造成的問題。

  • For example, I don't know if you heard about this,

    例如,我不知道你們是否聽過這事,

  • a little while ago in the U.S. there was a Muslim family

    前陣子在美國,有一個穆斯林家庭

  • walking down the aisle of an airplane

    在飛機走道上邊走邊聊,

  • talking about the safest place to sit on the plane.

    他們聊到飛機上最安全的座位,

  • Some passengers overheard them, somehow misconstrued

    一些乘客聽到他們說話,

  • that as terrorist talk, got them kicked off the plane.

    誤以為那是關於恐怖份子的對話,於是把他們趕下飛機。

  • It was a family, a mother, father, child, walking down the aisle,

    那是一個家庭, 母親、 父親、 孩子,他們走在過道上,

  • talking about the seating. Now as a Middle Eastern male,

    聊著座位的事。現在,作為一個中東男人,

  • I know there's certain things I'm not supposed to say

    我知道在美國的飛機上

  • on an airplane in the U.S., right?

    有某些東西我不應該說,是吧?

  • I'm not supposed to be, like, walking down the aisle,

    比如說,我不應該走在走道上說:

  • and be like, "Hi, Jack." You know, that's not cool.

    「嗨,傑克。」你知道,這一點都不酷。(聲同劫機)

  • Even if I'm there with my friend named Jack, I say,

    就算我和我的朋友傑克在一起,我會說:

  • "Greetings, Jack. Salutations, Jack."

    「傑克,我向你致上問候。」

  • Never "Hi, Jack."

    從來不是「嗨,傑克。」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • But now apparently we can't even talk about

    但現在顯然我們甚至不能談論

  • the safest place to sit on an airplane.

    飛機上最安全的座位!

  • So my advice to all my Middle Eastern friends and Muslim friends

    所以我給我所有中東和穆斯林朋友

  • and anyone who looks Middle Eastern or Muslim,

    和任何看起來像中東或穆斯林人,

  • so to, you know, Indians, and Latinos, everyone,

    也包含,你知道的,印度人和拉丁美洲人的忠告是......

  • if you're brown --

    如果你是棕色的

  • here's my advice to my brown friends.

    這是我給我棕色朋友們的建議:

  • The next time you're on an airplane in the U.S.,

    下一次你在美國的飛機上

  • just speak your mother tongue.

    就只說你的母語,

  • That way no one knows what you're saying. Life goes on.

    這樣就沒人知道你在說什麼了,繼續過生活。

  • Granted, some mother tongues might sound

    但有些母語聽起來

  • a little threatening to the average American, right?

    對一般的美國民眾有點威脅性,是吧?

  • If you're walking down the aisle speaking Arabic,

    如果你在走道上說阿拉伯文,

  • you might freak them out, if you're walking, "[Arabic],"

    你可能會惹火他們,如果你邊走邊說:「[阿拉伯文]」,

  • they might say, "What's he talking about?"

    他們可能會問:「他在講什麽?」

  • So the key, to my Arab brothers and sisters,

    所以,我的阿拉伯兄弟和姐妹們,關鍵是

  • you gotta throw in random good words to put people at ease

    你在走道上邊走邊說時,一定要隨便丟出一些好詞

  • as you're walking down the aisle.

    要讓人們放心。

  • Just as you're walking down: "[Imitating Arabic] --

    像這樣邊走邊說:「[模仿阿拉伯文]— —

  • strawberry!"

    草莓!」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • "[Imitating Arabic] -- rainbow!"

    「[模仿阿拉伯文]— —彩虹!」

  • "[Imitating Arabic] -- Tutti Frutti!"

    「[模仿阿拉伯文]— —水果冰!」

  • "I think he's going to hijack the plane with some ice cream."

    「我想他打算用一些冰淇淋劫持飛機。」

  • Thank you very much. Have a good night.

    謝謝。大家晚安。

  • Thank you, TED. (Cheers) (Applause)

    謝謝,TED。(歡呼)(掌聲)

Hello, Doha. Hello. Salaam alaikum.

哈囉,杜哈。哈囉。Salaam alaikum!(阿拉伯問候語:平安)

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A2 初級 中文 TED 中東 黎巴嫩 笑聲 飛機 傑克

【TED】Maz Jobrani: 當一個沙烏地阿拉伯人、印度人、和伊朗人走進卡達的酒吧.... (A Saudi, an Indian and an Iranian walk into a Qatari bar ... | Maz Jobrani)

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