Name: 選了和老爸一樣的人當伴侶？ (Daddy Issues)
Uploaded: 2018-06-26T21:01:01.000Z
Duration: 3 min 35 s

程度副詞

I'm very vocal about going to therapy and something that comes up again and again and again

我一直都很推薦心理諮商，而有件事也是一而再、再而三地出現

is that the messages we received as children carry themselves into our adulthood.

就是我們小時候得到的訊息到了成年後會伴隨著我們

Daddy! Look what I found! Can I keep him?

爸比！你看我找到了什麼？我可以養牠嗎？

Oh, no sweetie. I'm sorry - we move too much to keep any animals. But you know what? When you grow up, you can have as many cats as you want. Okay?

噢，寶貝，對不起。我們太常搬家了，不能養寵物。但你知道嗎？等到你長大就隨便你要養幾隻貓都可以

I can have as many cats as I want when I grow up.

How our fathers treat our mothers greatly influences how we view relationships and what we accept as normal.

我們的父親對待我們的母親的方式對於我們如何看待感情，和感情應該如何，有著深遠的影響

For daughters, this often affects our self esteem. We see how our father treats our mom, and however our mom responds, that's what we learn relationships are and what we should tolerate.

對女兒來說，這也影響她們的自尊心。我們看到父親如何對待母親，然後媽媽如何回應，就會成為我們學習的樣板

Our mothers are our role models and we look to our fathers to see how we should be treated.

我們的母親是我們的楷模，我們也從父親的行為學習我們應該如何被對待

For sons, they often look to their father to see what being a man means and how they should treat their partners.

對兒子來說，他們轉向父親學習男人應該如何，要如何對待伴侶

And this is why we're often attracted to people who resemble our parents. Not only because it's familiar, but it's literally the definition of the love we were raised on.

這就是為什麼我們通常被那些像我們的父母人吸引，不只是因為熟悉，更是因為這是我們被教導關於愛的定義

Whether these qualities are good, like charismatic, intelligent, and kind

無論是好的特質，像是有魅力、聰明、善良

or bad, like emotionally unavailable, uncommunicative, or distant. We repeat our past patterns with new partners.

或是壞的，像是冷漠、拒絕溝通，或疏離。我們會和新的伴侶重複過去的模式

I'll prove to you that I'm worthy of love! Love me!

我會向你證明我值得被愛！愛我！

Now, whatever your individual issues may be, I urge you to at least be aware of them.

但無論你個人有什麼問題，我希望你至少要知道問題是哪些

'Cause there's bound to be both positive and negative aspects of what we learned from our parents.

因為從父母身上學來的一定有好的也有壞的

And if you find yourself often choosing partners who only mirror the negative qualities, then it's time to look at the choices you're making.

如果你發現你找的伴侶常常只有那些缺點，那你必須仔細審視你的選擇

Because whether or not we realize it, we are instinctively making choices in our adult lives that reinforce our past traumas.

因為無論你有沒有發現，我們成年後做的選擇都是那些強化童年創傷的

I know right? I feel like I do always go for people who have the most negative aspects of my parents.

是吧？我覺得我都喜歡上那些有我父母缺點的人

Ohmigod, girl, tell me about it. I am so tired of dating my dad.

喔對呀，我已經受夠跟我爸很像的男人在一起了

One of the easiest ways to kind of figure out what patterns you're reinforcing is to make a list. I love lists!

要分析過去模式其中一個最簡單的方法就是列清單。我超愛清單！

First write out the negative and positive qualities of both your mother and your father. And then you make similar lists for the three most significant relationships in your life.

首先，寫下你父母的優缺點。接著對三個過去最重要的對象做同樣的事

Now look at these lists, and see what they all have in common in both areas.

接著比較這些清單，看看有哪些相似處

Being self aware is great! But actually breaking these patterns takes a lot of time and hard work and reflection and constant checking in and conscious decision making and even I have not really gotten there yet.

有自知之明很棒！但要實際上突破這些規律很難，要花很長的時間、精力，也要時時反省你的選擇。我覺得就連我自己都還沒能完全做到

And I've been aware of  my own issues for like 10 years. BUT getting better every day!

而且我已經這樣做大概十年了，但是我每天都有進步！

我是 Anna Akana。永保驚艷，Gotham

Don't leave! Because thank you to audible for sponsoring today's episode. Audiobooks are great for helping you be a better you.

先不要走，因為我要感謝 audible 贊助這部影片。有聲書能夠幫你成為更好的自己

Whether you want to feel healthier, or get motivated, or learn something new.

無論你想要更健康、更有動力，或是學習新的東西

and at least 10 of those are audiobooks that I listen to while I'm stuck in copious amounts of LA traffic, doing laundry, or stretching

其中至少十本是透過有聲書。我在塞車時 (而且洛杉磯常塞車) 、洗衣服，或做伸展時聽

I'm currently listening to Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood and it is eye opening.

我現在正在聽 Robin Norwood 的 Women Who Love Too Much，讓我大開眼界

Y'all know I love the opportunity to work on myself and this audiobook has shed a lot of light on my relationships and the choices I made in them.

你們都知道我喜歡讓自己變得更好，這本有聲書讓我對過去的感情，和我在這些感情中做的選擇，有更深的體悟

With audible, you get a free credit every month that's good for any audiobook regardless of price and unused credits roll over to the next month.

透過 audible，你每個月都會得到點數，可以讓你選擇任何定價的有聲書，如果當月沒有使用，會累積到下個月

And if by chance you don't like your audiobook, you can exchange it with no questions asked.

而且假如你不喜歡某本書，也可以更換，不會問更換原因。可以到 audioble.com/Anna，或是用簡訊傳 "anna" 到 500-500，就能免費試用 30 天

You can go to audioble.com/Anna or text "Anna" to 500-500 to start your free 30 day trial.

到 audioble.com/Anna，或是用簡訊傳 anna 到 500-500，就能免費試用 30 天

That's AUDIBLE.COM/ANNA or you can be a millennial and text "Anna" to 500-500.

audioble.com/Anna，千禧世代的你可以傳簡訊 anna 到 500-500

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