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  • - Oh no.

    - 噢,不

  • (deep bell ring)

    (沉重的鐘響聲)

  • This creepy guy keeps messaging me.

    那個怪咖一直傳訊息給我

  • - Ugh, what is he saying.

    - 噁欸,他傳什麼給妳?

  • - He said, "I'm going to kill myself if you don't respond,"

    - 他傳「如果妳不回我,我就去死」

  • and then he just wrote, "Marry me," like a thousand times.

    然後他剛傳了「嫁給我」大概一千次吧

  • - Gross, I never know what to say with guys like that.

    - 好噁,我還真不知怎麼回這種人

  • (ding)

    (叮)

  • - You should just friend him.

    - 妳應該就加他好友啊!

  • I do that with the women who reach out to me online,

    我對在網路上敲我的女人都這樣做

  • and we usually just have a nice chat,

    然後我們通常都聊得很愉快

  • hey maybe even a date or two.

    甚至還出去約會一兩次

  • - Oh ho ho, you dog.

    - 呵呵,你這個色胚

  • (suspenseful door slam)

    (甩門聲)

  • - Yeah, I guess I don't want to interact with him further,

    - 對,我覺得我不想再跟他互動了

  • and I definitely don't want to meet him in person.

    而且我絕對不想跟他見面

  • - What?

    - 啥 ?

  • It's great meeting new people; you should try it.

    多認識人很棒欸,妳應該試看看呀

  • You know, I love going to bars by myself

    我喜歡自己一個人去酒吧

  • just to meet new people.

    去認識新朋友

  • - That's fun.

    - 那很有趣

  • - I would never go to a bar alone.

    - 我絕不會一個人去酒吧

  • Oh my gosh, it's so much safer in a group,

    拜託,一群人去酒吧要安全多了

  • especially if you're drinking.

    特別是如果妳有喝的話

  • - Absolutely.

    - 當然

  • And I don't wanna get roofied.

    我可不想被撿屍

  • I have three friends who have been and it's terrifying.

    我有三個朋友有這樣的經驗,那超驚悚的

  • - Yes, I get that.

    - 對,我懂

  • One time I roofied myself,

    有一次我把自己喝茫了

  • just to see what the high would be like.

    只是想看看這樣有多爽

  • Honestly, not a fan.

    說真的,我不愛

  • - Really?

    - 真的 ?

  • - Yeah.

    - 對

  • - I don't know why anyone would choose to do that.

    - 我不懂為什麼有人會這樣做

  • - I just like having cool experiences.

    - 我只是喜歡酷的體驗

  • - We like to have cool experiences too;

    - 我們也喜歡體驗酷的事情

  • we're just gonna avoid bars unless we're with people.

    只是我們會避開酒吧,除非我們是一群人一起去

  • - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

    - 對對對

  • Bars are overrated.

    酒吧被高估了

  • Now, you know what I love?

    知道我最愛什麼嗎 ?

  • Taking long walks alone at night.

    一個人在夜裡漫步回家

  • - Oh, no.

    - 喔不

  • - The later the better.

    - 越晚越好

  • I do my best thinking done then.

    那時我最能釐清思緒

  • - I'd be clutching my phone the entire time.

    - 我會全程緊抓著我的手機

  • - Oh no.

    - 錯

  • Now, you leave your phone at home.

    妳應該把手機留在家裡

  • That way you don't look at Facebook or Instagram.

    這樣妳就不會上臉書或是 IG

  • You'd be in the moment now.

    妳會好好享受當下

  • (thunder)

    (晴天霹靂)

  • - If my phone doesn't have at least 90% battery life,

    - 如果我的手機電量低於至少 90%,

  • I'm not leaving my house.

    我不會出門

  • I need to always be ready to call 911.

    我需要隨時能打 119

  • - Same, always.

    - 我也是

  • - You should get an extra battery back.

    - 妳應該多帶一個行動電源

  • I have one, because I spend all day scrolling on Instagram.

    我就有一個,因為我整天在滑 IG

  • Just put it in my front pocket

    只要把它放在我的前口袋

  • and I can scroll all day long.

    然後我就可以滑一整天啦

  • - [Both] We don't have big enough pockets.

    - 我們的口袋不夠大 (異口同聲)

  • - Oh, just carry it or something; I don't know.

    - 喔,就把它帶著還是怎樣啊,我不知道欸

  • - But we're already carrying keys,

    - 可是我們已經帶鑰匙了

  • in one hand, as a weapon and mace in the other.

    一手拿鑰匙當武器,另一手拿防狼噴霧

  • - You use the mace so you have time to call 911.

    - 用防狼噴霧才有時間打 119

  • - You could take the bus if you don't wanna walk around.

    - 如果不想走路,妳可以搭公車

  • There's always tons of people on that.

    公車上總是有很多人

  • - But the bus can be especially creepy.

    - 公車上才可怕咧

  • - Yeah.

    - 對

  • I've had some terrible things happen to me on it.

    我曾經在公車上遇到很驚悚的事

  • - Never sit - I sat

    - 絕對不要坐下 - 我坐了

  • - [Both] In gum.

    - 一屁股坐到口香糖上 (異口同聲)

  • - Yes! - Oh man!

    - 對! - 天哪!

  • It's gross.

    噁心

  • - So gross.

    - 超噁

  • - But I've never been a bus guy anyway.

    - 反正我從來就不是公車派的

  • I like to take an Uber and get there faster.

    我喜歡搭 Uber,比較快到

  • (thunder)

    (晴天霹靂)

  • - I took an Uber from parking spot to my apartment

    - 昨晚我搭 Uber 從停車場回我住的公寓,

  • last night, because I was too afraid to walk,

    因為我怕到不敢走回去

  • and the Uber driver yelled at me for wasting his time!

    結果 Uber 司機罵我浪費他的時間!

  • - I actually had a pretty bad night myself last night.

    - 其實我昨晚過得很糟

  • Cop saw me peeing outside and tried to give me a ticket.

    條子看到我在外面亂尿尿,想開我罰單

  • - Why were you peeing outside?

    - 你幹嘛在外面亂尿尿?

  • - Because I was at a movie and the line was too long, okay!

    - 因為我當時在看電影然後排廁所的人太多了,可以嗎!

  • - Urine is a natural thing.

    - 排尿是很自然的一件事

  • Why does society force you to be

    為什麼社會要逼你對

  • ashamed of something that's a part of life?

    生命的一部分感到羞恥呢?

  • - Amen.

    - 阿門

  • - Periods!

    - 月經!

  • - Breast feeding in public!

    - 在公共場所哺乳!

  • - [Both] Female orgasms!

    - 女性性高潮 (異口同聲)!

  • - So you're saying I shouldn't pee outside?

    - 所以妳的意思是我不應該在外面亂尿尿嗎?

  • - Hi, it's Katie Marovitch from College Humor.

    - 嗨,我是 College Humor 的 Katie Marovitch

  • If you wanna subscribe, click over here.

    訂閱這個頻道,請點這裡

  • And for more fun stuff click over here.

    點這看更多有趣的影片

  • And if you want access to College Humor's secret site,

    如果你想登入 College Humor 的秘密網站,

  • make sure you send your Social Security Nnmber,

    確定你有把你的社會保險號碼、

  • your credit card information

    信用卡資訊、

  • and your mother's maiden name, in a private message to me.

    你媽媽婚前的姓氏私訊給我

- Oh no.

- 噢,不

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    kiki 發佈於 2018 年 06 月 15 日
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