Name: 【艾倫秀】超爆笑！人生很難當媽更難 (Mom of Two Ali Wong Has Suffered Enough)
Uploaded: 2018-04-14T10:43:16.000Z
Duration: 5 min 5 s

過去簡單式

所以你才剛生完小孩，是多久以前呢？

所以你有一個三個月大的孩子，那麼

And the two-year-old was very jealous at first.

而且一開始我那兩歲的孩子非常的嫉妒

The internet is a lie, that's not how my life really is.

網路上說的都是謊言，和我真實的生活完全不同

The two-year-old was so jealous at first.

一開始那個兩歲的孩子超級嫉妒

When the new baby came, my toddler was like, mama.

當新生兒到來的時候，我那正學走路的幼兒說，媽媽

She was like, I want to drink milk from your boobies.

她說，我想要從妳的乳房那裡喝奶

can complete that entire sentence disqualifies you.

這些話，妳就失去這樣喝奶的資格了

I mean, having a two-year-old is really hard.

我的意思是，有一個兩歲大的孩子真的不容易

我覺得我就好像和一個情緒不穩定

is also physically abusive and never gets in trouble for it.

同時也會身體虐待你，卻從不因此陷入麻煩

She kicked me in the neck today for rationing her Thin Mint

她今天踢了我的脖子因為我不讓她吃太多的

So any time you see pictures of us smiling,

所以當你看到我們一起微笑的照片時，

Your whole thing on breastfeeding is hilar--

不過妳還會再生嗎？妳覺得會嗎？

I love being a mom, and I like having two kids.

我熱愛當一個母親，我喜歡有兩個孩子

But I've had two C-sections and I have suffered enough.

不過我已經經歷了兩次剖腹產，我受得苦已經夠了

That's my favorite mantra when it comes to motherhood.

當談到為人母這件事時，這是我最喜歡說的口頭禪

Whenever I feel mom guilt, or when I feel pressure

每當我感到做媽的愧疚或者當我因為受到要

on a bed of quinoa for my kids, I just think to myself,

而為孩子煮鮭魚藜麥飯，，我就是想著

And then I feel fine about feeding my toddler

之後在餵我孩子一包薯片當做晚餐時

You know, so I had a C-section, and that's major,

你知道嗎，我剖腹產，而那是很大，

And one of my friends was pressuring me to not

take painkillers for fear that some of the medication

And I was like, thank you, but I have suffered enough.

而我說，謝謝你，不過我已經受夠了

The Vicodin helped the baby sleep better.

He is the vice president of this like, multimillion dollar tech

他是一家價值數百萬美元的科技公司

And yet when you are on tour, he sells your merch?

不過當妳在巡迴演出時，他幫妳賣周邊產品？

Because I have to lure him to coming with me.

And it's like it's become this fun eccentric hobby of his

而在演出以後販賣海報成為他的一個

而且我在我的表演裡談到很多有關他的事情

so it's like this kind of meet and greet,

And he sells posters, and he wears like, workout gear.

He wears a towel, because he's like sweating.

Do you have a picture of him selling posters?

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【艾倫秀】超爆笑！人生很難當媽更難 (Mom of Two Ali Wong Has Suffered Enough)

struggle

hilarious

applause

manifest