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  • So you just had a baby how long ago?

    所以你才剛生完小孩,是多久以前呢?

  • Three months.

    三個月前

  • Three months?

    三個月前?

  • OK--

    好--

  • Fresh.

    剛生完

  • Fresh, (LAUGHING) fresh out the body.

    新鮮,(笑) 才剛從身體出來

  • [LAUGHTER]

    [笑聲]

  • So you have a three-month-old, and then

    所以你有一個三個月大的孩子,那麼

  • how old is the first one?

    你第一個孩子現在幾歲了?

  • A two-year-old.

    兩歲

  • And boy, that's a lot.

    我的老天爺,這不容易

  • It's a lot.

    的確不容易

  • And the two-year-old was very jealous at first.

    而且一開始我那兩歲的孩子非常的嫉妒

  • Oh yeah, there they are.

    沒錯,他們在那裡

  • The internet is a lie, that's not how my life really is.

    網路上說的都是謊言,和我真實的生活完全不同

  • [LAUGHTER]

    [笑聲]

  • The two-year-old was so jealous at first.

    一開始那個兩歲的孩子超級嫉妒

  • And when my--

    而當我--

  • [LAUGHTER]

    [笑聲]

  • Oh, there we go.

    喔,就是這個

  • That's real life.

    這才是真實的人生

  • That's real life.

    這才是真實的人生

  • [LAUGHTER]

    [笑聲]

  • When the new baby came, my toddler was like, mama.

    當新生兒到來的時候,我那正學走路的幼兒說,媽媽

  • She wanted to be a baby all over again.

    她想要變回一個嬰兒

  • She was like, I want to drink milk from your boobies.

    她說,我想要從妳的乳房那裡喝奶

  • [LAUGHTER]

    [笑聲]

  • And I was like, the fact that you

    而我告訴她,光是妳能夠說出

  • can complete that entire sentence disqualifies you.

    這些話,妳就失去這樣喝奶的資格了

  • [LAUGHTER]

    [笑聲]

  • That and your full set of teeth.

    除了那點還有妳的整副牙齒

  • [LAUGHTER]

    [笑聲]

  • I mean, having a two-year-old is really hard.

    我的意思是,有一個兩歲大的孩子真的不容易

  • I feel like I'm in a relationship

    我覺得我就好像和一個情緒不穩定

  • with an emotionally unstable woman who

    的女人在一段關係當中,而她

  • is also physically abusive and never gets in trouble for it.

    同時也會身體虐待你,卻從不因此陷入麻煩

  • She kicked me in the neck today for rationing her Thin Mint

    她今天踢了我的脖子因為我不讓她吃太多的

  • intake.

    薄荷糖

  • [LAUGHTER]

    [笑聲]

  • So any time you see pictures of us smiling,

    所以當你看到我們一起微笑的照片時,

  • (WHISPERING it's lies.

    (耳語) 是騙人的

  • It's a lie?

    是騙人的?

  • Yeah.

    沒錯

  • Your whole thing on breastfeeding is hilar--

    妳親餵的整件事很搞--

  • I was crying laughing.

    我笑到都哭出來了

  • I was crying, it's so hilarious.

    我哭出來因為實在是太好笑了

  • And so you have two kids now.

    所以妳現在有兩個孩子

  • And I was joking about it being a thing,

    而我還在開這個玩笑

  • but will you have more, do you think?

    不過妳還會再生嗎?妳覺得會嗎?

  • No, I'm done.

    不會,我不生了

  • You are?

    妳確定?

  • I love being a mom, and I like having two kids.

    我熱愛當一個母親,我喜歡有兩個孩子

  • But I've had two C-sections and I have suffered enough.

    不過我已經經歷了兩次剖腹產,我受得苦已經夠了

  • That's my favorite mantra when it comes to motherhood.

    當談到為人母這件事時,這是我最喜歡說的口頭禪

  • I have suffered enough.

    我受夠了

  • Whenever I feel mom guilt, or when I feel pressure

    每當我感到做媽的愧疚或者當我因為受到要

  • to be a better mom, to cook salmon

    成為一個更好的母親的壓力

  • on a bed of quinoa for my kids, I just think to myself,

    而為孩子煮鮭魚藜麥飯,,我就是想著

  • I have suffered enough.

    我已經受夠了

  • [LAUGHTER]

    [笑聲]

  • Yeah, and then I feel--

    是的,然後我覺得--

  • [APPLAUSE]

    [掌聲]

  • Yeah, it's enough.

    沒錯,夠了

  • And then I feel fine about feeding my toddler

    之後在餵我孩子一包薯片當做晚餐時

  • a bag of chips for dinner.

    我感覺好多了

  • Yeah.

    是的

  • You know, so I had a C-section, and that's major,

    你知道嗎,我剖腹產,而那是很大,

  • major surgery.

    很大的手術

  • Yeah!

    對!

  • And one of my friends was pressuring me to not

    我的一個朋友逼我不要

  • take painkillers for fear that some of the medication

    服用止痛藥因為擔心有些藥物

  • would pass through the breast milk.

    會影響到母乳

  • And I was like, thank you, but I have suffered enough.

    而我說,謝謝你,不過我已經受夠了

  • [LAUGHTER]

    [笑聲]

  • And it was fine.

    而什麼事也沒發生

  • The Vicodin helped the baby sleep better.

    維科丁幫助寶寶睡得更好

  • Yes!

    沒錯!

  • [LAUGHTER]

    [笑聲]

  • Smart, smart.

    聰明,聰明

  • [APPLAUSE]

    [掌聲]

  • Yeah.

    是的

  • Oh, you're so funny.

    哦,妳真的很搞笑

  • Your husband is actually--

    妳的老公是--

  • what does he do for a living?

    他是做什麼的?

  • He is the vice president of this like, multimillion dollar tech

    他是一家價值數百萬美元的科技公司

  • company.

    的副總裁

  • OK.

    瞭解

  • Yeah.

    是的

  • And yet when you are on tour, he sells your merch?

    不過當妳在巡迴演出時,他幫妳賣周邊產品?

  • Yes!

    是的!

  • OK.

    瞭解

  • Because I have to lure him to coming with me.

    因為我必須引誘他和我一起去

  • And it's like it's become this fun eccentric hobby of his

    而在演出以後販賣海報成為他的一個

  • to sell posters after the show.

    有趣的古怪嗜好

  • And I talk a lot about him in my act,

    而且我在我的表演裡談到很多有關他的事情

  • so it's like this kind of meet and greet,

    所以這就像是一種見面會一樣

  • because I don't go out there.

    因為我不會在那裡

  • And he sells posters, and he wears like, workout gear.

    然後他穿著運動裝備販賣海報

  • He wears a towel, because he's like sweating.

    他戴著毛巾,因為他很會流汗

  • Do you have a picture of him selling posters?

    妳有他在賣海報時的照片嗎?

  • Yes, it's huge.

    有的,很大一張

  • Look at that sea of humanity!

    看看這人海

  • That's a lot of--

    那有很多--

  • That's him in the white shirt, and there's

    那個穿著白色襯衫的是他,而且

  • just like a sea of humanity coming at him.

    有一群人正往他那裡湧去

  • And then there's some women who proposition him.

    然後有些女人在和他調情

  • Yes, and I'm like, bullsh-- aren't

    沒錯,而我想,搞屁啊-- 妳們

  • you supposed to be my fan?

    不是應該是我的粉絲嗎?

  • Yeah!

    對啊!

  • [LAUGHTER]

    [笑聲]

  • You coming to snatch my husband?

    妳竟敢來搶我的老公?

  • Oh, my god!

    哦,我的天啊!

  • Yeah!

    沒錯!

  • But, you know.

    不過你知道的

  • They proposition him after watching your show

    她們是在看完你的秀以後才去和他調情

  • and going to get your poster? (LAUGHING) Yeah.

    而且還準備買妳的海報?(笑聲) 對啊

  • That's unbelievable.

    真是不可思議啊

  • But he's just like, sure, yeah, I'll go on a date with you,

    不過他就像是,當然好,好啊,我會和妳約會,

  • and just takes their money.

    然後拿她們的錢

  • Oh my.

    哦老天

  • He's like, next.

    然後接著說,下一位

  • That's hilarious.

    那真的太搞笑了

  • All right, so you have two Netflix specials,

    好的,所以妳在 Netflix 有兩場特輯,

  • and yet you do not have a Netflix account?

    不過妳並沒有 Netflix 的帳號?

  • No.

    我沒有

  • I'm still like, super-duper cheap.

    我還是超級無敵小氣

  • Because I was like, so poor for so long

    因為我長久以來都很窮困

  • and struggling as a comic, that I just can't let go.

    並且很努力的做一個喜劇演員,我就是放不下

  • So I will probably-- unless they give me one--

    所以我可能-- 除非 Netflix 給我一個--

  • I'm never probably going to get my own account.

    我可能永遠不會有自己的帳號

  • See, I was poor growing up, and I had the opposite effect.

    要知道,我小的時候也是很窮苦的,不過我得到相反的影響

  • Because when I was poor, and I just was like,

    因為我曾經很窮,而我想

  • I am never going to have that attitude about money.

    對於金錢我永遠都不要有那種態度

  • I am always going to just get what I want.

    我總是要得到我想要的東西

  • I'm going to do what I want.

    我要做我想做的事情

  • Because I know there's an abundance,

    因為我知道金錢是充裕的,

  • and I will always have enough.

    而我總會擁有足夠的

  • And that's how I live my life.

    這就是我過生活的方式

  • You shouldn't live your life in fear of money,

    妳不應該過一種擔心金錢的生活

  • because you're going to manifest that.

    因為妳會表現出這一點

  • But I am going to give you a year's subscription to Netflix.

    不過我要給妳 Netflix 一年份的會員

  • (YELLING) Oh yeah!

    (大叫) 哦耶!

  • [CHEERING]

    [歡呼聲]

  • But I don't know where it is.

    不過我不知道在哪裡

  • I don't have it.

    不在我這裡

  • [APPLAUSE]

    [掌聲]

  • I don't have that, but also--

    不在我這,不過同時--

  • Amazing.

    太好了

  • You flash your underwear.

    妳露出妳的內衣

  • And so the next time you're going to do that--

    所以下次妳要這樣做--

  • Thank you!

    謝謝你!

  • All right.

    好的

  • But no, I don't have it.

    沒有,不在我這裡

  • But I am going to give you a year's subscription.

    但是我會給妳一年份的會員

  • Was it on top of the underwear?

    有在內衣上面嗎?

  • What?

    什麼?

  • Was it on top of the underwear?

    有在內衣上面嗎?

  • Andy, no?

    安迪,沒有嗎?

  • [LAUGHTER]

    [笑聲]

  • [INAUDIBLE]

    [聽不見的]

  • OK, Andy.

    好的,安迪

  • We have another one coming.

    我們會有另外一個

  • OK, great.

    好的,太好了

  • Smooth as can be here.

    真是太順利了吧

  • Ali Wong, Hard Knock Life will be available Mother's Day, May

    Ali Wong,Hard Knock Life 將於五月 13 日的母親節

  • 13th on Netflix.

    在 Netflix 推出

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

    [音樂播放]

  • Hi, I'm Andy.

    嗨,我是安迪

  • Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel

    艾倫請我提醒你們要訂閱她的頻道

  • so you can see more awesome videos, like videos

    這樣你就可以收看更多更棒的影片,像是

  • of me getting scared or saying embarrassing things,

    我害怕或者說一些令人尷尬的事情,

  • like ball peen hammer.

    像是圓頭槌的影片

  • And also some videos of Ellen and other celebrities,

    還有一些艾倫和其他名人的影片,

  • if you're into that sort of thing.

    如果你喜歡這一類的東西

  • [SCREAMING]

    [尖叫]

  • Ah!

    啊!

  • [BLEEP] God [BLEEP]!

    [尖銳的聲音] 老天 [尖銳的聲音]

So you just had a baby how long ago?

所以你才剛生完小孩,是多久以前呢?

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A2 初級 中文 美國腔 TheEllenShow 笑聲 孩子 海報 內衣 剖腹產

【艾倫秀】超爆笑!人生很難當媽更難 (Mom of Two Ali Wong Has Suffered Enough)

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    Cyndi 發佈於 2018 年 04 月 14 日
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