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  • Tiq Milan: Our first conversation was on Facebook,

    譯者: Ivy Chen 審譯者: Winston Szeto

  • and it was three days long.

    列・米蘭(TM):我們的 第一次對話是在Facebook上,

  • (Laughter)

    這對話長達三天之久。

  • We shared over 3,000 messages between us,

    (笑聲)

  • and it was during those 72 hours that I knew she was going to be my wife.

    我們彼此分享了超過3000條訊息,

  • We didn't wait any prerequisite amount of time for our courtship;

    在72小時裡的對話, 我知道她將會成為我的妻子。

  • we told each other the vulnerable truths up front:

    我們毋須等候一段時間才向對方求愛,

  • I am a transgender man,

    我們開門見山告訴了彼此 那脆弱的真相:

  • which means the F on my birth certificate should have stood for "False,"

    我是一名跨性別男性。

  • instead of "Female."

    我出生證上的字母F, 應該是「錯誤的」意思,

  • (Laughter)

    而非「女性」。

  • Walking around as a woman in the world

    (笑聲)

  • felt like walking with pebbles in my shoes.

    以女性的身分立足這世界

  • It took the rhythm out of my swagger,

    感覺就像是鞋裏放了鵝卵石走著。

  • it threw me off balance,

    這使我無法昂首闊步,

  • it pained me with every step I took forward.

    這使我失去平衡,

  • But today I'm a man of my own intention;

    這讓我每往前一步都感到疼痛。

  • a man of my own design.

    但今天,我出於自己的意願 成為了男性,

  • Kim Katrin Milan: I am a cisgender queer woman.

    由自己設計成為了男性。

  • Cisgender means the gender I was assigned at birth

    金・凱特林・米蘭(KKM): 我是一名順性別的酷兒女性。

  • is still and has always been female.

    順性別的意思是 我出生時是一名女性,

  • This doesn't make me natural or normal,

    到如今一直以來都仍是女性。

  • this is just one way of describing the many different ways

    但這並不會讓我覺得自然或正常,

  • that we exist in this world.

    這只是用來描述我們在這個世界上 存在的各種形態中的一種。

  • And queer is a cultural term,

    酷兒是一個文化術語,

  • but in this case,

    但是這種語境中,

  • it refers to the way that I'm not restricted by gender

    這意指當我選擇另一半的時候, 我不受自己的性別限制。

  • when it comes to choosing partners.

    我曾用不同的方式定義自己—

  • I've identified in a few different ways --

    雙性戀、女同性戀者—

  • as a bisexual, as a lesbian --

    但對我來說,

  • but for me,

    酷兒性包含了我是誰 和我如何去愛的所有層次。

  • queerness encompasses all of the layers of who I am and how I've loved.

    我是以層次而非片段形式的。

  • I'm layers, and not fractions.

    對於我,

  • And for me,

    他也是酷兒的事實

  • the fact that he was queer

    意味著我從一開始就能夠 相信他對我的追求。

  • meant that I could trust his courtship from the very beginning.

    作為酷兒和跨性別人士,

  • As queer and trans people,

    我們經常被制度和傳統拒之門外。

  • we're so often excluded from institutions and traditions.

    我們在規矩以外創建新空間,

  • We create spaces outside of convention,

    也包括在時間規矩以外。

  • including the conventions of time.

    在我們之間的那3000條訊息,

  • And in those 3,000 messages between us,

    我們把時間瓦解;

  • we collapsed time;

    我們破壞時間;

  • we queered it;

    我們把全部的時間放到檯面上。

  • we laid it all on the table.

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    沒有任何的隱藏與虛假。

  • With no pretense at all.

    這就意味著我們可用截然不同的方式 對彼此做出承諾。

  • And this meant that we were able to commit to each other

    我們經常被告知的「金科玉律」

  • in a profoundly different way.

    就是己所不欲,勿施於人。

  • So often what we're told is this idea of the "Golden Rule,"

    但問題是,

  • that we should treat other people the way we want to be treated.

    這假設了我們就是其他人的標準,

  • But the problem with that

    可是我們不是。

  • is that it assumes that we are the standard for other people,

    己所不欲,勿施於人,

  • and we're not.

    就是我們必須去問。

  • We need to treat other people the way they want to be treated,

    我不能假設阿列需要的那種爱情

  • which means we had to ask.

    和我需要的那種是一樣的。

  • I couldn't assume that the kind of love that Tiq needed

    所以我向他問所有事, 包括他的恐懼與不安,

  • was the same kind of love that I needed.

    而我們就是從這裡開始。

  • So I asked him everything -- about his fears, his insecurities --

    TM:我不知道我需要哪種的愛情。

  • and we started from there.

    我才剛走出長達一年 被拒絕和完全空虛的陰霾。

  • TM: I didn't know what kind of love I needed.

    曾有一個人看著我的眼睛

  • I had just come out of a year-long fog

    告訴我:因為我是跨性別者, 所以我不值得被愛。

  • of being rejected and utterly depleted.

    我們創造了圍繞著 跨性別者的無情文化。

  • I had someone look me in my eyes

    它經過詳盡論述、合理化, 往往被寫進法律裡。

  • and tell me that I was unworthy of their love because I was trans.

    我幾乎把這個訊息內化了,

  • And there's a culture of lovelessness

    認為自己不值得被愛。

  • that we've created around transgender people.

    但金說我是她的理想對象:

  • It's reasoned, justified and often signed into law.

    我這樣一個心碎的可憐蟲。

  • And I was a heartbeat away from internalizing that message,

    (笑聲)

  • that I wasn't worthy.

    KKM:他完全是我的理想對象。

  • But Kim said that I was her ideal --

    (笑聲)

  • the heartbroken mess that I was.

    他在很多方面都是。

  • (Laughter)

    我們都是詩人、作家、創作者,

  • KKM: He totally was my ideal.

    彼此都有長時間的社區服務經驗,

  • (Laughter)

    都有建立家庭的宏大夢想,

  • In more ways than one.

    我們有很多共同的特質,

  • Both poets, writers, creatives

    但我們卻又如此地不同。

  • with a long history of community work behind us,

    我是一個終生的旅行者, 不常跟家人待在一起,

  • and big, huge dreams of a family in front of us,

    然而他來自大家庭,

  • we shared a lot of things in common,

    一直以來都很沉穩踏實。

  • but we were also incredibly different.

    我往往這樣總結 我們強項之間的分別:

  • I've been a lifelong traveler and a bit of an orphan,

    「你一直給我安全感,

  • whereas he comes from a huge family,

    我就一直使你狂野。」

  • and definitely stays grounded.

    (笑聲)

  • I often kind of sum up the differences in our strengths

    TM:雖然我們的身分被邊緣化, 但我們卻不是過著邊緣化的生活。

  • by saying, "Keep me safe,

    作為酷兒和跨性别者 就是以新的方式生存。

  • and I'll keep you wild."

    這就是去愛這個人原本的樣子,

  • (Laughter)

    而不是愛他們應該要變成的樣子。

  • TM: We have marginalized identities but we don't live marginalized lives.

    金是義無反顧地女性化,

  • Being queer and trans is about creating new ways of existing.

    而這個世界往往殘酷並暴力對待 過於自信或放縱的女性。

  • It's about loving people as they are,

    我和她結合並非要指望她照顧我 或成為我的終身伴侶,

  • not as they're supposed to be.

    而是因為她是一個完整複雜…

  • Kim is unapologetically feminine

    (笑聲)

  • in a world that is often cruel and violent

    KKM: 是吧?那樣不對吧。

  • to women who are too proud and too freeing.

    TM: 她是一個完整複雜的人,

  • And I didn't enter into this union

    她的女性化特質 不是由我來駕馭、控制或批判。

  • under the auspices that she was going to be my helper or my rib,

    因為她的才智、著重溫情的領導方式 和永遠堅守自己的同理心,

  • but a fully complex --

    她從一開始就是我的英雄。

  • (Laughter)

    (掌聲)

  • KKM: Right? That's not right.

    KKM: 我們的感情在於給對方自由。

  • TM: But a fully complex human being

    我最早問他的問題之一就是:

  • whose femininity wasn't for me to rein in, control or critique.

    他還有什麼樣的夢想尚未達到?

  • It's her brilliance,

    而我能夠怎麼樣幫助他達到夢想?

  • the way she leads with compassion,

    他的夢想是以詩人身分生活,

  • and how she never loses sight of her empathy.

    領養小孩,和我一起建立家庭,

  • She has been my hero since day one.

    去過令他感到驕傲的人生,

  • (Applause)

    一個不負他母親不朽傳承的人生。

  • KKM: Our relationship has always been about setting each other free.

    我感激當時我們可以從這部分開始,

  • One of the first questions I asked him

    而不是由探索怎樣互相磨合開始。

  • was what dreams he had left to accomplish,

    我覺得這讓我們 以與眾不同的方式成長。

  • and how would I help him get there.

    我愛他的全部;

  • His dreams to live as a poet,

    轉性前、現在還有未來的他。

  • to adopt and raise a family together,

    就是這樣的愛 令我們對彼此做出承諾,

  • to live a life that he was proud of,

    儘管我們當時還未見面。

  • and one that would live up to his mother's incredible legacy.

    TM:我母親最大的擔心, 就是當我轉性後

  • And I really appreciated that we were able to start from that place,

    誰還會愛我這個人本身。

  • and not from a place that was around figuring out

    我是跨性別、被認為生在錯的肉體, 就要被愛情和夫妻制度拒之門外嗎﹖

  • how to make each other work together.

    但這種結構必須要被重新訂立框架,

  • And I think this really allowed us to grow into the people that we were

    才能讓愛進入其中。

  • in a way that was incredibly different.

    我的身體從沒背叛過我,

  • I love him whole;

    我的身體也從沒有錯。

  • pre-transition, now and in the future.

    就是這具有約束性的性別二元思想

  • And it's this love that had us committed to each other

    認為我是不存在的。

  • before we'd even seen each other's faces.

    但當我們遇見對方時,

  • TM: My mother's biggest concern when I transitioned

    她就愛我在她面前的樣子。

  • was who was going to love me as I am.

    她會用手指劃在我接受平胸手術後 留下的無知覺疙瘩疤痕。

  • Had being transgender somehow precluded me from love and monogamy

    疤痕從我的胸膛中間 一路延伸到我的外軀幹。

  • because I was supposedly born in the wrong body?

    她說那提醒了我有多堅強

  • But it's this type of structuring that has to be reframed

    和我所經歷的一切,

  • in order to let love in.

    而這沒有什麼可令我感到羞愧的。

  • My body never betrayed me,

    所以用短跑衝刺的速度和她步入禮堂

  • and my body was never wrong.

    是我可以做的最「酷兒」的事。

  • It's this restrictive, binary thinking on gender

    (笑聲)

  • that said that I didn't exist.

    這卻是公然違抗 愛情和親密關係的傳統軌跡,

  • But when we met,

    因為上帝被認為從不會 祝福我們這種人的結合,

  • she loved me for exactly how I showed up.

    而法律被認為從不會承認我們。

  • She would trace her fingers along the numb keloid scars

    KKM: 所以在2014年5月5日,

  • left by my top surgery.

    我們在網路上相遇的約三個月後,

  • Scars that run from the middle of my chest all the way out to my outer torso.

    在曼哈頓市政廳的階梯上結婚了,

  • She said that these were reminders of my strength

    這無論從任何方式想像都是美好的。

  • and everything that I went through

    保守地說,我們把一些傳統重新塑造,

  • and nothing for me to be ashamed of.

    但我們還是保留一些適合我們的傳統,

  • So sprinting towards her hand in marriage

    和創造一些適合我們的方式。

  • was the queerest thing that I could do.

    我的花束和點綴裙子的花 都是來自布魯克林的野花,

  • (Laughter)

    還加了一點薰衣草和鼠尾草 用來平靜我們的心情,

  • It flew in the face of more conventional trajectories

    因為我們當時很緊張。

  • of love and relationships,

    花朵都是由我們一位 和藹可親的甜姐兒朋友安排。

  • because God was never supposed to bless a union for folks like us,

    我從沒想過要鑽戒,

  • and the law was never supposed to recognize it.

    因為衝突和遵從慣例 都不是我的風格,

  • KKM: So on May 5, 2014,

    所以我的戒指是暗紫色,

  • just about three months after meeting online,

    就像我頂輪的顏色,

  • we were married on the steps of City Hall in Manhattan,

    其中鑲上了我的誕生石。

  • and it was beautiful in every conceivable way.

    身為酷兒的好處就是可以選擇。

  • It's safe to say that we reimagined some traditions,

    我從不用冠他的姓氏,

  • but we also kept some old ones that we worked in,

    這個一直並不意外,

  • and we created something that worked for us.

    但我卻冠了他的姓氏, 因為我是父親的私生女,

  • My bouquet and corsage was actually filled with wildflowers from Brooklyn --

    我從來就是他要道歉的原因, 是他的秘密,是他被迫接受的東西。

  • also added in a little bit of lavender and sage to keep us grounded

    能去選擇那先選擇我的男人的名字, 那感覺是非常痛快的。

  • because we were so nervous.

    (掌聲)

  • And it was put together by a sweet sister healer friend of ours.

    TM:我們把喜事告訴一些親友時,

  • I never wanted a diamond ring,

    很多人還是不相信我們已經立誓。

  • because conflict and convention are not my thing,

    很貼切地,我們把婚禮照放在Facebook,

  • so my ring is the deepest purple,

    也就是我們相遇的地方上面,

  • like the color of my crown chakra,

    當然還有Instagram。

  • and set in place with my birthstones.

    而我們很快意識到,

  • The gift of queerness is options.

    我們結婚並非只是兩人的結合,

  • I never had to choose his last name,

    而是為數百萬多元性別的人立下榜樣;

  • it was never an exception,

    他們都被勸誘相信一個謊言,

  • but I did because I am my father's bastard child,

    就是家庭和婚姻 跟他們的身分是對立的。

  • someone who has always been an apology, a secret, an imposition.

    他們甚少想到自己獲得愛和快樂, 而我們就要讓他們知道這是可能的。

  • And it was incredibly freeing

    KKM:事實上,

  • to choose the name of a man who chose me first.

    我們當然是因為 自身的身分而被邊緣化,

  • (Applause)

    但這也使我們有膽量 去展現真實的自我。

  • TM: So we told some family and some close friends,

    酷兒特性是我們的主要鑰匙;

  • many of whom were still in disbelief as we took our vows.

    黑色是我們的魔法。

  • Fittingly, we posted all of our wedding photos on Facebook,

    就是因為這些東西,

  • where we met --

    我們才能變得充滿希望, 開放心靈,懂得接納和轉變型態。

  • and Instagram, of course.

    這些東西都是我們神奇的力量泉源。

  • And we quickly realized

    我們的酷兒特性就是那力量的泉源。

  • that our coming together was more than just a union of two people,

    我想起了渥太華詩人 布蘭登・温特的話:

  • but was a model of possibility for the millions of LGBTQ folks

    「不要像同性戀的酷兒, 而是不受定義約束的酷兒。

  • who have been sold this lie

    同時瞬間流動、無止境的酷兒。

  • that family and matrimony is antithetical to who they are --

    以前所未有的自由拒絕支配的酷兒。

  • for those of us who rarely get to see ourselves

    無懼想象愛的樣子 並追求愛的酷兒。」

  • reflected in love and happiness.

    TM:我們都是群體中的一部分...

  • KKM: And the thing is,

    剛剛那段不錯吧?

  • absolutely we are marginalized because of our identities,

    (笑聲)

  • but it also emboldens us to be the people that we are.

    我們是這群體的一部分, 橫跨性別光譜活出真我,

  • Queerness is our major key;

    不管那些無處不在的暴力脅迫,

  • blackness is our magic.

    不管那些以自我方式生活的人們 總是存在的焦慮暗湧。

  • It's because of these things

    全世界每21小時 就有一名跨性别人士被殺。

  • that we are able to be hopeful, open, receptive and shape-shifting.

    美國今年紀錄在案的跨性别者被殺案 比以往任何一年都要高。

  • These are the things that give us,

    然而,我們的故事遠遠超越 力量與柔韌兩者之間的嚴格二分。

  • and are such an incredible source of, our strength.

    我們正在這些邊緣位置 擴大人類的複雜性,

  • Our queerness is a source of that strength.

    我們正在這些邊緣位置創造自由。

  • I think of the words of Ottawa-based poet Brandon Wint:

    KKM:我們沒有任何藍圖。

  • "Not queer like gay; queer like escaping definition.

    我們正在創造一個 我們從未見過的世界;

  • Queer like some sort of fluidity and limitlessness all at once.

    以愛而非血緣關係去組織家庭,

  • Queer like a freedom too strange to be conquered.

    以很少人曾展現的同情心作嚮導。

  • Queer like the fearlessness to imagine what love can look like,

    我們當中很多人都未曾從家庭得到愛,

  • and to pursue it."

    反而被我們最信任的人所背叛。

  • TM: We are part of a community of folks --

    所以我們現在做的 就是創造全新的愛的語言。

  • Yeah, that's good right?

    這種語言開拓全新空間 讓我們活出真我,

  • (Laughter)

    不將男性化與女性化 應該如何的標準強加於人。

  • We are part of a community of folks who are living their authentic selves

    TM:我們想要把愛和包容 作為達致革命性轉變的工具。

  • all along the gender spectrum,

    這想法其實很簡單,

  • despite the ubiquitous threat of violence,

    只要我們抛開一個人應是如何的 先入為主觀念就可以—

  • despite the undercurrent of anxiety that always is present

    例如有某種身體、性別、膚色的人 應是如何的觀念—

  • for people who live on their own terms.

    只要我們立心放下 這些根深蒂固的偏見、

  • Globally, a transgender person is murdered every 21 hours.

    創造空間讓人們自決 和擁抱自我就可以。

  • And the United States has had more trans murders on record this year

    那我們絕對可以創造出一個 比我們出生時更好的世界。

  • than any year to date.

    (掌聲)

  • However, our stories are much more than this rigid dichotomy

    KKM:我們希望把身在這裡的事實 寫進歷史裡。

  • of strength and resilience.

    我們開了多扇窗戶 讓社群見證我們的親密關係。

  • We are expanding the human complexity on these margins,

    我們這樣做的原因 是要繪畫通往未來的地圖,

  • and we are creating freedom on these margins.

    而不是要給自己建立紀念碑。

  • KKM: And we don't have any blueprints.

    我們的經驗不能否定他人的經歷,

  • We're creating a world that we have literally never seen before;

    但應該而且必要地 把愛和婚姻應是如何的問題複雜化。

  • organizing families based on love and not by blood,

    TM:我們多次闡述立場、啟迪他人、 為他人立下一切可行的榜樣,

  • guiding by a compassion that so few of us have been shown ourselves.

    但我們並未完人。

  • So many of us have not received love from our families --

    我們要不時拿起鏡子仔細端詳自己,

  • have been betrayed by the people that we trust most.

    我看見自己並非經常是最佳聆聽者,

  • So what we do here is we create entirely new languages of love.

    也看見自己的自負 阻礙了伴侶兩人的成長。

  • Ones that are about creating the space for us to be our authentic selves

    我要不時去認真評估全世界 對女性的體驗根深蒂固的歧視。

  • and not imposing this standard

    我要不時重新審視 我與妻子結盟的意義。

  • of what masculinity or femininity is supposed to be.

    KKM:我也必須去提醒自己很多事情。

  • TM: We are interested in love and inclusion

    例如該如何在議題上 堅持立場的同時,對人寬容。

  • as a tool of revolutionary change, right?

    我們在寫講稿時還發生了極大的爭執。

  • And the idea is simply,

    (笑聲)

  • if we drop all our preconceived notions

    爭執的原因有很多,

  • about how somebody is supposed to be --

    但都是基於我們的價值觀和生活經歷,

  • in their body, in their gender, in their skin --

    而我們曾經飽受傷害。

  • if we take the intentional steps to unlearn these deep-seated biases

    因為我們的行為和愛的方式 都使我們完全處於苦境。

  • and create space for people to be self-determined,

    即使爭吵持續了兩天,

  • and embrace who they are,

    (笑聲)

  • then we will definitely create a better world than the one we were born into.

    我們還是回到了彼此身邊,

  • (Applause)

    重新忠於自己、彼此和我們的婚姻。

  • KKM: We want to mark this time in history

    這帶出我們今天分享給大家的 一些最熱情激昂的部分。

  • by leaving evidence of the fact that we were here.

    TM:我要不時就男性化作出質問,

  • We open up little windows into our relationship

    而我相信這種質問需要更多。

  • for our community to bear witness,

    我要不時就男性化作出質問;

  • and we do this because we want to make maps to the future

    作為男性而有的毒性特權不代表我,

  • and not monuments to ourselves.

    但我要為它對日常生活的影響負責。

  • Our experience does not invalidate other peoples' experience,

    我任由妻子擔起 打開溝通渠道的情感工作,

  • but it should and necessarily does complicate this idea

    而我則寧可默不作聲並一走了之。

  • of what love and marriage are supposed to be.

    (笑聲)

  • TM: OK, now for