when I joined my family on the picket line for the first time.

那時我是個碧眼豐頰的五歲小孩，

My mom made me leave my dolls in the minivan.

第一次跟著家人一起去示威抗議。

I'd stand on a street corner in the heavy Kansas humidity,

我媽媽要我把洋娃娃留在休旅車上。

surrounded by a few dozen relatives,

我站在悶濕的堪薩斯街角，

with my tiny fists clutching a sign that I couldn't read yet:

幾十個親戚圍繞在身邊，

"Gays are worthy of death."

我的拳頭緊握著 一個我還看不懂的示威牌：

This was the beginning.

「同性戀該死。」

Our protests soon became a daily occurrence

那就是開端。

and an international phenomenon,

我們的抗議很快就變成日常事件，

and as a member of Westboro Baptist Church,

以及國際注目的焦點，

I became a fixture on picket lines across the country.

身為威斯特布路浸信會的一員，

The end of my antigay picketing career

我成為到全國示威的固定班底。

and life as I knew it,

我反同性戀的示威生涯，

came 20 years later,

以及我熟悉的那種生活，

triggered in part by strangers on Twitter

在 20 年後結束，

who showed me the power of engaging the other.

有一部分是因為推特上的陌生人，

In my home,

他們讓我看見與他人互動的力量。

life was framed as an epic spiritual battle between good and evil.

在我家，

The good was my church and its members,

生活被框架成善惡間的 偉大屬靈爭戰。

and the evil was everyone else.

善的是我的教會與教友，

My church's antics were such

惡的則是其他所有人。

that we were constantly at odds with the world,

我的教會古怪的論點是，

and that reinforced our otherness on a daily basis.

我們是不屬這世界的，

"Make a difference between the unclean and the clean,"

而那每天都在 加深我們與別人的不同。

the verse says,

「要把潔淨的和不潔淨的 都分別出來。」

and so we did.

經上這麼說，

From baseball games to military funerals,

我們就如此行。

we trekked across the country with neon protest signs in hand

從棒球比賽到國軍葬禮，

to tell others exactly how "unclean" they were

我們全國旅行尾隨在後， 舉著閃亮的示威牌，

and exactly why they were headed for damnation.

告訴別人他們有多「不潔淨」，

This was the focus of our whole lives.

以及為什麼他們將被定罪。

This was the only way for me to do good in a world that sits in Satan's lap.

這是我們一生的重點。

And like the rest of my 10 siblings,

這是我在撒但懷抱的世界中 唯一能做的善事。

I believed what I was taught with all my heart,

就像我其他十位手足，

and I pursued Westboro's agenda with a special sort of zeal.

我由衷相信我所受的教導，

In 2009, that zeal brought me to Twitter.

而我也以特別火熱的心 追求威斯特布路的計畫。

Initially, the people I encountered on the platform

2009 年，這份火熱把我帶到推特。

were just as hostile as I expected.

一開始，我在那個平台上遇到的人

They were the digital version of the screaming hordes

就像我預期般的不友善。

I'd been seeing at protests since I was a kid.

他們就是我從小在示威裡看到的

But in the midst of that digital brawl,

網路版叫囂者。

a strange pattern developed.

但是在這片數位世界的吶喊中，

Someone would arrive at my profile with the usual rage and scorn,

發展出一個奇特的模式。

I would respond with a custom mix of Bible verses, pop culture references

有人會在我的版上 留下憤怒與蔑視的話，

and smiley faces.

我就會用一段混合著 聖經經文、流行文化

They would be understandably confused and caught off guard,

及笑臉的文字回應。

but then a conversation would ensue.

你可以理解他們會覺得 有點糊塗、措手不及，

And it was civil --

然後對話就會隨之開展。

full of genuine curiosity on both sides.

這很文明 ──

How had the other come to such outrageous conclusions about the world?

兩邊都充滿了純粹的好奇心。

Sometimes the conversation even bled into real life.

另一邊的人怎麼會對這世界 做出這麼怪的結論？

People I'd sparred with on Twitter

有時候對話還會在真實生活上演。

would come out to the picket line to see me

在推特上與我爭論互罵的人

when I protested in their city.

會到我的示威地點來看我，

A man named David was one such person.

如果我正好在他們的城市裡。

He ran a blog called "Jewlicious,"

一位名叫大衛的男士就是其中之一。

and after several months of heated but friendly arguments online,

他有個部落格叫「猶太真妙」，

he came out to see me at a picket in New Orleans.

在數個月激烈但友善的網上辯論後，

He brought me a Middle Eastern dessert from Jerusalem, where he lives,

他跑出來到我在 紐奧良的示威地點看我。

and I brought him kosher chocolate

他從住的地方耶路撒冷 帶了一種中東點心給我，

and held a "God hates Jews" sign.

而我帶了一盒符合猶太教規 潔淨認證的巧克力給他，

(Laughter)

手上還拿著「神恨猶太人」的標牌。

There was no confusion about our positions,

（笑聲）

but the line between friend and foe was becoming blurred.

我們的立場壁壘分明，

We'd started to see each other as human beings,

但是彼此之間的 敵友界線卻愈來愈模糊。

and it changed the way we spoke to one another.

我們以同而為人的觀點來展開碰面，

It took time,

這也改變我們彼此交談的態度。

but eventually these conversations planted seeds of doubt in me.

這要花點時間，

My friends on Twitter took the time to understand Westboro's doctrines,

但最終這些對話 在我的心中種下懷疑的種子。

and in doing so,

我在推特上的朋友花時間 了解威斯特布路的教義，

they were able to find inconsistencies I'd missed my entire life.

也因為這樣，

Why did we advocate the death penalty for gays

他們能找到我一輩子 都沒看到的矛盾點。

when Jesus said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone?"

為什麼我們強烈主張 同性戀要判死刑，

How could we claim to love our neighbor

耶穌卻說「你們中間誰是沒有罪的， 誰就可以先拿石頭打她」？

while at the same time praying for God to destroy them?

我們怎麼能宣稱我們愛自己的鄰舍，

The truth is that the care shown to me by these strangers on the internet

卻在同時禱告神摧毀他們？

was itself a contradiction.

真相是這些人在網路上 對我顯出的關心，

It was growing evidence

本身就是一場矛盾。

that people on the other side were not the demons I'd been led to believe.

愈來愈多的證據顯示

These realizations were life-altering.

另一邊的人並不是 我被教導相信的惡魔。

Once I saw that we were not the ultimate arbiters of divine truth

這樣的領悟改變了我的人生。

but flawed human beings,

一旦我看到我們並不是 神聖真理的終極審判者，

I couldn't pretend otherwise.

而是不完美的人類，

I couldn't justify our actions --

我再也不能假裝下去。

especially our cruel practice of protesting funerals

我再也無法把我們的行動合理化──

and celebrating human tragedy.

特別是我們抗議葬禮的殘酷行動，

These shifts in my perspective

以及慶祝人類的悲劇。

contributed to a larger erosion of trust in my church,

這些自身觀點的改變，

and eventually it made it impossible for me to stay.

大舉侵蝕我對所屬教會的信任，

In spite of overwhelming grief and terror, I left Westboro in 2012.

最終讓我無法再待下去。

In those days just after I left,

壟罩在悲傷與害怕之下， 我於 2012 年離開威斯特布路。

the instinct to hide was almost paralyzing.

剛離開的時候，

I wanted to hide from the judgement of my family,

想要躲起來的本能幾乎要癱瘓我。

who I knew would never speak to me again --

我想要從家人的批判聲中躲起來，

people whose thoughts and opinions had meant everything to me.

我知道他們這一輩子 都不會再跟我說話 ──

And I wanted to hide from the world I'd rejected for so long --

而他們的想法及意見 對我卻意味著一切。

people who had no reason at all to give me a second chance

我也想從我拒絕已久的 世界中藏起來 ──

after a lifetime of antagonism.

這些人沒有任何道理 要給我第二次機會，

And yet, unbelievably,

因我們已經敵對了這麼久。

they did.

然而，不可置信的是，

The world had access to my past because it was all over the internet --

他們給了。

thousands of tweets and hundreds of interviews,

這個世界看得到我的過去， 因為網路上記錄了所有──

everything from local TV news to "The Howard Stern Show" --

成千上萬的推文，數以百計的訪談，

but so many embraced me with open arms anyway.

從地方電視台到 全國的「霍華史登秀」──

I wrote an apology for the harm I'd caused,

卻還是有這麼多人張開膀臂擁抱我。

but I also knew that an apology could never undo any of it.

我寫了篇文章為我造成的傷害賠罪，

All I could do was try to build a new life

但是我也知道一篇道歉文 並不能消彌什麼。

and find a way somehow to repair some of the damage.

我能做的就是試著建立新生活，

People had every reason to doubt my sincerity,

找個方法彌補過去的傷害。

but most of them didn't.

他們有理由懷疑我的誠意，

And --

但是大部分的人都沒有懷疑。

given my history,

而且，

it was more than I could've hoped for --

考慮到我的歷史，

forgiveness and the benefit of the doubt.

這真的超過我所求的 ──

It still amazes me.

饒恕與寧願相信我。

I spent my first year away from home

這仍然讓我驚訝。

adrift with my younger sister,

我離家的第一年

who had chosen to leave with me.

和我的妹妹四處流浪，

We walked into an abyss,

她選擇跟我一起離開。

but we were shocked to find the light and a way forward

我們走進一個黑暗的深淵，

in the same communities we'd targeted for so long.

但是我們很驚訝地發現 帶領我們前進的光及道路，

David,

竟然來自我們許久以來 一直攻擊的同一個社群。

my "Jewlicious" friend from Twitter,

大衛，

invited us to spend time among a Jewish community in Los Angeles.

我在推特上交到的妙猶太朋友，

We slept on couches in the home of a Hasidic rabbi and his wife

邀請我們待在一個 位於洛杉磯的猶太社區。

and their four kids --

我們睡在一對哈西迪派 猶太拉比夫婦家的沙發上，

the same rabbi that I'd protested three years earlier

他們有四個小孩 ──

with a sign that said, "Your rabbi is a whore."

三年前我曾對這位拉比抗議過，

We spent long hours talking about theology and Judaism and life

我舉牌說「你們的拉比是娼妓！」

while we washed dishes in their kosher kitchen

我們花了好長的時間談論 猶太教的神學及生活，

and chopped vegetables for dinner.

同時我們也在他們符合 猶太教義的潔淨廚房洗碗，

They treated us like family.

切菜準備晚餐。

They held nothing against us,

他們待我們就像家人。

and again I was astonished.

他們並不責難我們，

That period was full of turmoil,

我再次感到驚訝。

but one part I've returned to often

那段時間充滿了混亂，

is a surprising realization I had during that time --

但是我常常提到的一點，

that it was a relief and a privilege to let go of the harsh judgments

是在那段期間意外領悟到的一件事：

that instinctively ran through my mind about nearly every person I saw.

那是一種解脫及恩典，

I realized that now I needed to learn.

我再也不用對 幾乎我看到的每一個人，

I needed to listen.

直覺地從心中發出嚴厲批判。

This has been at the front of my mind lately,

我領悟到我需要學習。

because I can't help but see in our public discourse

我需要傾聽。

so many of the same destructive impulses that ruled my former church.

最近這件事一直在我的心中掛懷，

We celebrate tolerance and diversity more than at any other time in memory,

因為我實在不能不看見 在公眾演講中，

and still we grow more and more divided.

充斥著太多破壞性的衝動行事， 就像我的前教會一樣。

We want good things --

我們從沒有像現在一樣 如此歌頌著包容心與多樣化，

justice, equality, freedom, dignity, prosperity --

然而我們卻愈來愈分裂。

but the path we've chosen

我們想要好的東西 ──

looks so much like the one I walked away from four years ago.

正義、平等、自由、尊嚴、繁榮──

We've broken the world into us and them,

然而我們選擇的路徑

only emerging from our bunkers long enough

卻更像我在四年前 所選擇離開的道路。

to lob rhetorical grenades at the other camp.

我們把世界分成我們與他們，

We write off half the country as out-of-touch liberal elites

只有要對另一個陣營進行 言語的轟炸攻擊時，

or racist misogynist bullies.

才會從自己的地堡中探出身來。

No nuance, no complexity, no humanity.

我們大筆一揮，就把一半的國家寫成 不知民間疾苦的自由派菁英，

Even when someone does call for empathy and understanding for the other side,

或是有種族偏見、厭惡女性的霸凌。

the conversation nearly always devolves

沒有細分、沒有複雜性、沒有人性。

into a debate about who deserves more empathy.

即使有人喊出對另一方 要有同理心及了解，

And just as I learned to do,

對話幾乎都會變成

we routinely refuse to acknowledge the flaws in our positions

辯論誰該得到更多同理心。

or the merits in our opponent's.

就像我學到的，

Compromise is anathema.

我們也一直拒絕承認自己的不完美，

We even target people on our own side when they dare to question the party line.

或是敵對方的優點。

This path has brought us cruel, sniping, deepening polarization,

妥協該受咒詛。

and even outbreaks of violence.

我們甚至攻擊自己人， 因為他們膽敢質問政策路線。

I remember this path.

這條路為我們帶來殘酷、 抨擊，加深兩極化，

It will not take us where we want to go.

甚至暴力相向。

What gives me hope is that we can do something about this.

我還記得這條路。

The good news is that it's simple,

它不會帶我們達到目的。

and the bad news is that it's hard.

我之所以還懷抱希望， 是因為我們能為之做點什麼。

We have to talk and listen to people we disagree with.

好消息是它很簡單，

It's hard because we often can't fathom

壞消息是它很難。

how the other side came to their positions.

我們必須與意見相左的人 對話及聆聽。

It's hard because righteous indignation,

這很難，因為我們經常無法了解

that sense of certainty that ours is the right side,

另一邊的人怎麼會有這樣的立場。

is so seductive.

這很難，因為義憤填膺，

It's hard because it means extending empathy and compassion

我們的自以為是，

to people who show us hostility and contempt.

是如此難以抗拒。

The impulse to respond in kind is so tempting,

這很難，因為這意味著 我們要展示出同理與同情，

but that isn't who we want to be.

對象卻是向自己顯現 敵意和蔑視的人。

We can resist.

要顯露善意的衝動是如此誘人，

And I will always be inspired to do so by those people I encountered on Twitter,

然而我們不想成為那樣的人。

apparent enemies who became my beloved friends.

我們可以抗拒。

And in the case of one particularly understanding and generous guy,

在推特上所遇到的人 總是啟發著我這麼做，

my husband.

表面上看似敵對的人 卻變成我心愛的朋友。

There was nothing special about the way I responded to him.

有一位特別諒解又很寬大的人，

What was special was their approach.

就是我的丈夫。

I thought about it a lot over the past few years

我回應他的方式一點都不特別。

and I found four things they did differently

特別的是他們對待我的方法。

that made real conversation possible.

過去幾年我常常在想這件事，

These four steps were small but powerful,

我發現有四件事他們做得很不一樣，

and I do everything I can to employ them in difficult conversations today.

讓真正的對話成為可能。

The first is don't assume bad intent.

這四個步驟很小，但是很有力，

My friends on Twitter realized

在現今棘手困難的對談中， 我盡其所能地努力實踐它們。

that even when my words were aggressive and offensive,

第一就是不要假設對方的意圖不好。

I sincerely believed I was doing the right thing.

我在推特上的朋友明白

Assuming ill motives almost instantly cuts us off

即使我的詞語激進、帶著攻擊性，

from truly understanding why someone does and believes as they do.

我是真的相信我在做對的事。

We forget that they're a human being

假設動機不良幾乎立即切斷機會

with a lifetime of experience that shaped their mind,

去了解他們為什麼相信自己所為。

and we get stuck on that first wave of anger,

我們忘記了他們也是人，

and the conversation has a very hard time ever moving beyond it.

他們一生的經歷塑造了他們的想法，

But when we assume good or neutral intent,

而我們卻卡在自己第一波的憤怒中，

we give our minds a much stronger framework for dialogue.

使彼此的對話很難超過這種反應。

The second is ask questions.

但是如果我們假設他們的 意圖良善或是中立，

When we engage people across ideological divides,

我們的頭腦就架構出 更適合對話的方式。

asking questions helps us map the disconnect

第二是要問問題。

between our differing points of view.

與意識形態相左的人交手時，

That's important because we can't present effective arguments

問問題會幫助我們

if we don't understand where the other side is actually coming from

把兩方的歧見連起來。

and because it gives them an opportunity to point out flaws in our positions.

這很重要，因為如果我們 不了解對方真正的來意，

But asking questions serves another purpose;

我們就無法提出有效的論據；

it signals to someone that they're being heard.

而且這也讓他們有機會指出 我們立場的缺陷之處。

When my friends on Twitter stopped accusing

但是問問題還有另一個目的：

and started asking questions,

它告訴對方我們在聽。

I almost automatically mirrored them.

我在推特上的朋友停止控訴

Their questions gave me room to speak,

並開始問問題後，

but they also gave me permission to ask them questions

我幾乎自動模仿他們。

and to truly hear their responses.

他們的問題讓我有空間說話，

It fundamentally changed the dynamic of our conversation.

但是他們也允許我對他們問問題，

The third is stay calm.

也很認真地聽他們的反應。

This takes practice and patience,

這從根本改變了我們對話的動態。

but it's powerful.

第三是保持冷靜。

At Westboro, I learned not to care how my manner of speaking affected others.

這要練習及耐心，

I thought my rightness justified my rudeness --

但這很有力。

harsh tones, raised voices, insults, interruptions --

在威斯特布路，我學會不去在乎 自己的言行對他人的影響。

but that strategy is ultimately counterproductive.

我想我的自以為義合理化了無禮──

Dialing up the volume and the snark is natural in stressful situations,

尖刻的語氣、提高的聲量、 侮辱、插嘴 ──

but it tends to bring the conversation to an unsatisfactory, explosive end.

但是這種策略最終適得其反。

When my husband was still just an anonymous Twitter acquaintance,

在壓力大的情況下我們很自然 會提高聲量及加重尖酸話語，

our discussions frequently became hard and pointed,