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So I would like to start by telling you about one of my greatest friends,
譯者: Ming Lee 審譯者: Yanyan Hong
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Okoloma Maduewesi.
今天我想從我最好的朋友開始講起,
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Okoloma lived on my street
他名子是奧克拉荷馬.瑪督韋希。
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and looked after me like a big brother.
奧克拉荷馬住在我街上,
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If I liked a boy, I would ask Okoloma's opinion.
像位大哥那樣照顧我。
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Okoloma died in the notorious Sosoliso plane crash
如果我喜歡上一個男生, 我會徵詢奧克拉荷馬的意見。
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in Nigeria in December of 2005.
他死於奈及利亞惡名昭彰的 「索索利索航空公司」空難事件中,
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Almost exactly seven years ago.
時間是 2005 年 12 月。
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Okoloma was a person I could argue with, laugh with and truly talk to.
至今已經快七年了。
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He was also the first person to call me a feminist.
我跟他無所不談, 他是我真正可以談心的朋友。
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I was about fourteen, we were at his house, arguing.
也是第一個稱我為 「女權主義者」的人。
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Both of us bristling with half bit knowledge
那時我 14 歲, 在他的家為某些事在爭論。
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from books that we had read.
為了書中的事爭得面紅耳赤, 彼此都是一知半解。
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I don't remember what this particular argument was about,
我已忘了當時吵的是什麼,
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but I remember that as I argued and argued,
但是我記得在爭論過程中 他看著我說:
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Okoloma looked at me and said, "You know, you're a feminist."
「知道嗎?妳真的是個女權主義者!」
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It was not a compliment.
那不是誇獎。
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(Laughter)
(笑聲)
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I could tell from his tone,
從他的語氣我就知道,
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the same tone that you would use to say something like,
大概類似於你們會用來說
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"You're a supporter of terrorism."
「妳是恐怖主義的支持者」那樣。
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(Laughter)
(笑聲)
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I did not know exactly what this word "feminist" meant,
我當時不了解 「女權主義者」真正的意思,
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and I did not want Okoloma to know that I did not know.
更不想讓他知道我不懂那個字眼。
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So I brushed it aside, and I continued to argue.
所以我沒接他的話, 繼續爭論之前的話。
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And the first thing I planned to do when I got home
等我回家後做的第一件事,
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was to look up the word "feminist" in the dictionary.
就是查字典裡「女權主義者」的意思。
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Now fast forward to some years later,
現在讓我把時間往後快轉幾年,
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I wrote a novel about a man who among other things beats his wife
我寫了一本描述 一個男人毆打老婆的書,
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and whose story doesn't end very well.
主角最後的下場不是很好。
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While I was promoting the novel in Nigeria,
當我在奈及利亞為小說進行宣傳時,
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a journalist, a nice, well-meaning man,
有位好心善良的記者,
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told me he wanted to advise me.
告訴我他想給我一點建議。
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And for the Nigerians here,
我想在座的奈及利亞人
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I'm sure we're all familiar
一定都很了解那種不請自來
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with how quick our people are to give unsolicited advice.
熱於提供建議的人速度有多快;
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He told me that people were saying that my novel was feminist
他說人們覺得我的小說是女權主義。
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and his advice to me --
並且他建議我,
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and he was shaking his head sadly as he spoke --
搖著頭帶點悲傷的說,
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was that I should never call myself a feminist
我不應該再提及自己是個女權主義者,
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because feminists are women who are unhappy
因為女權主義者都是不開心的女人,
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because they cannot find husbands.
因為她們找不到丈夫。
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(Laughter)
(笑聲)
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So I decided to call myself "a happy feminist."
所以我決定自稱為 「快樂的女權主義者」。
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Then an academic, a Nigerian woman told me
然後又有一位奈及利亞的 女性學者告訴我,
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that feminism was not our culture
女權主義不是我們的文化,
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and that feminism wasn't African,
女權主義也不是非洲的。
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and that I was calling myself a feminist
她說我自稱女權主義者的原因
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because I had been corrupted by "Western books."
是因為我被「西方的書」腐化了。
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Which amused me,
她說的話讓我啼笑皆非,
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because a lot of my early readings were decidedly unfeminist.
因為我以前讀的書 絕大多數與女權主義無關。
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I think I must have read every single Mills & Boon romance published
我在 16 歲以前幾乎已讀完
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before I was sixteen.
「米爾思·布恩出版社」的 每一本浪漫小說。
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And each time I tried to read those books
每當我閱讀那些關於 「女權主義寶典」書籍的時候,
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called "the feminist classics,"
我都會覺得很無聊,很難唸完。
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I'd get bored, and I really struggled to finish them.
但是不管怎樣, 既然女權主義不是非洲的,
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But anyway, since feminism was un-African,
所以現在我都自稱 是「快樂的非洲女權主義者」,
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I decided that I would now call myself "a happy African feminist."
過去某段日子我並不討厭男人, 我是快樂的非洲女權主義者,
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At some point I was a happy African feminist who does not hate men
也喜歡擦口紅,
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and who likes lip gloss
隨興為自己穿高跟鞋, 而不是穿給男人看。
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and who wears high heels for herself but not for men.
(笑聲)
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(Laughter)
當然上述許多都是玩笑話,
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Of course a lot of this was tongue-in-cheek,
但是「女權主義者」本身這個字眼 帶有很沉重、很負面的包袱。
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but that word feminist is so heavy with baggage, negative baggage.
好比是「妳討厭男人, 妳不喜歡穿胸罩,
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You hate men, you hate bras,
妳厭惡非洲文化」那些觀念。
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you hate African culture, that sort of thing.
我要講一個小時候的故事。
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Now here's a story from my childhood.
當我上小學的時候,
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When I was in primary school,
開學時我的老師說會有一個考試,
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my teacher said at the beginning of term that she would give the class a test
誰的分數最高誰就可以當班長。
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and whoever got the highest score would be the class monitor.
你也知道,當班長是件了不起的事。
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Now, class monitor was a big deal.
假如你是班長,
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If you were a class monitor,
你就可以把講話的名字登記下來。
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you got to write down the names of noisemakers --
(笑聲)
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(Laughter)
那個權力可大。
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which was having enough power of its own.
而且我的老師還會給班長拿根教鞭,
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But my teacher would also give you a cane to hold in your hand
讓他拿著教鞭在班上 走動監督搗亂的人。
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while you walk around and patrol the class for noisemakers.
當然,使用教鞭打人是不被允許的。
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Now, of course you were not actually allowed to use the cane.
不過對 9 歲的我實在很有激勵,
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But it was an exciting prospect for the nine-year-old me.
因為我非常想當班長。
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I very much wanted to be the class monitor.
而且我也考上第一名的成績。
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And I got the highest score on the test.
聽到老師說: 「班長必須是個男生」我非常訝異。
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Then, to my surprise, my teacher said that the monitor had to be a boy.
她早該在考試前就先說清楚才對, 但是她以為大家都知道。
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She had forgotten to make that clear earlier
(笑聲)
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because she assumed it was ... obvious.
成績第二名的是位男孩,
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(Laughter)
結果他變成了班長。
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A boy had the second highest score on the test,
更有意思的是:
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and he would be monitor.
那個男孩個性善良又溫和,
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Now, what was even more interesting about this
對於拿著教鞭在班上巡邏毫無興趣,
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is that the boy was a sweet, gentle soul
而我則充滿野心渴望當班長,
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who had no interest in patrolling the class with the cane,
但我是女生他是男生,
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while I was full of ambition to do so.
所以他當上了班長。
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But I was female and he was male,
這件事情我一輩子忘不了。
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and so he became the class monitor.
這是我常犯的錯誤想法:
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And I've never forgotten that incident.
總是以為我懂的道理,別人應該也懂。
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I often make the mistake of thinking
舉我的好朋友路易士為例。
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that something that is obvious to me is just as obvious to everyone else.
他是位聰明上進的男人,
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Now, take my dear friend Louis
會在我們聊天的時候說:
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for example.
「我不懂妳為什麼總是說 事情對女人而言不同且更難。
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Louis is a brilliant, progressive man,
也許過去情況是那樣, 但現在已經不同了。」
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and we would have conversations and he would tell me,
我不理解他怎麼會看不清楚 那些不言而喻的事情。
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"I don't know what you mean by things being different or harder for women.
有天晚上我跟他 在拉哥斯市與朋友聚會。
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Maybe in the past, but not now."
在座可能有人不太熟悉拉哥斯市,
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And I didn't understand how Louis could not see what seems so self-evident.
這個城市有個特別美的地方,
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Then one evening, in Lagos, Louis and I went out with friends.
就是這裡的人 散佈在各處且充滿活力,
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And for people here who are not familiar with Lagos,
會很熱心地「幫」你泊車。
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there's that wonderful Lagos' fixture,
我那天傍晚對幫我們 找到停車位的男士,
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the sprinkling of energetic men who hang around outside establishments
戲劇性的舉止感到非常滿意。
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and very dramatically "help" you park your car.
所以當我下車後, 決定給他一點小費。
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I was impressed with the particular theatrics
於是我打開皮包,
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of the man who found us a parking spot that evening.
把手伸進裡面,
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And so as we were leaving, I decided to leave him a tip.
拿出我的錢,這是我工作賺來的錢。
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I opened my bag,
然後給了那個男士,
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put my hand inside my bag,
這個男士很感激也很開心,
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brought out my money that I had earned from doing my work,
從我手裡把錢拿過去,
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and I gave it to the man.
然後把轉向路易士說:
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And he, this man who was very grateful and very happy,
「謝謝您,先生!」
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took the money from me,
(笑聲)
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looked across at Louis
路易士很驚訝的看著我說:
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and said, "Thank you, sir!"
「他為什麼謝我?又不是我給的錢。」
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(Laughter)
然後我看到路易士 臉上恍然大悟的樣子。
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Louis looked at me, surprised,
那個男士一定是這樣想;
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and asked, "Why is he thanking me? I didn't give him the money."
我的錢肯定都是來自身旁的路易士,
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Then I saw realization dawn on Louis' face.
因為路易士是男的;
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The man believed that whatever money I had
男人和女人是不同的。
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had ultimately come from Louis.
我們有不同的荷爾蒙, 和不同的性器官,
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Because Louis is a man.
在生理能力上也各有差別。
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Men and women are different.
女人可以生孩子,男人不行。
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We have different hormones, we have different sexual organs,
至少現在不行。
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we have different biological abilities.
(笑聲)
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Women can have babies, men can't.
男人有睾丸酮, 通常身體比女人強壯。
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At least not yet.
世界上女人的數量 比男人稍微多一些,
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(Laughter)
全球的女性大概占了 52%,
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Men have testosterone and are in general physically stronger than women.
但有權力與聲望的 絕大部分都是男性。
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There's slightly more women than men in the world,
最近獲得諾貝爾和平獎的肯亞籍得主;
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about 52 percent of the world's population is female.
旺加里.馬塔伊
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But most of the positions of power and prestige are occupied by men.
她闡述的非常簡明:
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The late Kenyan Nobel Peace laureate,
「爬得越高,女性就越少。」
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Wangari Maathai,
我們在最近的美國大選中不時聽到 「莉莉—萊柏特合理工資法」,
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put it simply and well when she said:
如果深入去了解, 會發現它的命名原意,
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"The higher you go, the fewer women there are."
分別指的是「一個男人和一個女人」;
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In the recent US elections we kept hearing of the Lilly Ledbetter law,
兩者的工作內容和資格都一樣,
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and if we go beyond the nicely alliterative name of that law,
但是男的卻獲得較多的薪資, 原因只是因為他是「男性」。
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it was really about a man and a woman
所以實務上來看掌控世界的是男性,
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doing the same job, being equally qualified,
而且數千年以來都是理所當然,
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and the man being paid more because he's a man.
因為人類當初的生存環境,
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So in the literal way, men rule the world,
體格強壯是當時首要的生存條件,
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and this made sense a thousand years ago
所以身體強壯的人才可能做領袖,
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because human beings lived then in a world
而男性身體普遍較為強壯。
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in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival.
當然也有很多例外。
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The physically stronger person was more likely to lead,
(笑聲)
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and men, in general, are physically stronger.
但是今天我們生活在大不同的世界。
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Of course there are many exceptions.
體格強壯已不再是當領袖的條件,
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(Laughter)
而是富有創造力和智慧,
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But today we live in a vastly different world.
能夠創新的人,
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The person more likely to lead is not the physically stronger person;
這些特質並非由荷爾蒙來決定。
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it is the more creative person, the more intelligent person,
在智力上男性與女性都一樣,
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the more innovative person,
在創造和革新上亦是如此。
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and there are no hormones for those attributes.
我們已經進化,
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A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent,
但是性別觀念依舊是停滯不進。
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to be creative, to be innovative.
之前,我走進奈及利亞一家酒店大廳,
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We have evolved;
想一下要不要說出它的店名,算了。
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but it seems to me that our ideas of gender had not evolved.
門口的警衛攔住我 並問了些惱人的事,
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Some weeks ago, I walked into a lobby of one of the best Nigerian hotels.
因為他們很自然的認為,
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I thought about naming the hotel, but I thought I probably shouldn't.
一個獨自進入酒店的奈及利亞女人 必定是個妓女。
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And a guard at the entrance stopped me and asked me annoying questions,
順便問一下,
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because their automatic assumption is
為什麼這些酒店 只在乎提供沒用的用品,
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that a Nigerian female walking into a hotel alone is a sex worker.
何不乾脆直接提供性的服務呢?
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And by the way,
拉哥斯很多富有聲譽的酒吧和俱樂部 我是無法單獨進入的。
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why do these hotels focus on the ostensible supply
他們就是不讓女性單獨進去,
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rather than the demand for sex workers?
你必須有男人陪伴才能進去。
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In Lagos I cannot go alone into many "reputable" bars and clubs.
每次我帶男性 進入奈及利亞的餐廳,
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They just don't let you in if you're a woman alone,
服務員只招呼男人, 卻忘了我的存在。
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you have to be accompanied by a man.
服務員是商品。
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Each time I walk into a Nigerian restaurant with a man,
(笑聲)
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the waiter greets the man and ignores me.
女人對這點的反應好像是, 「是啊!我想也是!」
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The waiters are products --
這些服務員是社會的產物,
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(Laughter)
社會教育他們男人比女人重要。
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At this some women felt like, "Yes! I thought that!"
我也知道服務員無意冒犯我。
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The waiters are products of a society
但是理性上的理解是一回事, 情緒上的感覺卻是另一回事。
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that has taught them that men are more important than women.
每次我被忽視, 就讓我感到不存在一樣。
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And I know that waiters don't intend any harm.
我感到很沮喪。
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But it's one thing to know intellectually and quite another to feel it emotionally.
我想告訴他們 我跟男人一樣也是人,
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Each time they ignore me, I feel invisible.
我也值得被人感謝。
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I feel upset.
這些都是小事,
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I want to tell them that I am just as human as the man,
但有時小事卻最令人傷痛。
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that I'm just as worthy of acknowledgment.
不久之前我寫了篇文章,
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These are little things,
關於身為拉哥斯 年輕女性所代表的意義,
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but sometimes it's the little things that sting the most.
然後印刷商告訴說:
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And not long ago, I wrote an article
「那本書充滿怒氣哦。」
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about what it means to be young and female in Lagos,
當然真的是非常令人生氣的!
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and the printers told me,
(笑聲)
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"It was so angry."
我很生氣。
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Of course it was angry!
今日性別差異仍是非常不公平。
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(Laughter)
我們都應該感到憤怒。
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I am angry.
歷史上憤怒曾帶來很多正面的改變。
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Gender as it functions today is a grave injustice.
但是除了憤怒之外,我也懷著希望。
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We should all be angry.
因為我深信人類的能力
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Anger has a long history of bringing about positive change;
可以為了更好的未來 而去創造和改造。
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but, in addition to being angry, I'm also hopeful.
全世界的性別問題都至關重要,
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Because I believe deeply in the ability of human beings
但是我想聚焦於奈及利亞,
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to make and remake themselves for the better.
以及整個非洲,
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Gender matters everywhere in the world,
因為這是我的家鄉, 也是我心之所向。
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but I want to focus on Nigeria
今天我想要求大家
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and on Africa in general,
開始夢想和籌畫一個不一樣的世界,
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because it is where I know, and because it is where my heart is.
一個更公平的世界,
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And I would like today to ask
一個男人和女人都比現在更開心 和更真實的世界。
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that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world,
讓我們這樣開始做:
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a fairer world,
我們要用不同的方式教育女兒,
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a world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves.
我們也要用不同的方式教育兒子。
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And this is how to start:
我們養育男孩的方式 大大地幫了他們倒忙,
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we must raise our daughters differently.
抹煞了男孩的人性。
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We must also raise our sons differently.
把「大丈夫氣概」定義得很狹隘,
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We do a great disservice to boys on how we raise them;
把大丈夫氣概視為 一個堅固狹小的牢籠,
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we stifle the humanity of boys.
再把男孩關進去。
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We define masculinity in a very narrow way,
我們教男孩害怕恐懼。
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masculinity becomes this hard, small cage
我們教男孩害怕短處和脆弱。
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and we put boys inside the cage.
讓男孩隱藏自己真實的一面,
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We teach boys to be afraid of fear.
因為他們必須做一個 奈及利亞人所說的「硬漢」。
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We teach boys to be afraid of weakness, of vulnerability.
同年紀的中學男孩和女孩,
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We teach them to mask their true selves,
兩者都是十來歲的年輕人,
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because they have to be, in Nigerian speak, "hard man!"
兩者都有同樣多的零用錢在口袋裡,
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In secondary school, a boy and a girl, both of them teenagers,
一起出去玩的時候, 總是讓男生付錢,
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both of them with the same amount of pocket money, would go out
來讓他展現男子氣概。
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and then the boy would be expected always to pay,
而我們還在困惑 為何男生較會從家裡偷錢。
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to prove his masculinity.
假如我們在養育男生和女生的時候
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And yet we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.
不把金錢和男子氣概 聯想在一起,會怎樣?
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What if both boys and girls were raised
如果我們把「男生付錢」的態度改成
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not to link masculinity with money?
「誰錢多誰付錢」那麼又會怎樣?
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What if the attitude was not "the boy has to pay"
當然,由於歷史的優勢,
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but rather "whoever has more should pay?"
大多情況下男人會比較富有一些,
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Now, of course because of that historical advantage,
但是如果我們開始改變 教育孩子的方式,
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it is mostly men who will have more today,
五十年後,一百年後,
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but if we start raising children differently,
屆時男人將不再被迫 去證明自己的男子氣概。
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then in fifty years, in a hundred years,
但到目前為止, 教導他們覺得自己必須要做硬漢,
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boys will no longer have the pressure of having to prove this masculinity.
這件事最糟的結果是:
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But by far the worst thing we do to males,
我們留給他們一個非常脆弱的自我。
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by making them feel that they have to be hard,
男人被迫成為硬漢的感覺越強烈,
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is that we leave them with very fragile egos.
他的自我就越脆弱。
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The more "hard man" the man feels compelled to be,
而我們又再用 更不親和的方式教育女孩,
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the weaker his ego is.
因為我們教育她們 去迎合男人脆弱的自我,
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And then we do a much greater disservice to girls
我們教育女孩子收斂自己,
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because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of men.
讓自己變得更卑微。
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We