Okoloma Maduewesi.

今天我想從我最好的朋友開始講起，

Okoloma lived on my street

他名子是奧克拉荷馬．瑪督韋希。

and looked after me like a big brother.

奧克拉荷馬住在我街上，

If I liked a boy, I would ask Okoloma's opinion.

像位大哥那樣照顧我。

Okoloma died in the notorious Sosoliso plane crash

如果我喜歡上一個男生， 我會徵詢奧克拉荷馬的意見。

in Nigeria in December of 2005.

他死於奈及利亞惡名昭彰的 「索索利索航空公司」空難事件中，

Almost exactly seven years ago.

時間是 2005 年 12 月。

Okoloma was a person I could argue with, laugh with and truly talk to.

至今已經快七年了。

He was also the first person to call me a feminist.

我跟他無所不談， 他是我真正可以談心的朋友。

I was about fourteen, we were at his house, arguing.

也是第一個稱我為 「女權主義者」的人。

Both of us bristling with half bit knowledge

那時我 14 歲， 在他的家為某些事在爭論。

from books that we had read.

為了書中的事爭得面紅耳赤， 彼此都是一知半解。

I don't remember what this particular argument was about,

我已忘了當時吵的是什麼，

but I remember that as I argued and argued,

但是我記得在爭論過程中 他看著我說：

Okoloma looked at me and said, "You know, you're a feminist."

「知道嗎？妳真的是個女權主義者！」

It was not a compliment.

那不是誇獎。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I could tell from his tone,

從他的語氣我就知道，

the same tone that you would use to say something like,

大概類似於你們會用來說

"You're a supporter of terrorism."

「妳是恐怖主義的支持者」那樣。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I did not know exactly what this word "feminist" meant,

我當時不了解 「女權主義者」真正的意思，

and I did not want Okoloma to know that I did not know.

更不想讓他知道我不懂那個字眼。

So I brushed it aside, and I continued to argue.

所以我沒接他的話， 繼續爭論之前的話。

And the first thing I planned to do when I got home

等我回家後做的第一件事，

was to look up the word "feminist" in the dictionary.

就是查字典裡「女權主義者」的意思。

Now fast forward to some years later,

現在讓我把時間往後快轉幾年，

I wrote a novel about a man who among other things beats his wife

我寫了一本描述 一個男人毆打老婆的書，

and whose story doesn't end very well.

主角最後的下場不是很好。

While I was promoting the novel in Nigeria,

當我在奈及利亞為小說進行宣傳時，

a journalist, a nice, well-meaning man,

有位好心善良的記者，

told me he wanted to advise me.

告訴我他想給我一點建議。

And for the Nigerians here,

我想在座的奈及利亞人

I'm sure we're all familiar

一定都很了解那種不請自來

with how quick our people are to give unsolicited advice.

熱於提供建議的人速度有多快；

He told me that people were saying that my novel was feminist

他說人們覺得我的小說是女權主義。

and his advice to me --

並且他建議我，

and he was shaking his head sadly as he spoke --

搖著頭帶點悲傷的說，

was that I should never call myself a feminist

我不應該再提及自己是個女權主義者，

because feminists are women who are unhappy

因為女權主義者都是不開心的女人，

because they cannot find husbands.

因為她們找不到丈夫。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So I decided to call myself "a happy feminist."

所以我決定自稱為 「快樂的女權主義者」。

Then an academic, a Nigerian woman told me

然後又有一位奈及利亞的 女性學者告訴我，

that feminism was not our culture

女權主義不是我們的文化，

and that feminism wasn't African,

女權主義也不是非洲的。

and that I was calling myself a feminist

她說我自稱女權主義者的原因

because I had been corrupted by "Western books."

是因為我被「西方的書」腐化了。

Which amused me,

她說的話讓我啼笑皆非，

because a lot of my early readings were decidedly unfeminist.

因為我以前讀的書 絕大多數與女權主義無關。

I think I must have read every single Mills & Boon romance published

我在 16 歲以前幾乎已讀完

before I was sixteen.

「米爾思·布恩出版社」的 每一本浪漫小說。

And each time I tried to read those books

每當我閱讀那些關於 「女權主義寶典」書籍的時候，

called "the feminist classics,"

我都會覺得很無聊，很難唸完。

I'd get bored, and I really struggled to finish them.

但是不管怎樣， 既然女權主義不是非洲的，

But anyway, since feminism was un-African,

所以現在我都自稱 是「快樂的非洲女權主義者」，

I decided that I would now call myself "a happy African feminist."

過去某段日子我並不討厭男人， 我是快樂的非洲女權主義者，

At some point I was a happy African feminist who does not hate men

也喜歡擦口紅，

and who likes lip gloss

隨興為自己穿高跟鞋， 而不是穿給男人看。

and who wears high heels for herself but not for men.

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

當然上述許多都是玩笑話，

Of course a lot of this was tongue-in-cheek,

但是「女權主義者」本身這個字眼 帶有很沉重、很負面的包袱。

but that word feminist is so heavy with baggage, negative baggage.

好比是「妳討厭男人， 妳不喜歡穿胸罩，

You hate men, you hate bras,

妳厭惡非洲文化」那些觀念。

you hate African culture, that sort of thing.

我要講一個小時候的故事。

Now here's a story from my childhood.

當我上小學的時候，

When I was in primary school,

開學時我的老師說會有一個考試，

my teacher said at the beginning of term that she would give the class a test

誰的分數最高誰就可以當班長。

and whoever got the highest score would be the class monitor.

你也知道，當班長是件了不起的事。

Now, class monitor was a big deal.

假如你是班長，

If you were a class monitor,

你就可以把講話的名字登記下來。

you got to write down the names of noisemakers --

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

那個權力可大。

which was having enough power of its own.

而且我的老師還會給班長拿根教鞭，

But my teacher would also give you a cane to hold in your hand

讓他拿著教鞭在班上 走動監督搗亂的人。

while you walk around and patrol the class for noisemakers.

當然，使用教鞭打人是不被允許的。

Now, of course you were not actually allowed to use the cane.

不過對 9 歲的我實在很有激勵，

But it was an exciting prospect for the nine-year-old me.

因為我非常想當班長。

I very much wanted to be the class monitor.

而且我也考上第一名的成績。

And I got the highest score on the test.

聽到老師說： 「班長必須是個男生」我非常訝異。

Then, to my surprise, my teacher said that the monitor had to be a boy.

她早該在考試前就先說清楚才對， 但是她以為大家都知道。

She had forgotten to make that clear earlier

（笑聲）

because she assumed it was ... obvious.

成績第二名的是位男孩，

(Laughter)

結果他變成了班長。

A boy had the second highest score on the test,

更有意思的是：

and he would be monitor.

那個男孩個性善良又溫和，

Now, what was even more interesting about this

對於拿著教鞭在班上巡邏毫無興趣，

is that the boy was a sweet, gentle soul

而我則充滿野心渴望當班長，

who had no interest in patrolling the class with the cane,

但我是女生他是男生，

while I was full of ambition to do so.

所以他當上了班長。

But I was female and he was male,

這件事情我一輩子忘不了。

and so he became the class monitor.

這是我常犯的錯誤想法：

And I've never forgotten that incident.

總是以為我懂的道理，別人應該也懂。

I often make the mistake of thinking

舉我的好朋友路易士為例。

that something that is obvious to me is just as obvious to everyone else.

他是位聰明上進的男人，

Now, take my dear friend Louis

會在我們聊天的時候說：

for example.

「我不懂妳為什麼總是說 事情對女人而言不同且更難。

Louis is a brilliant, progressive man,

也許過去情況是那樣， 但現在已經不同了。」

and we would have conversations and he would tell me,

我不理解他怎麼會看不清楚 那些不言而喻的事情。

"I don't know what you mean by things being different or harder for women.

有天晚上我跟他 在拉哥斯市與朋友聚會。

Maybe in the past, but not now."

在座可能有人不太熟悉拉哥斯市，

And I didn't understand how Louis could not see what seems so self-evident.

這個城市有個特別美的地方，

Then one evening, in Lagos, Louis and I went out with friends.

就是這裡的人 散佈在各處且充滿活力，

And for people here who are not familiar with Lagos,

會很熱心地「幫」你泊車。

there's that wonderful Lagos' fixture,

我那天傍晚對幫我們 找到停車位的男士，

the sprinkling of energetic men who hang around outside establishments

戲劇性的舉止感到非常滿意。

and very dramatically "help" you park your car.

所以當我下車後， 決定給他一點小費。

I was impressed with the particular theatrics

於是我打開皮包，

of the man who found us a parking spot that evening.

把手伸進裡面，

And so as we were leaving, I decided to leave him a tip.

拿出我的錢，這是我工作賺來的錢。

I opened my bag,

然後給了那個男士，

put my hand inside my bag,

這個男士很感激也很開心，

brought out my money that I had earned from doing my work,

從我手裡把錢拿過去，

and I gave it to the man.

然後把轉向路易士說：

And he, this man who was very grateful and very happy,

「謝謝您，先生！」

took the money from me,

（笑聲）

looked across at Louis

路易士很驚訝的看著我說：

and said, "Thank you, sir!"

「他為什麼謝我？又不是我給的錢。」

(Laughter)

然後我看到路易士 臉上恍然大悟的樣子。

Louis looked at me, surprised,

那個男士一定是這樣想；

and asked, "Why is he thanking me? I didn't give him the money."

我的錢肯定都是來自身旁的路易士，

Then I saw realization dawn on Louis' face.

因為路易士是男的；

The man believed that whatever money I had

男人和女人是不同的。

had ultimately come from Louis.

我們有不同的荷爾蒙， 和不同的性器官，

Because Louis is a man.

在生理能力上也各有差別。

Men and women are different.

女人可以生孩子，男人不行。

We have different hormones, we have different sexual organs,

至少現在不行。

we have different biological abilities.

（笑聲）

Women can have babies, men can't.

男人有睾丸酮， 通常身體比女人強壯。

At least not yet.

世界上女人的數量 比男人稍微多一些，

(Laughter)

全球的女性大概占了 52%，

Men have testosterone and are in general physically stronger than women.

但有權力與聲望的 絕大部分都是男性。

There's slightly more women than men in the world,

最近獲得諾貝爾和平獎的肯亞籍得主；

about 52 percent of the world's population is female.

旺加里．馬塔伊

But most of the positions of power and prestige are occupied by men.

她闡述的非常簡明：

The late Kenyan Nobel Peace laureate,

「爬得越高，女性就越少。」

Wangari Maathai,

我們在最近的美國大選中不時聽到 「莉莉—萊柏特合理工資法」，

put it simply and well when she said:

如果深入去了解， 會發現它的命名原意，

"The higher you go, the fewer women there are."

分別指的是「一個男人和一個女人」；

In the recent US elections we kept hearing of the Lilly Ledbetter law,

兩者的工作內容和資格都一樣，

and if we go beyond the nicely alliterative name of that law,

但是男的卻獲得較多的薪資， 原因只是因為他是「男性」。

it was really about a man and a woman

所以實務上來看掌控世界的是男性，

doing the same job, being equally qualified,

而且數千年以來都是理所當然，

and the man being paid more because he's a man.

因為人類當初的生存環境，

So in the literal way, men rule the world,

體格強壯是當時首要的生存條件，

and this made sense a thousand years ago

所以身體強壯的人才可能做領袖，

because human beings lived then in a world

而男性身體普遍較為強壯。

in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival.

當然也有很多例外。

The physically stronger person was more likely to lead,

（笑聲）

and men, in general, are physically stronger.

但是今天我們生活在大不同的世界。

Of course there are many exceptions.

體格強壯已不再是當領袖的條件，

(Laughter)

而是富有創造力和智慧，

But today we live in a vastly different world.

能夠創新的人，

The person more likely to lead is not the physically stronger person;

這些特質並非由荷爾蒙來決定。

it is the more creative person, the more intelligent person,

在智力上男性與女性都一樣，

the more innovative person,

在創造和革新上亦是如此。

and there are no hormones for those attributes.

我們已經進化，

A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent,

但是性別觀念依舊是停滯不進。

to be creative, to be innovative.

之前，我走進奈及利亞一家酒店大廳，

We have evolved;

想一下要不要說出它的店名，算了。

but it seems to me that our ideas of gender had not evolved.

門口的警衛攔住我 並問了些惱人的事，

Some weeks ago, I walked into a lobby of one of the best Nigerian hotels.

因為他們很自然的認為，

I thought about naming the hotel, but I thought I probably shouldn't.

一個獨自進入酒店的奈及利亞女人 必定是個妓女。

And a guard at the entrance stopped me and asked me annoying questions,

順便問一下，

because their automatic assumption is

為什麼這些酒店 只在乎提供沒用的用品，

that a Nigerian female walking into a hotel alone is a sex worker.

何不乾脆直接提供性的服務呢？

And by the way,

拉哥斯很多富有聲譽的酒吧和俱樂部 我是無法單獨進入的。

why do these hotels focus on the ostensible supply

他們就是不讓女性單獨進去，

rather than the demand for sex workers?

你必須有男人陪伴才能進去。

In Lagos I cannot go alone into many "reputable" bars and clubs.

每次我帶男性 進入奈及利亞的餐廳，

They just don't let you in if you're a woman alone,

服務員只招呼男人， 卻忘了我的存在。

you have to be accompanied by a man.

服務員是商品。

Each time I walk into a Nigerian restaurant with a man,

（笑聲）

the waiter greets the man and ignores me.

女人對這點的反應好像是， 「是啊！我想也是！」

The waiters are products --

這些服務員是社會的產物，

(Laughter)

社會教育他們男人比女人重要。

At this some women felt like, "Yes! I thought that!"

我也知道服務員無意冒犯我。

The waiters are products of a society

但是理性上的理解是一回事， 情緒上的感覺卻是另一回事。

that has taught them that men are more important than women.

每次我被忽視， 就讓我感到不存在一樣。

And I know that waiters don't intend any harm.

我感到很沮喪。

But it's one thing to know intellectually and quite another to feel it emotionally.

我想告訴他們 我跟男人一樣也是人，

Each time they ignore me, I feel invisible.

我也值得被人感謝。

I feel upset.

這些都是小事，

I want to tell them that I am just as human as the man,

但有時小事卻最令人傷痛。

that I'm just as worthy of acknowledgment.

不久之前我寫了篇文章，

These are little things,

關於身為拉哥斯 年輕女性所代表的意義，

but sometimes it's the little things that sting the most.

然後印刷商告訴說：

And not long ago, I wrote an article

「那本書充滿怒氣哦。」

about what it means to be young and female in Lagos,

當然真的是非常令人生氣的！

and the printers told me,

（笑聲）

"It was so angry."

我很生氣。

Of course it was angry!

今日性別差異仍是非常不公平。

(Laughter)

我們都應該感到憤怒。

I am angry.

歷史上憤怒曾帶來很多正面的改變。

Gender as it functions today is a grave injustice.

但是除了憤怒之外，我也懷著希望。

We should all be angry.

因為我深信人類的能力

Anger has a long history of bringing about positive change;

可以為了更好的未來 而去創造和改造。

but, in addition to being angry, I'm also hopeful.

全世界的性別問題都至關重要，

Because I believe deeply in the ability of human beings

但是我想聚焦於奈及利亞，

to make and remake themselves for the better.

以及整個非洲，

Gender matters everywhere in the world,

因為這是我的家鄉， 也是我心之所向。

but I want to focus on Nigeria

今天我想要求大家

and on Africa in general,

開始夢想和籌畫一個不一樣的世界，

because it is where I know, and because it is where my heart is.

一個更公平的世界，

And I would like today to ask

一個男人和女人都比現在更開心 和更真實的世界。

that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world,

讓我們這樣開始做：

a fairer world,

我們要用不同的方式教育女兒，

a world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves.

我們也要用不同的方式教育兒子。

And this is how to start:

我們養育男孩的方式 大大地幫了他們倒忙，

we must raise our daughters differently.

抹煞了男孩的人性。

We must also raise our sons differently.

把「大丈夫氣概」定義得很狹隘，

We do a great disservice to boys on how we raise them;

把大丈夫氣概視為 一個堅固狹小的牢籠，

we stifle the humanity of boys.

再把男孩關進去。

We define masculinity in a very narrow way,

我們教男孩害怕恐懼。

masculinity becomes this hard, small cage

我們教男孩害怕短處和脆弱。

and we put boys inside the cage.

讓男孩隱藏自己真實的一面，

We teach boys to be afraid of fear.

因為他們必須做一個 奈及利亞人所說的「硬漢」。

We teach boys to be afraid of weakness, of vulnerability.

同年紀的中學男孩和女孩，

We teach them to mask their true selves,

兩者都是十來歲的年輕人，

because they have to be, in Nigerian speak, "hard man!"

兩者都有同樣多的零用錢在口袋裡，

In secondary school, a boy and a girl, both of them teenagers,

一起出去玩的時候， 總是讓男生付錢，

both of them with the same amount of pocket money, would go out

來讓他展現男子氣概。

and then the boy would be expected always to pay,

而我們還在困惑 為何男生較會從家裡偷錢。

to prove his masculinity.

假如我們在養育男生和女生的時候

And yet we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.

不把金錢和男子氣概 聯想在一起，會怎樣？

What if both boys and girls were raised

如果我們把「男生付錢」的態度改成

not to link masculinity with money?

「誰錢多誰付錢」那麼又會怎樣？

What if the attitude was not "the boy has to pay"

當然，由於歷史的優勢，

but rather "whoever has more should pay?"

大多情況下男人會比較富有一些，

Now, of course because of that historical advantage,

但是如果我們開始改變 教育孩子的方式，

it is mostly men who will have more today,

五十年後，一百年後，

but if we start raising children differently,

屆時男人將不再被迫 去證明自己的男子氣概。

then in fifty years, in a hundred years,

但到目前為止， 教導他們覺得自己必須要做硬漢，

boys will no longer have the pressure of having to prove this masculinity.

這件事最糟的結果是：

But by far the worst thing we do to males,

我們留給他們一個非常脆弱的自我。

by making them feel that they have to be hard,

男人被迫成為硬漢的感覺越強烈，

is that we leave them with very fragile egos.

他的自我就越脆弱。

The more "hard man" the man feels compelled to be,

而我們又再用 更不親和的方式教育女孩，

the weaker his ego is.

因為我們教育她們 去迎合男人脆弱的自我，

And then we do a much greater disservice to girls

我們教育女孩子收斂自己，

because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of men.

讓自己變得更卑微。

We