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  • Hi.

    譯者: Yukun Chen 審譯者: Adrienne Lin

  • Today I'm going to share my personal journey

    大家好。

  • with female genital mutilation, FGM.

    今天我想分享的親身經歷

  • Feel free to cry, laugh, cross your legs,

    是關於女性外陰殘割(FGM)。

  • or do anything your body feels like doing.

    你們可以隨意哭、笑、翹腳

  • I'm not going to name the things your body does.

    或做一些你覺得舒服的事,

  • I was born in Sierra Leone.

    我不會將你們身體會做的事 一項一項地列出來。

  • Did anybody watch "Blood Diamond"?

    我在獅子山共和國出生。

  • If you have any thoughts --

    有人看過電影《血鑽石》嗎?

  • I don't have any diamonds on me, by the way.

    你要是現在已經萌生一些想法...

  • If you have heard of Ebola, well, that's in Sierra Leone as well.

    我順帶一提,我身上並沒有任何鑽石。

  • I don't have Ebola. You're all safe.

    如果你有聽過伊波拉病毒,

  • Don't rush to the door.

    獅子山也有伊波拉個案。

  • Be seated. You're fine. I was checked before I got here.

    我沒有攜帶伊波拉病毒, 你們都很安全,

  • My grandfather had three wives.

    不要忙著往門那裡跑。

  • Don't ask me why a man needs more than one wife.

    坐下來。你們沒事。 我來之前已經被檢查過了。

  • Men, do you need more than one wife?

    我的祖父有三個妻子。

  • I don't think so. There you go.

    不要問我為甚麼 男人需要超過一個妻子。

  • He was looking for a heart attack, that's what I say.

    男士們,你們需要多於一個妻子嗎?

  • Oh yeah, he was.

    我不這麼認為。

  • When I was three, war broke out in Sierra Leone in 1991.

    就是這樣。

  • I remember literally going to bed one night, everything was good.

    他是在自找心臟病,我是這麼認為的。

  • The next day, I woke up,

    噢,是的,他真的是自找麻煩。

  • bombs were dropping everywhere,

    1991年,在我三歲的時候,

  • and people were trying to kill me and my family.

    獅子山爆發了一場戰爭。

  • We escaped the war and ended up in Gambia, in West Africa.

    我清楚地記得有一晚睡覺時,

  • Ebola is there as well. Stay away from it.

    甚麼事都沒發生。

  • While we were there as refugees,

    翌日,我醒過來的時候,

  • we didn't know what was going to become of us.

    到處都是從天擲下的炸彈,

  • My mom applied for refugee status.

    有些人還試圖殺害我和我的家人。

  • She's a wonderful, smart woman, that one,

    我們逃離戰爭, 抵達西非的甘比亞。

  • and we were lucky.

    那裡也有伊波拉病毒,不要去。

  • Australia said, we will take you in.

    我們在那裡是難民,

  • Good job, Aussies.

    我們不知道甚麼事 會降臨到我們的身上。

  • Before we were meant to travel,

    我媽媽申請了難民身份,

  • my mom came home one day, and said,

    在這件事情上, 她是個了不起又聰明的女人。

  • "We're going on a little holiday, a little trip."

    我們很幸運,

  • She put us in a car,

    澳洲接納了我們。

  • and we drove for hours and ended up in a bush

    多虧你們了,澳洲人。

  • in a remote area in Gambia.

    在我們遠走他鄉之前,

  • In this bush, we found two huts.

    媽媽有一天回到家說:

  • An old lady came towards us.

    「我們去度假,一個小小的旅行。」

  • She was ethnic-looking, very old.

    她把我們帶上車,

  • She had a chat with my mom, and went back.

    我們開了幾小時的車,

  • Then she came back and walked away from us into a second hut.

    到達一個位於甘比亞偏遠地區的灌木林。

  • I'm standing there thinking,

    叢林裡,我們找到了兩間小棚屋。

  • "This is very confusing. I don't know what's going on."

    一個老婦人迎我們而來,

  • The next thing I knew,

    她看來是很民族的感覺,年紀很大。

  • my mom took me into this hut.

    她跟媽媽談了一會就回去了

  • She took my clothes off,

    然後她又走回來,走進第二間小棚屋

  • and then she pinned me down on the floor.

    我站在那兒,不禁想:

  • I struggled and tried to get her off me, but I couldn't.

    「真叫人摸不著頭腦,到底發生甚麼事。」

  • Then the old lady came towards me with a rusty-looking knife,

    接下來我記得

  • one of the sharp knives,

    媽媽會帶我走入這間棚屋

  • orange-looking, has never seen water or sunlight before.

    她把我的衣服脫掉

  • I thought she was going to slaughter me,

    然後把我壓在地上

  • but she didn't.

    我拼命掙扎,想要把她推開, 但都無補於事

  • She slowly slid down my body

    那個老女人走上前,拿著一把生鏽的刀

  • and ended up where my vagina is.

    那種鋒利的、褐鏽色

  • She took hold of what I now know to be my clitoris,

    從不見天日或水的刀

  • she took that rusty knife, and started cutting away, inch by inch.

    我以為她想殺我

  • I screamed, I cried,

    但她沒有

  • and asked my mom to get off me so this pain will stop,

    她的手缓慢地滑過我的身軀

  • but all she did was say, "Be quiet."

    停在了陰道處

  • This old lady sawed away at my flesh for what felt like forever,

    她拿捏住我的下體, 我後來才知道那是陰蒂

  • and then when she was done,

    她用那把生鏽的刀開始一寸一寸地割下

  • she threw that piece of flesh across the floor

    我歇斯底里地哭叫

  • as if it was the most disgusting thing she's ever touched.

    懇求媽媽放我下來,結束這痛苦

  • They both got off me, and left me there bleeding,

    但她卻一直叫我「不要吵」

  • crying, and confused as to what just happened.

    這老女人割下我的肉, 整個過程感覺永遠沒有結束

  • We never talked about this again.

    完事之後

  • Very soon, we found that we were coming to Australia,

    她把那塊肉扔在地上

  • and this is when you had the Sydney Olympics at the time,

    彷彿那是她碰過最噁心的東西

  • and people said we were going to the end of the world,

    她們倆從我身上走開

  • there was nowhere else to go after Australia.

    把我獨自留在那裡淌血、痛哭、茫然。我在想“剛剛發生了什麼”

  • Yeah, that comforted us a bit.

    從此我們再沒有提過這件事

  • It took us three days to get here.

    不久,我們就起行到澳洲

  • We went to Senegal, then France, and then Singapore.

    那時候正在舉辦雪梨奧運會

  • We went to the bathroom to wash our hands.

    人們說我們將要去世界的盡頭

  • We spent 15 minutes opening the tap like this.

    澳洲再往外,就沒有任何東西了

  • Then somebody came in,

    是的,這的確讓我們感到些許寬慰(反話)

  • slid their hand under and water came out,

    我們花了三天才來到這裡

  • and we thought, is this what we're in for?

    我們途經塞内加爾、法國、 然後到新加坡

  • Like, seriously.

    我们去洗手間洗手

  • We got to Adelaide, small place,

    花了十五分鐘都無法把水龍頭弄開

  • where literally they dumped us in Adelaide, that's what I would say.

    之後有人進來

  • They dumped us there.

    把手放到了(水龍頭)下面,水就出來了

  • We were very grateful.

    我们當時在想, 這是我们將要生活的地方嗎?

  • We settled and we liked it.

    真的,不可思議

  • We were like, "We're home, we're here."

    我們到達了阿德萊德,小地方

  • Then somebody took us to Rundle Mall.

    他們就把我們扔在了阿德萊德, 真的可以說是,

  • Adelaide has only one mall.

    把我們“扔”在了那裡。

  • It's this small place.

    我們仍然很感激。

  • And we saw a lot of Asian people.

    我們安置了下來,並且喜歡那裡。

  • My mom said all of a sudden, panicking,

    對我們來說是,“我們到家了,就在這裡”

  • "You brought us to the wrong place. You must take us back to Australia."

    然後有人帶我們去朗德爾購物中心。

  • Yeah. It had to be explained to her that there were a lot of Asians in Australia

    阿德萊德只有一個購物中心。

  • and we were in the right place.

    就是這麼小的地方。

  • So fine, it's all good.

    我們看到很多亞洲人。

  • My mom then had this brilliant idea

    我媽突然很慌張地說,

  • that I should go to a girls school because they were less racist.

    “你把我們帶到錯的地方了。 你必須帶我們回澳大利亞。”

  • I don't know where she read that publication. (Laughter)

    對啊,我們還得向她解釋 在澳大利亞有很多亞洲人

  • Never found evidence of it to this day.

    我們在對的地方。

  • Six hundred white kids, and I was the only black child there.

    好吧,所有事情都到位了。

  • No, I was the only person with a bit of a color on me.

    我媽然後有了這個很不錯的主意

  • Let me say that. Chocolate color.

    我必須去女子學校, 因為他們會比較沒有種族主義。

  • There were no Asians, no indigenous.

    我不知道她在哪裡讀到這個刊物。(笑)

  • All we had was some tan girls,

    至今從來沒有發現這個刊物的痕跡

  • girls who felt the need to be under the sun.

    600個白人小朋友,而我是唯一的黑人小朋友。

  • It wasn't the same as my chocolate, though. Not the same.

    不對,我是唯一的皮膚有顏色的小朋友。

  • Settling in Australia was quite hard,

    讓我說吧,巧克力的顏色。

  • but it became harder when I started volunteering for an organization

    沒有亞洲人,沒有原著民。

  • called Women's Health Statewide,

    我們有的就是幾個曬得比較黑的女孩子,

  • and I joined their female genital mutilation program

    這些女孩子覺得必須要曬太陽。

  • without any awareness of what this program was actually about,

    不過(她們的顏色)和我的巧克力色不同, 不是一樣的。

  • or that it related to me in any way.

    在澳大利亞安家(對我來說)並不容易,

  • I spent months educating nurses and doctors

    而在我開始在某個組織當志工後,就更加困難了

  • about what female genital mutilation was

    這個組織叫做“全洲婦女健康“

  • and where it was practiced:

    我參加了他們的”女性外陰殘割“的計劃

  • Africa, the Middle East, Asia, and now, Australia and London and America,

    完全不知道這個計劃是做什麼的,

  • because, as we all know, we live in a multicultural society,

    也不知這個就和我自己有關。

  • and people who come from those backgrounds come with their culture,

    我花數月的時間教育護士和醫生

  • and sometimes they have cultural practices that we may not agree with,

    有關什麼是“女性外陰殘割”

  • but they continue to practice them.

    以及在哪裡有這樣的情況:

  • One day, I was looking at the chart

    如非洲,中東,亞洲, 而現在,在澳大利亞,倫敦和美國。

  • of the different types of female genital mutilation,

    因為,如我們所知, 我們生活在一個多元文化的社會,

  • FGM, I will just say FGM for short.

    而從這些文化背景來的人們也帶來了他們的文化,

  • Type I is when they cut off the hood.

    有時候,他們有一些文化的做法, 並不是我們所認同的,

  • Type II is when they cut off the whole clitoris

    但是他們會繼續實行。

  • and some of your labia majora, or your outer lips,

    有一天,我正在看一個不同

  • and Type III is when they cut off the whole clitoris

    女性外陰殘割類型的表格,

  • and then they sew you up

    FGM,我就簡稱女性外陰殘割為FGM好了

  • so you only have a little hole to pee and have your period.

    類型一是把(陰蒂上方)的皮割掉

  • My eyes went onto Type II.

    類型二是把整個陰蒂割掉

  • Before all of this, I pretty much had amnesia.

    以及部分的外陰唇,

  • I was in so much shock and traumatized by what had happened,

    類別三是把整個陰蒂割掉

  • I didn't remember any of it.

    然後把那裡縫起來

  • Yes, I was aware something bad happened to me,

    僅剩一個小出口尿尿和來月經。

  • but I had no recollection of what had happened.

    我的眼睛看著類型二。

  • I knew I had a scar down there,

    在此之前,我幾乎患了失憶症。

  • but I thought everybody had a scar down there.

    當時我非常震驚並且精神上受到了創傷

  • This had happened to everybody else.

    我居然完全不記得。

  • But when I looked at Type II, it all came back to me.

    我確實是意識到不好的事情發生了,

  • I remembered what was done to me.

    當我並沒有去回憶發生了什麼。

  • I remembered being in that hut

    我知道我的下面有個傷疤,

  • with that old lady and my mom holding me down.

    當我以為每一個人下面都有個傷疤。

  • Words cannot express the pain I felt,

    每個人都經歷過這個。

  • the confusion that I felt,

    但當我看著類型二的時候,所有的記憶都回來了。

  • because now I realized that what was done to me was a terrible thing

    我想起了她們對我做了什麼。

  • that in this society was called barbaric,

    我想起了在那個棚屋裡

  • it was called mutilation.

    那個老婦人和我母親把我按住。

  • My mother had said it was called circumcision,

    言語無法表達我所感到的疼痛,

  • but here it was mutilation.

    我所感到的困惑,

  • I was thinking, I'm mutilated? I'm a mutilated person.

    因為我意識到了 她們對我所做的事情,是一件可怕的事情

  • Oh my God.

    在這個社會被稱為野蠻的事情,

  • And then the anger came.

    它叫做女性外陰殘割。

  • I was a black angry woman. (Laughter)

    我的母親曾說這叫做割禮,

  • Oh yeah.

    但在這裡這是殘割。

  • A little one, but angry nevertheless.

    我在想,我被殘割了?我是一個殘缺的人。

  • I went home and said to my mom,

    我的天啊。

  • "You did something."

    接著,憤怒就來了。

  • This is not the African thing to do, pointing at your mother,

    我是一個憤怒的女黑人。(笑)

  • but hey, I was ready for any consequences.

    嗯,是的。

  • "You did something to me."

    小女生,但是仍然憤怒。

  • She's like, "What are you talking about, Khadija?"

    我回家跟母親說,

  • She's used to me mouthing off.

    “你對我做了不好的事”。

  • I'm like, "Those years ago, You circumcised me.

    這不是非洲文化會做的事情,指著你的母親,

  • You cut away something that belonged to me."

    可是,我當時可接受任何後果。

  • She said, "Yes, I did.

    “你對我做了不好的事情。”

  • I did it for your own good.

    她說,“Khadija,你在說什麼?”

  • It was in your best interest.

    她習慣了我發牢騷

  • Your grandmother did it to me, and I did it to you.

    我說,“幾年前,你對我做了割禮。

  • It's made you a woman."

    你把屬於我的東西割掉了。”

  • I'm like, "How?"

    她說,“是的。

  • She said, "You're empowered, Khadija.

    我做是為了你好。

  • Do you get itchy down there?"

    這是為你著想。

  • I'm like, "No, why would I get itchy down there?"

    你外婆對我做了,我對你做了。

  • She said, "Well, if you were not circumcised,

    這讓你成為一個女人。”

  • you would get itchy down there.

    我說,“怎麼會?”

  • Women who are not circumcised get itchy all the time.

    她說,“你被賦予了力量,Khadija.

  • Then they sleep around with everybody.

    你下面會覺得癢嗎?”

  • You are not going to sleep around with anybody."

    我說,“不會,為什麼我會覺得癢?”

  • And I thought,

    她說,“看,如果你沒被行割禮,

  • her definition of empowerment was very strange. (Laughter)

    你下面就會覺得癢。

  • That was the end of our first conversation.

    沒有行割禮的女人下面總是癢的。

  • I went back to school.

    而且她們會和每個人上床。

  • These were the days when we had Dolly and Girlfriend magazines.

    你不會隨便和任何人上床。”

  • There was always the sealed section. Anybody remember those sealed sections?

    我想,

  • The naughty bits, you know?

    她對“賦予力量”的定義還真是奇怪。(笑)

  • Oh yeah, I love those. (Laughter)

    我們的第一次談話就這樣結束了。

  • Anyway, there was always an article about pleasure

    我回到學校

  • and relationships and, of course, sex.

    那個年代我們有雜誌“Dolly 和女友"

  • But it always assumed that you had a clitoris, though,

    雜誌裡總有一個部分是封起來的。 誰記得這些封起來的部分?

  • and I thought, this doesn't fit me.

    不雅的內容,你知道的

  • This doesn't talk about people like me.

    對啊,我愛這部分。(笑)

  • I don't have a clitoris.

    總是會有一篇文章關於快感

  • I watched TV and those women would moan like, "Oh! Oh!"

    男女關係,當然,還有性。

  • I was like, these people and their damned clitoris.

    但是這類文章總是基於你有陰蒂

  • (Laughter)

    我當時想,這不合適我。

  • What is a woman without a clitoris supposed to do with her life?

    這不是在講我這樣的人。

  • That's what I want to know.

    我沒有陰蒂。

  • I want to do that too -- "Oh! Oh!" and all of that.

    我看電視,上面那些女人如此呻吟 ”噢!噢!“

  • Didn't happen.

    我想,這些該死的有陰蒂的人。

  • So I came home once again and said to my mom,

    (笑)

  • "Dolly and Girlfriend said I deserve pleasure,

    沒有陰蒂的女人要如何生活?

  • that I should be having orgasms,

    我想要知道。

  • and that white men should figure out how to find the clitoris."

    我也想要那樣呻吟-- ”噢!噢!“這些

  • Apparently, white men have a problem finding the clitoris.

    沒發生過。

  • (Laughter)

    所以我再回家跟母親說,

  • Just saying, it wasn't me. It was Dolly that said that.

    ”Dolly和女友“說, 我應該得到快感,

  • And I thought to myself, I had an inner joke in my head

    我應該要有性高潮,

  • that said, "I will marry a white man.

    而白種男人應該弄清楚要怎麼找到陰蒂。”

  • He won't have that problem with me." (Laughter)

    顯然,白種男人常常找不到陰蒂。

  • So I said to my mom,

    (笑)

  • "Dolly and Girlfriend said I deserve pleasure, and do you know

    聲明一下,不是我說的。 是Dolly說的。

  • what you have taken away from me, what you have denied me?

    我當時心裡有個笑話,

  • You have invaded me in the most sacred way.

    “我會嫁個一個白人。

  • I want pleasure.

    他跟我就沒這個問題。” (笑)

  • I want to get horny, dammit, as well."

    我對母親說,

  • And she said to me, "Who is Dolly and Girlfriend?

    “Dolly和女友“說, 我應該有快感,

  • Are they your new friends, Khadija?"

    你知道你剝奪了我的什麼嗎? 你否定了我的什麼權利嗎?

  • I was like, "No, they're not. That's a magazine, mom, a magazine."

    你在最神聖的方面侵略了我。

  • She didn't get it.

    我想要快感。

  • We came from two different worlds.

    我也想要性慾繚繞,該死的。”

  • When she was growing up, not having a clitoris was the norm.

    然後她說, “誰是Dolly和女友?”

  • It was celebrated.

    她們是你的新朋友嗎,Khadija?“

  • I was an African Australian girl.

    我說,”不,不是。 那是本雜誌,媽,雜誌。“

  • I lived in a society that was very clitoris-centric.

    她不懂了。

  • It was all about the damn clitoris!

    我們來自兩個不同的世界。

  • And I didn't have one!

    她長大的時候, 沒有陰蒂是正常的事情。

  • That pissed me off.

    人們慶祝它。

  • So once I went through this strange phase of anger

    我是一個非裔澳大利亞女孩。

  • and pain and confusion,

    我生活在一個以陰蒂為中心的社會。

  • I remember booking an appointment with my therapist.

    所有事情都和這該死的陰蒂有關!

  • Yes, I'm an African who has a therapist. There you go.

    而我卻沒有!

  • And I said to her,

    這讓我非常生氣。

  • "I was 13. I was a child.

    所以,當我度過了這段奇怪的,憤怒

  • I was settling in a new country,

    痛苦和迷惑的階段,

  • I was dealing with racism and discrimination,

    我記得與我的心理師碰面

  • English is my third language, and then there it was."

    是的,我是個有心理治療師的非洲人 看吧

  • I said to her, "I feel like I'm not a woman

    我對她說,

  • because of what was done to me.

    ”我當時13歲,還是個孩子。

  • I feel incomplete.

    我試著適應一個新的國家,

  • Am I going to be asexual?"

    我要應付種族主義和歧視,

  • Because from what I knew about FGM,

    英語是我的第三種語言, 然後還有這個。"

  • the whole aim of it was to control the sexuality of women.

    我告訴她,“我覺得自己不是個女人,