Be hella excited that all episodes of your show "Youth and Consequences" come out on YouTube Red on March 7th?

對自己主演的電視節目「Youth and Consequences」全集 3 月 7 日在 YouTube Premium （舊稱 YouTube Red）上播出感到超級興奮？

Well yes, obviously, thank you.

那當然！還用說嗎？謝啦。

But until March 7th when you can binge all episodes of "Youth and Consequences" on YouTube Red, I'm talking about when a friend discusses their problems with you.

但在 3 月 7 日能在 YouTube Red 完整收看「Youth and Consequences」之前，我想先分享一下當朋友找你傾訴他們的困難時，你該怎麼做。

Do you immediately say, "Oh, you know what you should do?"

你會不會馬上對朋友說：「噢，你該這麼做！」

I've noticed recently that I have a pattern.

我最近發現自己有個習慣。

I offer unsolicited advice all the time when my friends have problems.

每當朋友有困難時，我總會主動給意見。

And I know the intentions are good, because when we see someone we care about suffering, our impulse is to, like, help and to fix them and to give them anything that they need.

我明白我們的出發點是好的，當我們看見在乎的人面臨困難時，最直接的反應就是幫他們解決煩惱，並提供任何他們需要的東西。

But the more that I do this, the more withdrawn my friends become.

但我越是這麼做，反而使我的朋友們變得越沉默。

Their eyes glaze over, they sort of nod automatically, there's this wall put up between us.

他們的眼神變呆滯、無意識地點頭附和，我感覺我們之間築起了一道牆。

So I decided to try not giving any advice unless it was specifically asked of me.

所以我後來調整自己，不再主動提供意見，除非對方特別問我。

And it made me realize just how much I wanna do that all the time, even in really little ways.

這麼做了之後，我發現自己真的很愛出主意，就算是瑣事也照下指導棋。

"Have you tried yoga?"

「你試過瑜伽嗎？」

"Ooh, I just saw a great TED talk on that, I'll send it to you."

「噢，我剛看到一部 TED 影片在討論這個，待會兒傳給你。」

"I had the same exact problem, let me tell you what I did."

「我也遇過一樣的問題，告訴你我是怎麼做的。」

"You know, you should really try yoga."

「你知道嗎？你真的應該試著練練看瑜伽。」

But I resisted the temptation to solve all of my friends' problems, and instead would try to really explore their feelings by asking them questions like:

我止住了急於幫朋友解決困難的念頭，並藉由問問題的方式試著了解他們的感受。比如說：

"How does that make you feel?"

「你感覺如何？」

"Wow that sounds really hard. How are you handling it?"

「聽起來很難受，你還好嗎？」

"I totally understand why you're upset. What do you think you're gonna do?"

「我完全明白你為什麼難過，你打算怎麼做？」

And something happened.

然後情況變得不同了。

My conversations became so much more engaging and deep and fulfilling.

我們之間的談話變得更愉快、更深入且更有意義。

Instead of feeling like I had to fix everything, I just let myself be a sounding board for whatever someone was feeling, and really tried to explore that.

我不再執著於解決一切問題，而是讓自己成為別人宣洩感受的出口，嘗試去探索並體會他們的感覺。

And my friendships changed dramatically.

我的友誼就此起了戲劇性的變化。

They felt more loving, more personal, and more open.

朋友們感覺更有愛、更親近，對我更敞開心房。

Now, I have this one friend who's a conversational narcissist. It's like, no matter what you say, he will bring the conversation back to himself.

我有一個很自戀的朋友。在聊天過程中，不管你說什麼，他一定會把話題帶回自己身上。

And I used to harbor a lot of resentment for it, but it's you know, it's one of those annoying quirks and flaws about a person that you love that you just sort of put up with because you love them.

我曾經對此感到很厭惡，但他們畢竟是你愛的人，所以這些怪癖和缺點都是可以包容的。

So I thought implementing this with him was going to be particularly interesting.

我也把這招用在了他的身上，想說應該會特別有趣。

And I found that we would dive so deeply into his problems, and I would let him express everything he was feeling about, every single thing that he had to say.

這樣做之後，我發現我們可以深入地討論他的問題，我會讓他盡情表達所有感受，讓他想說什麼就說什麼。

And would just keep the spotlight on him to the point that he sort of like ran out of stuff to say about himself, and then would turn the conversation to me.

把焦點放在他身上，直到他把想說的都說完，就會輪到我發言。

And be fully present with me, and let me talk out my problems because he's been sorta spent.

然後他會非常專心地聽我說話，讓我傾吐我所有的問題，因為他已經無話可說了。

Now, maybe you're not like me and you're not a person who offers unsolicited advice all the time.

也許你跟我不一樣，你並不是那個愛出主意的人。

But let me advise you to try this out with your next conversation.

但我推薦你們下次聊天時試著這麼做。

Maybe in the next couple of conversations.

或許可以接下來的幾個對話中實驗看看。

See how it goes.

看看結果如何。

Be fully present, be really engaged with the person and not thinking about how you're going to respond.

專注於聆聽對方，而不要去想自己該怎麼回應。

I learned many fascinating things, and a lot of my relationships became deeper and more amazing because of it.

透過這個方法，我體驗到很多美好的事，我與他人的關係也變得更深入、更好。

I'm Anna Akana, stay right here for a sponsored message.

我是 Anna Akana，以下是工商時間！

Thank you to Audible for sponsoring today's episode.

感謝 Audible 贊助今天的影片。

Audiobooks are great for helping you be a better you.

有聲書能幫助你成為更好的自己。

Whether you want to feel healthier, get motivated, or learn something new.

無論你想變得更健康、更有動力，或是學習新知識。

I read roughly 70 books a year, and at least 10 of these are audiobooks that I listen to while I'm driving, doing laundry or stretching.

我一年閱讀大約 70 本書，其中有至少 10 本是有聲書，而我會在開車、洗衣服、或是伸展的時候聆聽。

I'm currently listening to Tiffany Haddish's "The Last Black Unicorn" and I am so freakin' proud of her.

我最近在聽 Tiffany Haddish 寫的《The Last Black Unicorn》，並且為她感到非常驕傲。

We did a comedy sketch show together back in the day, and it's been amazing to hear about her journey and how far she's come.

我們過去曾一起拍喜劇短片。我真的很高興能聽到她的故事及經歷。

With Audible, you get a credit every month, good for any audiobook regardless of price, and unused credits roll over to the next month.

訂閱 Audible，你每個月可以獲得點數，點數可以使用在任何價位的有聲書上。用不完的點數則可以累積到下個月。

And if by chance you don't like your audiobook, you can exchange it with no questions asked.

如果你不喜歡所買回來的有聲書，廠商也提供你無條件換貨的服務。

You can go to AUDIBLE.COM/ANNA or text "ANNA" to 500-500 to start your free 30-day trial.

你可以瀏覽 AUDIBLE.COM/ANNA ，或者輸入「ANNA」傳送簡訊至 500-500，以享有 30 天免費試用。

That's AUDIBLE.COM/ANNA or text "ANNA" to 500-500.

瀏覽 AUDIBLE.COM/ANNA ，或者輸入「ANNA」傳送簡訊至 500-500。