That's what I do in life -- telling stories,

我是作家

writing novels --

我的工作就是說故事

and today I would like to tell you a few stories

寫小說

about the art of storytelling

今天我要告訴你們

and also some supernatural creatures

說故事的藝術

called the djinni.

以及一種超自然生物

But before I go there, please allow me to share with you

精靈

glimpses of my personal story.

在那之前，我想與各位分享

I will do so with the help of words, of course,

我自己的一些故事

but also a geometrical shape, the circle,

除了用話語分享

so throughout my talk,

我也用圓形來比喻

you will come across several circles.

我的演說中

I was born in Strasbourg, France

我們會提到幾個圓形

to Turkish parents.

我在法國史特拉斯堡出生

Shortly after, my parents got separated,

父母是土耳其人

and I came to Turkey with my mom.

不久之後，我父母分居

From then on, I was raised

我跟著媽媽到了土耳其

as a single child by a single mother.

所以我是個

Now in the early 1970s, in Ankara,

單親家庭的孩子

that was a bit unusual.

在1970年早期的安卡拉

Our neighborhood was full of large families,

是很不尋常的

where fathers were the heads of households,

鄰居都是大家庭

so I grew up seeing my mother as a divorcee

一家之主是父親

in a patriarchal environment.

在這種父權社會

In fact, I grew up observing

我和離婚的媽媽一起生活

two different kinds of womanhood.

我的童年

On the one hand was my mother,

有兩個女人做榜樣

a well-educated, secular, modern, westernized, Turkish woman.

一個是我媽媽

On the other hand was my grandmother,

受良好教育、西方思想、現代的土耳其女性

who also took care of me

一個是照顧我

and was more spiritual, less educated

的外婆

and definitely less rational.

虔誠的、教育程度較低、

This was a woman who read coffee grounds to see the future

較迷信的傳統女性

and melted lead into mysterious shapes

她會咖啡渣算命

to fend off the evil eye.

將溶化的鉛弄成神秘的圖案

Many people visited my grandmother,

來防禦邪惡之眼

people with severe acne on their faces

很多人會來找我祖母

or warts on their hands.

臉上有嚴重痘痘的人

Each time, my grandmother would utter some words in Arabic,

手上有疣的人

take a red apple and stab it

每次，我祖母都會念一串阿拉伯文

with as many rose thorns

然後拿與痘痘同數量的

as the number of warts she wanted to remove.

玫瑰刺，

Then one by one, she would

來刺一顆紅蘋果

encircle these thorns with dark ink.

一個接一個

A week later, the patient would come back

她會用黑墨水，在花刺周圍畫圈

for a follow-up examination.

一週後，病人會回來

Now, I'm aware that I should not be saying such things

複檢

in front of an audience of scholars and scientists,

我知道我在一群學者、科學家面前

but the truth is, of all the people

講這種事很傻

who visited my grandmother for their skin conditions,

但事實上，

I did not see anyone go back

上門的病人

unhappy or unhealed.

沒有一個回家的時候

I asked her how she did this. Was it the power of praying?

是不開心、沒有痊癒的

In response she said, "Yes, praying is effective,

我問祖母她怎麼做的，是因為禱告嗎？

but also beware of the power of circles."

她回答我，禱告是很有效的一種方法

From her, I learned, amongst many other things,

但也別低估圓形的力量

one very precious lesson --

從她身上，我學到很多東西

that if you want to destroy something in this life,

特別珍貴的一課是

be it an acne, a blemish

如果你想消滅某個東西

or the human soul,

痘痘也好、髒污也好

all you need to do is to surround it with thick walls.

甚至是靈魂

It will dry up inside.

你只要將其以厚牆圍繞

Now we all live in some kind of a social and cultural circle.

它就會消逝在裡面

We all do.

我們都生活在某種社交、文化圈中

We're born into a certain family, nation, class.

每個人都是

But if we have no connection whatsoever

出生於某個家庭、國家、階級

with the worlds beyond the one we take for granted,

如果我們視為理所當然的世界之間

then we too run the risk

都沒有交集

of drying up inside.

我們也面對

Our imagination might shrink;

消逝的危險

our hearts might dwindle,

我們會失去想像力

and our humanness might wither

心胸變得狹隘

if we stay for too long

人性將枯萎

inside our cultural cocoons.

如果在自己的

Our friends, neighbors, colleagues, family --

文化圈內待太久

if all the people in our inner circle resemble us,

我們的朋友、鄰居、同事、家人

it means we are surrounded

如果圈圈中的人都跟自己一樣

with our mirror image.

這表示我們被自己的表象

Now one other thing women like my grandma do in Turkey

圍繞著

is to cover mirrors with velvet

另一件像我祖母一樣的土耳其女人會做的事

or to hang them on the walls with their backs facing out.

就是用絨布蓋鏡子

It's an old Eastern tradition

或是將反面掛在牆上

based on the knowledge that it's not healthy

這是古老的東方傳統

for a human being to spend too much time

他們相信

staring at his own reflection.

人常常盯著自己看

Ironically, [living in] communities of the like-minded

是不健康的

is one of the greatest dangers

諷刺的是，現在的全球化社會

of today's globalized world.

面對最大的危險就是

And it's happening everywhere,

太相似的社群

among liberals and conservatives,

到處都看得到

agnostics and believers, the rich and the poor,

不論自由派或保守派

East and West alike.

不論是無神論者或信徒、窮人或有錢人

We tend to form clusters

東西方皆同

based on similarity,

我們和與自己相像的人

and then we produce stereotypes

形成小圈圈

about other clusters of people.

再來開始對其他小圈圈的人

In my opinion, one way of transcending

產生刻板印象

these cultural ghettos

我認為，超越這些文化圈

is through the art of storytelling.

唯一的方式

Stories cannot demolish frontiers,

就是透過故事的述說

but they can punch holes in our mental walls.

故事無法破壞邊境

And through those holes, we can get a glimpse of the other,

但可以在心牆上打洞

and sometimes even like what we see.

透過這些洞，我們得以一瞥他人

I started writing fiction at the age of eight.

甚至欣賞我們所看見的東西

My mother came home one day with a turquoise notebook

我八歲就開始寫小說

and asked me if I'd be interested in keeping a personal journal.

我媽有天回家 帶了本土耳其藍的筆記本給我

In retrospect, I think she was slightly worried

讓我寫日記

about my sanity.

後來回想，她應該是擔心

I was constantly telling stories at home, which was good,

我精神不正常

except I told this to imaginary friends around me,

因為我常常會說故事，這是好事

which was not so good.

但我都說給「想像的朋友」聽

I was an introverted child,

這就不太妙了

to the point of communicating with colored crayons

我小時候很內向

and apologizing to objects

會跟蠟筆講話

when I bumped into them,

撞到東西的時候

so my mother thought it might do me good

還會跟它們道歉

to write down my day-to-day experiences

所以我媽覺得讓我寫日記

and emotions.

寫下發生的事、每天的心情

What she didn't know was that I thought my life was terribly boring,

是不錯的

and the last thing I wanted to do

她所不知道的是 我覺得我的生活很無趣

was to write about myself.

我最不想做的事情

Instead, I began to write about people other than me

就是寫下關於我自己的事

and things that never really happened.

所以我開始寫我身邊的人

And thus began my life-long passion

和一些虛構的故事

for writing fiction.

後來寫小說

So from the very beginning, fiction for me

成為我一生的熱愛

was less of an autobiographical manifestation

一開始，小說對我而言

than a transcendental journey

只是一種，自己以外的東西

into other lives, other possibilities.

而不是冒險的旅程、

And please bear with me:

其他的生活、其他的可能

I'll draw a circle and come back to this point.

各位請包容我

Now one other thing happened around this same time.

我畫了個圈圈，等一下再回到這個點上

My mother became a diplomat.

這段期間，發生了另一件事

So from this small, superstitious,

就是我母親當上外交官

middle-class neighborhood of my grandmother,

我從這個迷信、

I was zoomed into this

祖母家附近這中產階級的小街坊

posh, international school [in Madrid],

到了馬德里

where I was the only Turk.

一所光鮮亮麗的國際學校

It was here that I had my first encounter

我是唯一的土耳其人

with what I call the "representative foreigner."

那裡，我首次了解

In our classroom, there were children from all nationalities,

「外國代表」這個觀念

yet this diversity did not necessarily lead

教室中，每個孩子都來自不同國家

to a cosmopolitan, egalitarian

這種多樣性，

classroom democracy.

並沒有消除偏見、平等

Instead, it generated an atmosphere

教室並不民主

in which each child was seen --

孩子們變成

not as an individual on his own,

不只是獨立的個體

but as the representative of something larger.

而是代表

We were like a miniature United Nations, which was fun,

更大的東西、概念

except whenever something negative,

有點像是迷你聯合國，其實很好玩

with regards to a nation

除了有時候提到負面的形象

or a religion, took place.

像是講到國家

The child who represented it was mocked,

或是宗教的時候

ridiculed and bullied endlessly.

來自那個國家的孩子

And I should know, because during the time I attended that school,

就會被取笑、欺負

a military takeover happened in my country,

我特別了解是因為

a gunman of my nationality nearly killed the Pope,

當時土耳其正經歷軍事接收

and Turkey got zero points in [the] Eurovision Song Contest.

一名土耳其槍手差點殺死教宗

(Laughter)

所以土耳其在《歐洲歌唱大賽》掛鴨蛋

I skipped school often and dreamed of becoming a sailor

(笑聲)

during those days.

我常翹課，然後就會幻想

I also had my first taste

水手的生活

of cultural stereotypes there.

這也是我第一次

The other children asked me about the movie

了解什麼是刻板印象

"Midnight Express," which I had not seen;

其他小孩會問我有沒有看過

they inquired how many cigarettes a day I smoked,

土耳其電影《午夜快車》

because they thought all Turks were heavy smokers,

他們會問我一天抽多少菸

and they wondered at what age

因為他們覺得土耳其人都是大菸槍

I would start covering my hair.

他們也很好奇

I came to learn that these were

我幾歲要開始戴頭巾

the three main stereotypes about my country:

所以我學到

politics, cigarettes

關於土耳其的三種刻板印象

and the veil.

政治、香菸

After Spain, we went to Jordan, Germany

和面紗

and Ankara again.

離開西班牙後我們還去過約旦、德國

Everywhere I went, I felt like

然後回到安卡拉

my imagination was the only suitcase

遊歷各國後，我覺得

I could take with me.

我的想像力就像只皮箱

Stories gave me a sense of center,

隨時可以帶著走

continuity and coherence,

故事給我一種中心(center)、

the three big Cs that I otherwise lacked.

連續性(continuity )、凝聚力(coherence)

In my mid-twenties, I moved to Istanbul,

我無法缺少的3C

the city I adore.

我25、26歲時，搬到伊斯坦堡

I lived in a very vibrant, diverse neighborhood

我很喜歡的地方

where I wrote several of my novels.

我住在個很有活力、多元文化的街坊

I was in Istanbul when the earthquake hit

我在那寫了許多本小說

in 1999.

1999年伊斯坦堡大地震時

When I ran out of the building at three in the morning,

我就在那

I saw something that stopped me in my tracks.

凌晨三點我急忙跑出公寓

There was the local grocer there --

但我看著眼前的景象，我便停下腳步

a grumpy, old man who didn't sell alcohol

我看見一個雜貨店老闆

and didn't speak to marginals.

這脾氣暴躁的老人不賣酒

He was sitting next to a transvestite

也不跟邊緣人說話

with a long black wig

但他當時，坐在一個

and mascara running down her cheeks.

戴著長黑髮

I watched the man open a pack of cigarettes

睫毛膏哭花在臉上的變裝癖旁邊

with trembling hands

我看著這男人用顫抖的手

and offer one to her,

拆了包菸

and that is the image of the night of the earthquake

並遞一支給她

in my mind today --

那晚地震的那一幕

a conservative grocer and a crying transvestite

我始終忘不了

smoking together on the sidewalk.

一個保守的雜貨店老闆與哭泣的變裝癖

In the face of death and destruction,

一同坐在人行道旁抽菸

our mundane differences evaporated,

面對死亡及毀壞

and we all became one

我們最基本的差異消失無蹤

even if for a few hours.

我們成為相同的

But I've always believed that stories, too, have a similar effect on us.

即使幾小時也好

I'm not saying that fiction has the magnitude of an earthquake,

我一直相信故事也有相同作用

but when we are reading a good novel,

我並不是說小說像地震一樣強大

we leave our small, cozy apartments behind,

但當我們讀本好書時

go out into the night alone

我們忘記狹小卻舒適的公寓

and start getting to know people we had never met before

像是在夜晚單獨走在街上

and perhaps had even been biased against.

認識從未見過的人

Shortly after, I went

甚至是我們先前有所偏見的人

to a women's college in Boston, then Michigan.

不久後，

I experienced this, not so much as a geographical shift,

我到波士頓及密西根的女子大學就讀

as a linguistic one.

這經驗不是地理上的轉變

I started writing fiction in English.

而是語言上的

I'm not an immigrant, refugee or exile --

我開始用英文寫小說

they ask me why I do this --

我並非移民、難民、或在逃亡

but the commute between languages

他們問我為什麼

gives me the chance to recreate myself.

但兩種語言的轉換間

I love writing in Turkish,

給了我另一個機會，重新創造自己

which to me is very poetic and very emotional,

我愛用土耳其文寫作

and I love writing in English, which to me

對我而言，富有詩意又感性

is very mathematical and cerebral.

我也愛用英文寫作

So I feel connected to each language in a different way.

因為它精確又理智

For me, like millions of other people

我對這兩種語言的感受是很不同的

around the world today,

對我而言，以及全世界

English is an acquired language.

幾百萬人一樣

When you're a latecomer to a language,

英文是第二語言

what happens is you live there

當你學習新語言的時候

with a continuous

常常會遇到的情況

and perpetual frustration.

就是那種

As latecomers, we always want to say more, you know,

永不停止的挫折感

crack better jokes, say better things,

學習語言，我們總想多說點、

but we end up saying less

想講好笑的笑話、有趣的事

because there's a gap between the mind and the tongue.

但說出來的通常不是如此

And that gap is very intimidating.

因為腦子與嘴巴有距離

But if we manage not to be frightened by it,

這種距離是很可怕的

it's also stimulating.

但是如果我們努力不被它嚇到

And this is what I discovered in Boston --

它可以是種刺激

that frustration was very stimulating.

這是我在波士頓所發現的

At this stage, my grandmother,

挫折就是刺激

who had been watching the course of my life

這時候，我祖母

with increasing anxiety,

替我這樣的生活

started to include in her daily prayers

感到很憂心

that I urgently get married

她開始每天禱告

so that I could settle down once and for all.

希望我快點嫁出去

And because God loves her, I did get married.

這樣我才能安定下來

(Laughter)

因為上帝愛她，我後來真的結婚了

But instead of settling down,

(笑聲)

I went to Arizona.

不過我沒有定下來

And since my husband is in Istanbul,

我到了亞利桑那州

I started commuting between Arizona and Istanbul --