because I felt like I wasn't going to be able

克里斯第一次來找我上TED演說時，我拒絕了，

to make that personal connection, you know, that I wanted to.

因為我覺得演說不能達到我想要的

It's such a large conference.

那種個人私下的交流，而TED是種大型的演講，

But he explained to me that he was in a bind,

我覺得不是我想要做的事。

and that he was having trouble finding the kind of sex appeal

但他對我說，他找的對象是有限制的，

and star power that the conference was known for.

TED最為人所知的就是講者都具有明星般的魅力

So I said fine, Ted -- I mean Chris.

與吸引力，他實在很難再去找到具有這種特質的人...

I'll come on two conditions.

(笑聲)

One: I want to speak as early in the morning as possible.

所以我說好吧，TED，我是說克里斯，我有二個條件，

And two: I want to pick the theme for TED 2006.

第一，我要早上愈早的時段演講愈好，

And luckily he agreed.

第二，我要幫TED 2006選定主題。

And the theme, in two years, is going to be "Cute Pictures Of Puppies."

很幸運的是他同意了，而再過二年的主題，

(Video) (Music)

我要設定為「小狗的可愛照片」。

[How to Dance Properly BASIC TWIRL]

(笑聲)

[NEW SCHOOL]

(掌聲)

[OLD SCHOOL]

我發明了「百憂解照相機」(網站)，

[WHO'S YOUR DADDY?]

(笑聲)

["RIDE THE PONY"]

雖然不能幫你照相，但是卻很便宜，

[MAKE LOVE TO THE CROWD]

你也能有置身於其中的感覺。

[SMACKING THAT ASS]

(笑聲)

[STIR THE POT OF LOVE]

「先生您好，希望您今天過得很好，也祝福您

[HANGING OUT ... CASUAL]

與您的家人。我知道您收到信後必感驚訝，

[WORD.]

但請不要緊張，

(Applause)

因為凡事自有其道理，

I invented the Placebo Camera.

就像以往有句諺語說，原音難尋，

(Laughter)

但回音依然響亮。所以我決定親自寫信給您，

It doesn't actually take pictures, but it's a hell of a lot cheaper,

因為我相信您是誠信並值得託付的，

and you still feel like you were there.

所以我將會請您幫我保管一大筆錢。

(Laughter)

我是麥可．班古拉先生，也就是已故的提阿母．班古拉先生的兒子，

(Clears his throat)

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

我父親曾擔任過獅子山共和國的財政部長，

"Dear Sir, good day, compliments of the day,

(掌聲)

and my best wishes to you and family.

但在內戰中被人殺害了。

(Breathes in)

(笑聲)

I know this letter will come to you surprisingly,

我瞭解貴國極歡迎經濟投資，

but let it not be a surprise to you,

貴國人民在企業經營上亦是公開且值得信任的，

for nature has a way of arriving unannounced,

因此我才寫信給您。

and, as an adage says, originals are very hard to find,

(笑聲)

but their echoes sound ouder.

在我父親過世之前，

So I decided to contact you myself,

他負責保管一筆2千3百萬美金的鉅款，

for you to assure me of safety and honesty,

他的責任是不要讓叛軍領袖

if I have to entrust any amount of money under your custody.

在內戰中將此筆鉅款奪走。

I am Mr Micheal Bangura, the son of late Mr Thaimu Bangura

(笑聲)

who was the Minister of Finance in Sierra Leone

在內戰爆發之前，

but was killed during the civil war.

這筆款項原本是要用作修復本國各地的

(Laughter)

水源保護區之用，但內戰爆發之後，

Knowing your country to be economical conducive for investment,

叛軍領袖要求我父親將這筆款項交給他，

and your people as transparent and trustworthy to engage in business,

但我父親堅持這筆款項並非他個人財產，

on which premise I write you.

不願將款項交出，因此才被殺害。

(Laughter)

目前，只有我母親和我知道有這筆款項存在，

Before my father death,

因為我父親一向都很信任我。

he had the sum of 23 million United States dollars,

我很快便與某位在紅十字會工作的人取得聯繫，

which he kept away from the rebel leaders during the course of the war.

他協助我用紅十字會的貨車將錢送往自由城的龍吉機場，

(Laughter)

但他不知道箱子裡裝的是什麼。

This fund was supposed to be used

(笑聲)

for the rehabilitation of water reserves all over the country,

我再次向您保證這筆錢是以我們家族的名義存入的，

before the outbreak of war.

我們存在塞內加爾達卡市內一個安全且值得信賴的證券公司，

When the war broke out,

我暫時在那裡找到了容身之地。

the rebel leader demanded the fund be given to him,

我不希望將錢投資在塞內加爾，

my father insisted it was not in his possession,

因為最近塞內加爾的經濟狀況很糟，而且又離獅子山太近。

and he was killed because of his refusal to release the fund.

我只希望您能幫我一個忙，我相信您一定願意幫忙，

Meanwhile, my mother and I

就是：第一，請您不要告訴別人，

is the only person who knows about it because my father always confide in me.

我會將錢存入您的信託帳戶；

(Sighs)

第二，請您將您的銀行帳戶給我，

I made an arrangement with a Red Cross relief worker,

我才能將錢匯入；

who used his official van to transport the money to Lungi Airport, Freetown,

第三，在我匯入款項後，您會在您的信託帳戶內

although he did not know the real contents of the box.

看到這筆錢匯入，您可以領取屬於您的佣金，

(Laughter)

其餘的錢就請留在帳戶內等待我來領取。

The fund was deposited as a family reasure,

誠摯的麥可．班古拉先生。」

in a safe, reliable security company in Dakar, Senegal,

(笑聲)

where I was only given temporary asylum.

(掌聲)

I do not wish to invest the money in Senegal

我覺得很尷尬，

due to unfavorable economic climate, and so close to my country.

他們在後台告訴我，我有18分鐘可以發表演說，

The only assistance I need from you, which I know you would do for me,

但我只準備了15分鐘的講稿。

are the following: one, be a silent partner

(笑聲)

and receive the funds in your account in trust;

如果真是這樣，我乾脆在這裡等上3分鐘好了。

two, provide a bank account under your control

(笑聲)

to which the funds will be remitted;

我真的很抱歉！

three, receive the funds into your account in trust;

(笑聲)

take out your commission; and leave the rest of the money

(掌聲)

until I arrive, after the transfer is complete.

你叫什麼名字？

Sincerely, Mr Micheal Bangura."

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

馬克．瑟法斯，很棒吧，啊？追求快樂啊...

(Applause)

(笑聲)

This is really embarrassing.

這是你的第一次嗎？第一次？

I was told backstage that I have 18 minutes.

(笑聲)

I only prepared 15.

不是啦！我是說來參加TED？

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So if it's cool, I'd like to just wait for three.

你是嗎？哦，好。

(Laughter)

你有1千還是2千筆資料？啊？噢？

(Laughter ends)

你不知道我在說什麼？

I'm really sorry.

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

哈！馬克...

(Applause)

(笑聲)

What's your name?

瑟法斯...

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Mark Surfas.

1,860筆...我很厲害吧？

It's pretty cool, huh? Pursuing happiness.

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

這沒有什麼不好意思的，

Are you a virgin? Virgin?

真的沒有什麼不好意思的。

I mean -- no, I mean like in the TED sense?

(掌聲)

(Laughter)

好，我昨晚和一群Google的人出去混，

Are you? Oh, yeah?

真的很棒，我們純粹是在浪費時間。

So what are you, like, a thousand, two thousand, somewhere in there?

(笑聲)

Huh? Oh?

他們告訴我說現在Google的軟體已經很進步了，

You don't know what I'm talking about?

它可以參考你以往與Google的互動經驗，

(Laughter)

推測出你待會兒會說什麼。

Ah, Mark --

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

我回答：「滾回家去吧，怎麼可能？」

Surfas.

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

但他們說：「是真的，但別告訴別人。」但他們自己就說溜嘴了啊...

1,860 -- am I good?

他們要我先把「待會兒要說的話」輸入到電腦裡，

And that's nothing to be ashamed of.

再輸入我的名字，電腦就會有解答了。我得告訴各位，

That's nothing to be ashamed of.

現在各位看到的這個軟體是正版的，

(Applause)

這真的是網路上的Google網站，

Yeah, I was hanging out with some Google guys last night.

我們今天就來現場測試一下。

Really cool, we were getting wasted.

「待會兒要說的話」還有傑．法蘭克，就是我。

(Laughter)

我今天夠幸運嗎？

And they were telling me that Google software has gotten so advanced

(笑聲)

that, based on your interaction with Google over your lifetime,

我今天夠幸運嗎？

they can actually predict what you are going to say --

觀眾：夠！

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

next.

法蘭克：噢，太神奇了！(螢幕：你待會兒會說：太神奇了！...)

And I was like, "Get the fuck out of here. That's crazy."

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

在2001年的三月...

But they said, "No, but don't show anyone."

(笑聲)

But they slipped up.

我把自己配著瑪丹娜唱「證明我的愛」的舞蹈畫面拍下來，

And they said that I could just type in "What was I going to say next?"

在星期四那天，我把這一段影片寄到網上的某個連結，

and my name, and it would tell me.

有17個我最要好的朋友可以看到這支影片，

And I have to tell you, this is an unadulterated piece of software,

我把這支影片當成邀請函，因為我要辦我的...我的...

this is a real Internet browser and this is the actual Google site,

2...26歲生日派對。

and we're going to test it out live today.

(笑聲)

What was I going to say next?

到了星期一，一天之內就有超過

And "Ze Frank" -- that's me.

一百萬人次進到這個網站，

Am I feeling lucky?

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

不到一個星期，我接到一通來自EarthLink的電話，

(Shouting) Am I feeling lucky?

他們說因為我的網路流量超載，所以每1M要收我10美分的費用，

Audience: Yes! Yeah!

我欠了他們三萬美金。

(Sighs)

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

不用說，我只好離職了...

Ze Frank: Oh! Amazing.

(被解僱) (笑聲)

(Laughter)

所以，現在成了自由工作者...

In March of 2001 --

(失業中) (笑聲)

(Laughter)

但有些人稱我為網路的「始祖」這一類的...

I filmed myself dancing to Madonna's "Justify My Love."

(蠢蛋) (笑聲)

On a Thursday, I sent out a link to a website that featured those clips

或是

to 17 of my closest friends,

「導師」...(輸家) (笑聲)

as part of an invitation to my -- an invitation to my th --

其實我自己有一個理論，

th -- 26th birthday party.

那是我從一些很難向別人解釋、很複雜的哲學中

(Laughter)

領悟出來的，但在此我不想多談，

(Clears throat)

因為我怕那個理論對你們來說太深奧了！

By Monday, over a million people were coming to this site a day.

(笑聲)

(Sighs)

那是有關網路為何流行的理論...

(Laughter)

(笑聲) (像個白痴那樣跳舞，什麼都不知道！)

Within a week, I received a call from Earthlink that said,

很抱歉我沒有足夠的時間去解釋...

due to a 10 cents per megabyte overage charge,

或者我可以明年再回來演講吧...

I owed them 30,000 dollars.

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

我對電子郵件很著迷，我收到很多郵件，

Needless to say, I was able to leave my job.

四年了，每天我還是會持續收到200或300封

[WAS LAID OFF]

來自陌生人的郵件，這簡直是

(Laughter)

瞭解異國文化的大好機會，對吧？

And, finally, you know, become freelance.

就像用顯微鏡來看世界，

(Laughter)

你可以深入別人的生活，

[UNEMPLOYED]

我同時也覺得我從一般用戶身上

But some people refer to me more as, like, an Internet guru or --

得到許多啟發。

[JACKASS]

舉例來說，有些人寫信給我，

swami.

上面寫：「嘿，傑，如果你有機會來波爾德，

(Laughter)

你應該來和我們一起搖滾。」我回說：「就不必等了吧？」

I knew I had something.

他們回說：「嘿，傑，謝謝你答應和我們一起搖滾，

I'd basically distilled a very difficult-to-explain

但我們都是脫光光搖滾哦！」

and complex philosophy, which I won't get into here,

(笑聲)

because it's a little too deep for all of you, but --

那真的很尷尬...

(Laughter)

但你知道嗎？我和粉絲之間

It's about what makes websites popular, and, you know, it's --

可是有牢不可破的關係，所以我說：「沒問題！」

[DANCE LIKE AN IDIOT AND DON'T SELL ANYTHING]

(笑聲)

It's unfortunate that I don't have more time.

我聽到你們在說悄悄話哦...

Maybe I can come back next year, or something like that.

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

我知道你們在說什麼，你們說：「天啊！

I'm obsessed with email. I get a lot of it.

他的演說怎麼那麼精彩？」

Four years later, I still get probably two or three hundred emails a day

(笑聲)

from people I don't know,

我得說，我今年的表現可不只這樣，

and it's been an amazing opportunity

我覺得克里斯有一點功勞，因為在過去的那一年裡，

to kind of get to know different cultures, you know?

我猜一定有一些講者在TED表現得不怎麼樣，我是不知道啦...

It's like a microscope to the rest of the world.

(笑聲)

You can kind of peer into other people's lives.

所以今年，克里斯寄給我們一個TED演說模擬器，

And I also feel like I get a lot of inspiration from the average user.

(笑聲)

For example, somebody wrote, "Hey Ze, if you ever come to Boulder,

讓我們這些講者可以在家裡，模擬這個環境，

you should rock out with us," and I said, "Why wait?"

練習演說，以便我們熟悉這整個流程。

[rocking out]

我真的得說，能來到這裡，真的、真的很棒！

(Video) (Music)

(掌聲)

And they said, "Hey Ze, thanks for rocking out,

我不只有這些好東西，我還想說一個笑話。

but I meant the kind of rocking out where we'd be naked."

你可以點選鬧場模式。

(Laughter)

音效：嘿！白痴！下來！

And that was embarrassing.

法蘭克：你才下去哩！

But you know, it's kind of a collaboration between me and the fans,

(笑聲)

so I said, "Sure."

音效：我們要聽馬坎．葛拉德威爾演講！

[rocking out naked]

(笑聲)

(Video) (Music)

(掌聲)

(Laughter)

假如你的演講超過時間...

I hear a lot of you whispering.

我...我還有最後一件事想說，我真的...

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And I know what you're saying,

我想謝謝各位來聽我的演說。

"Holy crap!

(笑聲)

How is his presentation so smooth?"

還有青蛙模式。

(Laughter)

哈！這是我第一次和一條會跳舞的蝦子親熱...

And I have to say that it's not all me this year.

(笑聲)

I guess Chris has to take some credit here, because in years past,

(笑聲)

I guess there's been some sort of subpar speakers at TED.

(垃圾笑話是最新型的機上笑話) (掌聲)

I don't know.

這是真的！有人來找我說：

And so, this year, Chris sent us a TED conference simulator.

傑，你做的這些東西，這些網路上的玩意兒，

(Laughter)

沒辦法幫你賺進一分錢啊...

Which really allowed us as speakers to get there, in the trenches,

(笑聲)

and practice at home so that we would be ready for this experience.

為什麼？我說：「媽，爸...

And I've got to say that, you know, it's really, really great to be here.

(笑聲)

(Pre-recorded applause)

我還在嚐試。」我不知道你們是不是都知道這件事，

I'd like to tell all of you a little joke.

但是，這種電玩市場，

(Pre-recorded applause and cheering)

孩子們都在玩電玩，

Not just the good stuff, though.

所以應該可以賺很多錢啊！

You can do heckler mode.

我想，一年至少都會花個十萬美金來買這些電玩，

Voice: Hey, moron, get off the stage!

所以我決定自己開發，

ZF: You get off the stage.

我開發了幾個新遊戲。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Voice: We want Malcolm Gladwell.

這個叫做「無神論者」，

(Laughter)

我覺得一定會很受小孩子歡迎。

(Baby cooing)

你們看，我可以走來走去，還會說一些話。

(Huge crowd applauding)

(遊戲結束，不能重玩) (笑聲)

In case you run over time.

(掌聲)

(Heroic music)

這個不是很受歡迎。

Just one last thing I'd like to say, I'd, really --

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

我真的不知道你們為什麼要笑。

I'd like to thank all of you for being here.

(笑聲)

(Loud music)

你們以前一定也有過這種經驗，我只是想做好這個遊戲啊...

(Laughter)

「佛教徒」，當然，這個遊戲和「無神論者」非常相似，

And frog mode.

(笑聲)

(Singing)

你會變成一隻鴨子再回到這個世上，

(Sings) "Ah, the first time that I made love to a rock shrimp --"

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

你們知道嗎？這真的很棒，只要25分錢，

[Spam jokes are the new airplane jokes]

就可以玩上很久。

(Sighs)

(笑聲)

It's true.

克里斯在他寄給我的一封郵件裡說，

Some people say to me,

我們應該要帶些創新的東西到TED來，

"Ze, you're doing all this stuff, this Internet stuff,

一些以前沒人看過的東西。

and you're not making any money."

所以，這是我為TED打造的「基督徒」，

(Laughter)

是這一系列裡的第三個遊戲，

"Why?" And I say, "Mom, Dad --

我希望今年它可以成功。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I'm trying."

你們有沒有特別喜歡哪一個？選得好！

I don't know if you're all aware of this,

(笑聲)

but the video game market,

你可以等，看看他什麼時候復活...(笑聲)

kids are playing these video games,

可能要等上...

but, supposedly, there's tons of money.

(笑聲)

I mean, like, I think, 100,000 dollars or so a year

不一定幾秒，只知道是介於1秒和5億秒之間。

is being spent on these things.

(笑聲)

So I decided to try my hand.

我們言歸正傳，我們剛才講到哪裡了？噢，科技的樂趣。

I came up with a few games.

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

對我來說，科技的樂趣代表了一種意義，

This is called "Atheist."

因為我從科技上獲得許多樂趣。

I figured it would be popular with the young kids.

事實上，用科技製造東西...