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  • You know, when Chris first approached me to speak at TED, I said no,

    譯者: Marie Wu 審譯者: SF Huang

  • because I felt like I wasn't going to be able

    克里斯第一次來找我上TED演說時,我拒絕了,

  • to make that personal connection, you know, that I wanted to.

    因為我覺得演說不能達到我想要的

  • It's such a large conference.

    那種個人私下的交流,而TED是種大型的演講,

  • But he explained to me that he was in a bind,

    我覺得不是我想要做的事。

  • and that he was having trouble finding the kind of sex appeal

    但他對我說,他找的對象是有限制的,

  • and star power that the conference was known for.

    TED最為人所知的就是講者都具有明星般的魅力

  • So I said fine, Ted -- I mean Chris.

    與吸引力,他實在很難再去找到具有這種特質的人...

  • I'll come on two conditions.

    (笑聲)

  • One: I want to speak as early in the morning as possible.

    所以我說好吧,TED,我是說克里斯,我有二個條件,

  • And two: I want to pick the theme for TED 2006.

    第一,我要早上愈早的時段演講愈好,

  • And luckily he agreed.

    第二,我要幫TED 2006選定主題。

  • And the theme, in two years, is going to be "Cute Pictures Of Puppies."

    很幸運的是他同意了,而再過二年的主題,

  • (Video) (Music)

    我要設定為「小狗的可愛照片」。

  • [How to Dance Properly BASIC TWIRL]

    (笑聲)

  • [NEW SCHOOL]

    (掌聲)

  • [OLD SCHOOL]

    我發明了「百憂解照相機」(網站),

  • [WHO'S YOUR DADDY?]

    (笑聲)

  • ["RIDE THE PONY"]

    雖然不能幫你照相,但是卻很便宜,

  • [MAKE LOVE TO THE CROWD]

    你也能有置身於其中的感覺。

  • [SMACKING THAT ASS]

    (笑聲)

  • [STIR THE POT OF LOVE]

    「先生您好,希望您今天過得很好,也祝福您

  • [HANGING OUT ... CASUAL]

    與您的家人。我知道您收到信後必感驚訝,

  • [WORD.]

    但請不要緊張,

  • (Applause)

    因為凡事自有其道理,

  • I invented the Placebo Camera.

    就像以往有句諺語說,原音難尋,

  • (Laughter)

    但回音依然響亮。所以我決定親自寫信給您,

  • It doesn't actually take pictures, but it's a hell of a lot cheaper,

    因為我相信您是誠信並值得託付的,

  • and you still feel like you were there.

    所以我將會請您幫我保管一大筆錢。

  • (Laughter)

    我是麥可.班古拉先生,也就是已故的提阿母.班古拉先生的兒子,

  • (Clears his throat)

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    我父親曾擔任過獅子山共和國的財政部長,

  • "Dear Sir, good day, compliments of the day,

    (掌聲)

  • and my best wishes to you and family.

    但在內戰中被人殺害了。

  • (Breathes in)

    (笑聲)

  • I know this letter will come to you surprisingly,

    我瞭解貴國極歡迎經濟投資,

  • but let it not be a surprise to you,

    貴國人民在企業經營上亦是公開且值得信任的,

  • for nature has a way of arriving unannounced,

    因此我才寫信給您。

  • and, as an adage says, originals are very hard to find,

    (笑聲)

  • but their echoes sound ouder.

    在我父親過世之前,

  • So I decided to contact you myself,

    他負責保管一筆2千3百萬美金的鉅款,

  • for you to assure me of safety and honesty,

    他的責任是不要讓叛軍領袖

  • if I have to entrust any amount of money under your custody.

    在內戰中將此筆鉅款奪走。

  • I am Mr Micheal Bangura, the son of late Mr Thaimu Bangura

    (笑聲)

  • who was the Minister of Finance in Sierra Leone

    在內戰爆發之前,

  • but was killed during the civil war.

    這筆款項原本是要用作修復本國各地的

  • (Laughter)

    水源保護區之用,但內戰爆發之後,

  • Knowing your country to be economical conducive for investment,

    叛軍領袖要求我父親將這筆款項交給他,

  • and your people as transparent and trustworthy to engage in business,

    但我父親堅持這筆款項並非他個人財產,

  • on which premise I write you.

    不願將款項交出,因此才被殺害。

  • (Laughter)

    目前,只有我母親和我知道有這筆款項存在,

  • Before my father death,

    因為我父親一向都很信任我。

  • he had the sum of 23 million United States dollars,

    我很快便與某位在紅十字會工作的人取得聯繫,

  • which he kept away from the rebel leaders during the course of the war.

    他協助我用紅十字會的貨車將錢送往自由城的龍吉機場,

  • (Laughter)

    但他不知道箱子裡裝的是什麼。

  • This fund was supposed to be used

    (笑聲)

  • for the rehabilitation of water reserves all over the country,

    我再次向您保證這筆錢是以我們家族的名義存入的,

  • before the outbreak of war.

    我們存在塞內加爾達卡市內一個安全且值得信賴的證券公司,

  • When the war broke out,

    我暫時在那裡找到了容身之地。

  • the rebel leader demanded the fund be given to him,

    我不希望將錢投資在塞內加爾,

  • my father insisted it was not in his possession,

    因為最近塞內加爾的經濟狀況很糟,而且又離獅子山太近。

  • and he was killed because of his refusal to release the fund.

    我只希望您能幫我一個忙,我相信您一定願意幫忙,

  • Meanwhile, my mother and I

    就是:第一,請您不要告訴別人,

  • is the only person who knows about it because my father always confide in me.

    我會將錢存入您的信託帳戶;

  • (Sighs)

    第二,請您將您的銀行帳戶給我,

  • I made an arrangement with a Red Cross relief worker,

    我才能將錢匯入;

  • who used his official van to transport the money to Lungi Airport, Freetown,

    第三,在我匯入款項後,您會在您的信託帳戶內

  • although he did not know the real contents of the box.

    看到這筆錢匯入,您可以領取屬於您的佣金,

  • (Laughter)

    其餘的錢就請留在帳戶內等待我來領取。

  • The fund was deposited as a family reasure,

    誠摯的麥可.班古拉先生。」

  • in a safe, reliable security company in Dakar, Senegal,

    (笑聲)

  • where I was only given temporary asylum.

    (掌聲)

  • I do not wish to invest the money in Senegal

    我覺得很尷尬,

  • due to unfavorable economic climate, and so close to my country.

    他們在後台告訴我,我有18分鐘可以發表演說,

  • The only assistance I need from you, which I know you would do for me,

    但我只準備了15分鐘的講稿。

  • are the following: one, be a silent partner

    (笑聲)

  • and receive the funds in your account in trust;

    如果真是這樣,我乾脆在這裡等上3分鐘好了。

  • two, provide a bank account under your control

    (笑聲)

  • to which the funds will be remitted;

    我真的很抱歉!

  • three, receive the funds into your account in trust;

    (笑聲)

  • take out your commission; and leave the rest of the money

    (掌聲)

  • until I arrive, after the transfer is complete.

    你叫什麼名字?

  • Sincerely, Mr Micheal Bangura."

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    馬克.瑟法斯,很棒吧,啊?追求快樂啊...

  • (Applause)

    (笑聲)

  • This is really embarrassing.

    這是你的第一次嗎?第一次?

  • I was told backstage that I have 18 minutes.

    (笑聲)

  • I only prepared 15.

    不是啦!我是說來參加TED?

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • So if it's cool, I'd like to just wait for three.

    你是嗎?哦,好。

  • (Laughter)

    你有1千還是2千筆資料?啊?噢?

  • (Laughter ends)

    你不知道我在說什麼?

  • I'm really sorry.

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    哈!馬克...

  • (Applause)

    (笑聲)

  • What's your name?

    瑟法斯...

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • Mark Surfas.

    1,860筆...我很厲害吧?

  • It's pretty cool, huh? Pursuing happiness.

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    這沒有什麼不好意思的,

  • Are you a virgin? Virgin?

    真的沒有什麼不好意思的。

  • I mean -- no, I mean like in the TED sense?

    (掌聲)

  • (Laughter)

    好,我昨晚和一群Google的人出去混,

  • Are you? Oh, yeah?

    真的很棒,我們純粹是在浪費時間。

  • So what are you, like, a thousand, two thousand, somewhere in there?

    (笑聲)

  • Huh? Oh?

    他們告訴我說現在Google的軟體已經很進步了,

  • You don't know what I'm talking about?

    它可以參考你以往與Google的互動經驗,

  • (Laughter)

    推測出你待會兒會說什麼。

  • Ah, Mark --

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    我回答:「滾回家去吧,怎麼可能?」

  • Surfas.

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    但他們說:「是真的,但別告訴別人。」但他們自己就說溜嘴了啊...

  • 1,860 -- am I good?

    他們要我先把「待會兒要說的話」輸入到電腦裡,

  • And that's nothing to be ashamed of.

    再輸入我的名字,電腦就會有解答了。我得告訴各位,

  • That's nothing to be ashamed of.

    現在各位看到的這個軟體是正版的,

  • (Applause)

    這真的是網路上的Google網站,

  • Yeah, I was hanging out with some Google guys last night.

    我們今天就來現場測試一下。

  • Really cool, we were getting wasted.

    「待會兒要說的話」還有傑.法蘭克,就是我。

  • (Laughter)

    我今天夠幸運嗎?

  • And they were telling me that Google software has gotten so advanced

    (笑聲)

  • that, based on your interaction with Google over your lifetime,

    我今天夠幸運嗎?

  • they can actually predict what you are going to say --

    觀眾:夠!

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • next.

    法蘭克:噢,太神奇了!(螢幕:你待會兒會說:太神奇了!...)

  • And I was like, "Get the fuck out of here. That's crazy."

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    在2001年的三月...

  • But they said, "No, but don't show anyone."

    (笑聲)

  • But they slipped up.

    我把自己配著瑪丹娜唱「證明我的愛」的舞蹈畫面拍下來,

  • And they said that I could just type in "What was I going to say next?"

    在星期四那天,我把這一段影片寄到網上的某個連結,

  • and my name, and it would tell me.

    有17個我最要好的朋友可以看到這支影片,

  • And I have to tell you, this is an unadulterated piece of software,

    我把這支影片當成邀請函,因為我要辦我的...我的...

  • this is a real Internet browser and this is the actual Google site,

    2...26歲生日派對。

  • and we're going to test it out live today.

    (笑聲)

  • What was I going to say next?

    到了星期一,一天之內就有超過

  • And "Ze Frank" -- that's me.

    一百萬人次進到這個網站,

  • Am I feeling lucky?

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    不到一個星期,我接到一通來自EarthLink的電話,

  • (Shouting) Am I feeling lucky?

    他們說因為我的網路流量超載,所以每1M要收我10美分的費用,

  • Audience: Yes! Yeah!

    我欠了他們三萬美金。

  • (Sighs)

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    不用說,我只好離職了...

  • Ze Frank: Oh! Amazing.

    (被解僱) (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    所以,現在成了自由工作者...

  • In March of 2001 --

    (失業中) (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    但有些人稱我為網路的「始祖」這一類的...

  • I filmed myself dancing to Madonna's "Justify My Love."

    (蠢蛋) (笑聲)

  • On a Thursday, I sent out a link to a website that featured those clips

    或是

  • to 17 of my closest friends,

    「導師」...(輸家) (笑聲)

  • as part of an invitation to my -- an invitation to my th --

    其實我自己有一個理論,

  • th -- 26th birthday party.

    那是我從一些很難向別人解釋、很複雜的哲學中

  • (Laughter)

    領悟出來的,但在此我不想多談,

  • (Clears throat)

    因為我怕那個理論對你們來說太深奧了!

  • By Monday, over a million people were coming to this site a day.

    (笑聲)

  • (Sighs)

    那是有關網路為何流行的理論...

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲) (像個白痴那樣跳舞,什麼都不知道!)

  • Within a week, I received a call from Earthlink that said,

    很抱歉我沒有足夠的時間去解釋...

  • due to a 10 cents per megabyte overage charge,

    或者我可以明年再回來演講吧...

  • I owed them 30,000 dollars.

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    我對電子郵件很著迷,我收到很多郵件,

  • Needless to say, I was able to leave my job.

    四年了,每天我還是會持續收到200或300封

  • [WAS LAID OFF]

    來自陌生人的郵件,這簡直是

  • (Laughter)

    瞭解異國文化的大好機會,對吧?

  • And, finally, you know, become freelance.

    就像用顯微鏡來看世界,

  • (Laughter)

    你可以深入別人的生活,

  • [UNEMPLOYED]

    我同時也覺得我從一般用戶身上

  • But some people refer to me more as, like, an Internet guru or --

    得到許多啟發。

  • [JACKASS]

    舉例來說,有些人寫信給我,

  • swami.

    上面寫:「嘿,傑,如果你有機會來波爾德,

  • (Laughter)

    你應該來和我們一起搖滾。」我回說:「就不必等了吧?」

  • I knew I had something.

    他們回說:「嘿,傑,謝謝你答應和我們一起搖滾,

  • I'd basically distilled a very difficult-to-explain

    但我們都是脫光光搖滾哦!」

  • and complex philosophy, which I won't get into here,

    (笑聲)

  • because it's a little too deep for all of you, but --

    那真的很尷尬...

  • (Laughter)

    但你知道嗎?我和粉絲之間

  • It's about what makes websites popular, and, you know, it's --

    可是有牢不可破的關係,所以我說:「沒問題!」

  • [DANCE LIKE AN IDIOT AND DON'T SELL ANYTHING]

    (笑聲)

  • It's unfortunate that I don't have more time.

    我聽到你們在說悄悄話哦...

  • Maybe I can come back next year, or something like that.

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    我知道你們在說什麼,你們說:「天啊!

  • I'm obsessed with email. I get a lot of it.

    他的演說怎麼那麼精彩?」

  • Four years later, I still get probably two or three hundred emails a day

    (笑聲)

  • from people I don't know,

    我得說,我今年的表現可不只這樣,

  • and it's been an amazing opportunity

    我覺得克里斯有一點功勞,因為在過去的那一年裡,

  • to kind of get to know different cultures, you know?

    我猜一定有一些講者在TED表現得不怎麼樣,我是不知道啦...

  • It's like a microscope to the rest of the world.

    (笑聲)

  • You can kind of peer into other people's lives.

    所以今年,克里斯寄給我們一個TED演說模擬器,

  • And I also feel like I get a lot of inspiration from the average user.

    (笑聲)

  • For example, somebody wrote, "Hey Ze, if you ever come to Boulder,

    讓我們這些講者可以在家裡,模擬這個環境,

  • you should rock out with us," and I said, "Why wait?"

    練習演說,以便我們熟悉這整個流程。

  • [rocking out]

    我真的得說,能來到這裡,真的、真的很棒!

  • (Video) (Music)

    (掌聲)

  • And they said, "Hey Ze, thanks for rocking out,

    我不只有這些好東西,我還想說一個笑話。

  • but I meant the kind of rocking out where we'd be naked."

    你可以點選鬧場模式。

  • (Laughter)

    音效:嘿!白痴!下來!

  • And that was embarrassing.

    法蘭克:你才下去哩!

  • But you know, it's kind of a collaboration between me and the fans,

    (笑聲)

  • so I said, "Sure."

    音效:我們要聽馬坎.葛拉德威爾演講!

  • [rocking out naked]

    (笑聲)

  • (Video) (Music)

    (掌聲)

  • (Laughter)

    假如你的演講超過時間...

  • I hear a lot of you whispering.

    我...我還有最後一件事想說,我真的...

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • And I know what you're saying,

    我想謝謝各位來聽我的演說。

  • "Holy crap!

    (笑聲)

  • How is his presentation so smooth?"

    還有青蛙模式。

  • (Laughter)

    哈!這是我第一次和一條會跳舞的蝦子親熱...

  • And I have to say that it's not all me this year.

    (笑聲)

  • I guess Chris has to take some credit here, because in years past,

    (笑聲)

  • I guess there's been some sort of subpar speakers at TED.

    (垃圾笑話是最新型的機上笑話) (掌聲)

  • I don't know.

    這是真的!有人來找我說:

  • And so, this year, Chris sent us a TED conference simulator.

    傑,你做的這些東西,這些網路上的玩意兒,

  • (Laughter)

    沒辦法幫你賺進一分錢啊...

  • Which really allowed us as speakers to get there, in the trenches,

    (笑聲)

  • and practice at home so that we would be ready for this experience.

    為什麼?我說:「媽,爸...

  • And I've got to say that, you know, it's really, really great to be here.

    (笑聲)

  • (Pre-recorded applause)

    我還在嚐試。」我不知道你們是不是都知道這件事,

  • I'd like to tell all of you a little joke.

    但是,這種電玩市場,

  • (Pre-recorded applause and cheering)

    孩子們都在玩電玩,

  • Not just the good stuff, though.

    所以應該可以賺很多錢啊!

  • You can do heckler mode.

    我想,一年至少都會花個十萬美金來買這些電玩,

  • Voice: Hey, moron, get off the stage!

    所以我決定自己開發,

  • ZF: You get off the stage.

    我開發了幾個新遊戲。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • Voice: We want Malcolm Gladwell.

    這個叫做「無神論者」,

  • (Laughter)

    我覺得一定會很受小孩子歡迎。

  • (Baby cooing)

    你們看,我可以走來走去,還會說一些話。

  • (Huge crowd applauding)

    (遊戲結束,不能重玩) (笑聲)

  • In case you run over time.

    (掌聲)

  • (Heroic music)

    這個不是很受歡迎。

  • Just one last thing I'd like to say, I'd, really --

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    我真的不知道你們為什麼要笑。

  • I'd like to thank all of you for being here.

    (笑聲)

  • (Loud music)

    你們以前一定也有過這種經驗,我只是想做好這個遊戲啊...

  • (Laughter)

    「佛教徒」,當然,這個遊戲和「無神論者」非常相似,

  • And frog mode.

    (笑聲)

  • (Singing)

    你會變成一隻鴨子再回到這個世上,

  • (Sings) "Ah, the first time that I made love to a rock shrimp --"

    (笑聲)

  • (Laughter)

    你們知道嗎?這真的很棒,只要25分錢,

  • [Spam jokes are the new airplane jokes]

    就可以玩上很久。

  • (Sighs)

    (笑聲)

  • It's true.

    克里斯在他寄給我的一封郵件裡說,

  • Some people say to me,

    我們應該要帶些創新的東西到TED來,

  • "Ze, you're doing all this stuff, this Internet stuff,

    一些以前沒人看過的東西。

  • and you're not making any money."

    所以,這是我為TED打造的「基督徒」,

  • (Laughter)

    是這一系列裡的第三個遊戲,

  • "Why?" And I say, "Mom, Dad --

    我希望今年它可以成功。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • I'm trying."

    你們有沒有特別喜歡哪一個?選得好!

  • I don't know if you're all aware of this,

    (笑聲)

  • but the video game market,

    你可以等,看看他什麼時候復活...(笑聲)

  • kids are playing these video games,

    可能要等上...

  • but, supposedly, there's tons of money.

    (笑聲)

  • I mean, like, I think, 100,000 dollars or so a year

    不一定幾秒,只知道是介於1秒和5億秒之間。

  • is being spent on these things.

    (笑聲)

  • So I decided to try my hand.

    我們言歸正傳,我們剛才講到哪裡了?噢,科技的樂趣。