Listen and repeat.

Tape one. Listen and repeat.

We will enable timely, knowledge-based decision-making

based on real-time information

by implementing an enterprise resource management system.

We will entangle timid, college-based precision markets

based on full-time repudiation

by instigating a... something, something. Whatever.

Very good.

Really?

I thought I missed a word.

They say they're slow, but they're not.

[EXPLOSION]

[music]

[CHANTING]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

I just want to take this opportunity

to thank you all

for participating

in our company's mandatory blood drive.

You really are the life blood OF THIS COMPANY.

[CHUCKLES]

[LISTLESS CHUCKLES]

[LOUD LAUGHTER]

Oh.

Rose, you are like

the fresh dew on a morning flower.

My heart yearns for you.

Your soft skin.

Your triangle hair.

Your lips

like two tiny sausages stacked upon each other.

Death row is a lonely place, my precious.

The only things to occupy the empty hours

are thoughts of you

and the contraband I have hidden in my colon.

My dying wish, Alice, is for your hand in marriage.

That is so romantic.

All my love, Vince.

P.S. Please respond before next Friday at noon.

What if I don't have any extra blood?

Maybe I only have exactly enough.

Everyone has extra blood.

It doesn't matter anyway.

You'll never get past the screening process.

I will now read a list of disqualifying conditions.

Please leave the auditorium

if any of the following apply to you.

"Are you now or have you ever been... Wally?"

Yes. First one out.

Repeat.

The disconnects between gross margin and leverage

will be harnessed for commercial ventures.

The discotheques between gross margarine and beverages

will be harmless to your dentures.

Very good.

[CHORTLING]

Now close your eyes

and visualize each word as you say it.

Imagine the word "vision."

Try to see it in your mind.

Is it black?

Have you gotten any tattoos in the last six months?

Have you had intimate physical relations with anyone

in the past 10 years?

Not really,

but I'm trying to build a reputation.

With your eyes still closed,

imagine a picture

that corresponds with the phrase

"a commitment to synergy."

I see it. It's like some sort of two-headed woodchuck,

or is it a beaver?

Can you get a clean shot at his tires?

I think I can hit the spare tire in the back.

Wait.

He stopped.

music Infinity bottles Of beer on the wall music

music Infinity bottles of beer music

music If one of those bottles Should happen to fall music

music Infinity bottles Of beer on the wall... music

Come on! I can't take

Another four hours of this.

Go! Go! Go!

music Infinity bottles of beer on the wall... music

Will you just shut up?

You have infinite beer on the wall, okay?

It will never be fewer.

Now put your hands out to your sides

and wave them, slowly.

Can you imagine if something

were to happen to this bus, Helmut?

The sciences of physics, chemistry,

mathematics and medicine

are wiped out in a stroke.

And economics.

Economics is not a science and never will be!

He's waving us on.

Finally.

All units.

He's heading for a large business campus.

Prepare to intercept.

Are you telling me

you haven't done anything on this list?

I've been very busy.

All right, roll up your sleeve.

Whoo.

Isn't that the fifth bag?

We got a quota.

Can I have a cookie?

No, I ate them while you were bleeding.

All right, sharpshooters.

If you get a clear shot,

take it.

Uh... there's people in the way.

Aw, shoot.

[GUNFIRE]

Aw, shoot.

[GUNFIRE]

I've got to get me a new swear word.

The vehicle had no registration or plates

so we're hoping someone saw him.

Why would a vehicle need

registration and plates?

I'm just the sketch artist.

Oh, a specialist.

Well, I didn't exactly see the guy,

but from what I heard on the radio

I've got a pretty good idea

of what he looks like.

Can you describe him for me?

I could, but I'm extremely busy.

Wally!

Uh, I can't work too hard.

I almost gave blood today.

I want you to describe to these officers

the man I heard about

on the radio this morning.

What?

Be as specific as you can.

Don't leave out anything.

All right. I'll tell them everything you know.

[CHUCKLING]

These remind me of water balloons, except...

filled with blood.

Put that down.

It looks like

you have some extras.

All right, one bag,

but let me show you how to do it.

This psycho must have left a blood trail.

I want you to comb every inch of this area

for the killer's DNA.

Maybe we'll get lucky.

And don't let this crime scene

get contaminated.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Good one, huh?

Nice shooting, yourself.

Well, thank you.

Driving without blood is surprisingly difficult.

[SIRENS]

Sir, how many drinks have you had this evening?

Nothing. I couldn't even get a cookie,

then a lady took all of my blood.

Okay, buddy, count backward from 100

using only prime numbers.

97, 89, 83, 79, 73, 71...

Okay. No one likes a wiseass.

Get out of the car.

Attention all units. Attention all units.

Positive DNA match has been made

on the Nobel prize slaughter.

The suspect is Caucasian,

wearing glasses, in laughably bad shape,

and answers to the name "Dilbert."

Hey. That's me.

WOMAN: So with the Nobel prize killer

safely behind bars

looking at a swift execution

once the 40 to 75 years of appeals is over

and everyone associated with the case long dead,

strange men with incomprehensible theories

that can't be proven

can once again breathe a sigh of relief.

Mr. and Mrs. Fennerman?

Hi, I'm Alice.

I'm engaged to your son, Vince.

It is so nice to meet you, darling.

Here, do you need a sign?

That's okay. I have my own.

I don't understand.

Aren't you two getting married?

Yes.

We're going to spend the rest of our lives together.

Mark my words...

this marriage will never last.

Wow!

This cell is huge.

Sorry about the internet connection.

There's an internet connection?

Your cable modem's in the shop.

We're running you through the T-One until it gets back.

What's this?

Fan mail.

Probably a few marriage proposals.

For me?

Marriage proposals?

You're in for murder, right?

That's an aphrodisiac for the fairer sex.

You know, I'm actually innocent.

I wouldn't let that slip out.

Excuse me-- how did you decide

that five cigarettes was worth one candy bar?

Well... I was hungry.

First of all,

you should never barter on an empty stomach.

Second, this is much too inefficient.

So, everything used for barter

could be valued at a constant rate

relative to everything else.

For instance, a shampoo bottle of home-made gin

is equal to a clean toothbrush,

which is also equivalent

to an eight-ounce bar of chocolate

or five cigarettes.

Any questions?

Okay, one might wonder

what happens when a scarcity in a perishable commodity,

say chocolate,

causes a relative glut of another more durable item

such as erotic literature.

Anyone?

Yes?

We carve a potato into the shape of a gun

and cover it with shoe polish?

You could do that.

Or wait for the market to automatically adjust

to take into account the commodity imbalance,

thus moving the exchange rate to a new point of stability.

You can do all that without a potato?

Ay!

Chocolate at two-and-a-half cigarettes!

Chocolate at two-and-a-half!

Over here, Victoria's Secret.

Desserts, desserts!

I got Victoria's Secret.

How about 8-N-G-Y-4-3-2?

Let me check.

Boys! Boys!

You're sitting on a gold mine here.

Do you realize the license plate business

is a growth industry and a legal monopoly?

By automating your order flow and assembly process,

you'll increase productivity and reduce costs.

The guy who had this job before didn't train me.

Dead man walking!

Down the aisle.

PRIEST: We are gathered here today

to join two souls in holy matrimony

and to damn one of them to eternal hellfire.

I understand that you two have written your own vows.

Vince, who would've thought 10 years ago

that a grisly mass murder

would lead to such a blissful union?

You are my heart. You are my soul.

You make living worthwhile.

I look forward to spending

the next 45 seconds as your loving wife.

Vince?

I didn't do it!

Oh, for the love of God!

Please don't kill me!

[CRYING AND SCREAMING]

Uh... right.

Okay.

By the authority vested in me

by the state correctional facility,

I pronounce you man and wife.

You may now insert the gag.

You're making a big mistake!

I didn't! I didn't!

[MUFFLED SCREAMS]

MAN: it is an incredible book,

Mr. Dogbert.

Thanks. It took me all morning to write it.