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  • Welcome to ENGLISH FOR MANAGERS, TAPE ONE.

  • Listen and repeat.

  • Tape one. Listen and repeat.

  • We will enable timely, knowledge-based decision-making

  • based on real-time information

  • by implementing an enterprise resource management system.

  • We will entangle timid, college-based precision markets

  • based on full-time repudiation

  • by instigating a... something, something. Whatever.

  • Very good.

  • Really?

  • I thought I missed a word.

  • They say they're slow, but they're not.

  • [EXPLOSION]

  • [music]

  • [CHANTING]

  • [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

  • I just want to take this opportunity

  • to thank you all

  • for participating

  • in our company's mandatory blood drive.

  • You really are the life blood OF THIS COMPANY.

  • [CHUCKLES]

  • [LISTLESS CHUCKLES]

  • [LOUD LAUGHTER]

  • Oh.

  • Rose, you are like

  • the fresh dew on a morning flower.

  • My heart yearns for you.

  • Your soft skin.

  • Your triangle hair.

  • Your lips

  • like two tiny sausages stacked upon each other.

  • Death row is a lonely place, my precious.

  • The only things to occupy the empty hours

  • are thoughts of you

  • and the contraband I have hidden in my colon.

  • My dying wish, Alice, is for your hand in marriage.

  • That is so romantic.

  • All my love, Vince.

  • P.S. Please respond before next Friday at noon.

  • What if I don't have any extra blood?

  • Maybe I only have exactly enough.

  • Everyone has extra blood.

  • It doesn't matter anyway.

  • You'll never get past the screening process.

  • I will now read a list of disqualifying conditions.

  • Please leave the auditorium

  • if any of the following apply to you.

  • "Are you now or have you ever been... Wally?"

  • Yes. First one out.

  • Repeat.

  • The disconnects between gross margin and leverage

  • will be harnessed for commercial ventures.

  • The discotheques between gross margarine and beverages

  • will be harmless to your dentures.

  • Very good.

  • [CHORTLING]

  • Now close your eyes

  • and visualize each word as you say it.

  • Imagine the word "vision."

  • Try to see it in your mind.

  • Is it black?

  • Have you gotten any tattoos in the last six months?

  • Have you had intimate physical relations with anyone

  • in the past 10 years?

  • Not really,

  • but I'm trying to build a reputation.

  • With your eyes still closed,

  • imagine a picture

  • that corresponds with the phrase

  • "a commitment to synergy."

  • I see it. It's like some sort of two-headed woodchuck,

  • or is it a beaver?

  • Can you get a clean shot at his tires?

  • I think I can hit the spare tire in the back.

  • Wait.

  • He stopped.

  • music Infinity bottles Of beer on the wall music

  • music Infinity bottles of beer music

  • music If one of those bottles Should happen to fall music

  • music Infinity bottles Of beer on the wall... music

  • Come on! I can't take

  • Another four hours of this.

  • Go! Go! Go!

  • music Infinity bottles of beer on the wall... music

  • Will you just shut up?

  • You have infinite beer on the wall, okay?

  • It will never be fewer.

  • Now put your hands out to your sides

  • and wave them, slowly.

  • Can you imagine if something

  • were to happen to this bus, Helmut?

  • The sciences of physics, chemistry,

  • mathematics and medicine

  • are wiped out in a stroke.

  • And economics.

  • Economics is not a science and never will be!

  • He's waving us on.

  • Finally.

  • All units.

  • He's heading for a large business campus.

  • Prepare to intercept.

  • Are you telling me

  • you haven't done anything on this list?

  • I've been very busy.

  • All right, roll up your sleeve.

  • Whoo.

  • Isn't that the fifth bag?

  • We got a quota.

  • Can I have a cookie?

  • No, I ate them while you were bleeding.

  • All right, sharpshooters.

  • If you get a clear shot,

  • take it.

  • Uh... there's people in the way.

  • Aw, shoot.

  • [GUNFIRE]

  • Aw, shoot.

  • [GUNFIRE]

  • I've got to get me a new swear word.

  • The vehicle had no registration or plates

  • so we're hoping someone saw him.

  • Why would a vehicle need

  • registration and plates?

  • I'm just the sketch artist.

  • Oh, a specialist.

  • Well, I didn't exactly see the guy,

  • but from what I heard on the radio

  • I've got a pretty good idea

  • of what he looks like.

  • Can you describe him for me?

  • I could, but I'm extremely busy.

  • Wally!

  • Uh, I can't work too hard.

  • I almost gave blood today.

  • I want you to describe to these officers

  • the man I heard about

  • on the radio this morning.

  • What?

  • Be as specific as you can.

  • Don't leave out anything.

  • All right. I'll tell them everything you know.

  • [CHUCKLING]

  • These remind me of water balloons, except...

  • filled with blood.

  • Put that down.

  • It looks like

  • you have some extras.

  • All right, one bag,

  • but let me show you how to do it.

  • This psycho must have left a blood trail.

  • I want you to comb every inch of this area

  • for the killer's DNA.

  • Maybe we'll get lucky.

  • And don't let this crime scene

  • get contaminated.

  • [BOTH LAUGHING]

  • Good one, huh?

  • Nice shooting, yourself.

  • Well, thank you.

  • Driving without blood is surprisingly difficult.

  • [SIRENS]

  • Sir, how many drinks have you had this evening?

  • Nothing. I couldn't even get a cookie,

  • then a lady took all of my blood.

  • Okay, buddy, count backward from 100

  • using only prime numbers.

  • 97, 89, 83, 79, 73, 71...

  • Okay. No one likes a wiseass.

  • Get out of the car.

  • Attention all units. Attention all units.

  • Positive DNA match has been made

  • on the Nobel prize slaughter.

  • The suspect is Caucasian,

  • wearing glasses, in laughably bad shape,

  • and answers to the name "Dilbert."

  • Hey. That's me.

  • WOMAN: So with the Nobel prize killer

  • safely behind bars

  • looking at a swift execution

  • once the 40 to 75 years of appeals is over

  • and everyone associated with the case long dead,

  • strange men with incomprehensible theories

  • that can't be proven

  • can once again breathe a sigh of relief.

  • Mr. and Mrs. Fennerman?

  • Hi, I'm Alice.

  • I'm engaged to your son, Vince.

  • It is so nice to meet you, darling.

  • Here, do you need a sign?

  • That's okay. I have my own.

  • I don't understand.

  • Aren't you two getting married?

  • Yes.

  • We're going to spend the rest of our lives together.

  • Mark my words...

  • this marriage will never last.

  • Wow!

  • This cell is huge.

  • Sorry about the internet connection.

  • There's an internet connection?

  • Your cable modem's in the shop.

  • We're running you through the T-One until it gets back.

  • What's this?

  • Fan mail.

  • Probably a few marriage proposals.

  • For me?

  • Marriage proposals?

  • You're in for murder, right?

  • That's an aphrodisiac for the fairer sex.

  • You know, I'm actually innocent.

  • I wouldn't let that slip out.

  • Excuse me-- how did you decide

  • that five cigarettes was worth one candy bar?

  • Well... I was hungry.

  • First of all,

  • you should never barter on an empty stomach.

  • Second, this is much too inefficient.

  • So, everything used for barter

  • could be valued at a constant rate

  • relative to everything else.

  • For instance, a shampoo bottle of home-made gin

  • is equal to a clean toothbrush,

  • which is also equivalent

  • to an eight-ounce bar of chocolate

  • or five cigarettes.

  • Any questions?

  • Okay, one might wonder

  • what happens when a scarcity in a perishable commodity,

  • say chocolate,

  • causes a relative glut of another more durable item

  • such as erotic literature.

  • Anyone?

  • Yes?

  • We carve a potato into the shape of a gun

  • and cover it with shoe polish?

  • You could do that.

  • Or wait for the market to automatically adjust

  • to take into account the commodity imbalance,

  • thus moving the exchange rate to a new point of stability.

  • You can do all that without a potato?

  • Ay!

  • Chocolate at two-and-a-half cigarettes!

  • Chocolate at two-and-a-half!

  • Over here, Victoria's Secret.

  • Desserts, desserts!

  • I got Victoria's Secret.

  • How about 8-N-G-Y-4-3-2?

  • Let me check.

  • Boys! Boys!

  • You're sitting on a gold mine here.

  • Do you realize the license plate business

  • is a growth industry and a legal monopoly?

  • By automating your order flow and assembly process,

  • you'll increase productivity and reduce costs.

  • The guy who had this job before didn't train me.

  • Dead man walking!

  • Down the aisle.

  • PRIEST: We are gathered here today

  • to join two souls in holy matrimony

  • and to damn one of them to eternal hellfire.

  • I understand that you two have written your own vows.

  • Vince, who would've thought 10 years ago

  • that a grisly mass murder

  • would lead to such a blissful union?

  • You are my heart. You are my soul.

  • You make living worthwhile.

  • I look forward to spending

  • the next 45 seconds as your loving wife.

  • Vince?

  • I didn't do it!

  • Oh, for the love of God!

  • Please don't kill me!

  • [CRYING AND SCREAMING]

  • Uh... right.

  • Okay.

  • By the authority vested in me

  • by the state correctional facility,

  • I pronounce you man and wife.

  • You may now insert the gag.

  • You're making a big mistake!

  • I didn't! I didn't!

  • [MUFFLED SCREAMS]

  • MAN: it is an incredible book,

  • Mr. Dogbert.

  • Thanks. It took me all morning to write it.

  • It's the ending that bothers me.

  • It would be better if this Dilbert fellow

  • gets set free at the last minute,

  • instead of flaming like a marshmallow.

  • How much better would it be?

  • Mmm, about $3 million in movie rights.

  • I'll talk to the supreme court.

  • Ugh! There are just no good convicts out there!

  • That one's cute.

  • Cute, yes, but he's got a damn good appeal pending.

  • I read the brief.

  • Oh, you can't tell anything

  • from a picture, anyway.

  • In my high school yearbook, I didn't even look attractive.

  • Maybe we should go visit Dilbert.

  • Check the place out.

  • That sounds like it involves leaving work.

  • I'll drive.

  • I couldn't help overhearing you

  • while I was eavesdropping.

  • Do you mind if I go with you

  • to stare at the miserable miscreant?

  • Uh, there's no room in my car.

  • It's filled with oxygen and carbon dioxide.

  • That's not good.

  • I'll drive my own car.

  • Can you give me directions?

  • Yes. Yes, I can.

  • Who's that?

  • He's an axe murderer.

  • Ooh, the outdoor type.

  • Let me talk to Wally.

  • Put in a good word for me in C block.

  • Hey, Dilbert! Looking good.

  • All that hard manual labor's paying off.

  • Actually, there is no hard labor.

  • I have all day to think, to exercise,

  • and to work on my own projects.

  • I barely have to do anything if I don't want to.

  • Mmm, but it's lonely, right?

  • Hardly.

  • Wally, this week alone

  • I've received over 100 marriage proposals.

  • Boy, is my values system all screwed up.

  • There it is, bars and all--

  • the big house.

  • Okay, next we'll hear from Tino in shiv manufacturing.

  • Thank you.

  • I am pleased to report that since we instituted

  • the battle recycling program,

  • the number of pointy objects

  • available to the prison population

  • has tripled.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Good work.

  • Um, Bobby G., you're up.

  • I just prepared this memo on the new production quotas.

  • As you can see,

  • all the inmates are participating in the prison 401-K.

  • Considering the average inmate's salary

  • is 18 cents a day,

  • at maturity, this amounts to a retirement package

  • of approximately $34.

  • Well, let's see if we can't supplement that

  • with some of the souvenir sales.

  • All right, is there any new business?

  • I think we should probably discuss the status

  • of the escape plan and the progress of the tunnel.

  • All right.

  • Using two shifts round the clock and a teaspoon,

  • we have dug approximately... three feet.

  • At this rate of excavation,

  • we estimate the tunnel will be completed

  • some time in the year 2125.

  • And when is the escape currently scheduled?

  • Tuesday.

  • Okay.

  • I've done some calculations

  • along with a preliminary geological survey and-- Tony?

  • Shirt.

  • The bearing wall is made of basalt.

  • Basalt is among the most dense of igneous rocks.

  • Now, if we drop down approximately 10 meters,

  • the composition of the bordering wall

  • becomes limestone, a very spoon-friendly material.

  • Now, I've drawn up plans for an electric spoon,

  • but it's going to cost four million candy bars.

  • Eh, no problem.

  • Did you know

  • that I'm the only one in my bridge club

  • with a son on death row?

  • I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to you, Mom.

  • Disappointment?!

  • Everyone asks about you; you're on the news.

  • I used to get blank stares

  • when I told people you were an engineer,

  • but murderer, that gets people's respect.

  • You could be a little DISAPPOINTED.

  • Let's see, "Bank robbery, 10 to 15 years...

  • Kidnapping..." ooh, "20 to life."

  • Not too shabby.

  • "Frotteurism:

  • "the crime of rubbing up against people

  • in crowded public places."

  • When did they make that illegal?

  • JUDGE: Dogbert, always a pleasure.

  • Why don't you come to the meetings anymore?

  • I'm not actually a member of the supreme court.

  • Really?

  • Now I feel bad about letting you write all those decisions.

  • I didn't mind.

  • What brings you in today?

  • I want you to overturn the conviction

  • of a guilty murderer named Dilbert.

  • If you don't mind, I'll just write up your decision

  • and sign all your names to it.

  • Okay, but make me sound indignant.

  • And throw something in there about fairness.

  • Do you want a copy?

  • I don't see when I'd ever read it.

  • Today, my friends,

  • marks the dawning of a new era.

  • Today, we proved

  • that with vigor, discipline, and a little...

  • [ALL YELLING]

  • I guess it works.

  • What's your NAME?

  • Good Lord, man, what's happened to you in there?

  • Okay, time to go, Dilbert.

  • But they're coming back... aren't they?

  • Probably. The recidivism rate is very high.

  • Did they ever find the real killer?

  • Funny thing, right after I got you off,

  • some lunatic confessed to the crime.

  • You sure is good at not being able

  • to hammer up them rocks at all.

  • I wasn't really expecting

  • this kind of an environment.

  • Ooh, are those the conjugal visit trailers?

  • We's a team, you and me.

  • Got us a quota.

  • If'n we ain't meet her by sundown,

  • we ain't getting no dinner!

  • So, you, uh, get a lot of marriage proposals since you been here?

  • You hear me up, boy?

  • I ain't missing my shower day

  • account of your baby-butt hands can't swing a pick!

  • Grab up that there pick and bring her down!

  • Naw, that ain't gonna do her!

  • Here, let me show ya.

  • Hup-dah!

  • Now you're getting it!

  • I... think... my... shoulders...

  • are... dis... locating...

  • That's enough out of you.

  • By the power vested in me

  • by the state correctional facility,

  • I now pronounce you man and wife.

  • You may now insert the gag.

  • [TELEPHONE RINGS]

  • Yello?

  • It's the governor.

  • The real killer confessed.

  • You've been pardoned.

  • [INMATES CHEERING]

  • Now we can start a life together, Alice.

  • It's like a miracle!

  • You're innocent?

  • I'm having serious second thoughts.

  • The governor wants to speak to you.

  • Tell him to hold for one minute.

  • Oh, which one is the hold button?

  • [ELECTRICAL BUZZING]

  • [music]

Welcome to ENGLISH FOR MANAGERS, TAPE ONE.

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迪爾伯特 02x04 審判 ( 英語 西班牙語 CC) (Dilbert 02x04 The Trial ( English Español CC))

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    王宏偉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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