For one year, I would say yes to all the things that scared me.

在一年內，我將對任何 讓我感到害怕的事都說「好」。

Anything that made me nervous, took me out of my comfort zone,

任何讓我感到緊張、帶離舒適圈的事，

I forced myself to say yes to.

我都強迫自己去說「好」。

Did I want to speak in public?

我想在大眾面前公開演說嗎？

No, but yes.

不想，但是好吧。

Did I want to be on live TV?

我想要上直播的電視節目嗎？

No, but yes.

不要，但是好吧。

Did I want to try acting?

我想要試著演戲嗎？

No, no, no, but yes, yes, yes.

絕對不，但還是好吧。

And a crazy thing happened:

然後神奇的事發生了：

the very act of doing the thing that scared me

透過這樣去做那些讓我害怕的事，

undid the fear,

消除了恐懼，

made it not scary.

讓那些事變得不再讓人害怕。

My fear of public speaking, my social anxiety, poof, gone.

我對公開演說的恐懼、我的社交焦慮， 咻的一聲消失了。

It's amazing, the power of one word.

這一個字的力量真的很驚人。

"Yes" changed my life.

說「好」改變了我的人生。

"Yes" changed me.

說「好」改變了我。

But there was one particular yes

然而當中有一個特別的情況，

that affected my life in the most profound way,

用一種最深遠的方式影響了我的人生，

in a way I never imagined,

是我從沒想到的方式，

and it started with a question from my toddler.

源起於我學步的女兒所問的一個問題。

I have these three amazing daughters, Harper, Beckett and Emerson,

我有三個很棒的女兒， 分別是哈珀、貝克特和愛默生。

and Emerson is a toddler who inexplicably refers to everyone as "honey."

愛默生還在學步，不知為何 她就是喜歡叫大家「甜心」，

as though she's a Southern waitress.

好像她是個南方的女服務生一樣。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

"Honey, I'm gonna need some milk for my sippy cup."

「甜心，在我的鴨嘴杯中加些牛奶。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

The Southern waitress asked me to play with her one evening

有天晚上，這位南方女服務生 要我跟她一起玩，

when I was on my way somewhere, and I said, "Yes."

我當時正準備前往某處的路上， 然後我說好。

And that yes was the beginning of a new way of life for my family.

而這個「好」從此開啟了 我跟家人一種新的生活方式。

I made a vow that from now on,

我當時發誓，從現在起，

every time one of my children asks me to play,

只要我的孩子希望跟我一起玩，

no matter what I'm doing or where I'm going,

不管當時我在幹嘛， 或者我準備要去哪，

I say yes, every single time.

每一次我都要說好。

Almost. I'm not perfect at it, but I try hard to practice it.

幾乎每次。我在這方面並不完美， 但我努力試著去練習，

And it's had a magical effect on me,

接著有一種神奇的效應 發生在我身上，

on my children, on our family.

也發生在我孩子、家人身上。

But it's also had a stunning side effect,

但是同樣也帶來了意想不到的結果，

and it wasn't until recently that I fully understood it,

而我直到最近才充分了解到，

that I understood that saying yes to playing with my children

我選擇答應跟孩子們玩耍這件事，

likely saved my career.

很可能拯救了我的事業。

See, I have what most people would call a dream job.

是這樣的，我的工作 大部分人都認為是「夢幻職業」。

I'm a writer. I imagine. I make stuff up for a living.

我是作家，我不停想像， 我靠創作東西賺錢。

Dream job.

一個夢幻的工作。

No.

不只是這樣。

I'm a titan.

我是電視圈霸主，

Dream job.

我的工作人人欽羨。

I create television. I executive produce television.

我創作電視節目， 我執導製作電視節目。

I make television, a great deal of television.

我做電視節目，一大堆的電視節目。

In one way or another, this TV season,

在這一季的電視上，用不同的形式，

I'm responsible for bringing about 70 hours of programming to the world.

我負責將近 70 小時的節目製作 給全世界的觀眾看，

Four television programs, 70 hours of TV --

總共四個電視節目， 70 小時的電視曝光時數──

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Three shows in production at a time, sometimes four.

同時製作三個電視劇，有時候四個。

Each show creates hundreds of jobs that didn't exist before.

每個電視劇創造了數以百計 以往不曾存在的工作，

The budget for one episode of network television

廣播電視網節目每集的預算，

can be anywhere from three to six million dollars.

可能是在三百到六百萬美元之間，

Let's just say five.

平均就算五百萬美元吧。

A new episode made every nine days times four shows,

每九天製作出新的一集， 乘以四個電視劇，

so every nine days that's 20 million dollars worth of television,

所以每九天就等同 價值二千萬美元的電視劇。

four television programs, 70 hours of TV,

四個電視節目， 70 個小時的電視曝光時數，

three shows in production at a time, sometimes four,

有三個電視劇同時進行製作， 有時候四個。

16 episodes going on at all times:

全天候都有 16 集的影集在進行，

24 episodes of "Grey's," 21 episodes of "Scandal,"

24 集的《實習醫生》、 21集的《醜聞》，

15 episodes of "How To Get Away With Murder,"

15 集的《謀殺入門課》， 10 集的《隱情》，

10 episodes of "The Catch," that's 70 hours of TV,

加起來共 70 小時在電視上播放，

that's 350 million dollars for a season.

每季預算為 3.5 億美元。

In America, my television shows

在美國，我的電視劇

are back to back to back on Thursday night.

一直佔據著週四晚上的黃金時段。

Around the world, my shows air in 256 territories in 67 languages

我的電視劇在全球 256 個國家、 用 67 種語言播放著，

for an audience of 30 million people.

收視觀眾超過三千萬人。

My brain is global,

我的思考是這樣全面的。

and 45 hours of that 70 hours of TV are shows I personally created

在電視播放這 70 小時中， 有 45 小時是我個人創作的劇情，

and not just produced, so on top of everything else,

不只有製作，所以最重要的是，

I need to find time, real quiet, creative time,

我需要找到很安靜、 能發揮創作的時間，

to gather my fans around the campfire

才能讓我的粉絲願意聚在營火旁，

and tell my stories.

聽我述說故事。

Four television programs, 70 hours of TV,

四個電視節目， 70 個小時的電視曝光時數，

three shows in production at a time,

同時製作三個電視劇，有時候四個，

sometimes four, 350 million dollars, campfires burning all over the world.

3.5 億美元， 這樣的營火遍佈了全世界。

You know who else is doing that?

你認識其他人也跟我一樣嗎？

Nobody, so like I said, I'm a titan.

沒有人，就像我說的，我是個霸主。

Dream job.

這是個夢幻工作。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Now, I don't tell you this to impress you.

我不是為了讓你們佩服我 才說這些的。

I tell you this because I know what you think of when you hear the word "writer."

我告訴你們這些，是因為我知道 你們對「編劇」的想像。

I tell you this so that all of you out there who work so hard,

我告訴你們這些， 好讓你們其中工作特別辛苦的人，

whether you run a company or a country or a classroom

不管你是經營公司、國家、教室，

or a store or a home,

商店或是家庭，

take me seriously when I talk about working,

你們才不會將我的工作視為理所當然。

so you'll get that I don't peck at a computer and imagine all day,

你才會發現，我並不是在電腦上 輕敲幾下，然後整日幻想。

so you'll hear me when I say

你才會聽清楚我說的，

that I understand that a dream job is not about dreaming.

並了解到一個「夢幻工作」 並不是靠空想，

It's all job, all work, all reality, all blood, all sweat, no tears.

它是實實在在的工作、投入跟現實， 付出你的心血，沒有時間沮喪。

I work a lot, very hard, and I love it.

我非常努力工作，而我也熱愛工作。

When I'm hard at work, when I'm deep in it,

當我努力工作、埋首投入時，

there is no other feeling.

我感受不到其他多餘的感覺。

For me, my work is at all times building a nation out of thin air.

對我來說，我的工作就像是 在稀薄的空氣中打造一個王國，

It is manning the troops. It is painting a canvas.

像是對軍隊的訓練， 像是在畫布上作畫，

It is hitting every high note. It is running a marathon.

像是唱到每一個高音， 像是一場馬拉松賽跑，

It is being Beyoncé.

像是成為碧昂絲一樣。

And it is all of those things at the same time.

而這些全部的事情都同時發生著，

I love working.

我熱愛工作。

It is creative and mechanical and exhausting and exhilarating

工作是創意的，也是呆板機械的， 讓人筋疲力盡、也讓人興奮不已。

and hilarious and disturbing and clinical and maternal

是滑稽的，也是惱人的， 是冷冰的，也是慈愛的。

and cruel and judicious,

是殘酷的，也是明智果決的。

and what makes it all so good is the hum.

而讓這些全部變得如此之美好 是因為一種「心智狀態」。

There is some kind of shift inside me when the work gets good.

當順利完成工作時， 這些不同的狀態在我腦中切換，

A hum begins in my brain,

有某種「心智狀態」在我腦中形成，

and it grows and it grows and that hum sounds like the open road,

一直持續成長，那感覺 就像一條寬敞的大道，

and I could drive it forever.

我可以沒有盡頭地開著。

And a lot of people, when I try to explain the hum,

當我試著解釋這樣的狀態時，

they assume that I'm talking about the writing,

很多人會以為我在說關於寫作的事，

that my writing brings me joy.

寫作帶給我快樂的事。

And don't get me wrong, it does.

別誤會我的意思， 寫作當然帶給我快樂，

But the hum --

但是那種狀態，

it wasn't until I started making television

我從未感受過， 直到我開始做電視節目，

that I started working, working and making

我開始不停工作、製作、產出，

and building and creating and collaborating,

打造、創造、合作，

that I discovered this thing, this buzz, this rush, this hum.

我才發現了這個東西、這個聲音、 這個感覺跟「嗡」的狀態，

The hum is more than writing.

「嗡」不只是寫作。

The hum is action and activity. The hum is a drug.

「嗡」是一個動作、 是一種活動，就像一種藥。

The hum is music. The hum is light and air.

「嗡」是音樂、是光、是空氣。

The hum is God's whisper right in my ear.

「嗡」是上帝在我耳邊的低語。

And when you have a hum like that,

當你有了像那樣的感受與狀態後，

you can't help but strive for greatness.

你會忍不住想為了更好的事情去奮鬥。

That feeling, you can't help but strive for greatness at any cost.

那種感覺會讓你想不計代價去努力，

That's called the hum.

那就叫做「嗡」。

Or, maybe it's called being a workaholic.

或者，也叫做工作狂。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Maybe it's called genius.

也許那叫做與生俱來的本領。

Maybe it's called ego.

也許那是一個自我的意志。

Maybe it's just fear of failure.

也許那只是對於失敗的恐懼。

I don't know.

我不知道。

I just know that I'm not built for failure,

我只知道，我並不是為失敗而生的。

and I just know that I love the hum.

我只知道，我喜愛那樣的感知狀態。

I just know that I want to tell you I'm a titan,

我只知道，我想要告訴你 我是個霸主，

and I know that I don't want to question it.

然後我不會去質疑這件事。

But here's the thing:

但有件事：

the more successful I become,

當我變得越成功，

the more shows, the more episodes, the more barriers broken,

製作越多的節目、越多的影集、 打破越多的藩籬，

the more work there is to do,

就有越多的工作等著我完成，

the more balls in the air,

越多無法回頭的事，

the more eyes on me, the more history stares,

越多關注的眼光、越多的歷史包袱，

the more expectations there are.

越多的期待。

The more I work to be successful,

我為了成功所做的努力越多，

the more I need to work.

我需要做的事就越多。

And what did I say about work?

我前面是怎麼談論工作的？

I love working, right?

我說我熱愛工作，對嗎？

The nation I'm building, the marathon I'm running,

那個我打造的王國、 那場我跑的馬拉松，

the troops, the canvas, the high note, the hum,

那些軍隊、那些畫布、 那個高音、「嗡」的狀態，

the hum, the hum.

那樣的感受、那樣的狀態，

I like that hum. I love that hum.

我喜歡「嗡」、我熱愛「嗡」。

I need that hum. I am that hum.

我需要「嗡」，我就是「嗡」。

Am I nothing but that hum?

除了那個狀態， 我是否什麼都不是了呢？

And then the hum stopped.

然後「嗡」停止了。

Overworked, overused,

過度的工作、過度的使用、

overdone, burned out.

過度的濫用、燃燒殆盡。

The hum stopped.

「嗡」停下來了。

Now, my three daughters are used to the truth

我的三個女兒已經習慣這件事：

that their mother is a single working titan.

她們的媽媽是個單打獨鬥、 熱愛工作的電視霸主。

Harper tells people,

哈珀會跟別人說：

"My mom won't be there, but you can text my nanny."

「我媽媽不會去， 但你可以傳訊息給我保母。」

And Emerson says, "Honey, I'm wanting to go to ShondaLand."

愛默生說：「甜心，我想要去妳公司。」

They're children of a titan.

她們是霸主的小孩。

They're baby titans.

她們就是小小霸主。

They were 12, 3, and 1 when the hum stopped.

當「嗡」的狀態停止時， 她們分別是十二歲、三歲跟一歲，

The hum of the engine died.

那狀態的引擎停止運轉了。

I stopped loving work. I couldn't restart the engine.

我不再熱愛工作， 我無法重新發動那引擎。

The hum would not come back.

「嗡」不會回來了。

My hum was broken.

「嗡」的狀態壞掉了。

I was doing the same things I always did, all the same titan work,

我還是做跟以前一樣的事情， 一樣那些「霸主的工作」，

15-hour days, working straight through the weekends,

一天工作 15 個小時， 週末直接通宵，

no regrets, never surrender, a titan never sleeps, a titan never quits,

從不後悔、絕不屈服， 一個不眠不休的霸主，

full hearts, clear eyes, yada, whatever.

一樣全心全意、一樣明亮的眼神， 諸如此類，

But there was no hum.

但「嗡」不在了。

Inside me was silence.

我內心是沉默安靜的。

Four television programs, 70 hours of TV, three shows in production at a time,

四個電視節目， 70 小時電視曝光時數，

sometimes four.

同時製作三個電視劇，有時候四個。

Four television programs, 70 hours of TV, three shows in production at a time ...

四個電視節目，70 小時電視曝光時數， 同時製作三個電視劇，有時四個。

I was the perfect titan.

我曾經是那個完美的霸主。

I was a titan you could take home to your mother.

我是那種厲害到 「可以帶回家給媽媽看」的那種人。

All the colors were the same, and I was no longer having any fun.

人生好像變得黑白， 我不再感到有任何樂趣。

And it was my life.

工作就是我當時的人生。

It was all I did.

我成天埋首工作。

I was the hum, and the hum was me.

我曾經是「嗡」，而「嗡」就是我。

So what do you do when the thing you do,

所以當你做的事、

the work you love, starts to taste like dust?

你愛的工作開始讓你感到索然無味， 你會怎麼辦？

Now, I know somebody's out there thinking,

我知道有些人現在會覺得，

"Cry me a river, stupid writer titan lady."

「別再抱怨了，愚蠢的女編劇霸主。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But you know, you do,

但是你懂的，你知道的，

if you make, if you work, if you love what you do,

創作也好、工作也好， 你熱愛你所做的事，

being a teacher, being a banker, being a mother, being a painter,

當老師、當銀行行員、 為人母、當畫家，

being Bill Gates,

當比爾蓋茲也好，

if you simply love another person and that gives you the hum,

如果你就只是單純愛著一個人， 而那些讓你感受到「嗡」的感覺，

if you know the hum,

你們是知道這種感覺的。

if you know what the hum feels like, if you have been to the hum,

如果你曾經感受過那種感覺、 如果你曾經在那種狀態中，

when the hum stops, who are you?

但這樣的感覺停下來後，你是誰？

What are you?

你是什麼？

What am I?

我又是什麼？

Am I still a titan?

我還是那個霸主嗎？

If the song of my heart ceases to play, can I survive in the silence?

如果我心中的樂曲停止演奏了， 那麼我能在這片靜默中生存下去嗎？

And then my Southern waitress toddler asks me a question.

然後我的南方小服務生 問了我一個問題，

I'm on my way out the door, I'm late, and she says,

我當時準備出門， 已經遲到了，這時她說：

"Momma, wanna play?"

「媽媽，要一起玩嗎？」

And I'm just about to say no, when I realize two things.

我正準備說「不」時， 意識到兩件事。

One, I'm supposed to say yes to everything,

首先，我應該對每件事都說「好」，

and two, my Southern waitress didn't call me "honey."

接著，我的南方小服務生 沒有叫我「甜心」。

She's not calling everyone "honey" anymore.

她不再叫每一個人「甜心」了。

When did that happen?

什麼時候開始的？

I'm missing it, being a titan and mourning my hum,

我錯過了，就在急著當個霸主 跟哀悼我失去的狀態時，

and here she is changing right before my eyes.

她就這樣在我眼前改變了。

And so she says, "Momma, wanna play?"

所以當她說：「媽媽，要一起玩嗎？」

And I say, "Yes."

然後我說「好」。

There's nothing special about it.

接著我們沒有做什麼特別的事。

We play, and we're joined by her sisters,

我們就是玩， 後來她的姊妹加入我們，

and there's a lot of laughing,

許多的歡笑聲，

and I give a dramatic reading from the book Everybody Poops.

我唸了《大家來放屁》這本書中， 一段讓人印象深刻的閱讀。

Nothing out of the ordinary.

一切都是那麼地尋常。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And yet, it is extraordinary,

然後，不尋常的事發生了，

because in my pain and my panic,

因為我的痛苦、我的恐慌、

in the homelessness of my humlessness,

在失去狀態中的無助感，

I have nothing to do but pay attention.

我除了專心外，什麼都不能做，

I focus.

我專注。

I am still.

我是平靜的。

The nation I'm building, the marathon I'm running,

那個我打造的王國、 那場我跑的馬拉松，

the troops, the canvas, the high note does not exist.

那批軍隊、那張畫布、 那個高音都不存在了。

All that exists are sticky fingers

取而代之的是黏黏的手指、

and gooey kisses and tiny voices and crayons

軟綿綿的親吻、 微小的聲音跟一堆蠟筆，

and that song about letting go

還有那首唱著放開手的歌，

of whatever it is that Frozen girl needs to let go of.

不管那個冰雪奇緣的女孩 究竟有什麼事需要放手。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It's all peace and simplicity.

一切充滿了平靜跟簡單。

The air is so rare in this place for me that I can barely breathe.

在那裡的空氣是如此稀薄 讓我無法呼吸，

I can barely believe I'm breathing.

我幾乎不能相信我在呼吸。

Play is the opposite of work.

玩樂是工作的相反。

And I am happy.

然而我很快樂。

Something in me loosens.

我內在變得放鬆了。

A door in my brain swings open,

我腦中有扇門打開了，

and a rush of energy comes.