When I was a child, I knew I had superpowers.

沒錯。

That's right.

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

我覺得我超厲害，因為我可以了解

I thought I was absolutely amazing because I could understand

並同理棕色人種的感受。

and relate to the feelings of brown people,

像我的祖父， 一個保守的穆斯林傢伙。

like my grandfather, a conservative Muslim guy.

此外，我能了解我的阿富汗母親、 我的巴基斯坦父親，

And also, I could understand my Afghan mother, my Pakistani father,

他沒有那麼虔誠， 而是比較輕鬆自由的。

not so religious but laid-back, fairly liberal.

當然，我也能

And of course, I could understand

了解跟同理白人的感受，

and relate to the feelings of white people.

我的國家中的挪威白人。

The white Norwegians of my country.

你知道的，白色、棕色、任何顏色

You know, white, brown, whatever --

我通通都愛，

I loved them all.

我通通都了解，

I understood them all,

即使他們不見得都可以了解彼此；

even if they didn't always understand each other;

他們是我的同胞。

they were all my people.

不過，我父親總是非常擔心。

My father, though, was always really worried.

他不斷說，即使有受最好的教育，

He kept saying that even with the best education,

我也不會得到平等待遇。

I was not going to get a fair shake.

據他所說，我仍然會面對歧視。

I would still face discrimination, according to him.

唯一能被白人接受的方式，

And that the only way to be accepted by white people

就是成名。

would be to become famous.

提醒各位，他是在我七歲 時跟我說這些的。

Now, mind you, he had this conversation with me when I was seven years old.

所以，當我七歲時，他說：

So while I'm seven years old, he said,

「聽著，你的選擇 若不是運動，就是音樂。」

"Look, so it's either got to be sports, or it's got to be music."

他對運動一竅不通 ──保佑他──所以就是音樂了。

He didn't know anything about sports -- bless him -- so it was music.

所以當我七歲時，他把我所有的 玩具、娃娃都收集在一起，

So when I was seven years old, he gathered all my toys, all my dolls,

然後全部丟掉。

and he threw them all away.

做為交換，他給我一個 很爛的小卡西歐電子琴，以及……

In exchange he gave me a crappy little Casio keyboard and --

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

是啊。以及歌唱課。

Yeah. And singing lessons.

基本上，他強迫我每天 不斷練習好幾個鐘頭。

And he forced me, basically, to practice for hours and hours every single day.

很快的，他也讓我在 越來越多的觀眾面前演出。

Very quickly, he also had me performing for larger and larger audiences,

奇怪的是，我幾乎變成了一種

and bizarrely, I became almost a kind of poster child

挪威多文化主義的模範人物。

for Norwegian multiculturalism.

當然，我感到很驕傲。

I felt very proud, of course.

因為即使在這個時期的報紙，

Because even the newspapers at this point

也開始寫些關於棕色人種的好話，

were starting to write nice things about brown people,

所以我可以感到我的超能力在成長。

so I could feel that my superpower was growing.

我十二歲時，從學校走路回家，

So when I was 12 years old, walking home from school,

我繞了路，

I took a little detour

因為我想買我最喜歡的 甜點「鹽腳」。

because I wanted to buy my favorite sweets called "salty feet."

我知道這名稱聽起來很糟，

I know they sound kind of awful,

但我真的很愛吃它。

but I absolutely love them.

基本上，它是鹽味甘草塊， 做成腳的形狀。

They're basically these little salty licorice bits in the shape of feet.

現在我大聲說出來，我才發現 它的名稱聽起來多糟，

And now that I say it out loud, I realize how terrible that sounds,

但即便如此， 我還是非常喜歡吃它。

but be that as it may, I absolutely love them.

當我要進入這家店的時候，

So on my way into the store,

有個成年白人在門口擋住我的路。

there was this grown white guy in the doorway blocking my way.

我試著繞過他，

So I tried to walk around him, and as I did that, he stopped me

當我這麼做的時候，他阻止了我。

and he was staring at me,

他瞪著我，

and he spit in my face, and he said,

他朝我的臉吐口水，他說：

"Get out of my way

「滾一邊去，

you little black bitch, you little Paki bitch,

你這個小黑賤人， 你這個小巴基斯坦賤人，

go back home where you came from."

滾回你的老家去。」

I was absolutely horrified.

我完全嚇壞了。

I was staring at him.

我直瞪著他，

I was too afraid to wipe the spit off my face,

我害怕到無法把臉上的口水擦掉，

even as it was mixing with my tears.

那口水還摻雜了我的眼淚。

I remember looking around, hoping that any minute now,

我還記得我左顧右看，希望馬上

a grown-up is going to come and make this guy stop.

有個成人出現來阻止這個傢伙。

But instead, people kept hurrying past me and pretended not to see me.

結果卻是，人們很快走過我旁邊，

I was very confused because I was thinking, well,

假裝沒看見我。

"My white people, come on! Where are they? What's going on?

我很困惑，因為我在想：

How come they're not coming and rescuing me?"

「我的白人同胞，快點！ 他們到哪去了？怎麼回事？

So, needless to say, I didn't buy the sweets.

為什麼他們都不來救我？」

I just ran home as fast as I could.

不用說，我沒買到甜點。

Things were still OK, though, I thought.

我只是盡快跑回家。

As time went on, the more successful I became,

不過，我心想，一切都還好。

I eventually started also attracting harassment from brown people.

隨時間過去，我變得更成功，

Some men in my parent's community felt that it was unacceptable

我後來也開始引來 棕色人種的騷擾。

and dishonorable for a woman to be involved in music

我父母的社區內，有些人覺得，

and to be so present in the media.

一個女人踏入音樂圈 並出現在媒體上，

So very quickly, I was starting to become attacked at my own concerts.

是不可接受且可恥的。

I remember one of the concerts, I was onstage, I lean into the audience

所以很快地，我開始 在我自己的音樂會上被攻擊。

and the last thing I see is a young brown face,

我記得在其中一場音樂會中， 我在台上，靠向觀眾，

and the next thing I know is some sort of chemical is thrown in my eyes

我看見的最後一個畫面， 是一張年輕的棕色面孔，

and I remember I couldn't really see and my eyes were watering

接下來，我只知道有 某種化學物被潑到我眼睛裡，

but I kept singing anyway.

我記得我什麼都看不見， 眼睛滿是淚水，

I was spit in the face in the streets of Oslo, this time by brown men.

可是我還是繼續唱下去。

They even tried to kidnap me at one point.

在奧斯陸的街上，我被當面吐口水，

The death threats were endless.

這次吐口水的是棕色人種。

I remember one older bearded guy stopped me in the street one time,

有次他們甚至還試圖綁架我。

and he said, "The reason I hate you so much

死亡威脅更是沒完沒了。

is because you make our daughters think

記得有次，有個留鬍子的老人 在街上攔住我，

they can do whatever they want."

他說：「我如此恨你的理由，

A younger guy warned me to watch my back.

是因為你讓我們的女兒認為，

He said music is un-Islamic and the job of whores,

她們可以做任何她們想做的事。」

and if you keep this up, you are going to be raped

有個年輕人警告我要自己小心，

and your stomach will be cut out so that another whore like you will not be born.

他說，音樂不符合伊斯蘭教規， 而且是妓女的工作。

Again, I was so confused.

如果你繼續這麼做，你就會被強暴，

I couldn't understand what was going on.

你的肚子會被切開，這樣才不會有 另一個像你一樣的妓女出生。

My brown people now starting to treat me like this -- how come?

同樣的，我感到困惑。

Instead of bridging the worlds, the two worlds,

我無法了解發生了什麼事。

I felt like I was falling between my two worlds.

我的棕色同胞開始這樣子 對待我……怎麼會這樣？

I suppose, for me, spit was kryptonite.

我不再是將兩個世界連結起來，

So by the time I was 17 years old,

我覺得我反而是落在兩個世界中間。

the death threats were endless, and the harassment was constant.

我想，對我來說，口水是氪星石。

It got so bad, at one point my mother sat me down and said,

當我十七歲時，

"Look, we can no longer protect you, we can no longer keep you safe,

死亡威脅沒完沒了， 騷擾是司空見慣。

so you're going to have to go."

情況變得很糟， 有次我母親要我坐下，說：

So I bought a one-way ticket to London, I packed my suitcase and I left.

「聽著，我們無法再保護你， 無法再確保你的安全，

My biggest heartbreak at that point was that nobody said anything.

所以你得離開。」

I had a very public exit from Norway.

所以我買了去倫敦的單程票， 我打包了行李，便離開了。

My brown people, my white people -- nobody said anything.

那時最讓我心碎的是， 沒有人說什麼。

Nobody said, "Hold on, this is wrong.

我離開挪威時是非常公開的。

Support this girl, protect this girl, because she is one of us."

我的棕色同胞，我的白色同胞──

Nobody said that.

沒有人說什麼。

Instead, I felt like -- you know at the airport,

沒有人說：「等等，這是錯的。

on the baggage carousel you have these different suitcases

支持這個女孩，保護這個女孩， 因為她是我們的一份子。」

going around and around,

沒有人那樣說。

and there's always that one suitcase left at the end,

反之，我覺得……你們知道，在機場

the one that nobody wants, the one that nobody comes to claim.

在行李傳送帶上 有各種不同的行李箱，

I felt like that.

不斷轉呀轉，

I'd never felt so alone. I'd never felt so lost.

最後總是有一個行李箱被留下來，

So, after coming to London, I did eventually resume my music career.

沒有人要的行李箱， 沒有人來領的行李箱。

Different place, but unfortunately the same old story.

我的感覺就是那樣。

I remember a message sent to me saying that I was going to be killed

我從來沒有感到如此孤單， 我從來沒有感到如此迷失。

and that rivers of blood were going to flow

到了倫敦之後，我終於 又繼續展開我的音樂職涯。

and that I was going to be raped many times before I died.

不同的地方，但不幸的是， 同樣的故事又上演。

By this point, I have to say,

我記得收到一個訊息， 說我會被殺掉，

I was actually getting used to messages like this,

到時會血流成河，

but what became different was that now they started threatening my family.

且我在死前會被強暴很多次。

So once again, I packed my suitcase, I left music and I moved to the US.

我必須要說，這時，

I'd had enough.

我其實已經習慣了這種訊息了，

I didn't want to have anything to do with this anymore.

但開始變得不同的是， 這些訊息開始威脅我的家人。

And I was certainly not going to be killed for something

所以再一次，我打包行李， 離開了音樂，搬到美國。

that wasn't even my dream -- it was my father's choice.

我受夠了。

So I kind of got lost.

我不想再和這些事 扯上任何關係了。

I kind of fell apart.

我肯定不要為了 根本不屬於我的夢想送命，

But I decided that what I wanted to do

那是我父親幫我選擇的夢想。

is spend the next however many years of my life

所以我有點迷失了，

supporting young people

我有點崩潰了。

and to try to be there in some small way,

但我決定，我想要做的是

whatever way that I could.

是把我人生剩下不論多少年的時間，

I started volunteering for various organizations

用來支持年輕人，

that were working with young Muslims inside of Europe.

試著用某種微小的方式 陪在他們身邊，

And, to my surprise, what I found was

用任何我能做到的方式。

so many of these young people were suffering and struggling.

我開始自願參與各種致力於

They were facing so many problems with their families and their communities

協助歐洲年輕回教徒的組織。

who seemed to care more about their honor and their reputation

讓我驚訝的是，我發現

than the happiness and the lives of their own kids.

有這麼多的年輕人在受苦和掙扎。

I started feeling like maybe I wasn't so alone, maybe I wasn't so weird.

他們在家庭中與社區中 都面臨如此多問題，

Maybe there are more of my people out there.

這些家庭與社區似乎比較 在乎它們的榮耀和名聲，

The thing is, what most people don't understand

而非它們自己孩子的幸福及生活。

is that there are so many of us growing up in Europe

我開始覺得，也許我沒有這麼孤單，

who are not free to be ourselves.

也許我沒有這麼怪異。

We're not allowed to be who we are.

也許外面還有更多跟我一樣的同胞。

We are not free to marry

重點是，大部份人不了解的是，

or to be in relationships with people that we choose.

我們當中有很多人都是在歐洲長大，

We can't even pick our own career.

卻沒有做自己的自由。

This is the norm in the Muslim heartlands of Europe.

我們不被允許做真正的自己。

Even in the freest societies in the world, we're not free.

我們沒有選擇結婚

Our lives, our dreams, our future does not belong to us,

或交往對象的自由。

it belongs to our parents and their community.

我們甚至不能挑選職業。

I found endless stories of young people

這是歐洲回教心臟地帶的規範。

who are lost to all of us,

即使在世上最自由的社會中， 我們也沒有自由。

who are invisible to all of us

我們的生活、夢想、未來 都不屬於我們。

but who are suffering, and they are suffering alone.

而是屬於我們的父母 及他們的社區。

Kids we are losing to forced marriages, to honor-based violence and abuse.

我聽到無數的故事，都是年輕人

Eventually, I realized after several years of working with these young people,

被我們所有人漠視、

that I will not be able to keep running.

被我們所有人忽視，