with the core Super Mario series. And even the Mario spinoff games are typically well-received.

This one�s an exception. When it hit the GBA in 2004, the reviews were negative�abnormally

negative, for a Mario game.

And you know something? They were right.

Plumber or no plumber, this is not a very good game.

Mario Pinball Land starts with a pretty ridiculous premise. The Princess has been kidnapped,

again...in that old pink dress. Which always looks good, let�s be honest. Peach is usually

pretty balling. Only this time, she takes it...a bit more literally.

You know, it�s not that Mario spinoffs need to make sense or anything...but this whole

concept feels really forced. I mean, Kirby and Metroid? Those franchises are natural

fits for pinball games. Mario�s a different story. This feels ridiculous...and not in

a good way. Nonetheless, it�s still got that Mario polish. This is a gorgeous GBA

game, and the presentation is spot-on, as you might expect.

What you might not expect...is that it plays like Goomba poop.

And actually, the main culprit here is the design of the tables. A real pinball table

is a kind of guided experience. There are tubes and rails and bumpers and lots of...things.

And those things define the game, right? Otherwise, it�s just...balls flying all over the place.

And that sounds awful. No one wants balls flying all over the place.

But that�s what Mario Pinball Land is. Balls flying all over the place.

See, most of the tables in this game are just...I mean, they�re not even tables at all. They�re

just...open. That means there�s nothing to guide the ball, nothing to guide the experience...nothing

to slow things down. And of course, since it�s a handheld game, your space is limited.

So you have chaotic tables that play too fast and have no character, as well as pinballs

that are incredibly frustrating to control.

So...this is just not how you design pinball tables, and the gameplay doesn�t help matters.

But you know the worst part? Mario Pinball Land is, like, legit cheap. See, the game

takes inspiration from Mario 64. So it�s all based on stars and doors. You need a certain

amount of stars to open doors, which then take you to new tables in the same level.

A good idea, but...mangled beyond recognition, in the game.

Problem one is that...just getting to those doors is insanely tough. I�ve never played

a game where it was this hard just to get where you need to go. You clear a table, get

the star and spend ten minutes just trying to leave. It�s ridiculous. Problem two is

that, once you move on...if your ball gets past the paddles, you end up back at the last

table. And the table you just fell from gets reset. So it�s a constant battle to get

to the next table and stay there, let alone actually...you know, play the game.

Oh, and if you happen to open all the doors, they all close.

If that sounds awful and frustrating and poorly designed, well, that�s because Mario Pinball

Land is one of the most despicably unfair Nintendo games I�ve ever played.

Now, of course, it wasn�t developed by Nintendo. This was a separate team. And they would learn

from Mario Pinball Land and go on to do Metroid Prime Pinball...which was a way better game.

And you can see brief flashes of that quality here. It has the same production value, a

similar kind of look...but it doesn�t play nearly as well, and it has some seriously

flawed table design.

I�m okay with a bad concept, but...Mario Pinball Land is just a bad game.