I'm thinking of signing up my five-year-old son for calsses

我在考慮幫我五歲大的兒子報名

But not before I've tried it out myself to see if it's worthy

但我要先體驗看看這課程是否值得

Let's go inside.

我們進去吧

Hello.

哈囉

I'm James Corden.

我是詹姆士柯登

Nice to meet you, Allah.

很高興認識你，我是 Allah

Hi, nice to meet you.

嗨，很高興認識妳

I have a five-year-old son called Max.

我有一個五歲大的兒子，麥克斯

And I'm thinking of signing him up for classes.

我在考慮要幫他報名體操課

Excellent.

很好

But he's not going to do it, I'm going to do it.

但今天不是他上課，是我要上

Oh.

哦?

And then I'm going to check YOUR ability.

我要看看你們有多少能耐

Oh god, alright.

天啊，好吧

Is that OK?

可以嗎?

That's absolutely OK.

當然沒問題

This way? Okay.

這邊? 好

Alright.

好的

Why have you got a thing for giant mustaches?

為什麼這邊有個鬍子扭蛋機?

Is that for kids who want to compete with adults? They want to be in the adult program.

是給那些想裝大人上節目的小孩?

So is that why?

是這樣嗎?

Yeah.

應該吧

How does this work?

這怎麼用?

I don't know, don't use it.

我不知道，不要碰

Oh god.

天啊

Oh~ Here we go!

哦~~ 出來了！

They are not even mustaches!

這根本不是鬍子扭蛋機啊！

This is not even a mustache in there!

這裡面連鬍子都不是！

What's that?

這是什麼?

I don't know.

我不知道

That clearly says giant mustaches!

那裡明明標示著鬍子扭蛋機！

Is that a mustache?

這是鬍子嗎？

No.

不是

How can I expect my son to come to a gymnastic school

我怎麼能夠送我的兒子到一間

You cannot properly dispense mustaches.

連鬍子都分不清的學校

If I send my son here I'm going to spend a lot of time in the parent's room

如果我送我兒子來這裡的話我會花很多時間待在家長室

So I'm gonna go upstairs.

我得上樓看看

Hi, is this the parent's room?

嗨，這是家長室嗎？

Check out some of the parents and see if this really a place where they are called.

看看裡面的家長們和這房間是不是真的像他們形容的一樣

What sort of vibe happens up here in the parent's room?

這上面的氣氛如何？

When we're chilling out, what goes down?

當我們在這休息時，通常會是什麼情況？

Hanging out is my little part. I just lay down a few Jägerbombs for the moms and dads

我會喇低賽，然後給爸爸媽媽們一些野格利口酒

Look at that, my man looks like he had a Jägerbomb last night.

看看他，昨晚肯定喝了不少

Look at those eyes.

看看那雙眼睛

Do you ever re-enact the scene from "The Graduate" you know

你們有重現過

Where Dustin Hoffman's banging on the glass.

Dustin Hoffman 在《畢業生》裡面瘋狂拍打玻璃那幕嗎？

You've never done it?

你們沒試過？（請勿拍打玻璃）

Hi, guys.

嗨，大家

How are you?

你好嗎？

Hi, James.

嗨，我是詹姆士

Hi James, I'm coach Heather.

嗨詹姆士，我是 Heather 教練

Hi, coach Heather.

嗨，Heather 教練

You ever done gymnastic before?.

你做過體操嗎?

I have not.

完全沒有

Come over here and let's make two lines.

來這裡排成兩列

Open legs, hands on the floor and open your legs AS BIG AS YOU CAN.

腿打開，手碰地板，把腿打~到~最~開~

Now we're going to balance on one foot.

現在我們用單腳平衡

Don't move.

不要動

Now we're going to grab the inside of our one feet and lift one up in the air.

現在反手抓住腳的內側然後把一隻腳舉起來

Here we go! Both of them.

來囉！兩腳

Alright that was great, I'll see you later.

恩很棒的課程，待會見

Oh, that wasn't it.

喔還沒結束

Crushed it, we totally beat them.

幹的好

Big kick over.

側手翻

Alright, alright.

很好

There we go.

很棒

TEN, TEN.

十分，十分

DO NOT TOUCH THE GLASS! Or someone told you that?

別碰玻璃！還是有人說你們可以碰的？

I think they've been smoking marijuana.

我懷疑他們吸大麻吸嗨了

Not bad, not bad.

還不錯嘛

This is unique and that's what the judges look for.

評審就愛這種獨特的東西

So this is the chalk for your hands. Yes.

這就是止滑粉？沒錯

My son will immediately put that chalk in his mouth. So I'm just gonna make sure....not great

我兒子會馬上把它放進嘴巴，所以我要確認...噁 不好吃

Right, are we checking.... Up, go

我們需要檢查... 上!

Look at that, look how high that is.

看看我撐得多高

This is not what I had in mind.

這跟我想的完全不一樣

No, you're not gonna get me!

不，你們抓不到我的！

No! No!

不！不！

I feel like I'm getting the praise that you guys are getting from coach Weather.

我覺得我都沒有像你們一樣被教練稱讚

What do you think?

你覺得呢？

Why do you think I'm struggling in the gymnastics?

你覺得為什麼我學得這麼辛苦？

Because you're rubbish.

因為你太笨了

I'm asking amother question to you.

再問你們一個問題

What have I been...what have I been really good at?

到現在我有哪樣做得好的？

Malik, is there anything that I have been good at?

Malik 你覺得到現在我做得最好的是什麼？

(Silence) Yelling and shouting.

（沉默）大吼大叫

OK. I'm glad we had this chat. Guys, let's get back to it.

恩...我們聊得很開心，我們繼續上課吧

That had been really good for all around confidence.

我想我更有信心了

Doing a couple of jumps and fliping.

跳幾下然後前空翻

I'm not flipping.

為什麼我翻不了

I'm actually quit happy in here.

其實待在這裡蠻好的

This is the best place you could ever be.

這是我今天我最愛的地方

I'm so happy.

太舒服了

I can't get out.

我出不去了

That's not helping!

你們在幫倒忙！

I lost my phone.

我手機掉了

I'll give $10 whoever finds my phone.

誰找到我的手機我賞他 10 元

Go, get in there.

去吧

Little did they know

他們不知道

I didn't drop my phone in there.

我根本沒掉手機

Guys, it's a black iphone 7, thank you.

各位，是一隻黑色的 iphone 7，謝了

(APPLAUSE) Guys, you all do fabulous today. Good job, alright.

你們今天都表現得很棒

And for that you guys are all getting medals.

所以你們每個人都有獎牌

You did a special good job.

你表現得特別棒

Good job, you do everything so good.

做得好，你做的非常好

Maybe next time.

你就下次吧

WHAT?

什麼？！

Well, no, the whole thing is rigged.

不，這一點都不公平公正公開

The system is rigged.

這是黑箱作業

There is doping going on here and I'm not interested in it.

這邊太歡樂了，我要走了

Do you think my son would get a medal if he came?

你覺得如果是我兒子來的話能拿獎牌嗎？

If he did a cartwheel, yes.

如果他能完成側手翻，當然

Okay, I'm gonna work on that.

好吧，我會努力的

Thanks guys, it has been great fun.

謝了大家，我玩得很愉快

Say bye James.

跟詹姆士說掰掰

Bye James.

掰掰詹姆士