Return Of the Pearl Princess

《還珠格格》宣布要推出

is being dubbed into English

英語配音版本

for American audiences.

給美國觀眾

This show is about the adventures of Chinese princess

這齣戲是關於中國 1759 年

in the year 1759, during the Ching dynasty,

清朝公主的歷險記

and it is beloved in China.

在中國受到廣大的喜愛

Okay? They just love this show.

好嗎？他們超愛這齣戲

Well, for some reason,

因為一些原因

the producers of the Return of the Pearl Princess,

《還珠格格》的製作人問

asked Andy and I to be the English voices

Andy 和我是否願意當這齣戲的英語配音員，

that they dub in for American audiences.

給美國的觀眾的

I'm not kidding about this.

我沒有在開玩笑

Yeah.

對

They just heard that like,

他們只是聽說

"Oh, these are big guys in America, they're a big deal."

「噢，這些人在美國很有名，他們來頭很大。」

They should do it. They didn't do their research, clearly.

他們應該要，但他們沒做好功課

The offer came in and we had to say yes.

他們邀約了，所以我們無法拒絕

So, the other day, Andy and I went over to a production studio

因此，Andy 和我某天去了一趟北好萊塢的

in North Hollywood.

工作室

This all really happened, and well, here's the deal.

這些事真的發生了，這樣好了

Check it out.

來看看吧

Hey, Andy and I are here at Bang Zoom Studios,

嘿，Andy 跟我在 Bang Zoom 工作室

and we're here for a very special project.

為了一個特別計劃

This is Bran.

這是 Bran

Bran.

Bran

- You have the number one show in China. - Yup.

- 你的戲劇在中國排行第一 - 對

You've come to America,

你來美國

and you're letting us be the voices,

然後你要讓我們為這齣戲

the English voices of the show.

配上英文

This is a terrible mistake.

這是個天大的錯誤

I'm warning you.

我警告你

Just so you know.

先讓你知道一下

We were honest up front, your career is through,

我們先對彼此誠實，你的職業生涯完了

let's go and destroy the most beloved show in China, shall we?

我們來摧毀中國人最喜愛的戲劇，好嗎？

Could you tell us basically what we're doing?

你可以告訴我們現在要幹嘛嗎？

OK, basically, we're going to take this Chinese dialogue

好，基本上，我們要用這個中文對話

and we're gonna dub it into English.

配音成英文

You said episode 22?

你說第 22 集？

Episode 22, and it will say "Scene 1."

22 集，然後這裡有寫「第一幕」

I think we have our motivation,

我覺得我們有動力

I think we understand, and I think we're ready to go.

也瞭解了，我們可以準備開始

Your majesty, please pardon me, forgive me.

皇上，請寬恕我，原諒我

Who told you to investigate Sparrow? Talk!

誰叫你審問小燕子的？說！

It was the emperor.

是皇帝

What emperor?

什麼皇上？

When did I tell you to interrogate?

我什麼時候叫你審問？

I... talking too slowly.

我...我講太慢了

Who gave you such orders?

誰給你這個指令？

I'm not catching up with... you're ahead of me

我沒趕上...你超越我了

Did I see the documents?

我有看過檔案嗎？

I'm lost on the page...

我不知道我唸到哪裡了...

Whose orders?!

誰的命令？！

I'm lost.

我搞混了

Now you say, just say "A eunuch."

你現在只要說「A 太監」

Now listen, we got a little behind

現在聽著，我們有點落後了

I won't let that happen again.

我不會讓這種事再發生

Alright.

好

I hope Bran is OK with this, but script is fine,

我希望 Bran 可以接受，這個劇本蠻普通

but Andy and I are professionals,

但 Andy 跟我是專業的

we like to add a little spice this go around.

我們希望加一點東西進去

Ah... your majesty.....

啊...皇上...

Why are you wearing the royal bath towel?

為什麼你披著皇家牌毛巾？

Take it off.

脫掉它

I was told to wear this...

我被要求要這樣...

Told by whom?

被誰要求？

Not me, not me at all.

不是我，根本不是我

I was told by... the ladies of The View.

我是被... The View 上的女士們 (註：The View 為美國婦女談話節目)

"Wear this!"

「穿上它！」

Which one was it?

哪一個？

Joy Behar.

Joy Behar

Joy Behar! I hate her.

Joy Behar! 我恨她

She's funnier than the others.

她比其他人好笑

Whoopi's funny!

Whoopi 很好笑

Whoopi's never been funny!

Whoopi 從不好笑！

Don't you talk to me that way.

你別這樣跟我說話

That's just a better scene.

這就比較好了啊

Very good.

很棒

- Take off your mask. - No!

- 掀開你的面具 - 不！

Now listen to me, when the prince is speaking,

現在聽我這邊，當王子說話時

you will remain silent.

你們要保持沈默

Is that understood?

這樣了解嗎？

Now, which one of you took the magic corn cob?

現在，你們哪一個要拿玉米魔法棒？

Magic corn cob?

玉米魔法棒？

- I had nothing to do with any corn cob! - Aaaaaaaah!

- 我跟玉米魔法棒一點關係也沒有！- 啊...

I got this knife online.

我在網路上買了這個刀子

Don't show them the knife now.

先不要給他們看刀子

Show it to them later.

等等再給他們看

I wanna see the knife, too.

我也要看刀子

I wanna see whatever cutlery you have.

我想要看你們有的刀具

You will see no cutlery.

你看不到任何刀具

Alright, I'm fine. I won't see no cutlery.

好，我可以不看刀具

And I won't show you the knob on top of my hat.

我也不會給你看我帽子上的圓頭

You won't get to touch it either.

你也不能摸它

I must see the knob on your hat.

我一定要看到你帽子上的圓頭

Crack!

喀！

That's the sound my knuckles make

這個是我關節發出的聲音

when it's moist in the air.

當空氣很潮濕的時候

And I haven't have any Tylenol.

然後我沒有泰諾 (註：泰諾是美國止痛藥)

My best friend, Tylenol.

我最好的朋友，泰諾

Crack!

喀！

Let's go to the new scene.

我們開始新的一幕

Very quickly hit the Purple Hooligan

很快地打紫衣流氓

Wait there's a Purple Hooligan?

等等，這裡有紫衣流氓？

Well, that was fun. You're ready to give up now?

好吧，這很好玩，你準備要投降了嗎？

Or you want more?

還是你還要再來？

Who you think you are? (unintelligible)

你以為你是誰？ (無法辨識的說話聲)

Ah! Dumpling!

啊！包子！

Who else wants to talk?

誰還敢說話？

- Let get out of here. - Dumplings!

- 我們快走 - 包子！

- They taste delicious! - Don't let him throw soup! - They're high in salt!

- 他們很好吃！-不要讓他拿走！ - 這鹽分很高！

Let me I understand what I just saw.

讓我理解一下我剛剛看到的東西

There is a tough guy in the ground...

有個難搞的傢伙在地上

The Purple Hooligan.

紫衣流氓

...and the good guy, to shut him up,

...然後那個好人，讓他閉嘴

kicks a dumpling into his mouth.

踢了一個包子到他嘴巴裡

In the Wild West, they used six-shooters,

在西部都用六發左輪手槍

in the Qing dynasty, they used dumplings.

在清朝，他們用包子

I think they are afraid because they're so high in sodium.

我覺得他們害怕的原因是因為包子的鈉含量很高

Well also, too, there's no dipping sauce.

可能吧，他們也沒有沾醬

Alright, we are in the emperor's quarters,

好，我們現在到皇宮

and we'll give you a preview.

然後會先給你們看一個預告

Look at that hot kissing on a rock.

看看他們在石頭上熱吻

Shh, hold up, can we start it again? I'm trying to get into the mood.

噓，閉嘴，我們可以重新開始嗎？我試著醞釀情緒

I'm sorry. There are some sexy action.

我很抱歉。這裡有好多性感橋段

Shut up! Dammit!

閉嘴！該死！

I'm trying to get into the mind of a Tibetan chieftain.

我在揣摩西藏酋長的心情

Nooo! Oh! You've got a Hobbit door.

不！噢！你的門也太小了吧

Hey! As it turned out, Sayat changed her mind.

嘿！劇情急轉直下，塞婭改變心意了

Yes she wants to know, to no longer marry ER Kang.

對，她想知道，過不久要跟爾康結婚

Now she wants to marry ER Tai.

現在她想跟爾泰結婚

Classic Tibetan fickleness.

典型三心二意的西藏人

I told you it'd be the other way.

我早告訴你會這樣了

You talked for too long, and now I'm in a pickle,

你講太久了，我遇到了困難

you see, because of your talking too long.

你看，就因為你講太久了

Let's go get pickles.

我們去吃點醃菜吧 (註：pickle 同時是醃菜的意思)

Hahahaha

哈哈哈哈

I don't even know what they are.

我根本不知道那是啥

This gonna be hard.

這很難

This is not a easy one.

這不簡單

You know just as well as I do.

你跟我一樣清楚

There are so many misunderstandings and so many problems.

這之間有太多誤會跟問題了

Yes, yes, that's true.

對、對、這是真的

It's true what you say, but I didn't rehearse this part.

你說的都對，但我沒彩排過這段

And now, I'm just filling in.

現在，我只是在填空

And now.

現在

Yes, I know what we could do.

對，我知道我們該做什麼

No, I can do... we can go to IKEA, we can build...

不，我可以...我們可以去宜家家居，我們可以建造

Would you like lingonberries?

你喜歡越橘嗎？(註：一種莓果)

It's not very traditional Chinese dish, but lingonberries,

它不是傳統的中國菜，但越橘

they're delicious,

很好吃

like cranberries! In fact, I think they just are cranberries.

像蔓越莓！事實上，我覺得他們就是蔓越莓

- Has anybody— - You're just acting like a mad man!

- 這邊有人... - 你像是個發瘋的男人

When I say I'm going to IKEA, I meant to buy furniture.

當我說要去宜家家居的時候，我的意思是要買傢俱

You're talking about lingonberries!

然後你跟我說越橘！

That's insanity!

真的是瘋了！

There's meatballs, too.

他們也有肉丸

It just don't have to be lingonberries.

不一定要是越橘

Now I'm talking off camera, I can say whatever I want!

現在沒有攝影機在拍我，隨便我怎麼說！

Oh, I back, hello.

好，我回來了，哈囉

Look, let's just get out of here and go to IKEA like you said.

這樣，我們就離開這裡然後像你說的，去宜家家居

Wait a minute!

等一下！

That's crazy, Will.

這太狂了，Will

You have to have money to buy something in IKEA.

你要有錢才能在宜家家居買東西

They don't take... Chinese currency!

他們不收...中國貨幣！

Now, wait a minute I have one more thing to say.

現在，等等，我還有一件事要說

I think is important for you,

我覺得對你來說很重要

stop making the noises while I'm talking to you.

我在說話的時候不要發出那種聲音

That's rude... to keep saying those things...

一直這樣...很沒禮貌

those... noises you're making, while I'm trying to speak,

那些...你製造的聲音，當我想要說話的時候

are madness!

很瘋狂！

Now, if it is...

現在，如果...

I love you!

我愛你！

I've always loved you.

我永遠愛你

Bran, what do you think of the work that Andy and I did today?

Bran 你覺得我跟 Andy 今天表現得如何？

Did you enjoy it?

你享受在其中嗎？

Yeah!

對！

I was just informed a minutes ago,

我剛剛才從美國財政部

by the United States Treasury,

得知

that, by us, doing the show you today,

我們今天幫你的戲劇配音

we have erased America's debt, financial debt, to China,

已經清除了美國欠中國的債了

completely erased.

全部還清了

And Andy and I are being awarded to congressional medals,

Andy 跟我會得到國會勳章

so thank you.

所以謝謝你

Thank you Conan, thank you, what's your name?

謝謝康納，謝謝，你的名字？

Andy.

Andy

Andy?

Andy？

Yes.

對