Name: 艾咪舒莫超會演！自嘲身材壯碩，說中女孩的心事 (Ellen's Favorite Funny Ladies: Amy Schumer)
Uploaded: 2017-10-25T03:58:50.000Z
Duration: 11 min 15 s

whatever that is. I don't know what it is,

不管是多少。 我不知道這是多少

We were just doing a meeting--a work meeting.

我們剛正在開會──是工作會議

Today, we're gonna do something a little bit different.

I'm gonna sit here. You're gonna sit wherever you are,

我會坐在這裡。 你們就坐在你們的位置

and we're going to look back at all the funny ladies that I've had on my show this past season,

我們要來回顧過去這季所有來過我節目的幽默女士們

Anyway, one of the funniest women I talked to this year was Amy Schumer.

總之，今年我訪談過、最幽默的女性之一是 Amy Schumer

she just talked and I sat back and I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed

她就一直說，我就坐在那，一直笑，一直笑，一直笑，一直笑

- How's the poster doing that we gave you?

- Well, I realized when I got home that it was a hostile, hostile gift.

當我到家的時候，我意識到那是個很不友善的禮物

你很喜歡 Hemsworth 兄弟不是嗎？

and I got the opportunity to meet them at the Vanity Fair party last year,

我去年有機會在《浮華世界》派對上見到了他們

but my sister took a horribly blurred photo

但我妹拍了一張非常模糊的照片

從那時候開始，我一直沒有原諒她

－我們已經沒有再聯絡了。 －不會吧！

so my apartment is the size of this chair.

我的公寓就跟這張椅子差不多大小

所以那張相片塞滿了我整個公寓

And people think I'm -- like, have a really weird pro--

別人以為我有什麼奇怪的 (毛病)

like, they think I stalk them, and they're just, like, concerned for me,

他們覺得我跟蹤他們 (Hemsworth 兄弟) ，然後開始擔心我

and you could have just gotten me, like, a plant.

你本來是可以送我一株植物就好的

Well, I will give you a plant while you're here instead.

那麼你這次的拜訪，我會送你一株植物

－你何不就──不行，那個不行

- Why don't you move here, and then you'd have a bigger place?

為什麼你不搬來這裡 (加州) ？ 你就會有更大的空間了啊

I don't fit in here--just, like, straight up body type.

我沒辦法融入這裡，光看身形就不行

在洛杉磯，我的手臂被當成是腿

They're like, "Why is that octopus on Sunset?"

他們會說，「為什麼那隻章魚在日落大道上？ 」

你來這裡的時候，都在做什麼？

Well, last time I was here, right from the show,

上一次我來這裡時，節目結束後

我拿到了湖人比賽的場邊座位票

－那很好玩呀 －對，因為我的──

my business agent thought I was mad at him for sexually harassing me.

我的經紀人以為我因為他性騷擾我的事很氣他

－嗯── －不是你想的那樣，老娘 33 歲了

so I'm just starting to really appreciate that,

所以我對那樣的事開始感到很欣慰

- Well, it's true. I can't speak for everyone.

我不是說直接大喊「來性騷擾 (我吧～)」這樣

but, in your 20s, I feel like you walk around--

但，在二十幾歲時，我覺得走在街上──

like you'll walk past a construction site,

會有點像是「別 (那樣) 看 (我！)」這樣的反應

But then, in your 30s, you know, I'm just like, "What about this?" [laughter]

但當你三十幾歲的時候，我會有說「這個怎麼樣？」

他們會說，「我們在吃飯耶。」

那是會改變的，所以──我拿到了場邊座位

which--you've sat courtside at a game, right?

你比賽也坐過場邊位置，對吧？

－我坐過，對。 －我以為──我去了──

I guess you have to be on the team to get free booze.

我想你必須要是隊上的人才有免費的酒

- I go, I get randomly seated next to Dianna Agron.

我去了，我剛好坐在 Dianna Agron 旁邊

You know, the actress. She was on "Glee."

你知道的，是位演員。 她有演《歡樂合唱團》 (是一部美國電視音樂劇兼青春喜劇)

I mean, that lets you know how hot she is.

Yeah--oh, there we go. There's the picture.

感謝你們──總之謝謝。照片很棒對吧？

- Like if my name were "Quinn" on a show,

如果我在某個節目上的名字是 Quinn 的話

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艾咪舒莫超會演！自嘲身材壯碩，說中女孩的心事 (Ellen's Favorite Funny Ladies: Amy Schumer)

weird

hilarious

applause

booze