What's up everyone, it's your girl Superwoman.

大家好嗎，我是Superwoman

The other day I was talking to my friend about dating,

有一天我跟朋友在聊交往的事

and she's all like, "My parents love my boyfriend.

她說：「我父母都超愛我男朋友

Did your parents ever get really

你父母有沒有曾經

close to any of your boyfriends?"

和你的任何一個男友親近過？」

And I'm just like, "Hoe, you crazy?"

我就說：「齁，你瘋了嗎？」

And then I had to explain to her

接下來我必須向她解釋

that my Indian parents simply do not

我的印度爸媽完全

understand the concept of dating.

不懂交往的概念

This is a real thing, I am not making this up.

這是真的，不騙你

My parents had an arranged marriage,

我爸媽是被安排婚姻的

which means that they never dated.

這表示他們從來沒交往過

So in their eyes,

所以在他們看來，

the process of dating is absolutely unnecessary.

交往這個過程完全沒有必要

Even though they don't expect me

雖然他們不指望我

to get an arranged marriage, they still don't understand

接受安排婚姻，但他們還是不了解

the necessity of getting to know someone.

「多多了解對方」的必要性

AKA, all Indian kids know that you can never, ever

也就是說，所有印度小孩都知道你絕對不能

introduce your parents to someone you're dating,

把父母介紹給你的男女朋友

unless you trying to marry that person.

除非你打算和那個人結婚

Ain't no room for error up in here,

沒有犯錯的空間，

it's a calculated measurement.

這是經過計算的

But yo, this one time, my mom got bright,

但是就這一次，我媽變聰明了

and she asked me about a boy.

她問我有關一個男生的事

(seatbelt clicks)

（繫安全帶）

- So I have feeling something going on

我感覺到你和那個男生之間

between you and that boy.

有什麼

- My mom is smart eh, like "Yo let me get Lilly

我媽可聰明了，她都盤算好了：「我要把莉莉

in the car where she can't escape

困在車上，她就逃不了，

and then bust out these accusations."

接著逼問她」

When parents really wanna whoop you,

當爸媽真的想要扁你，

they'll bring up stuff in the car.

他們會在車上跟你談事情

Heaven forbid my parents ever get a self-driving car.

但願我爸媽永遠不會有自動駕駛汽車

They could beat me with both hands

不然他們就可以用雙手打我

and still get us home safe enough to ground me.

而仍然把我安全送回家禁足

But yo I still had options.

但是我還是有選擇

- [Lilly Voiceover] Okay, just tell the truth.

（莉莉配音）好吧，就說實話吧

Actually no, are you dumb?

才不要勒，別傻了！

Lie about it!

說謊啊！

Or, or, could pretend to have a heart attack.

或者⋯或者假裝心臟病發作

That could work.

可能行得通

No stop, you're not a kid anymore.

不，別這樣做，你已經不是小孩了

Handle it like an adult.

像個大人一樣處理它

(ding)

（叮）

- Well actually

其實呢⋯

(groans)

（呻吟）

I mean

我是說⋯

(groans)

（呻吟）

I think I'm having a heart attack, mom!

我覺得我心臟病發作了，媽！

(screams in pain)

（痛苦地慘叫）

(heart monitor beeping)

(心率監測器：嗶...嗶...)

(sighs)

（嘆氣）

Am I dead?

我死了嗎？

- Depends.

看狀況

Are you dating that boy?

你在和那男孩交往嗎？

(heart monitor beeps faster)

(心率監測器嗶聲加快)

So I had no choice, I had to tell her the truth,

我沒得選，只好向她坦承：

like "Yes mom, I'm in my mid-twenties

「沒錯媽，我已經二十幾歲了，

and I'm dating someone, sue me,"

我在和一個人交往，告我啊！」

and literally her next sentence was

不誇張，她下一句話就是：

- So d'you talk about marriage, huh?

你們談過婚事了吧？

When we meeting parents?

我們什麼時候見他父母？

- Mom, it's been two months

媽，才兩個月

even I haven't met his parents.

連我都還沒見他父母

- Huh?

蛤？

In two months I meet your daddy,

在兩個月內，我認識你爸，

get married and get pregnant with your sister, okay?

結婚，而且懷了你姐姐，好嗎？

- Yeah well, I'm still getting to know him.

好啦，我還在了解他

- What you mean, getting to know him?

什麼意思？了解他？

What did you have to know, huh?

你需要了解什麼？

Do you like him or do you not like him?

喜歡他還是不喜歡他嗎？

- I'm still figuring it out.

我還在試著弄清楚

- See, that's your bloody problem, okay?

看吧，這就是你該死的問題

Too much bloody freedom.

你太自由了

- The only compatibility test my parents ever had

我爸媽唯一做過的相容性測試只有

was, This is girl, this is boy,

這是女生，這是男生

parents agree, okay done!

父母同意，妥當！

So me trying to explain that I need to get to know a boy

所以我試著解釋我需要多多了解一個男生

and see if he's good-hearted and respectful

看他是不是很善良、有禮貌、

and makes me laugh and brings out the best in me

能讓我笑、能發掘最好的我

is absolute and utter trash to my parents.

對我爸媽而言是完全、全然的廢話

Not to mention that dating someone

更不用說和某人交往

without the promise of marriage

卻沒有結婚的打算，

brings shame to your entire family, duh are you dumb?

這會讓你整個家族蒙羞！你是笨蛋嗎？

By who, you ask?

你問誰會羞辱你？

Uh, every person that doesn't matter.

所有不相干的人

The neighbors okay, my sixth cousin,

鄰居、我十四等親的同輩(曾曾曾曾曾祖父母相同)、

the family dentist, because apparently,

家庭牙醫，因為顯然

everyone's got a chart at home where they monitor

每個人家裡都有一張圖表，他們監視

peoples' behavior and they're like,

人們的舉止，然後說：

Oh, dating without being engaged, that's right,

喔，沒訂婚就約會，抓到啦

wore a mini skirt out past 11 pm, oh.

晚上十一點後穿著迷你裙出門，嘖嘖

- If you not going to get engaged,

如果你不訂婚，

what people are going to say, huh?

人家會說什麼？蛤？

- That I'm a smart, independent woman

說我是個聰明、獨立的女性，

who makes logical choices?

會用大腦思考？

- Don't be dumb, okay?

別傻了好嗎？

I don't want you running around with every boy.

我不希望你在每個男生周圍跑來跑去

- One, literally one boy.

一個，只有一個男生

- Every boy you running with, okay?

你在所有男生之間亂跑，好嗎？

You bloody Usain Bolt.

你是閃電波特啊？

- And once my parents found out I had a boyfriend,

一旦我爸媽發現我有男朋友

they hopped, skipped and jumped ahead of themselves.

他們老是操之過急

Yeah I'm on my third date with my boyfriend

當我和男朋友第三次約會

and they're at the astrologer's just like

他們跑去占星

- So she is a Libra and he is Gemini.

她是天秤座，他是雙子座

Can you tell me most auspicious date for marriage?

你可以幫我挑個結婚的好日子嗎？

- September

九月

third.

三號

- And this went on for a while, until we broke up.

這持續了好ㄧ陣子，直到我們分手

Which, by the way, that's another thing

對了，這就是印度父母

Indian parents do not understand.

不了解的另一件事了

- Let me get this straight.

讓我搞清楚

First you date him and then you break up?

你跟他交往，然後分手？

What bloody sense this make, huh?

這樣合理嗎？

- If you going to break up with him,

如果你要跟他分手，

why'd you bloody date him, huh?

為什麼一開始要跟他交往，蛤？

- Okay obviously we didn't plan to break up.

很顯然地，我們一開始並不打算分手

We just both agreed we're not compatible.

我們只是覺得我們不適合彼此

- Compatible?

適合？

This is your bloody daughter, okay?

這就是你該死的女兒，看吧！

This is what happen when kids have Google

這就是小孩有Google

and internet, they running wild!

和網路之後會發生的事，他們瘋了！

- Nobody's perfect, okay?

沒有人是完美的，好嗎？

If you going to break up with everybody

如果你要和所有人分手

- One person.

一個人

- Then you never going to get married!

你就永遠結不了婚！

- You know, kids these days they want a Disney movie,

你知道，現在的小孩想要像迪士尼電影，

okay, a knight in shining armor.

懂嗎，穿閃亮盔甲的騎士

That's not going to happen, you going to get a Bobby

這是不可能發生的，你會遇到一個Bobby

in a Selleck shirt and dress up pant doing peoples' taxes.

穿Selleck汗衫，身上穿著長褲幫別人算帳

This is real life.

這就是現實

- I always laugh when I see that inspirational quote

每次看到這句勵志標語我都會笑：

that's like, Reach for the stars!

「伸手摘星，追尋夢想！」

Because I know an Indian parent never wrote that

因為我知道印度父母絕不會這麼寫

and if they did, it would be something like,

真的寫了，大概會像這樣：

It's okay to settle.

「妥協並沒有錯」

The worst part about my parents finding out

被我爸媽發現我的前男友最糟糕之處

about my ex-boyfriend was that any future boyfriend

就在於我未來交的所有男朋友

I have will never be taken seriously.

他們都不會認真看待

So there's a boy.

有一個男生

- Again?

又有啦？

- A different boy.

不同的男生

- How different, huh?

多不同，蛤？

You still getting to know him?

你還在了解他？

- Well actually, we're getting pretty serious.

其實呢，我們還滿認真的

- You say that last time, then you break up.

你上次這麼說，然後就分手了

- Okay well this is different!

好嘛這次不一樣了！

- I think you like playing games with my heart.

我覺得你喜歡拿我心臟開玩笑

- Mom this is not about you.

媽，這不關你的事

- Oi, marriage between two families, okay,

喂！婚姻是兩個家族的事，懂不懂

not just husband and wife.

不是只有新郎新娘的事

- We're not getting married!

我們沒有要結婚！

- Anyways, what was this video called again?

總之，這部影片叫什麼來著？

Why do kids lie, no?

孩子為什麼說謊？不是？

Oh, my bad, what?

喔，我的錯，什麼？

Just kidding, I'm just saying though.

開玩笑的，我只是說說

If you weren't the crazy, maybe your kids

如果你沒有那麼瘋狂，或許你的小孩

wouldn't do the lying.

就不會說謊

- Oh, Lilly telling kids to lie.

喔，莉莉教小孩說謊

(pen clicks)

(壓原子筆)

Oi, call the dentist!

喂，打給牙醫！

Tell him what we find out.

告訴他我們發現了什麼

- Yo, can you relate to this video?

呦！你對這部影片有同感嗎？

Comment below and let me know,

在底下留言讓我知道

how do your parents react when you're dating someone?

你在交往的時候父母有什麼反應？

You can check my last video right over there,

點這裡可以看我最新的影片

make sure you subscribe because I make new videos

一定要訂閱，因為我每周一和周四

every Monday and Thursday and I truly care

會上傳新影片，我真的很在乎

if you're here or not, so be here.

你們來不來看，所以一定要來

One love, Superwoman.

唯一的愛，Superwoman

That is a wrap and zoop!

收工啦再會！