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  • - There's a unicorn on my pocket.

    我的口袋上有獨角獸

  • What's up everyone, it's your girl Superwoman.

    大家好嗎,我是Superwoman

  • The other day I was talking to my friend about dating,

    有一天我跟朋友在聊交往的事

  • and she's all like, "My parents love my boyfriend.

    她說:「我父母都超愛我男朋友

  • Did your parents ever get really

    你父母有沒有曾經

  • close to any of your boyfriends?"

    和你的任何一個男友親近過?」

  • And I'm just like, "Hoe, you crazy?"

    我就說:「齁,你瘋了嗎?」

  • And then I had to explain to her

    接下來我必須向她解釋

  • that my Indian parents simply do not

    我的印度爸媽完全

  • understand the concept of dating.

    不懂交往的概念

  • This is a real thing, I am not making this up.

    這是真的,不騙你

  • My parents had an arranged marriage,

    我爸媽是被安排婚姻的

  • which means that they never dated.

    這表示他們從來沒交往過

  • So in their eyes,

    所以在他們看來,

  • the process of dating is absolutely unnecessary.

    交往這個過程完全沒有必要

  • Even though they don't expect me

    雖然他們不指望我

  • to get an arranged marriage, they still don't understand

    接受安排婚姻,但他們還是不了解

  • the necessity of getting to know someone.

    「多多了解對方」的必要性

  • AKA, all Indian kids know that you can never, ever

    也就是說,所有印度小孩都知道你絕對不能

  • introduce your parents to someone you're dating,

    把父母介紹給你的男女朋友

  • unless you trying to marry that person.

    除非你打算和那個人結婚

  • Ain't no room for error up in here,

    沒有犯錯的空間,

  • it's a calculated measurement.

    這是經過計算的

  • But yo, this one time, my mom got bright,

    但是就這一次,我媽變聰明了

  • and she asked me about a boy.

    她問我有關一個男生的事

  • (seatbelt clicks)

    (繫安全帶)

  • - So I have feeling something going on

    我感覺到你和那個男生之間

  • between you and that boy.

    有什麼

  • - My mom is smart eh, like "Yo let me get Lilly

    我媽可聰明了,她都盤算好了:「我要把莉莉

  • in the car where she can't escape

    困在車上,她就逃不了,

  • and then bust out these accusations."

    接著逼問她」

  • When parents really wanna whoop you,

    當爸媽真的想要扁你,

  • they'll bring up stuff in the car.

    他們會在車上跟你談事情

  • Heaven forbid my parents ever get a self-driving car.

    但願我爸媽永遠不會有自動駕駛汽車

  • They could beat me with both hands

    不然他們就可以用雙手打我

  • and still get us home safe enough to ground me.

    而仍然把我安全送回家禁足

  • But yo I still had options.

    但是我還是有選擇

  • - [Lilly Voiceover] Okay, just tell the truth.

    (莉莉配音)好吧,就說實話吧

  • Actually no, are you dumb?

    才不要勒,別傻了!

  • Lie about it!

    說謊啊!

  • Or, or, could pretend to have a heart attack.

    或者⋯或者假裝心臟病發作

  • That could work.

    可能行得通

  • No stop, you're not a kid anymore.

    不,別這樣做,你已經不是小孩了

  • Handle it like an adult.

    像個大人一樣處理它

  • (ding)

    (叮)

  • - Well actually

    其實呢⋯

  • (groans)

    (呻吟)

  • I mean

    我是說⋯

  • (groans)

    (呻吟)

  • I think I'm having a heart attack, mom!

    我覺得我心臟病發作了,媽!

  • (screams in pain)

    (痛苦地慘叫)

  • (heart monitor beeping)

    (心率監測器:嗶...嗶...)

  • (sighs)

    (嘆氣)

  • Am I dead?

    我死了嗎?

  • - Depends.

    看狀況

  • Are you dating that boy?

    你在和那男孩交往嗎?

  • (heart monitor beeps faster)

    (心率監測器嗶聲加快)

  • So I had no choice, I had to tell her the truth,

    我沒得選,只好向她坦承:

  • like "Yes mom, I'm in my mid-twenties

    「沒錯媽,我已經二十幾歲了,

  • and I'm dating someone, sue me,"

    我在和一個人交往,告我啊!」

  • and literally her next sentence was

    不誇張,她下一句話就是:

  • - So d'you talk about marriage, huh?

    你們談過婚事了吧?

  • When we meeting parents?

    我們什麼時候見他父母?

  • - Mom, it's been two months

    媽,才兩個月

  • even I haven't met his parents.

    連我都還沒見他父母

  • - Huh?

    蛤?

  • In two months I meet your daddy,

    在兩個月內,我認識你爸,

  • get married and get pregnant with your sister, okay?

    結婚,而且懷了你姐姐,好嗎?

  • - Yeah well, I'm still getting to know him.

    好啦,我還在了解他

  • - What you mean, getting to know him?

    什麼意思?了解他?

  • What did you have to know, huh?

    你需要了解什麼?

  • Do you like him or do you not like him?

    喜歡他還是不喜歡他嗎?

  • - I'm still figuring it out.

    我還在試著弄清楚

  • - See, that's your bloody problem, okay?

    看吧,這就是你該死的問題

  • Too much bloody freedom.

    你太自由了

  • - The only compatibility test my parents ever had

    我爸媽唯一做過的相容性測試只有

  • was, This is girl, this is boy,

    這是女生,這是男生

  • parents agree, okay done!

    父母同意,妥當!

  • So me trying to explain that I need to get to know a boy

    所以我試著解釋我需要多多了解一個男生

  • and see if he's good-hearted and respectful

    看他是不是很善良、有禮貌、

  • and makes me laugh and brings out the best in me

    能讓我笑、能發掘最好的我

  • is absolute and utter trash to my parents.

    對我爸媽而言是完全、全然的廢話

  • Not to mention that dating someone

    更不用說和某人交往

  • without the promise of marriage

    卻沒有結婚的打算,

  • brings shame to your entire family, duh are you dumb?

    這會讓你整個家族蒙羞!你是笨蛋嗎?

  • By who, you ask?

    你問誰會羞辱你?

  • Uh, every person that doesn't matter.

    所有不相干的人

  • The neighbors okay, my sixth cousin,

    鄰居、我十四等親的同輩(曾曾曾曾曾祖父母相同)、

  • the family dentist, because apparently,

    家庭牙醫,因為顯然

  • everyone's got a chart at home where they monitor

    每個人家裡都有一張圖表,他們監視

  • peoples' behavior and they're like,

    人們的舉止,然後說:

  • Oh, dating without being engaged, that's right,

    喔,沒訂婚就約會,抓到啦

  • wore a mini skirt out past 11 pm, oh.

    晚上十一點後穿著迷你裙出門,嘖嘖

  • - If you not going to get engaged,

    如果你不訂婚,

  • what people are going to say, huh?

    人家會說什麼?蛤?

  • - That I'm a smart, independent woman

    說我是個聰明、獨立的女性,

  • who makes logical choices?

    會用大腦思考?

  • - Don't be dumb, okay?

    別傻了好嗎?

  • I don't want you running around with every boy.

    我不希望你在每個男生周圍跑來跑去

  • - One, literally one boy.

    一個,只有一個男生

  • - Every boy you running with, okay?

    你在所有男生之間亂跑,好嗎?

  • You bloody Usain Bolt.

    你是閃電波特啊?

  • - And once my parents found out I had a boyfriend,

    一旦我爸媽發現我有男朋友

  • they hopped, skipped and jumped ahead of themselves.

    他們老是操之過急

  • Yeah I'm on my third date with my boyfriend

    當我和男朋友第三次約會

  • and they're at the astrologer's just like

    他們跑去占星

  • - So she is a Libra and he is Gemini.

    她是天秤座,他是雙子座

  • Can you tell me most auspicious date for marriage?

    你可以幫我挑個結婚的好日子嗎?

  • - September

    九月

  • third.

    三號

  • - And this went on for a while, until we broke up.

    這持續了好ㄧ陣子,直到我們分手

  • Which, by the way, that's another thing

    對了,這就是印度父母

  • Indian parents do not understand.

    不了解的另一件事了

  • - Let me get this straight.

    讓我搞清楚

  • First you date him and then you break up?

    你跟他交往,然後分手?

  • What bloody sense this make, huh?

    這樣合理嗎?

  • - If you going to break up with him,

    如果你要跟他分手,

  • why'd you bloody date him, huh?

    為什麼一開始要跟他交往,蛤?

  • - Okay obviously we didn't plan to break up.

    很顯然地,我們一開始並不打算分手

  • We just both agreed we're not compatible.

    我們只是覺得我們不適合彼此

  • - Compatible?

    適合?

  • This is your bloody daughter, okay?

    這就是你該死的女兒,看吧!

  • This is what happen when kids have Google

    這就是小孩有Google

  • and internet, they running wild!

    和網路之後會發生的事,他們瘋了!

  • - Nobody's perfect, okay?

    沒有人是完美的,好嗎?

  • If you going to break up with everybody

    如果你要和所有人分手

  • - One person.

    一個人

  • - Then you never going to get married!

    你就永遠結不了婚!

  • - You know, kids these days they want a Disney movie,

    你知道,現在的小孩想要像迪士尼電影,

  • okay, a knight in shining armor.

    懂嗎,穿閃亮盔甲的騎士

  • That's not going to happen, you going to get a Bobby

    這是不可能發生的,你會遇到一個Bobby

  • in a Selleck shirt and dress up pant doing peoples' taxes.

    穿Selleck汗衫,身上穿著長褲幫別人算帳

  • This is real life.

    這就是現實

  • - I always laugh when I see that inspirational quote

    每次看到這句勵志標語我都會笑:

  • that's like, Reach for the stars!

    「伸手摘星,追尋夢想!」

  • Because I know an Indian parent never wrote that

    因為我知道印度父母絕不會這麼寫

  • and if they did, it would be something like,

    真的寫了,大概會像這樣:

  • It's okay to settle.

    「妥協並沒有錯」

  • The worst part about my parents finding out

    被我爸媽發現我的前男友最糟糕之處

  • about my ex-boyfriend was that any future boyfriend

    就在於我未來交的所有男朋友

  • I have will never be taken seriously.

    他們都不會認真看待

  • So there's a boy.

    有一個男生

  • - Again?

    又有啦?

  • - A different boy.

    不同的男生

  • - How different, huh?

    多不同,蛤?

  • You still getting to know him?

    你還在了解他?

  • - Well actually, we're getting pretty serious.

    其實呢,我們還滿認真的

  • - You say that last time, then you break up.

    你上次這麼說,然後就分手了

  • - Okay well this is different!

    好嘛這次不一樣了!

  • - I think you like playing games with my heart.

    我覺得你喜歡拿我心臟開玩笑

  • - Mom this is not about you.

    媽,這不關你的事

  • - Oi, marriage between two families, okay,

    喂!婚姻是兩個家族的事,懂不懂

  • not just husband and wife.

    不是只有新郎新娘的事

  • - We're not getting married!

    我們沒有要結婚!

  • - Anyways, what was this video called again?

    總之,這部影片叫什麼來著?

  • Why do kids lie, no?

    孩子為什麼說謊?不是?

  • Oh, my bad, what?

    喔,我的錯,什麼?

  • Just kidding, I'm just saying though.

    開玩笑的,我只是說說

  • If you weren't the crazy, maybe your kids

    如果你沒有那麼瘋狂,或許你的小孩

  • wouldn't do the lying.

    就不會說謊

  • - Oh, Lilly telling kids to lie.

    喔,莉莉教小孩說謊

  • (pen clicks)

    (壓原子筆)

  • Oi, call the dentist!

    喂,打給牙醫!

  • Tell him what we find out.

    告訴他我們發現了什麼

  • - Yo, can you relate to this video?

    呦!你對這部影片有同感嗎?

  • Comment below and let me know,

    在底下留言讓我知道

  • how do your parents react when you're dating someone?

    你在交往的時候父母有什麼反應?

  • You can check my last video right over there,

    點這裡可以看我最新的影片

  • make sure you subscribe because I make new videos

    一定要訂閱,因為我每周一和周四

  • every Monday and Thursday and I truly care

    會上傳新影片,我真的很在乎

  • if you're here or not, so be here.

    你們來不來看,所以一定要來

  • One love, Superwoman.

    唯一的愛,Superwoman

  • That is a wrap and zoop!

    收工啦再會!

- There's a unicorn on my pocket.

我的口袋上有獨角獸

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