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  • Just very briefly

  • talk about how that was for you.

  • You were asking yourself

  • 'who am I.' Where did that take you in terms of investigation?

  • To begin with I had a presumption that what I am is this individual entity

  • and that if this individual entity

  • practices for long enough,

  • studies hard enough,

  • this individual entity will gradually dissolve itself

  • and of course that's not the case!

  • The individual entity cannot dissolve itself!

  • So I reached the stage of complete frustration.

  • The separate entity trying to get rid of the separate entity

  • through all this means and it didn't work.

  • So

  • a point came when I really stopped

  • trying to get rid of this separate entity,

  • stopped seeing it as the problem

  • and just turned around and asked myself 'What is this entity that is unhappy, that is searching,

  • that is trying to quiet the mind, that thinks the mind is a problem.

  • I started to look for it.

  • And that was a very decisive turning point

  • when I started to look for the entity

  • which was initiating all these so-called spiritual activities.

  • And this in a way

  • we could call it 'the journey home.'

  • It's the moment the prodigal son turns around,

  • he gets to the end of the possibilities of the body, the mind, and the world and he turns around,

  • faces himself.

  • So it was a moment when I turned around and said

  • 'OK, no more practices for a while. I am going to stop these practices. They are like bandages(?),

  • they are not going to the heart of the problem.

  • What is this one, who is this one that is unhappy?

  • And as I began to look for this one I never found it.

  • So you had the feeling of being unhappy

  • and you looked inside

  • and what you're saying is that you couldn't find the person or the part of you that was unhappy.

  • Is that right?

  • My life and in this case my spiritual life

  • was motivated by a desire ...

  • the entity that I believed myself to be

  • 'I' this inside self

  • want to find happiness or enlightenment.

  • 'I' want to find, 'I' want to be enlightened, 'I' want to be happy.

  • And this had

  • I had explored it normally in the world as one does,

  • then I had begun to explore it spiritually, which is a kind of refinement,

  • we could say of the worldly search,

  • but nevertheless it's still a search, more are in the realm of the mind.

  • In my case stilling the mind, states of mind.

  • So I had tried all these things,

  • had got some temporary relief,

  • but no real satisfaction.

  • So at some stage I turned around ' Who is this one?

  • Who is this 'I', this 'Rupert,' that wants to be happy or enlightened or peaceful or whatever?'

  • 'OK, if you are ruling my life, show up!'

  • 'What are you? Where are you?' I want to know you. I want to get acquainted with you.'

  • And then I started looking.

  • But we never find that one!

  • How did you turn it around?

  • What was your process of turning it around?

  • It became clear to me that

  • up until then I had presumed that it is 'I-this-body-mind,'

  • 'I' this entity that knows the world.

  • but it became clear quite quickly to me that 'No, it's not 'I-this-body-mind' that knows the world,

  • it's 'I' this whatever exactly I am

  • that knows the body-mind and world!

  • In other words, the mind and the body are known.

  • I know my thoughts,

  • I know the body.

  • The body doesn't know,

  • I mean your cheek is not listening to these words,

  • an earlobe is not listening to these words, a thought cannot hear!

  • A thought cannot see!

  • It became clear in my experience

  • 'No, it's not a body-mind that knows or experiences, the body-mind is experienced, it is known.

  • But I know that it's known by 'me.'

  • What is this 'me' that I know I am,

  • that is present, that is intimately myself and that

  • that knows thoughts but is not made out of a thought,

  • that knows sensations, but is not made out of a sensation?

  • And of course wherever you look, wherever you try to turn towards it

  • it's always the wrong direction.

  • If I were to ask you now to stand up and take a step towards yourself,

  • where would you go?

  • Every step that you take would be the wrong direction

  • and yet you could never get away from yourself!

  • It was like that. I tried to look for myself

  • 'No, I can't find myself in thoughts, I can't find myself in sensations,

  • images, feelings, thoughts.

  • So you looked for yourself in thoughts,

  • you looked for yourself in sensations,

  • you looked for yourself in feelings.

  • I said to myself 'Ok turn your attention now toward your thoughts'

  • and I would make these little exercises up with myself

  • 'Give your attention to your thoughts' - whatever it was I was thinking about -

  • simple, easy

  • 'what should we have for dinner tonight?'

  • You give your attention to that thought. Very easy.

  • Then I would take myself

  • Now give your attention to

  • your body

  • the tingling sensation at the source of my feet.

  • Easy, I know exactly where to place my attention.

  • And then I would ask myself 'OK, now turn your attention

  • towards whatever it is that is aware of this thought

  • or this sensation.

  • Because whatever it is that is aware of thought and sensation is what I call myself. It is 'I'

  • that knows the thought, that knows the sensation.

  • And so I would say

  • 'OK, give that one your attention, turn towards that one.'

  • And to begin with - because we are accustomed to focusing on objects. On thoughts, on sensations, on perceptions -

  • I would begin to look for myself for yet another object, a kind of super-object, a subtle object

  • and whatever I landed my attention on

  • was again some subtle

  • maybe a very subtle feeling

  • in the body.

  • Then I would ask myself 'No, don't give that feeling your attention,

  • give the one who knows that feeling

  • who is aware of it? Give that one your attention!

  • To begin with I would go out again towards an object and then it would collapse back.

  • The impulse to go out again, to find myself as some kind of a thing,

  • some kind of an object,

  • the impulse would rise up and the futility of it, the impossibility of it would just automatically collapse the effort.

  • It was so ridiculous to look for myself as some kind of an object,

  • because I already was

  • myself is to close to myself to be found or known as any kind of an object!

  • So there was a collapse of this looking for myself as an object

  • and it was replaced by a sense of

  • 'I am myself already!'

  • I can never know it as an object, but that doesn't mean that I can't

  • know it intimately in my experience,

  • not in a subject-object relationship, but it knows itself.

  • It became so clear that the way to know myself was simply to be myself.

  • That is awareness' way of knowing itself, by being itself!

  • And it is always itself!

  • It became so obvious that I had mistaken myself

  • for thought or a sensation or a cluster of sensations or an image.

  • And it became obvious,

  • to begin with in kind of momentary glimpses,

  • but over time these glimpses stabilized.

  • It just became more and more obvious that I

  • that I was already intimately acquainted with what I was looking for!

Just very briefly

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B1 中級 美國腔

魯伯特-斯皮拉如何走向啟蒙--一個精神覺醒的過程 (How Rupert Spira Moved Towards Enlightenment - A Spiritual Awakening Process)

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    mintychn 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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