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  • Oh.

  • Did she just say, "Oh"?

    她剛剛是說:「哦」嗎?

  • Oh.

  • Oh my God. She said it again.

    天啊,她又說了一次

  • I'm gonna be sick.

    我要吐了

  • Oh...

    哦....

  • [half speed] Oh...

    〔慢速〕哦...

  • [slow motion] Oh...

    〔慢動作〕哦...

  • [gag reflex]

    〔嘔吐反射動作〕

  • Okay so, I swear there's a very good reason as to why

    好吧,我發誓我有很好的理由來解釋

  • this simple word is having such a strong effect on my gag reflex.

    為什麼這個單音的單字會引發我強烈的嘔吐反應

  • I guess it all started about six months ago with... this picture.

    我想這一切開始於大約 6 個月前的一張照片

  • [shutter]

    〔快門聲〕

  • Let me see?

    我看看?

  • Perfect. Yeah, send that to me.

    好棒,傳給我

  • That's definitely going out on all the campus social media.

    這一定會在學校的社群中火紅起來的

  • Oh, no. I look so weird.

    哦,不,我看起來好怪

  • My smile is so derpy.

    我笑得超怪的

  • I think you have a great smile.

    我覺得妳的笑容很美呀

  • I'm gonna be over there...

    我要走了...

  • -Derek. -Audrey.

    -德瑞克 -奧德蕾

  • I'm guessing you're not going to want this photo then?

    我猜妳不會想要這張照片

  • [chuckle] If you want, you can tag me as a photographer

    〔吃吃笑〕如果妳想,妳可以標註我是照相的人

  • and I'll take the blame for your derpy smile. [laughs]

    我來承擔那些說妳笑起來怪的評論

  • Actually...

    事實上...

  • it started four years before... with this picture.

    這要從四年前的....這張照片說起

  • [shutter]

    〔快門聲〕

  • Whoa!

    哇噢!

  • That's so cool!

    太酷了

  • That's Jocelyn.

    這是喬絲琳

  • I had the biggest crush on her since eighth grade.

    我從八年級就開始暗戀她了

  • [giggles]

    〔傻笑〕

  • [Kristen] You're doing a photoshoot over here?

    〔克莉絲汀〕你們在這照相嗎?

  • Oh, let's take one with Kristen.

    哦,我們和克莉絲汀拍一張吧

  • I didn't like Kristen.

    我不喜歡克莉絲汀

  • Yeah, sure. [nervous chuckle]

    好啊,沒問題〔緊張地傻笑〕

  • Aw, you guys are so cute, you look like a couple.

    哦,你們真可愛,看起來像是一對

  • Don't say that. That'd be like dating my brother.

    不要這麼說啦,這就像跟我哥約會耶

  • [shutter]

    〔快門聲〕

  • I'll never forget that moment.

    我永遠不會忘記那一刻

  • And not because I literally have it frozen in time on a Polaroid but

    倒不是因為我真的用拍立得記錄下了那一刻

  • because you never forget when you realize exactly who you are

    而是你無法忘懷知道到自己是哪位的那一刻

  • and where you are to the person you like.

    還有你在那個人心目中的定位的那瞬間

  • [laughs] In case you missed that, she just put you in the friend zone.

    〔笑〕怕你沒聽清楚,她只當你是朋友

  • I'm sorry, Derek.

    對不起,德瑞克

  • I mean, you're really cool but you're... just a nice guy.

    我是說,你是滿酷的,但你...就只是個好人

  • That's where it all clicked. I knew I heard that line from somewhere.

    就是那裏,我知道我在哪聽過這句台詞

  • [typing keyboard]

    〔敲擊鍵盤〕

  • [laughs] That's gross.

    〔笑聲〕噁心耶

  • -It's like dating my brother. -What!

    -就像是跟我哥約會一樣。-什麼!

  • I remember watching that video years before

    我記得幾年前看過這部影片

  • and not really thinking much about it.

    也沒多想什麼

  • Seemed like being a nice guy was this terrible label no one wanted.

    看來做個好人是個沒人想要的爛標籤

  • I mean, they've even made songs about it.

    我的意思是,甚至有一首跟這有關的歌耶

  • Nice guys finish last, that's... ♪

    ♪ 好男人難出頭,那就是....♪

  • But now because of Jocelyn, all those stories and songs made sense.

    現在,所有那一類的故事和歌曲都因為喬絲琳而變得如此真實

  • I was just another...

    我只是另一個...

  • Nice Guy.

    好人

  • And going to college only solidified who I was.

    而上大學只是讓我更確定我是個好人

  • I liked helping out friends.

    我喜歡幫助朋友

  • Thank you so much, Derek, for helping me post flyers.

    真多謝了,德瑞克,謝謝你幫我貼這些海報

  • Yeah, no problem.

    沒問題

  • I enjoyed listening to problems.

    我是很好的傾聽者

  • [crying] I just don't know why it'd say something like that, you know?

    〔哭〕我真不懂為什麼會被說成這樣,你知道嗎?

  • That's terrible!

    真是太糟了

  • I enjoyed jump-starting cars,

    我喜歡接電救車

  • and sharing last semesters' notes,

    分享上學期的筆記

  • and hanging out in big groups.

    還有和一大群人一起鬼混

  • Nacho cheese. [laughter]

    起司玉米片〔笑〕

  • But I firmly believed that,

    但我深深相信

  • just because I was a nice guy that didn't mean I had to finish last.

    我不會因為是個好人就難有善終

  • Right?

    對吧?

  • I mean all those videos and songs,

    我是說所有那些影片和歌曲

  • they all ultimately said guys like me could still have a happy ending,

    最後都說像我這樣的男人仍然可以擁有美滿的結局

  • and get the girl as long as I played my cards right.

    只要我用對招,也能追到我要的女孩

  • So when I met Audrey,

    所以,當我遇見了奧德蕾

  • I made sure that I didn't fall into a standard nice guy traps.

    我確保自己沒有陷入好男人的錯誤中

  • I didn't talk about other girls around her.

    在她周圍時我從不討論其他女生

  • Hey Derek, I need a picture over here with these guys.

    嘿,德瑞克,幫我和這些人一起拍張照

  • Oh I think Julia is calling for you.

    我想茱莉亞在叫你

  • Who's Julia?

    誰是茱莉亞?

  • [Julia] Derek!

    〔茱莉亞〕德瑞克!

  • I made sure we hung out one-on-one.

    我確保我們一對一約會

  • Oh! Hey, do you think I could invite my cousin, Sandra, to the movies?

    哦!嘿,我可以約我表妹珊德拉一起去看電影嗎

  • She's always asking me to take her out.

    她總是要我帶她出去

  • Ooh, uh, it's sold out. Uh, we got the last two tickets.

    呃,票沒了,我們拿到的是最後的兩張票

  • Oh okay. I can just tell her to meet us to eat yogurt after.

    哦,好吧,我叫她電影結束後到優格店跟我們碰面

  • Ooh, that's sold out, too. We're getting the last two cups.

    呃,那個也賣完了,只剩最後兩杯

  • -How is that even possible? -Seat belts!

    -怎麼可能?-安全帶呦!

  • I gave her spaces so that she would look forward to seeing me.

    我忽遠忽近好讓她期待能見到我

  • So, how's your new job at that store?

    你的新工作怎麼樣?

  • I feel like we haven't caught up in a while.

    我覺得我們有一陣子沒見了

  • Really? Has it been that long? (5 days, 13 hours, 48 minutes)

    真的嗎?有很久嗎?(5天13小時又48分鐘了)

  • It's great, I can't complain. How are you doing?

    哦,好極了,我沒什麼可抱怨的,妳呢?

  • I avoided that friend ladder at all costs.

    我絕不爬那個成為朋友的梯子

  • Uh-- Can you help me get this in the car? My cousin, Sandra, needs to borrow it.

    嗯--可以幫我把這搬上車嗎?我表妹珊德拉要跟我借

  • I generally avoided all ladders around her.

    我基本上避開所有在她周圍的梯子

  • Nah, I'm good!

    不了,我好得很!

  • What?

    啥?

  • And from what I gathered, it seemed like it was working.

    而且根據我所收集到的情報顯示,成效不錯

  • We were getting closer, we had great chemistry,

    我們漸漸親密了起來,有很強的化學作用

  • and it felt like... she was feeling something, too.

    而且感覺上...她也感覺到了一些曖昧

  • Which brings us back to my gag reflex which is currently in overdrive.

    這就回到了我那劇烈反應的嘔吐現象

  • You see, tonight was my defining moment as a nice guy.

    你知道的,今晚就是那決定性的一晚

  • I finally worked up the courage to tell Audrey,

    我終於鼓起勇氣告訴奧德蕾

  • my friend, a girl of my dreams, that I had feelings for her.

    我的朋友,我的夢中情人,我要對她傾訴衷曲

  • A lot of us out there know what it's like to be in this position.

    所有的好人們一定都能體會這一刻我的心情

  • To put it all on the line.

    全力一搏

  • And we all hope that it'll go something like this:

    我們期待的結果是這樣的:

  • I just had to tell you, I like you.

    我只是想告訴妳,我對妳的喜愛

  • More than a friend.

    超過友情

  • Wow. I'm so glad you said something, Derek.

    哇!真高興你這麼說,德瑞克

  • I feel the same way. Let's make out.

    我也喜歡你,我們交往吧

  • And if that's too optimistic, at least:

    如果這太過樂觀了,那至少應該是像這樣:

  • I just had to tell you, I like you.

    我只是想告訴妳,我對妳的喜愛

  • More than a friend.

    超過友情

  • Gosh. What a surprise.

    天啊,這太突然了

  • You know, I'm not really ready to process this right now,

    你知道,我目前不打算談感情

  • but I definitely am open

    但我絕對樂意

  • to exploring the possibility of us being in a romantic relationship.

    與你一同攜手探索我們成為情人的可能性

  • Let's hug tenderly.

    讓我們溫柔的擁抱吧

  • I mean, was that too much to ask?

    我是說,這有太超過嗎?

  • But instead, after burying my soul and revealing my deepest emotions,

    然而,在我出賣了靈魂和赤裸裸的掏出我的真心後

  • I get the one word that everyone dreads to hear in this defining moment.

    我得是了那個人人懼怕的單音,就在這決定性的一刻

  • Oh.

  • It's amazing how much can be said with just these two letters.

    這個單音不可思議的包含了千百種涵意

  • She started saying a bunch of other stuff

    她開始顧左右而言他

  • that I'm sure it was very kind and sugar-coated,

    我相信那都是些包裹了糖衣的客套話

  • but all I heard was, "Oh",

    但我耳裡不停回響著的就只有「哦」

  • which basically meant:

    基本上就是說:

  • This is awkward.

    這真尷尬

  • How could you misread my intentions?

    你怎麼會誤以為我對你有感覺?

  • Why would you ruin our friendship?

    幹嘛破壞我們之間的友誼?

  • Thanks, but no thanks.

    多謝哦,但是,不,謝了

  • You are and forever will be, a nice guy, Derek.

    你就是,而且永遠都會是,一個好人,德瑞克

  • I'm not into you that way, and there's nothing you can do about it.

    我對你沒有那種感覺,而且你做什麼也沒用

  • Derek?

    德瑞克?

  • Say something.

    說點什麼吧

  • Did you hear what I said?

    你有聽到我說的話嗎?

  • Yeah, uh, I heard everything.

    是,我什麼都聽到了

  • So... we can still be friends?

    那...還是朋友?

  • Yeah, of course.

    當然囉

  • You know I... care about you a lot.

    你知道...我很在乎你

  • I should take you home now.

    我現在應該送妳回家了

  • This was the worst car ride of my life.

    這是我一生中最慘的一次車駕經驗了

  • And I've been in two accidents,

    我還出過兩次車禍咧

  • but at least in those cases it was just my car being destroyed and not my heart.

    但是,車禍毀掉的只是我的車而不是我的心

  • Complete silence. The whole way.

    完全的沉默,一整路

  • We were only three feet apart but it felt like three miles.

    我們之間只相隔了3英呎卻是咫尺天涯

  • Every inch of me wanted to scream out how much this sucked.

    我身上的每一吋都想要大叫說這真是太爛了

  • To ask her, why?

    我想問她為什麼?

  • Why she didn't see me that way.

    為什麼她沒有一樣的感覺

  • Why she couldn't give me a chance.

    為什麼不能給我一次機會

  • I did everything right, but was it all a lie?

    我每件事都做對啦,難道這一切都是騙人的?

  • All the videos, all the advice,

    那些視頻,那些建議

  • all the fluffy BS that said being nice pays off.

    那些所謂的好人有好報的愚蠢廢話

  • It was all boiling inside of me,

    都在我心裡熊熊燃燒著

  • but I kept it in and sat there in silence.

    但我忍住了,就那樣坐在沉默中

  • And then I realize that's what a nice guy would do.

    然後我發現了這正是好人會做的事

  • [tire screeches]

    〔輪胎磨擦聲〕

  • Oh my God! What are you doing?

    天啊!你幹嘛?

  • Were you using me?

    妳是在利用我嗎?

  • What?

    什麼啊?

  • Were you using me-- my niceness, just to get what you wanted?

    妳是在利用我--利用我的好意去得到妳想要的東西?

  • Are you serious?

    你現在是認真的嗎?

  • That's what all you girls do.

    妳們女生都這樣

  • You see a nice guy like me and you take advantage of it.

    妳們看見一個像我這種的好人,然後妳們就利用我們

  • Using us to confide in, to help with errands,

    利用我們的信任,讓我們幫妳們跑腿