OK THEY GOT WATER, ORANGE JUICE

AND WHAT LOOKS LIKE CIDER

TASTE IT

YEP ITS FAT

[LAUGHTER]

I JUST DRANK FAT

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH I KNOW I DID THAT TWO MINUTES AGO

[LAUGHTER]

HEY

HEY MR. TUCKS

WHY AREN'T YOU GUYS DRESSED?

WE HAVE A HALF HOUR

NO FOUR MINUTES AGO YOU HAD A HALF HOUR

WE HAVE TO BE OUT THE DOOR AT TWENTY TILL EIGHT

RELAX ROSS WE'LL BE READY

IT ONLY TAKES US TWO MINUTES TO GET DRESSED

I'D FEEL A WHOLE LOT BETTER IF YOU GOT DRESSED NOW

OK

[LAUGHTER]

HEY, HEY, OH LOOK AT YOU ALL SEXY

REALLY

[LAUGHTER]

OOH, OH WOW

HI

HI

HOW COME YOU DIDN'T COME OVER EARLIER?

BECAUSE I'M A STUPID, STUPID MAN

[LAUGHTER]

SO LOOK AT YOU

YOU'RE PRETTY CLOSE

YEAH I JUST HAVE TO GET DRESSED

YEAH, AND THAT TAKES WHAT?

JUST SIX OR SEVEN MINUTES

YEAH, ONCE I FIGURE OUT WHAT I'M WEARING

[LAUGHTER]

GLASS OF FAT

[LAUGHTER]

♪♪♪

♪ FRIENDS ♪

♪ HOW MANY OF US HAVE THEM? ♪

♪ FRIENDS ♪

♪ ONES WE CAN DEPEND ON ♪

♪ FRIENDS ♪

♪ HOW MANY OF US HAVE THEM? ♪

♪ FRIENDS ♪

♪ BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER, LETS BE ♪

♪ FRIENDS ♪

♪♪♪

♪ FRIENDS ♪

♪♪♪

HI

HEY

OH, PHEOBE, YOU LOOK GREAT

ALRIGHT ALREADY

WOOH. ARE YOU GONNA DO MAGIC?

THAT... THAT IS FUNNY.

CHANGE.

HEY GUYS, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE SOMETHING

THE GIRLFRIEND OF A PALEONTOLOGIST WOULD WEAR?

I DON'T KNOW, YOU MIGHT BE THE FIRST ONE.

HEY RACH, DID YOU CHECK THE MACHINE?

UH, NO. WAIT YOU KNOW WHAT?

THIS IS THE OUTFIT THAT MAKES MY CALVES LOOK FAT

NEVER MIND.

MONICA, ITS RICHARD. CALL ME.

MY BAD EVERYBODY, THATS MY FAULT.

CAN WE TAKE FIVE ANYWAY?

ALRIGHT, LETS TAKE A FIVE.

I'M GOOD, YOU ALRIGHT?

I'M TIRED AS FUCK, I KNOW THAT.

I HOPE THAT WAS AT LEAST IMPORTANT BRO

YEAH, NO NO IT'S AN AMBER ALERT

BUT IT'S AN AMBER ROSE ALERT.

YO

WASSUP MAN?

WADDUP MAN

THANKS FOR COMING BY.

NO PROBLEM

HEY, ALRIGHT

BE A HUNDRED PERCENT HONEST WITH ME

WHAT'D YOU THINK?

GARBAGE.

WHAT?

IT WAS TERRIBLE MAN

IT WAS WACK AS SHIT

ITS JUST EPISODES OF SEINFELD,

BUT WITH BLACK PEOPLE

THATS FRIENDS

WHO ASKED FOR THAT?

WHEN THEY ASKED ME TO DO IT, I WAS LIKE

ALRIGHT THIS IS SOMETHING LIKE SUBVERSIVE,

SOMETHING THAT WOULD TURN A CULTURE ON ITS HEAD

WELL YOU DID A GOOD JOB OF SUBVERTING GOOD COMEDY

YOU GONNA DO A BLACK FULL HOUSE NEXT?

FAMILY TIES?

I'M NOT DOING NO BLACK FULL HOUSE OR FAMILY TIES.

WHY STOP THERE

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

CHILLING MAN I JUST BOOKED THIS ROLE

IN PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: CRUISE LINE.

YEAH I PLAY A PARROT WITH A BAD ATTITUDE,

BUT HE HAS A HEART OF GOLD.

IT'S TERRIBLE, BUT ITS WAY BETTER THAN THIS SHIT.

YEAH, YEAH

IF IT IS A NEW MESSAGE WHAT IS HE CALLING TO SAY?

MAYBE HE IS CALLING TO SAY YOU'RE OBSESSIVE AND CRAZY

SO SHOULD I CALL HIM BACK

NO [AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

NO [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

ALRIGHT FINE YOU KNOW WHAT

WE'LL BOTH SIT IN THE CHAIR

FINE WITH ME [AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

I'M SO COMFORTABLE [AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

ME TOO [AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

IN FACT I'M A LITTLE TO COMFORTABLE

- I CALLED HIM - NO

YES, WE'LL I GOT HIS MACHINE AN I LEFT A MESSAGE

BUT IT'S OK, IT'S OK, IT'S OK

CAUSE IT WAS YOU KNOW LIKE A CASUAL BREEZY MESSAGE

IT WAS BREEZY

OH GOD WHAT IF IT WASN'T BREEZY

WELL HOW COULD IT NOT BE BREEZY

NO CAUSE YOUR IN SUCH A BREEZY PLACE

I KNOW, I WILL PLAY THE MESSAGE FOR YOU GUYS

AND YOU WILL TELL ME IF ITS BREEZY ENOUGH

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ I GOT A LITTLE COLD SO BEAR WITH ME ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ WE STUCK IN LALA LAND ♪

♪ EVEN WHEN WE WIN WE GON' LOSE ♪

♪ WE GOT THE SAME FUCKING FLOWS ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW WHO IS WHO ♪

♪ WE GOT THE SAME FUCKING WATCH ♪

♪ SHE DON'T GOT TIME TO CHOOSE ♪

♪ WE STUCK IN LALA LAND ♪

♪ WE GOT THE SAME FUCKING MOVES ♪

♪ Y'ALL NIGGAS STILL SIGNING DEALS, STILL ♪

♪ AFTER ALL THAT THEY DONE STOLE, FOR REAL ♪

♪ AFTER WHAT THEY DONE TO OUR LAURYN HILL ♪

♪ AND Y'ALL NIGGAS IS SUPPOSED TO BE TRILL ♪

♪ GUESS WE'LL TALK WHEN YOU BEHIND ON YOUR TAXES ♪

♪ AND YOU PAWNED ALL YOUR CHAINS ♪

♪ AND THEY RUN OFF WITH YOUR MASTERS ♪

♪ AND TOOK IT TO BEVERLY HILLS ♪

♪ WHILE WE IN CALABASAS ♪

♪ AND MY HEAD IS SCRATCHING ♪

♪ CAUSE THAT SHIT IS BACKWARDS ♪

♪ AND THAT SHIT AIN'T RIGHT ♪

♪ LUCIAN IS COOL ♪

♪ BUT LUCIAN DON'T WRITE AND ♪

♪ DOUG AIN'T THIS TIGHT SO ♪

♪ FUCK WHAT WE SELLING ♪

♪ FUCK IS WE MAKING ♪

♪ CAUSE THEIR GRASS IS GREENER ♪

♪ CAUSE THEY ALWAYS RAKING IN MORE ♪

♪ NA NA NA NA ♪

♪ NAH ♪

♪ NAH ♪

THE ACADEMY AWARD FOR BEST PICTURE LALA LAND

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]