stories from you guys. Here we go.

「我的怪怪家人」的故事，聽好了

This first one's from @RockyHoare.

第一個由 @RockyHoare 撰寫

Wait. "Horror" or "whore"?

等等，Horror (恐怖) 還是 whore (妓女)？

[ Laughter ]

[ 笑聲 ]

Cause I was with a rocky whore in the Navy.

因我在海軍時有一個 Rocky Hhore ( Rocky Horror 電影迷)

I hate to say it, but it's "RockyHoare."

我不想這樣說，但那是 RockyHoare

[ Laughter ]

[ 笑聲 ]

H-O-A-R-E.

H-O-A-R-E. (姓氏，跟妓女同音)

Oh, like hoarfrost. Like a --

像 hoarfrost (結霜，亦指妓女)

Yes. Sure.

明白了

Why not?

當然

She says...My mother orders frozen margaritas and then won't drink them becasue "they're too cold."

她說「我媽媽買了冰凍瑪格麗特雞尾酒但卻不喝，因為太冰了。」

It's like, "Oh!

「天啊！」

I can't do that.

「我喝不了。」

Ugh! Freezing!

「討厭！太冰了！」

"I got brain freeze!"

「冷得腦袋發疼！」

"These frozen margaritas are so cold!"

「這些冰凍瑪格麗特太冰了！」

[ Laughter ]

[ 笑聲 ]

Then don't order a frozen margarita.

那就不要買冷凍的瑪格麗特酒吧

Don't do it. [ Laughs ]

不應該買 [ 笑聲 ]

This one's from @poeTAYYtoe.

這個是 @poeTAYYtoe (音似馬鈴薯)

Oh, nice.

不錯

She says...My dad can never remember the name of the Minions from "Despicable Me." He's called them "The Dependables" "The Pinions" and "The Morons."

-她說「我爸爸總是不記得《神偷奶爸》裡小小兵的名字，會說成 The Dependables (可信奶爸)、The Pinions (小齒輪兵) 和 The Morons (低能兵)

[ Laughter and applause ]

[ 笑聲與掌聲 ]

"I love those morons."

「我愛死那些低能兵」

Yeah.

對

"I love the morons. They're great."

「我愛死那些低能兵，他們很出色」

More cheese and crackers?

多來些芝士和餅乾？

[ Laughter ]

[ 笑聲 ]

"Squeeze cheese on a Ritz?"

卡夫芝士餅加芝士？」

Uh, yeah, thanks.

好的，謝謝

This one's from @hullojess, but H-U-L-L.

這個是 @hullojess，但拼寫H-U-L-L

"Hullo." -"Hullo, Jess."

"Hullo." (即 Hello，英國多用) -"Hullo, Jess."

Hullo.

Hullo. (你好)

Hullo.

Hullo.

Hullo, Jess.

Hullo, Jess.

She says...

她說「我小時候，爸爸會剪掉派對帽的頂尖，讓我們小孩不要戳對方眼睛」

[ Laughter and applause ]

[ 笑聲與掌聲 ]

Well, you still have your eyes.

你的眼睛完好無缺！

Yeah. Turned them into horns. - So maybe he was right.

對，可以做牛角 (亦指陰莖，為英文俚語) - 他應該做對了

Maybe he had a point.

他應該有道理

Maybe he had a bunch of points.

或者他應該有很多帽尖 ( point 亦指「帽尖」)

Ha ha ha ha!

哈哈哈！

Save it, save it. Save your energy, guys.

收歛，還有更多

This one's from @CptnSwan4TheWin.

這個是 @CptnSwan4TheWin (Captain Swan for the win 縮寫)

Captain --

Captain (隊長)

You almost run out of characters right there.

數字有限

You can't tweet anything. - No more names.

不能再tweet了 - 縮寫好了

Captain Swan for the win.

為了勝利的天鵝隊長

She says...When my brother and I are away at college, my mom puts scarecrow versions of us at the dinner table to have as guests.

她說「當我和兄弟住進校園不在家時，媽媽會放像我們的稻草人到餐桌裝作客人」

There's a photo.

有圖片

Lookit -- there's the photo right there she sent in.

看，她圖片也一併發佈了

[ Laughter and applause ]

[ 笑聲與掌聲 ]

"Wonder if mom even knows we're not home anymore."

「媽媽該不會連我們不在家也沒察覺吧？」

"They're not eating again, honey."

「他們又不吃飯了」

"Yeah."

「對」

This one's from @amyevans1023.

這是 @amyevans1023

She says... When I was little, my dad trained me to get him a beer when he barked like a seal.

她說「小時候，爸爸訓練我，當他學海豹叫時，我就要幫他拿啤酒。」

[ Laughter and applause ]

[ 笑聲與掌聲 ]

[ Imitating seal barking ]

[ 模仿海豹叫 ]

[ Laughing ] What?

[ 笑聲 ] 怎麼了？

Wait. You're not --

等等，你不是...

I never knew --

我從不知道

I never knew I had another sister.

我從不知道我另有一個姊妹

Yeah, there you go.

你總算知道了

Amy?

Amy?

This one's from @jennyskorusa.

這個是 @jennyskorusa

She says, "My grandma paid to have professional photos taken with one of her dolls and a stuffed monkey."

她說「我祖母僱用專業攝影...」

This is real, by the way.

這是真的

"My grandma paid to have professional photos taken

我祖母僱用專業攝影，

with one of her dolls and a stuffed monkey."

為她跟其中一隻洋娃娃和猴子布偶拍照

She sent a photo. This is it.

她發了一張照片，是這樣的

[ Laughter and applause ]

[ 笑聲與掌聲 ]

[ Laughter continues ]

[ 笑聲持續 ]

Genius.

天才

Oh, my goodness.

天啊

This last one here is from @ErinBode.

最後一個是 @ErinBode

She says..."Instead of XOXOXOXO,my mom ends every email with MPMOMOMOM."

她說「我媽媽每封電郵都不用 "XOXOXOXO" (擁抱與親吻) 結尾，而用 "MOMOMOMOM" (媽媽媽媽媽)」

There you have it.

就這樣

Those are "Tonight Show" Hashtags.

這些是「A咖秀」的 hashtags

Check out more of our favorites.

要看更多我們最喜愛的故事

Go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.

瀏覽 tonightshow.com/hashtags