>>INTRODUCING,

THE THREE MOST EXCELLENCIES,

THE THREE GOOD FAIRIES.

MISTRESS FLORA,

MISTRESS FAUNA,

AND MISTRESS MERRYWEATHER.

>>EACH OF US,

THE CHILD MAY BLESS

WITH A SINGLE GIFT,

NO MORE,

NO LESS.

LITTLE PRINCESS,

MY GIFT IS THE GIFT OF BEAUTY.

[MAGICAL NOISES]

>>TINY PRINCESS,

MY GIFT WILL BE

THE GIFT OF SONG.

[MAGICAL NOISES]

>>I'M SO SORRY.

I MISUNDERSTOOD.

IT'S A PACK OF ONESIES.

>>FAUNA,

WHAT IN THE WORLD?

>>I'M SORRY!

I GUESS I MISSED

THE MEMO WE WERE GIVING

HER ATTRIBUTES.

>>JUST THINK OF ONE

YOU CAN GIVE HER NOW!

>>ANY ATTRIBUTE?

THERE'S SO MANY

TO CHOOSE FROM!

>>FAUNA,

COME ON.

YOU'RE MAKING US LOOK BAD.

>>THE GIFT OF SIGHT!

>>SHE ALREADY HAS SIGHT!

GIVE HER SOMETHING

SHE DOESN'T HAVE.

>>THE GIFT OF A TAIL?

>>NO!

>>THE GIFT OF

BEING ABLE TO SNEEZE

WITH YOUR EYES OPEN.

>>WHAT THE-

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

>>I JUST READ AN ARTICLE

THAT SAID IT'S IMPOSSIBLE AND I

WANTED TO REACH FOR THE STARS!

>>FAUNA, SOMETHING ELSE.

>>OH, I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW GREAT

OF GIFTS BEAUTY AND SONG ARE.

WHAT?

ARE YOUR LARGEST DREAMS

FOR HER

TO BECOME MISS AMERICA?

>>JUST CALM DOWN.

TRY AGAIN.

>>FINE.

THE GIFT OF NEVER

NEEDING TO BATHE!

>>GROSS!

>>THE GIFT

OF DOUBLE-JOINTED ELBOWS!

>>NO, NO.

>>THE GIFT OF GLUTEN TOLERANCE.

>>WHAT?

>>THE GIFT OF BEING ABLE

TO FIND GREAT SHOE SALES!

>>NO!

>>THE GIFT OF BEING ABLE

TO PULL OFF BLUNT BANGS!

>>I HAD THAT GIFT ONCE!

>>UH, NO SHE DID NOT.

>>THE GIFT OF BEING HOMELY,

THAT SHE MAY HAVE A GOOD HOME.

>>THAT'S NOT WHAT

HOMELY MEANS.

>>THE GIFT OF

HAVING GIANT BICEPS!

>>NO!

>>THE GIFT OF NEVER

NEEDING TO SHAVE YOUR LEGS!

>>THAT'S ACTUALLY

PRETTY GOOD.

>>BECAUSE YOU DON'T

MIND THE HAIR.

>>UGH.

>>DID YOU EVER GET

GIFTS GROWING UP?

>>THE GIFT OF HAVING

MANY TWITTER FOLLOWERS.

>>FAUNA.

>>NO WONDER SANTA CLAUSE

FIRED YOU.

>>THE GIFT OF HAVING YOUR

OWN REALITY TV SHOW.

>>FAUNA!

>>THE GIFT OF WAKING UP

EXACTLY ONE MINUTE BEFORE

YOUR ALARM CLOCK!

>>FA-AU-NA!

>>THE GIFT OF BEING AN ASSERTIVE

WOMAN AND NOT INTIMIDATING MEN!

>>YES.

>>YEAH!

>>NO!

NO.

>>OH.

THE GIFT OF SAVING 15 PERCENT

OR MORE ON CAR INSURANCE!

>>NO!

>>THE GIFT OF BEING ABLE TO PICK

YOUR NOSE AT AN INTERSECTION

AND NEVER BEING CAUGHT.

DIG DEEP REALLY DEEP INTO THE-

>>ENOUGH!

JUST GIVE HER THE GIFT OF GRACE,

OR POISE,

OR THE ABILITY TO

ANSWER QUESTIONS-

I SEE WHERE THE MISS AMERICA

THING COMES IN NOW.

[LIGHTNING STRIKES]

>>OH, NO.

MALEFICENT HAS COME

TO CURSE THE BABE.

>>GOOD THING FAUNA HASN'T

BESTOWED HER GIFT YET.

MAYBE SHE CAN

COUNTER THE CURSE.

>>WAS THIS A CURSE THING?

OH, I BROUGHT ONESIES.

>>OH!

THAT IS CUTE!

CUTE!

DID YOU GET IT TOO?

IT WAS ON THE REGISTRY,

RIGHT?

>>OH,

>>CUTE!

>>IF YOU SUBSCRIBE,

I'LL GIVE YOU THE GIFT OF

EXTRA LONG ARMPIT HAIR.

>>NO, WE WANT THEM

TO SUBSCRIBE AND COMMENT!

>>SORRY, GUYS.

>>FINE.

HOW ABOUT,

THE GIFT OF TYPE ONE DIABETES!

>>SHUT UP!