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  • Basically, all my friends parents were like Amy Poehler in Mean Girls.

    我所有朋友的爸媽,基本上都很放任他們啊

  • My parents are great now and were so strict growing up.

    現在還好,可是我小時候我父母超嚴格的。

  • They are both very religious, Catholic believers.

    我父母都是很虔誠的天主教徒。

  • First of all, my dad is the cleanest man alive.

    首先,我爸是世上最愛乾淨的人。

  • His house is a museum.

    他家根本是博物館。

  • I wasn't even allowed to say freaking because it sounded like fuck.

    以前我還不准說 freaking(超級),因為聽起來跟 fuck 太像了。

  • I realized my parents were strict probably some time in elementary school

    我大概是唸小學時意識到自己父母很嚴格,

  • when other kids got to have sleepovers and I did not.

    其他小朋友都可以去別人家過夜,就我不行。

  • Unless they knew the kid's parents,

    除非我父母也認識對方父母,

  • I wasn't allowed to hang out with them, or they were not allowed to come over.

    要不然我就不准跟對方一起玩, 對方也不准來我們家玩。

  • My mom would let me stay at other people's houses,

    我媽會讓我去別人家玩一下,

  • but then as they were going to sleep, she would just show up and be like, time to go.

    可是大家都差不多要睡覺時,我媽就會出現,然後跟我說,該回家囉。

  • I wasn't really allowed to go out after school until I was like 18,

    18 歲前,放學後我其實都不太能出去,

  • but I would anyway.

    但我還是會出去。

  • I thought I was being like super cool and rebellious,

    那時候我還以為自己「放學不回家」很酷,很叛逆,

  • but I'd just like go skateboarding with friends.

    但其實我也只是跟朋友去溜個滑板而已。

  • I would bring over my friends who were clearly gay men,

    我有時候會帶一些明顯是同志的男性友人回家,

  • and my parents would like flip out that I was gonna get impregnated in the time that we were playing Wii U.

    我爸媽會發飆,覺得在我們玩 Wii 的時候,我會把肚子搞大,

  • Every summer, my mom would like sit me down,

    以前每年夏天,我媽會要我乖乖坐好,

  • and make me learn like half of my math class for the next year.

    要我先修下個學年數學課一半的內容。

  • I went to public school, but then at night, I had to go to Catholic school.

    白天我去上一般的公立學校,晚上還要去天主教學校,

  • Basically, all day I was in school.

    所以基本上我整天都在學校。

  • Every Friday night, my mom would allow me to go upstairs to play video games for one hour, exactly.

    每個禮拜五晚上,我媽會讓我在樓上打一小時的電動,

  • And then I would have to go down and do math homework with her.

    之後,我就得下樓跟我媽一起寫數學作業,

  • And I would pray that she would just forget.

    雖然我會祈禱她忘了這件事,

  • She never did.

    但她從沒忘記。

  • One rule was you have to be home by sunset.

    我家有條規定是太陽下山前一定要到家。

  • There's a period of time during the fall when the sun goes down at four,

    每年秋天有段時間太陽四點就下山了,

  • and then I wasn't out of school, and I had to explain that to my dad,

    那時候我根本還沒下課,我還要跟我爸解釋原因,

  • and he was just like, when the sun is down, you are home.

    然後他就只會回,太陽下山時,你就是要在家。

  • When I was a kid and I lived with my father, it was a little tough.

    小時候跟我爸一起住是還滿累的。

  • You know, you kick off your shoes, you're watching TV at the end of the night,

    你知道的,小時候會把鞋子踢掉,看電視看到很晚,

  • and then you forget, and you go to bed.

    然後忘記要收鞋,就去睡了。

  • The next morning, they'll be in the trash.

    早上起來就會發現鞋子被丟到垃圾桶了,

  • He wouldn't throw them in the trash inside the house.

    還不是家裡的垃圾桶,

  • He would throw them in the trash outside of the house.

    我爸會丟到外面的垃圾桶。

  • More times than one, my parents caught me masturbating.

    我爸媽曾經抓到我「自己嚕」,還不只一次,

  • They basically just told me to not do it again.

    基本上他們就只是叫我不要再嚕了,

  • Like literally for the rest of my life to never jack off again.

    他們的意思是,叫我餘生都不要再嚕了。

  • My brother was allowed to do whatever he want.

    我哥想做什麼就做什麼,

  • He could be out when the sun was down.

    太陽下山後還可以在外面晃,

  • He could be in the room with a girl in our house.

    還可以在自己房間跟女生獨處,

  • I feel like my brother, if you asked him, would be like, there were no rules.

    要是你問我哥的話,他大概會說「我們沒有家規啊」。

  • I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16.

    我 16 歲之前都被禁止和別人約會,

  • I started dating at 13 and I didn't care,

    可是我 13 歲就開始了,我也不管,

  • but I got pulled out of school for that.

    然後就被退學了。

  • My mom was very against dating in general.

    一般來說,我媽非常反對我跟別人約會,

  • And so my counterargument would be like,

    我就會反駁說,

  • oh, so you want me to die an old spinster?

    難道你要我這樣孤老而終嗎?

  • And she just be like, no, I'll just choose your husband for you.

    我媽就會回說,不會啦,你未來老公我來幫你選就好。

  • One of the biggest fights me and my dad ever got in was that I was not allowed to wear short shorts or short skirts,

    我跟我爸吵過最嚴重的一次架是他不准我穿短褲或短裙 ,

  • so I had these pair of leggings that I would wear out of the house,

    所以我有幾件內搭褲,我會先穿著出門,

  • and then as soon as I got to school or wherever else,

    然後等我到學校或是其他地方

  • I would take the leggings off.

    就會把緊身褲脫掉,

  • But I had to remember to put the leggings on when I got home.

    然後要回家時,我還要記得把緊身褲穿回去,

  • And sometimes I would forget,

    有時候我會忘記,

  • but I would just like run upstairs to my room and hope that nobody noticed.

    我就會跑上樓衝進房間,希望沒有人注意到。

  • And then one time I pierced my ear,

    有次我去打了耳洞,

  • and I just came to his house with a pierced ear.

    然後就這樣回家,

  • He looked like I slapped my grandmother or something.

    他的反應好像我賞了奶奶一巴掌之類的。

  • That was just an expression,

    這只是比喻啦,

  • like he couldn't believe I had done something like that.

    他不敢置信我竟然穿了耳洞。

  • I think as I've gotten older,

    我覺得隨著我慢慢長大,

  • my relationship with my parents has definitely become more reasonable.

    跟父母的關係有越來越理性,

  • I think my parents could have laid back on the idea that

    我覺得我父母可以不要那麼緊張,

  • if I got a B on one class, my life would just be over.

    好像我只要拿了一個 B,人生就完了。

  • I appreciate that they sheltered me.

    我很謝謝他們對我的保護跟照顧,

  • It gave me structure to my life, and it made me more responsible.

    給我健全人生,也讓我變成有責任感的人。

  • And I maybe didn't get into as much trouble as I would have.

    大概也讓我在長大的過程中,沒有惹上太多麻煩。

  • It makes you appreciate all the stuff that you earned.

    這會讓你打從心底感恩你得到事物,

  • It feels like you earned every privilege.

    感覺所有權利都是你爭取來的。

  • Yeah, I get why my parents were strict.

    我想我能理解我爸媽以前為什麼那麼嚴格,

  • And if I had a kid like me when I was a kid, that's like my worst fear.

    要是我有一個像自己的小孩,真的會是場惡夢。

  • Even though I wish my parents were less strict,

    雖然我希望我父母當時沒有對我那麼嚴厲,

  • I feel like I'm gonna be more strict than my parents.

    但我覺得我以後會比我爸媽還嚴。

  • Mainly I want funny kids.

    主要是因為我想要我的話子是群爆笑小蘿蔔頭。

  • I want them to be Vine famous when they're toddlers, or they're useless to me.

    我想要他們從小就是網紅,不然他們對我來說沒屁用了。

Basically, all my friends parents were like Amy Poehler in Mean Girls.

我所有朋友的爸媽,基本上都很放任他們啊

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