Or, as we like to call it

或者，我們又愛稱它為

fifty shade of gay.

同志的五十道陰影

I had to, I had to...

必須的，這必須的...

Honestly, the theaters' the best! Isn't it?

說實話，戲院最讚了不是嗎？

You get to go...

你去到...

yes! you come to a place like this,

對! 你來到這樣的地方

and you see it in the dark for two hours,

在黑暗中觀賞兩個小時，

and you just escape.

然後你就可以逃離一切

Instead of thinking about your childhood problem,

不用去想兒時的問題

you watch a childhood fairy tale come to life before your eyes.

而是看到兒時的童話故事在你面前上演

And stop stressing about your own relationships,

不用再糾結於自己的感情世界

you watch two people from different parts of the world

而是看到兩個不同地方的戀人

fall in love and make beautiful music together.

一同墜入愛河高唱美妙的歌曲

Instead of worrying about the news today,

不用擔憂今天的新聞報導

you hear about the news of yesterday, delivered by overly attractive, hyper-acrobatic 35-year-old 15-year-olds.

但卻可以聽聽以前的往事，由35歲為您詮釋15歲正翻天的正妹和有點過動的型男

What if life was like that all the time?

如果人生可以一直像這樣子的話

What if life were more like theater,

如果人生就像劇院一樣

What if everywhere you went,

無論走到哪裡

You heard a band?

你都聽得到樂隊

[Chuckles]

（笑）

Wouldn't life be so much sweeter

人生會不會更加甜美？

if you could cue the weather with your hand?

如果你可以用手來控制天氣

Cool!

酷喔l!

And what if all your questions had rhyming answers

而如果所有的問題都有押韻的解答

and you never left home without your backup dancers

出門R2舞群總不離身

What if life were more like theater?

如果人生就像劇院一樣

Wouldn't life be grand?

人生會不會就此變壯麗咧?

What if life were tightly written

如果人生可以被緊湊的寫下

and divided into nifty little scenes?

還分成幾個精緻的小場景

You're my whole world.

你是我的全世界！

The world's a pretty big place, Amanda.

這世界可是一個頗大的地方阿，亞曼達

What's that supposed to mean?

你這話什麼意思?

It's means I'm leaving you.

意思是我要離開妳了

No!

不！

Mamma mia!

媽媽咪呀！ (亞曼達主演的音樂劇電影)

Ha-ha!

哈哈

And just as you were splitting

而正當分手之際

your apartment disappeared by unknown means

你的公寓也無厘頭的消失

Thanks, mysterious people in black clothing!

謝啦！神秘的黑衣人

And what if no one thought that there was something strange about a

如果沒人感到這招很怪的

magical seven-second costume change?

神奇七秒大變裝

6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

And then, apropos of nothing there were crazy dance routines!

也沒有人在意他們那套瘋狂的舞碼

What if everyone's diction were crisper

如果每個人的發音都這麼脆耳

(crisper!)

(脆耳!!)

and secrets were told in a shouted whisper

還會把秘密都小聲的高呼出來

and the only problems that mattered were your own

而大家關心的問題都在自己身上

Hey you guys want to hear me sing about my problems?

嘿！你們大家想聽我唱我的煩惱嗎？

(Yeah!!)

(好!!)

I love my fake friends.

我超愛我的假朋友

What if everyone took it for granted

如果大家都當作

that British umbrellas were all enchanted?

英國雨傘被施了魔法

Wow! you can hardly see the cables

哇屋！幾乎看不到鋼絲耶~

And, and...

而且！而且！

And your next door neighbor was the legendary Patti Lupone!

而且你的隔壁鄰居就是傳奇歌舞演員Patti Lupone！

Hi Patti!

嗨 Patti!

Hi Neil!

嗨~ Neil~

What if life were more exciting?

如果人生更緊張一點

more dramatic, intriguing, intense?

更戲劇，更起伏，更超展開

What if every moment were nail-biting

如果無時無刻都身處刀口上

filled with ever-mounting danger and suspense?

充滿無止盡的危險與懸疑

And just as you were perched in the most precarious position

然而正當你遭遇最危險的困境

you would get a brief intermission.

你總是可以來個中場休息

Phew

呼~

Thank, fellas.

謝啦！兄弟

Nice crowd

反應不錯

-Eh, I liked the matinée better.

嗯...我比較喜歡下午那場

Whatever

隨便

Act two!!

下半場啦!!

What of all of your colleagues were hotties

如果你同事全都辣到不行

with freakishly flexible bodies

還有詭異的超軟Q身體

and none of them needed to sleep or eat or pee

而他們也都不用吃飯睡覺尿尿

(We don't pee!)

(我們都不尿尿！)

And if one day you feel kinda cruddy

而如果有天你覺得不太舒服

then you stay home and call your under study

在家打個電話給替身

Yes! The role of him will now be played by me!

爽阿！他的角色現在換我演啦！

What the...

啥鬼...

You know what? I'm feeling better now!

你知道嗎？我覺得我現在好多了

Are you sure? 'Cause I can take the last verse.

你確定嗎？ 因為我會唱最後一段唷

Nope, I'm good.

不用，我很好

You just sound tired. You just sound tire-

你聽起來很累欸 你聲音聽起來...

Go away - you threaten me!!

走開啦！你嚇到我了！

What if life were more like theater

如果人生就像劇院一樣

with simple motivation and a plot?

有簡單的動機和情節

Don't we all wish life were neater?

我們不都希望人生更加美好嗎

But we know that in reality it's not

但我們都知道事實往往背道而馳

No, life is bleak and brutal and we carry from the cradle

噢不，人生殘酷又淒涼 我們出身以來就背負著它

the awareness that it's futile and invariably fatal

我們的生命微不足道終將毀滅

we muddle without rest but through the sadness and confusion

我們在悲傷和困惑中庸庸碌碌

we huddle at the cesspit of our sadness and delusion!

我們只好在自悲和妄想中依偎蜷縮

Hold on

等等

Hold on!

好了啦！

Leapin' lizards, Mr. Patrick Harris!

天阿，Patrick Harris先生

Don't be a downer!

別當個冷場王嘛

This is the tony awards!

這可是東尼獎唷

and remember,

不要忘記

the sun will come out tomorrow!

太陽依舊那麼美麗明天還是好天氣！

Really?

是嗎？

Y'know, you've got a point,

好吧，你算是說的有道理

little orphan know-it-all.

你這個萬事都知道的小孤兒

But, uh...

但是，嗯...

Since you're not back on Broadway 'till next fall

百老匯到下一季都沒有你的檔期欸

Why don't you go,

你要不要...

uh...you konw, find your parents.

呃...你懂吧，先去找你的爸媽？

Big finish!!

大結尾！！

If life were more like theater,

如果人生就像劇院一樣

Life wouldn't suck so much!

人生不會那麼糟糕！

Life wouldn't suck so much!

人生不會那麼糟糕！